Archives for November 2020

How to fix an obsessive compulsion about teeth

Summer Lotus Oct 4 5 min read

Being a dentist has very negative connotations – pain, discomfort, intimidating, expensive, etc. People always tell me that they don’t want to see me and I know it’s nothing personal.

I understand it completely. We major in minors looking at our working area the size of an 🍎. A lot can be revealed about the human body condition just by looking into the mouth.

The job fits me just fine though sometimes it is a back-breaking job, no pun intended. But I may have carried the love of dentistry too far into my home.

You would expect a dentist’s family members to have perfect dental health right? Wrong. They are far from ideal. I have myself to blame for being overzealous.

For decades, my parting shot in the evening to my spouse was “ Dear, have you brushed your teeth”? It was a good reminder in the beginning, but after many years, I realized that I have morphed into a form of a nagger and the purpose of my question had worn off.

Sometimes, I was compelled to mention this very important statement of my life and his eyes would just roll up.

I thought I could alert my kids into being concerned about their teeth. I would tell them about the consequences of bad teeth which could impact their appearance, function, speech, and esteem. It would have worked if I had stopped at maybe a few times.

Now they are actually afraid to see the dentist and not forthcoming as patients.

The overzealous dentist in me would attach images on our family WhatsApp for maximum effect. until my husband hollered, “ Stop sending ugly images of teeth! You are killing our appetites”!

Notwithstanding that it was done with a noble intention. Because I really want to promote healthy teeth.

One day, my son said to me,” Mum, you are such a boring conversationalist. All you talked about is teeth. My friend could talk to his mother for hours. “

I know. My friends made friends with their children, tried to get to know their friends. When their kids turned 18, they were so concerned. They told me, “ Hey, this is the age when their hormones are raging. Have you told your kids about the birds and the bees and prepared them for the inevitable?”

And that’s what they gave their kids – those square little plastic packets containing rubber sheath that can prevent you from being elevated to the status of a grandmother.

However, that subject was taboo to me. I believed their curiosity and intelligence were way beyond their years. I presented my children with the latest version of the toothbrushes and toothpaste for plaque removal.

My present to my spouse will always the most coveted electric toothbrush too.

Come to think of it, most of my gifts are current toothbrushes that are of optimum efficiency and relevant toothpaste.

It did not help that whenever I see everyone at home eating cakes, I would drop subtle hints that they have to expel those enemies (resident bacteria in the mouth)soon or they may have a big wild party feasting on their teeth and gums. I am a party pooper. I love cakes and ice-cream and have become a more sweet tooth person with age but somehow I see myself eligible to indulge – that’s because not long after eating, I would expel everything sweet from my mouth.

Guess I am disciplined enough to brush after meals. Don’t forget that I have a prophylaxis machine in the clinic that I can use anytime in the day at my disposal so……..

Last night, I played a smarter game. My husband fell asleep at the TV. Aghast that he would miss brushing his teeth as he was likely to just plop into bed, I used my sweetest voice and said, “ Honey, let me help you upstairs.” I couldn’t utter the words, “ Please remember to brush your teeth” So, I said, “ remember to get a good rinse, yeah” That was the closest I could get to remind him to brush his teeth.

Imagine my anguish when I spotted any decay or gum inflammation in my children! My maternal response kicked in. My fears were realized and my senses were heightened. At that moment, nothing else was more significant but fixing the matters at hand! My heart ached to see their teeth damaged in any way.

I told them, “ You have inherited such good teeth and you did not take care of them!” Thanks to the availability of a dental camera, I was able to highlight the defect instantly on my monitor and hoped that the image would turn them into conscientious dental patients.

I conceded that in other patients, the same condition would not trigger such a defensive response. I would do my job dutifully and happily knowing that I have all the tools to fight the enemies on every front.

So far, due to my compulsion to expose the enemy and its detrimental effects, some of my most recalcitrant patients have maintained good oral health and kept their wallets intact for a long time.

In my opinion, a compulsive person can be a perfectionist but an excessive one may drive others away. A compulsive person who is obsessive may bring out the best in his trade but may rub others wrongly if he imposes his compulsion on others. It is still better than apathy.

How to overcome this compulsion

1 Understand the simple adage that you cannot bring a horse to the river’s edge and make it drink. You may think that you are helping others but they see you as a nuisance. Give your best advice if you must, then stay away.

In the Analects of Confucius, the Master said, ‘Advise them to the best of your ability and guide them properly, but stop when there is no hope of success. Do not ask to be snubbed.’.

2 Overcome your own expectations and anxiety— What is not perfect for you may be alright for others. It is actually your own wish and peace that you are trying to seek. It is your own fear that you need to overcome. If you want others to become what you want, then be the best version of yourself. This is a more inspiring way. That means showing my well-kept teeth always!

3 Know that experience is the best teacher. — When one is obstinate about a certain behavior that is harmful, the consequences will catch up with him. It is the universal principle of cause and effect.

In metaphorical parlance, you need to bring yourself to the edge of a cliff before you would back off. A smoker finally stops smoking when cancer strikes. A lazy person finally looks for work when nobody feeds him. A patient finally takes care of his teeth after he finds out that dental expenses can be exorbitant.

I still lapse into the occasional comment, “ Don’t forget to brush your teeth and gums ”, “ Remember to change your toothbrush regularly!”, and the most current one, “There is now a COVID-mouth connection!”

The last statement comes from research that shows that given two patients with Covi-19 infection, the one with the gum disease is more likely to succumb.

There you are! I have a very current, legitimate reason to promote good oral health.

A recollection of my learning experiences.

Summer Lotus Nov 3 6 min read

Toastmasters’ Club is the place to be and participate if you are serious to become good in public speaking and communication skills. Here is where one develops effective speaking, listening, and critical thinking skills.

It’s been over 35 years since I became a member of Toastmasters International that currently has more than 16,000 clubs in over 145 countries. I believed it is a necessary activity for people of all backgrounds to join if you want to develop self-confidence and personal growth.

Due to the comprehensive way in which the program is structured and run with complete guidance from Toastmasters’ member website and members, one can only improve in ways unimaginable provided you participate.

Mentoring is one part of Toastmaster’s activity and its significance cannot be underestimated.

A mentor in the Toastmasters club’s context is an experienced member who can provide teaching or counseling to a newer member to achieve the goals of effective communication skills.

Many long time members know how Toastmasters activities have benefitted them personally and professionally.

This comes about if members are proactive to participate in the structured program that has specific goals for each speech project. It may seem like an arduous and long journey especially in the current program called Toastmasters Pathways but the benefits are immense. In the process, you will discover vast improvements in your presentation as well as in your fellow members’.

Traditionally, in the Toastmasters meeting, the Vice President of Education who is in charge of the program will ensure that every new member has a mentor who is a senior or experienced member to volunteer to help develop him or her communication skills.

An experienced Toastmaster already knows the manual well and has made innumerable presentations where he had made mistakes and received advice or feedback from his mentor. His mentor would provide him valuable feedback from delivery to content to the language used. This privilege is not easily available in the working world where you have to stumble your way through.

Hence, a mentee would do well to heed the suggestions and bring the desired changes to each project for greater growth. Each member can be a mentor as well as a mentee and even request a specific member.

Why is it important to have a mentor

1 Having the right mentor is a short cut to success. Your mentor is already equipped with the knowledge, know-how, and experience to share with you. He is close to the forest and he knows the trees well. He has made mistakes whether it is the organization of the speech or the effectiveness of the message of the delivery style. You need not reinvent the wheel. You take the details and work on your presentation.

You may your speech to the mentor before the presentation and he could help you spruce up your content for better results.

2 Your mentor is already successful if he has completed and evaluated many projects. Speech-making is honed over the years and listening to mentors’ speeches gives valuable clues to use in your scriptwriting and delivery.

Having been in the club for many years, he can provide a professional network to like-minded people and introduce you to other members for the exchange of ideas.

3 Your mentor can see your strengths and weaknesses in you which you may not notice. He would encourage you to develop your strengths further and diminish your weaknesses if you specifically request this.

4 A good mentor will always motivate and inspire you.

Personal experience:

I used to be a Queen of time fillers, as many as 38 when I first started. My mentor told me to pause and not speak if I tended to utter “um” or “ah” and I think I have overcome this habit after much practice.

I was also terrified of table topics sessions even though they were only 2 minutes as one has to speak off the cuff immediately after being asked the question. I could not bear my silence or the fact that I had no opinions.

From watching my mentors, I learned that there are techniques to deal with this issue.

You could use the following methods;

1 chronicle method; based on past, present, and future.

2 take a position, give your reasons and evidence if there are any, and reinforce your message

3 Tell a simple story by answering what, why, when, where, how, and who and then make a conclusion.

4 Free yourself from the conventional method. When stuck, you could just get a keyword and launch into any story that you can think of and be surprised to find your way to a good conclusion.

The best advice from my mentor; Be calm and collected. Gather your thoughts and speak slowly and act confident. Thoughts will flow naturally. Believe in yourself. You may not do so well this time, but repeated tries will make you a better speaker.

My experience as a protege/mentee

Today, I do not fear table topics as much. Instead, I think of a positive ending to each topic and my mind naturally gravitates towards a story with an affirmative ending. Even if it is about the Covid-19 crisis.

My mentor also noticed that my weakness was the script which I held on to for dear life. It was my mental crutch. He persuaded me to leave it behind and even volunteered me for table topics to make me accustomed to speaking.

I managed to let go of my script when I became the President of my club as I had to give an opening address during every meeting. I was prepared to ad-lib along the way should I lose my train of thought. I finally succeeded in no script delivery for the whole term as the President.

How do you become an effective mentee?

As they say, it takes two to tango. A mentee needs to fulfill his role well.

As a mentee, it is important to show your earnestness to learn, question, and take notes. Humility is an important trait as you will be more receptive and open to suggestions. In that case, your mentor will be interested and happy to dispense the advice to you.

As a mentee, it is important to be persistent and apply what is learned, then sleep and breathe it. I would apply my mentor’s technique to my case and see it come to fruition in my speech presentation. It is not achieved in a quick way but the more one practices it, one will see the light until it becomes second nature.

For example, having good eye contact was my issue. My mentor told me to look at the audience and search for a friendly face, occasionally looking generally at another part of the audience so as to involve all the listeners. Also, knowing that the audience always wants a speaker to succeed help or they would not be there.

As a mentee, it would be impressive to go beyond what is taught and work hard, finding new information to discuss with your mentor so that you could contribute instead. If you could jump one step ahead of your mentor from what you have learned elsewhere, that would cement his trust in you that you are a sincere mentee.

For example, if you are strong in using the latest powerpoint features, sharing them with your mentor would definitely make it a win-win situation.

If there is anything worth doing outside of work, it is to become a Toastmaster member and learning how to communicate seriously. Abundant success emanates from this skill. Be a Toastmaster today, and a leader tomorrow!

Time is ticking and life is draining away….

Summer Lotus Nov 8   5 min read

Time is the most precious commodity. They say that time is money but when you become a senior ( turning 60), time is what’s left of your life.

Every moment ticks by and you can only watch helplessly. I never felt like this before in my younger days; everything could wait and I had time on my hands.

But reality hit when you become a senior. You asked, “What have I accomplished thus far? What have I been rushing around for? What really matters?”

Time matters because you want to live life meaningfully and do more of the things you love. The ideal life would be a fulfilling career with control of your time, allowing you to have other pursuits like hobbies, spending time with family and friends, discover your innate talent, and letting it flower and generally be a useful being to those around you. But time is finite so we need to ‘make.’ time.

On introspection, much of my time in my younger days were wasted on mundane stuff like milling around in shopping malls when there was nothing to buy, traveling aimlessly, and sleeping the hours away, and not setting goals.

There is no time for regrets now. The road ahead is very well lit.

Benjamin Franklin puts it best, “A long life is not good enough but a good life is long enough.”

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us — -J.R.R.Tolkien (author of The Lord of the rings)

At this juncture, we can make time if we cut out three common time wasters.

1 Gossiping — -It is a casual or unbridled conversation or report about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed to be true.

Talking bad about someone, anyone has dire consequences. Walls have ears and words get around. If it is about the boss or another colleague, it will lead to unhappiness, disputes, legal entanglements, and many unpleasant events.

Gossiping is an intrusion on another’s private matters and may lead to spinning more untruths at the expense of that person. This can be construed as bullying and may contravene the company’s rules for the proper behavior of its staff.

If gossip is positive, it is good but only if it is true.

At any rate, gossip is a total waste of time. Rather than compounding someone’s misery, it is better to think of what you can do to alleviate his condition.

How to stop gossip at work?

1 Address work-place gossip swiftly by enacting zero-tolerance for gossip

2 Lead by example – by sharing praise and mentioning good points about your staff or colleague.

3 Change the subject and move to a positive, relevant topic

4 Counsel the gossiper and encourage the person who is being targeted.

5 Encourage an open door policy where people can air their grievances officially.

Remember this quote when there is a tendency to gossip-

“ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people”– Socrates

Time saved could be used to reflect on one’s performance and get cracking!

Like Marcus Aurelius said, “ Do not ask what a good man should be. Be one”.

— — —

2 Idling –It is passing time doing nothing most of the time. An idle mind is a dangerous mind. Idling is boring and that can become a pessimistic outlook.

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is a miserable man. — -Benjamin Franklin

Life is exciting and evolving towards a new world. Like the sign that says, “ No Idling” at some spots, do something constructive. Adapt as the world changes in ideas, technology, and services. Do not idle or you will lose touch with the world and it is not easy to get on track after being laid-back for too long.

How not to idle

1 Watching news non-stop which is mostly negative and Netflix back to back excessively is a great time stealer that does not contribute to our minds. Be discerning. Reading and writing is a very profitable activity to the mind and the pocket if you groom yourself into a good writer.

2 Volunteer your services to help others and in the process, you will learn things that you need to cope with while helping others to cope with changes.

3 Time spent idling can be put into upskilling oneself for our continuous growth and self-confidence. Pick up a new language, culinary skill, learn about blogging, etc that can launch second careers.

3 Worrying — This is the act of tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts that may or may not happen.

Worrying has been proven to be damaging to the body due to the stress hormones, linking it pre-mature aging, heart disease, cancer, clinical depression, and even dementia, etc.

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work” — John Lubbock

A study has shown that 85% of the subjects’ worries never happened and with the 15% that did happen, 79% of the subjects discovered that they could handle them better than expected or they learned a good lesson.

Trust that things will turn out ok.

Ways to deal with the worrying habit.

1 Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen and accept the worst.

If you can control, there is no need to worry. If it is not within your control, worry does not help anyway. Using this basic principle has helped me to move on and do what is best for the situation at hand, instead of fretting.

2 Know what Worry does to you. Worry does not solve the problem. It takes away your peace and is a stumbling block to possible solutions as the mind lacks clarity.

Have you not seen someone who is so beset with worry that he is showing signs of anxiety all over his face and even his posture? Check with him again when his problems are resolved and he is likely to regret wasting his time fretting.

3 A change of perspective is necessary. To a negative person, a thousand things can go wrong. To a positive person, a thousand things may go right. Change your mindset and gravitate towards a happy ending.

If things did not turn out the way you wanted, at least you did not suffer twice.

Having lived 62 years, I can say in hindsight that all the worries along my life’s journey have become water under the bridge. Most things became resolved, some things were inevitable and life goes on. I continue to make the best of my life and learn to overcome challenges.

Time is fleeting. Keep these time-wasters at bay and live a productive life!

Experience for yourself

Summer Lotus 3 days ago

One big benefit that I gained from writing is that I am becoming more authentic.

I wrote about temperance, self-control, and negative emotions to keep at bay at all times.

Just, I lost my cool over an incident that was nothing serious, and immediately, the strings of my guilty conscience tugged at me.

How could I expound on the values of tolerance when I had none?

I reined in my mood, apologized to the other party for my out-of-character moment.

Writing is a commitment, not just committing words of truth to the computer but what I wrote about was indelibly etched in a part of my brain.

I do not want to feel fake. I always say what I mean and also write what I feel.

What you read and write about regularly, you will internalize. This is may be good character training for me. I will continue to stay true and live my life right and happy.

Communication is the key to your success

Summer Lotus Nov 6  4 min read

Why are you so busy? Why are some people burning both ends of the candle and filling every waking hour with some activity or another? You can say that they looking for opportunities to better themselves and prove their worth. But I think there is a good place to look at and my best place is the Toastmasters club.

Toastmasters’ activity represents an opportunity. To discover your capabilities, hidden talents, and motivations. From my experience, as a dentist, I really do not speak very much outside the clinical context though I may be very well-versed with my diagnoses and treatment plans.

Asking important standard questions to derive a diagnosis and the right solution is very much the order of the day. Most people come to the dentist rather nervous to strike up a decent conversation. They want to get a painful problem solved.

Ever since I joined Toastmasters and participated actively in its speaking projects, I have improved tremendously in my presentation skills. I developed the ability to explain to my patients about their condition in a very succinct manner. Most disputes arise because of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Over 35 years of practice, I have largely avoided that and that was also how long I have been with Toastmasters.

You can say that Toastmasters was good for my business.

Socially, I have also progressed. Introverted and quiet for the most part of my early adult life, I knew that I had to get out of my shell if I wanted to ‘grow up’. The world out there does not know what you are thinking, and you learn nothing by keeping to yourself.

In Toastmasters meeting, members hail from all walks of life; engineers, teachers, financial analysts, secretaries, general managers, sales personnel, and many more. The onus was on each individual to invest time and effort and take his speech project seriously.

Each meeting was interesting as there were new and different things to learn from listening to members’ speaking projects. Because our backgrounds are diverse.

By following the objectives of the speech projects, and guided and evaluated by experienced members, we see how some novice speakers transformed into very good communicators and presenters over a period of time. Many enjoy advancement in their careers, a boost in self-confidence and happiness in human relationships.

Employers value, seek out, hire, and promote people who communicate effectively. Tell me if you can name a CEO who cannot speak well. Good communication skills are the key to a person’s success. Customers, employees, and the public are drawn to good communicators and Toastmasters present this opportunity because of its comprehensive training program.

Communication is key. In Toastmasters training, we not only learn to speak effectively, but we also become better listeners due to the need to give positive evaluations to speakers doing their projects for that meeting. A good toastmaster is a good listener. He learns to be sensitive to his audience’s needs and has the knack to motivate a speaker to do better the next time, encouraging him, highlighting his flaws for improvement, and yet not offending him.

At the same time, our critical thinking skills were also developed from the sharing of stories by people from diverse backgrounds. Given the positive tone of a Toastmasters environment, it is not surprising that most of us are positive thinkers, and some developed humor too.

There is also the opportunity to develop leadership skills. As the meeting needs an exco team to plan and run each meeting successfully, it is the exco team which consists of the President, Vice-President of Education, Vice-President of Membership, Vice-President of Public Relations, the treasurer, the secretary, and sergeant at arms (see to the logistics ) and they are the members who volunteered their services for the term of the year.

I have been a President of my club twice. Given this opportunity had groomed me into a more confident speaker. As a leader, I had to set a positive tone for every meeting as a leader and make sure the members were motivated to do their projects and do them well. So, every time we meet, we learned.

I learned not to depend on my script, holding onto it like a crutch. Every meeting required me to give an encouraging opening address and I had resolved to lose the script which I finally did for my term. Bravo!

I was also Vice President of Public Relations and learned something about publicizing the club to the other people through social media and emails. It was a new experience for me as I had to learn to be creative with my presentation and content. Other exco members were also learning new things in their portfolio.

The opportunities are many. Speech Contests are organized yearly to bring out the best of the participants. We had good laughs during a Humorous Speech Contest and the International Speech Contest is always motivating.

One member puts it well. On a Friday evening, when he is given the choice to turn up for a Toastmasters meeting or join his buddies for drinks to unwind, he always chose the former and never regretted it.

Let Toastmasters activity be an important choice in your life!

It all depends on yourself.

Summer Lotus 8th Nov 2020

I run a solo dental practice for more than 35 years. Wow, that is a long time!

For many years, I have practiced dentistry with my heart, keep up with the changes and development especially in the field of digital dentistry. It’s been a wonderful journey as I am constantly amazed at how technology and techniques have evolved to make lives better for dentists and patients.

But being solo for so long starts to reach a limit of efficiency. As the patient base grows bigger, I am treating patients from four generations. Patients from my era, their parents, their children, and now grandchildren. Less you think I should hit the retirement bucket, I am planning to do so but certainly not entirely.

It is a blessing to be a dentist with all the excellent tools at my disposal. I enjoy my career. But I realized that I would not want to spread myself too thin, having too many patients on my schedule and no downtime in between for an occasional chat or a coffee break. The time has come to groom a new team so that these patients who had entrusted their dental care to me can have continuity as I eventually ride off into the sunset.

One year ago, I started recruiting much younger dentists and young people to be my dental assistants. It turned out to be a blessing to my long-time dental assistant and me. Every day is smooth sailing. If it is not so, we put it right. I make sure that there is no drama.

The success of a smooth practice hinges on the following conditions

1 People are teachable — They put their pride aside and know that there is always something they don’t know. How we teach them or show them the ropes must be tactfully done and not degrading for the lack of knowledge.

2 Manage Expectations — -General expectations should be made known like punctuality, honesty, and integrity. These qualities should not be assumed. Things to avoid — gossips, backstabbing, and procrastination. If all staff can put the customers’ interests first, it is a sure winner for the practice.

3 Open communication — -Anyone with doubts should be able to voice hers and arrive at some resolution. We believe in an open-door policy and not let disappointment fester to the point of anger. Sometimes, we need to have some small chat to get to know each other better but never gossips.

4 Good Attitude — A good attitude and willingness to learn on the job, understand the job scope, and do to one’s best ability is the most important ingredient, not just for the clinic success but for that staff’s personal growth. Not to mention, it will lead to a sterling resume. And remuneration to match the performance.

5 Patience — We never forget the humans on the other side of the equation. Dental patients are not exactly willing customers. They have painful problems to solve. On our end, we have practiced empathy, good communication skills, and deliver efficient clinical skills so that patients would step out of the clinic, acknowledging that dentistry is indeed a useful service, and the negative images associated with are things of the past.

6 Respect —This good old advice bandied around a basic human dignity never fails. Respect for oneself and others. Out go anger, envy, and greed. Every one is a gem. Indeed! My oldest dental assistant of thirty years (she is 65) with her attitude is an inspiration to the young ones in terms of work knowledge, ethics, and skills-upgrading.

With her inimitable ways, I think she is close to extinction. No one I know comes close to her tremendous hard work and attitude that I need to tell her to slow down and relax. Other employers would work her to her bones, I told her. I have delegated her to advise the younger staff and a good relationship has developed among them.

I always excavate talents from the younger people around me. In turn, I dispense my wisdom and experience if they care to imbibe them. There is no dispute that younger people are more tech-savvy. They can type on the keyboard faster than you can imagine and many of my IT hiccups are resolved in a jiffy.

One overarching assistance that is the balm to staff and patients in a dental clinic is the use of music that is so easily available with Spotify. From calming music to therapeutic ones to classical music, the options are there. I noticed the state of flow in myself, staff, and patients working in such ambiance. I use music every day now.

In conclusion, the conditions are nothing new. Teachability, managing expectations, open communication, good attitude, patience, and respect. And soothing music. I am glad to share these ideas with other enterprises for a predictably happy working environment.