Archives for December 2020

Results do not fall on your lap without effort

Summer Lotus Dec 18th  4 min read

Patience is an emotion. Are you able to overcome the discomforted feeling of not getting what you want instantly? Are you willing to delay happiness? Do you have the endurance, calmness, and forbearance to wait for the results?

Today’s advances in technology have made us an ‘instant breed’. By that, I mean we want things and stuff done instantly.

From experience, being impatient leads to missed opportunities, strained relationships, and unfulfilled goals.

These days, I allow things to play out when I strive for a goal and see my efforts to fruition. If I achieved my goal, that is good. If not, waiting for things to materialize allows new ideas to crop up that may enhance my effort.

It is not about doing nothing but doing all you can in the meantime. Wait for results and don’t quit.

The proverbial “Rome was not built in a day” rings true. When I first learned Japanese, it seemed impossible. The language was spoken fast and always dribbled off my ears easily.

But I love anything Japanese such as its food, music, scenery, products and I was determined to master the language to enjoy them as they are mostly written in their lingo.

It took me several years at a local night school as the lessons were only once a week and there was no daily exposure to the language in Singapore where it is mostly English /mandarin speaking.

I resorted to many tactics. Getting myself a Japanese mentor found me in the Japanese association as a member. We interacted with like-minded Singaporeans interested in the language. We would indulge in all aspects of conversations led by a Japanese group leader and made friends.

But sometimes your Japanese friend is more eager to learn English from you.

I waited for improvement and there was nothing much. I had to persist or thousands of dollars in tuition fees would have gone down the drain.

I ignited this desire to improve faster by enrolling in a Japanese language immersion course for two weeks in Tokyo at a Japanese language school for foreigners.

I might be the oldest student in the class and faced many subtle discrimination and remarks but patience and persistence were my constant bedfellows.

After lessons and cultural immersion outings, it was a mostly alone time that put my language practice to the test.

During my commute in Tokyo trains, there was plenty to see. Lots of interesting advertisements, all in Japanese characters. I deciphered them with my electronic dictionary and became so fascinated with their culture and thoughts.

My alone time after school was spent in the basement of massive shopping centers in Ginza or Shinjuku, sampling food and asking questions with the help of my dictionary. Some salespeople were quite amused but helpful. I find that the Japanese are not as cold as they are perceived.

When they know that you try to learn their language, they would open up and chat with you, never mind that the conversation was skin deep.

I have received a larger portion from a food vendor when they knew that I was enthusiastic to speak their language and they could tell right away that I was a foreigner judging from my textbook style and stiff Japanese.

When things seemed so hard because the teacher tried to test me all the time to see if I could cope in class, I remembered Gandhi’s message, “To lose patience is to lose the battle.”

With time, the three writings of the Japanese language- kanji, hiragana, and katakana seemed to be easier to decode in my mind, to my delight. The repeated announcements at train platforms made sense. It boils down to patience in learning and persistence to learn.

To be honest, I did not master Japanese but I will not be lost anywhere in Japan. My Japanese is still in smithereens occasionally when expressing my requests but I could get answers that I understand. With time, it will get better.

I have also learned to travel more economically like the locals and go to places that the locals like to keep for themselves. They do not want tourists to run over their hidden gems. That is understandable as in some resorts, they are very traditional and foreigners may not stick to their etiquettes.

I learned to adopt and imbibe whatever is good of their culture into my lifestyle and discard what I do not feel is helpful.

In conclusion, the learning of Japanese may be applied to the acquisition of any knowledge or skill.

Be patient and persistent. George Bernard Shaw said it well, “Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.”

To that, I would add persistence which is inextricably linked to attitude.

How inspiration leads to a winning situation

Summer lotus Dec 17th 4 min read

I was a solo practitioner for more than 30 years. I enjoyed dentistry very much but I reckoned that the day would come when I would have to hand over the reins to younger dentists.

The best thing I did this Covid season is aspiring to inspire people working with me.

Having good, dedicated staff is a rarity and I feel that it is our management of them that will mold them into the kind of colleagues we want around us.

I have engaged a young dentist, just two years post-graduation. I feel very blessed to have someone cheerful, enthusiastic, and humble to learn from me.

I shared whatever techniques that I have found useful as many things are not learned in the University, including management of nervous or difficult patients, communication skills, and thinking outside the box to manage clinical problems.

I can see that she is very happy working in my clinic as everything is well-equipped and we operate on the premise that if we treat each other including patients with respect, communicate well and provide a high quality of care, the days will go smoothly.

I aspire to inspire her to run the business as if it’s her own by sharing patients, encouraging her in challenging cases that are often resolved well. In turn, she has inspired me with any current knowledge whether dentistry or IT or any relevant sharing of knowledge.

I am inspired to keep up to speed with her where necessary. We potentiate each other to do our best each day which often ends so amicably, with happy patients as well.

My existing dental assistant has been with me for almost thirty years too. She is a rare gem, so dedicated to the service of dentistry that she is as good as my right hand as well as my left hand.

A good trainer to boot for my younger dental assistants who are part-time students earning some income. Her good nature has brought about pleasant working relationships and camaraderie.

One part-time dental assistant is a University Student who is studying Biosciences. I attempted to inspire her by being organized with my workflow, having good communication about protocol, and giving praise on jobs well done.

When the workflow is smooth so there is less tension during work. Good communication prevents misunderstandings and hence mistakes. I never rush my staff as a steady transition between patients leads to smooth procedures rendered.

We had many moments of zest and humor as well as she is such a lovely girl with many pleasant manners.

I do not believe in berating anyone about any mistakes as it serves no purpose. Humans are fallible but errors should be minimized. Understanding, explanation, and rectification are adequate to put the episode behind us.

I am so pleased that my dental assistants have a lot of initiative to solve any potential hiccups in running the clinic.

Recently, a mother brought in her 16-year-old daughter and requested that I give her a part-time job so that her time is gainfully used.

I assessed that she seemed a nice girl and immediately accepted when I heard that her daughter is keen on dentistry.

From day one of work, I wanted to find out if she was really keen on dentistry.

I started slowly with some basics such as tooth numbers, terminology, and clinic protocol. I tested her to see if she did her learning and she did. Each day, I expanded her comfort zone to assist me in rendering dental treatment to my patients. I could see that more understanding of her work engages her fully and well.

I treated her as a dental student already enrolled in school. By communicating well, she came to understand material sciences and techniques. She also watched how we handle patients gently.

It’s been a month so far and I asked her if she was still keen on dentistry and she beamed yes! I have managed to inspire her to love dentistry and I believed she would make a good one. I have a position for her when she graduates, I told her.

She would make a very good dental student as she is preparing it way before her time. I warned that she might have to go through some boring lectures as I have imparted much knowledge on a daily basis, I joked. It would certainly be a breeze for her to ace the course given her enthusiasm to work.

Every day is a lovely day. Cheers, smiles, and laughter pervade the clinic. Sounds of please, thank you, see you again rang through the day.

I honestly believed that inspiration is the only way to melt a person’s heart. It takes away any unpleasantness that no amount of chiding would do to make a person perform well.

Treat those we work with, using kindness, helpfulness, gratitude, and understanding. By being the best exemplary person you want others to be, you can inspire anyone.

Aspire to inspire before you expire and you live a very congenial life!

So, writing is about self-discovery

Summer Lotus Dec 17th 5 min read

I have always wanted to write unique articles. I knew that I had to do it the hard way; that is to read and research. But I often felt resistant. The mass of words before me was not inviting. A thousand other things beckoned me to do them — my exercise, organizing my stuff, preparing and cooking that recipe, meeting a friend for coffee, continuing the drama series on Youtube, et cetera.

Later . . . later, I will do it, I tell myself.

Reading is a very difficult activity to do, at least for me. I have never finished more than five novels on my hand since young. I used to marvel at my classmates, how they could voraciously lap up thick romantic storybooks. My friend spoke with glee when she finished “Gone With The Wind” in under two weeks!

It takes a very tenacious person to read. I do not know whether this difficult trait is unique to me but I find people around me reading with ease especially at the latest website creation course which was not just a hands-on workshop. When we queried about anything on our Telegram study chat group, we received instructions but due to the sheer volume of students numbering to a thousand plus, one was always directed to an article or even a youtube post to find out more.

The problem lies with me and how could I overcome it? Fortunately, I love writing though I struggled to get every story through and have listed the steps on how I could surmount this obstacle.

I believe that I am impatient. I want things to be placed before me on a silver platter. Back in dental school, I once requested my professor to show me how to prepare a certain tooth at the dental chair. She looked at me with disdain and said, “ You want me to show you?!” Then she walked away and I went to figure out myself. Her teaching or mentoring had stopped outside the lecture rooms, so in the clinics, the ball was in my court. On looking back, I thanked her for not babysitting me.

The following is what I need to do:

1 Self-assess — I am patient! The old adage, “ Rome was not built in a day” stands for eternal truth. What is it that puts me off reading? Why do I want things done fast? Why couldn’t I wait? How could I develop more patience?

I guess it is in my nature to be impetuous. I realized that I am not so when it comes to dentistry, the learning of languages, and sports like scuba-diving and skiing. That’s it! I just found out that I am a kinesthetic learner!

Kinesthetic learners need to move. We are active and learn best when physically engaged through active participation and a sense of touch. That accounts for the way I often asked any of my mentors, “ Show me then let me try!” Reading is not a kinesthetic activity but a visual one but please don’t suggest that I learn Braille which would add another hurdle to my list of learnings!

2 Break it into a few pieces — — — I have a thousand yearnings beckoning me. Yes, I need a system. I decided to put them in order. Guess this is what I would plan; first, do the exercise which is very brief anyway being an impatient person. Then sit down for a full ten minutes, google all the stuff that is about the article that I want to write about, and keep the tabs open for reading later. Whatsapp the friend that I want to meet over coffee and arrange the date. Put a date and time which would be a weekend to cook that delectable dish. I am done!

The reading part? My most resistant activity! I guess I would read it and have frequent breaks to break the dullness that is insufferable to an active person — have a coffee, comb my cats’ hairs, arrange some stuff in the corner of my room, brush my teeth again, etc. Anything to break the monotony.

3 Psych myself up — I must envision the results. Another article, a more unique one posted and liked by others. A great day of learning and self-improvement. A step that is closer to my long term goal of being a writer. Just look at some of the established writers. They wrote an article a day sometimes more. Why can’t I do it with sixty-two years of life experiences under my belt? The obstacle is in my mind.

4 Mood — I heard from one designer friend some time ago and he told me that he could not work at times because the mood was not right. He needed inspiration and the right ambiance to create his works. That’s right. I should not blame myself solely. I need to know when I am in a fluid state and jump at the opportunity. Like now. Feeling intense about not liking reading and researching and suddenly ideas about these solutions surface. Putting on some soothing background music that has always worked for me in the dental clinic as my hands moved deftly with the handpiece.

5 Speed Reading — It suddenly occurs to me that this may just help. I should enroll in a speed-reading course! I have no idea how it will be conducted. Hopefully, they don’t send me to read more articles. I hope they actually show me the ropes as I work best being led by the nose, so to speak.

6 YouTube — -The perennial, alternative teacher is there, why am I not using it? Surely, I can find my answers there. I am not a very auditory learner as well and would need to develop this aspect. Well, if I can give time to only one episode of the dramas I watch on Youtube and it takes me a month or more to finish the story, I guess it boils down to the fact that I do not like to be sedentary. Maybe, I could put my iPad to play YouTube lessons while on the treadmill!

I have found my answers while pondering why my learning is stunted in many instances. As an impatient kinesthetic person, my struggles will continue but knowing my weaknesses and taking action will help me reach my unique goals. I shall now put my impatience to practice for the right reasons. Hopefully this helps you to do so as well.

Look up the album to reminisce on good times during the pandemic

Summer Lotus Dec 16th  6 min read

I am a Japanatic (Japan fanatic). I have never missed Japan’s autumn for successive years. ‘Momiji’ or sighting of the red maple leaves is another highlight in Japan after Sakura or Cherry Blossom viewing. Then the pandemic hit and one can only reminisce about autumn in Japan, specifically Kyoto.

It seems to have become more breathtaking each year, looking at some of the latest Instagram pictures. Perhaps there is much less crowd this year, making the ambiance tranquil.

Fortunately, I have been there at the peak and could draw on many fond memories.

Autumn arrives in Kyoto around late November/early December in the most spectacular fashion always. I was lucky to be there some years ago, soaking up the splendor and glory of this ancient city in Autumn. The peace and quiet and the unbridled bloom of the maple leaves that pervades Kyoto currently must be astounding.

To appreciate Kyoto, one needs to go back into history to understand why it is such a rare gem of a historical city. Kyoto was the capital of Japan for over a thousand years and its culture had remained intact and had infiltrated into the lives of the residents to the present day.

One immediately senses that this city is very sacred and spiritual. Religion plays a key role here as evidenced by the innumerable temples and shrines marked on the tourist map.

Followers of Shintoism, a religion that revere nature from trees to rocks to mountains often pay their respects and make prayers and offerings at these shrines. They are characterized by the red gates called Torii.

Buddhists pray at home and also at the temples where visitors also pray and make offerings to the divine. Special mention is given to these sacred sites as they are where the savvy travelers could seek autumn in its full glory.

Following is the list of some of my coveted spots to view red leaves in autumn. The list is far from exhaustive and was what I uncovered in 7 days.

1 Tofukuji — The best view of the fiery canopy of maple leaves may be viewed from the Tsutenkyo bridge of this massive temple. Exploring the grounds would lead one to many impressive gardens of traditional zen architecture — rock gardens employing pebbles, large rocks, moss, displayed in unique patterns. It is a meditative place.

2 Eikando — I was most impressed by Eikando’s brilliant red and orange display of autumn leaves. It is sprawled across several levels in the foothills of the Higashiyama mountains. The Tahoto pagoda offers a spectacular view of the surroundings and the Amita Buddha statue with the face turned over the shoulder are the most distinct features of Eikando but be prepared to be blown away by the colors of autumn here.

3 Kiyomizu —A Unesco World Heritage site, this celebrated temple which means ‘Pure Water Temple’ is known for its large wooden stage that juts out from the main hall and they were built without nails. It offers a spectacular view of Kyoto city and its precincts. The sea of vibrant colors is spectacular in the day as well as in the evening where the trees are illuminated.

4 Nanzenji — Be impressed at the entrance into this massive zen temple and many of its sub-temples by the foliage, stone and rock gardens, and beautiful ponds. One can spend much time here soaking up the flavors of autumn, set on an ancient historical ground belonging to the 90th emperor of Japan who once had his villa here.

A most interesting feature that provides a picture-perfect backdrop is the Roman-style aqueduct, a canal system that carried water and goods between Kyoto and Lake Biwa.

5 Tetsugaku no Michi — Translated, this rustic, tranquil path is known as The Philosopher’s Path. It was favored by the philosopher Nishida Kitaro (1870 ~1945) who liked to stroll along here, deep in thought.

The path connects Ginkaku-Ji Temple to Nyakuo-Ji Shrine and is spectacular during Spring too for its incredible Cherry Blossoms. Cat lovers will be thrilled by the sight of the resident furry friends relaxing on stone benches.

6 Takao Kyoto — -To escape from the maddening crowd in Kyoto city, I took a one-hour bus ride out of Kyoto to Takao, a sparsely populated mountainous area. It did not disappoint. There, I had ample elbow space and many photographic moments with my selfie stick. It was such a pristine walk with a visit to three historic temples, one of which is Kozanji temple, a World Heritage site.

7 Bishamondo — -I had a meditative time here. Apparently, it was a little out of the way from Kyoto in the Yamashina suburbs but I would recommend this place because it is generally quiet and a picture-perfect moment awaits you. People are stunned by the entrance into Bishamondo. If the timing is right, the gentle steps are awash with vibrant crimson, red maple leaves. Once inside, enjoy more peaceful surroundings.

8 Sanzen-in temple — -This temple in the rural town of Ohara, an hour north of Central Kyoto gave me a different experience. Along the journey of negotiating the connected halls, one could feast on a beautiful traditional Japanese garden with a small pond and a hill, enjoy Japanese calligraphy and paintings on the sliding doors. From the main hall, the famous Sanzen-in temple emerges among the maple and cedar trees, and here I had the most peaceful walk in the moss garden.

9 Arashiyama — -On the outskirts of Kyoto, I had the most serene experience at Arashiyama where one can enjoy the lush tall bamboo grove path by bicycle or on foot. Ride the Sagano Scenic Railway which runs seven kilometers from Arashiyama to nearby Kameoka, mostly alongside the pretty Hozu River. As the train is quite slow, one could take in the splendor of Autumn. I had another beautiful time at Tenryu Ji temple, one of Arashiyama’s important temples.

During autumn, the sky may turn dark early but Kyoto never ceases to amaze. Many of these sights have light-ups at night and continue to enthrall visitors with the beautiful night images of Kyoto’s treasured sites.

Some pictures taken at these sites;

To truly savor autumn in Kyoto requires weeks. Getting to the maple viewing sites is a challenge as long lines of visitors throng the bus stops early in the morning. It might be feasible and faster to walk. Of course, there are subways and train lines.

Kyoto is an extremely alluring destination for die-hard photographers and walkers. Momiji is an activity that comes only once a year and timing is paramount. In Kyoto, they are centered around temples and shrines where the beauty lies.

As soon as this Covid-19 blows over, I would book a flight and lodging to visit Kyoto again and enjoy another autumn for posterity.

A skill that must be mastered if you want success in life

Summer Lotus Dec 15th  4 min read

According to the National Social Anxiety Center, the fear of public speaking, also known as glossophobia affects about 73% of the population. It precedes the fear of death which seems ludicrous but is real for many people. Worries about negative judgement, failed performance, rejection, and ridicule may cloud one’s mind so much that much stress is created to impede the actual performance.

In a worst-case scenario, a condition equivalent to the mind blanking out or known as ‘ brain freeze’ may occur where anxiety is overwhelming. Dr. Michael DeGeorgia of Case Western University Hospitals, says: “If your brain starts to freeze up, you get more stressed and the stress hormones go even higher. That shuts down the frontal lobe and disconnects it from the rest of the brain. It makes it even harder to retrieve those memories.”

The following tips may help

1 Understand your audience — Your audience wants you to succeed otherwise they would not be spending precious time to listen to the speaker. Take comfort in the fact that many speakers do falter, even experienced ones and they are ways to get back on track. The audience usually has other things on their minds and is not judging the speaker as believed.

Enjoy the pause and smile. The trend of thoughts will return. One witty speaker tells the listeners, “Let’s take a minute to allow all of you to reflect on what we have covered so far”, then quietly look at his notes or try to recall and continue with the presentation.

2 Rehearse often to improve self-confidence — -In Dale Carnegie’s famous book on “How to win friends and influence people”, you can build confidence by smiling, making eye contact, acting confident and you will become confident by the right posturing and practicing whenever the opportunity arises no matter how small.

Memorizing a prepared speech tends to confine us mentally. Try to remember the key points and extemporize from them. Believe in your ability to do that if you have made adequate research, preparation, and practice.

You could rehearse before a friend or a mentor who can give you a constructive evaluation of your performance. Or you could record yourself and fine-tune each time.

Offer to speak when given the opportunity and reflect on what you have spoken so that you can improve each time.

3 Stay Calm and relax — –

a)Regular breathing will relax you. Speak at a steady rate but not forgetting that the appropriate use of the vocal variety, clarity in pronunciation, and volume of speech all play a part in delivering the message effectively.

b)Visualization may help one in achieving a successful presentation. Think of a positive result and you will gravitate towards your goal. Visualizing your audience happy and applauding you only helps one instead of focusing on negatives.

4 An impressive presentation — -Use the latest technology to your advantage providing clear and relevant points to bring your message across. You can exceed expectations with the right tools.

Make sure that your speech is organized with a proper introduction, effective body content, and a conclusion that appeals to your audience that aligns with the objectives of your speech.

Intricacies of good speech content can be mastered. Read up good speeches by eminent people and analyze why they can galvanize the crowd to action.

Speaking within the time allotted shows respect for the audience. Once, a speaker went overtime 45 minutes cutting into the audience’s dinner time and the audience had started to stir but to no avail. He had not picked up the signals and many have already stopped listening and anxiously anticipating dinner.

5 Join a Public Speaking Course or Club — Sign up for Communication Skills Course or workshops and participate actively. One of the most effective course is to join Toastmasters International.

Toastmasters Clubs which originated from Toastmasters International is found in more than 145 countries serving more than 350,000 members and are still actively sought by people from all trades to improve communication skills.

They have a very structured and comprehensive program that enables new members to improve their speaking skills and many have gone on to experience personal and career success.

The course focus on the delivery, content, and effectiveness which are the mainstay of a good presentation. You also learn about the effective use of the English language such as the use of its rhetorical devices. It is the best and safest platform to practice as members meet regularly and is a very nurturing environment for new speakers. Moreover, the mentoring program in Toastmasters is a great assistance to newbies.

More about Toastmasters International

After 35 years of being a Toastmasters member, I can attest to this fact. We watched how fellow members excel in their careers and are much happier in their lives due to better communication skills. Famous toastmasters include authors such as Napoleon Hill and Harvey Mackay, many actors like Tim Allen, and former governors and US senators who have acquired their skills from Toastmasters activities.

Conclusion

Leaders, successful entrepreneurs, CEOs all share one common trait. They can speak well. Good communication skills are what makes them succeed. The ability to inform, inspire, and persuade can motivate their staff to achieve corporate goals and win customers.

Public Speaking is one of the most essential skills to master by each of us. We determine our success if we work hard at it. The road to success is for us to traverse. In today’s world, learning is made so easily available because of access to the Internet. Even in a pandemic, using Zoom, members could still hone their presentation skills.

Along the way, expect pitfalls but each time, we must pick ourselves up and hone our way to become a seasoned speaker, and progress in public speaking skills will translate into success in many aspects of our lives.

A positive outcome will prevail…..

Summer Lotus Dec 14th 5 min read

It is getting rampant these days — short fuses, flared tempers, fight breakouts. You see them all over social media and it is a sign of the times. Covid-19 and its effects are taking a toll on many people — -mental, physical, economical, social, and various aspects. We are talking about emotions turning upheaval.

Just last evening, I was driving when a cyclist suddenly hollered behind me. I was quite sure that I stayed in my lane as I turned but we must have gotten too close for comfort. He tailed me for almost one km until I turned into a car park and he yelled one more time, then suddenly backed away. Phew, I wondered what he would have done if he had persisted and came to my window.

Kick my car? Punch my window? Scream some more? Clearly, he was not injured. He was jarred. Incidents are unavoidable but it did not call for such a reaction.

These days, I see more of such scenarios even among friends and family members. The anger demon reared its ugly head to lead one down that un retractable road. The main purpose of life for the day would be swept aside — to get a task done, to fulfill one’s day, to end the day well.

But when all is over, it seemed very silly but the damage is done to relationships, to one’s image and opportunity. The worst-case scenario is when we allow incidents to harm ourselves or others as seen recently in the news.

Some real-life examples of unbridled emotions.

A man lost his job due to the Covid-19 situation and he chose to kill himself when he felt overwhelmed by pain and sorrow. Had he spoken to someone who would listen to him, he might have figured out his way then.

Disputes and fights broke out over the slightest reason like jumping queues, unhappiness over service, and even the hot weather.

Quarrels occurred when people bottle up their frustrations. We see them played out repeatedly on social media in the subways, office, market, etc

As we cannot control other people’s outbursts, we could ameliorate them if we are caught in the cross-fire.

We need to take control of our emotions. In the process, we are managing other people’s emotions too.— It is one of the traits of human beings called pathos. Humans are emotional creatures besides being thinking ones. We use logic to decide our actions but emotions often overrule them. That is the danger.

“We might be the masters of our thoughts, still we are the slaves of our own emotions.” — unknown

How do you manage an emotional person?

1 Stay Calm and listen — Don’ be defensive. Let the other party vent his views and you will get your air time. Talking over each other do not lead anywhere. Listening is what he wants you to do while it allows the situation to simmer down.

2 Apologize — -Swallow your pride and do the right thing. There are no costs involved but it immediately defuses the situation. Especially if you are clearly in the wrong. Denying something that you obviously did wrong will challenge the other party to take further action like asking for a fight or result in litigation.

If you are sure you are right, it is still best to let the other person vent first. Somehow, he may know that he had erred on his part and will quiet down.

3 Empathize — Showing some sadness or emotion may help too. It makes the other person more comfortable that he will be listened to. Never show anger as it is counterproductive.

4 Don’t say the following things;

A) Don’t call them emotional as that would immediately pique his anger further. Listen attentively and when he has calmed down, you can explain your views.

B) Don’t say “It’s ok”. If it is alright, he would not be talking to you this way. It happened to me. Once, I told a distraught person everything will be ok and she lashed back. Better to listen to her story and explore what can be done to improve the situation.

C) Don’t say “It’s not a big deal”. You are trivializing the situation and may anger the affected person more. It shows a lack of respect for his dilemma that he is in.

How do you manage your emotional self?

1 Stay Calm and Wait. Experts call this ‘Time Delay” Let the feelings pass to allow better analysis of the situation and rational thinking will set in. This is not easy but worth doing. Induced stress due to the aroused emotions and physiological responses all fade with some time and we become less impulsive.

2 Suppression — —Keeping your emotions under a tight wrap may be very difficult and uncomfortable but necessary in some situations especially if it does not favor you if you display your intense emotions. Cognitively, you may get affected and even your short-term memory may be impaired but in hindsight, you may be glad that you did not blow your fuse or had a meltdown and save a job or a relationship.

3 Reframing the situation — -This is a very useful strategy as you are looking at the other side of the coin. The situation is not deleterious as it seems and may even benefit you. In the recent Covid-19 crisis-induced lay-offs, some people found the opportunity to switch careers. Some discovered talents in themselves as they took this chance to explore, learn, and upgrade new skills.

This way of managing your emotions is most positive and have less damage to your psychology in a stressful situation.

Conclusion

“Emotions and Decisions Making” is fully studied by experts from Harvard University and other prominent ones to prove the role of emotions in thinking that can affect important decisions. My point is that emotions are such a strong driving force. Hence, we need awareness to control them so that we would display desirable behaviors. Managing self and others will lead to more positive outcomes.