Archives for January 2021

The best thing that ever happen to me is reading about philosophy

Summer Lotus Jan 26 2021  5 min read

I was never an avid reader but ever since I wrote on Medium, I felt an urgent need to read a lot to infuse my brain with ideas. The good authors on Medium also encourage prolific reading for serious writers.

I stumbled on Philosophy. To me, Philosophy was studying the mind, the attitude, the reasoning behind situations. It was almost a rationalization to help one get by life’s annoyances. I was not aware of the wisdom embedded in the principles expounded by the philosophers.

In my country’s culture where I grew up, there had been an emphasis on the Sciences. The ‘Big Four’ coveted careers were Accountancy, Medicine, Law, and Dentistry. Parents do not emphasize Art subjects like Literature, History, Geography, and the Arts even Philosophy as they were not ‘money-making’ prospects.

I was a Science student throughout. As I dived into further readings which included fiction and especially Philosophy, it all became very meaningful to me. I started to apply them to my daily life. That paved the road to a happy perspective of living in a challenging world.

The philosophers of the world were innumerable. Each had given his unique perspective to life. Their legacy to us was wisdom and the way to achieve peace and happiness.

I would focus on Marcus Aurelius whose thoughts resonate with many people who are acquainted with his writings. Marcus Aurelius was a powerful and rich Roman emperor in the second century and a Stoic philosopher. He was born about 2000 years ago and his reign was a period of tranquility and good government.

Stoicism is a branch of philosophy that is concerned with self-control and achieving happiness through the virtues of wisdom, ethics, bravery, and moderation. His greatest contribution to philosophy was his book called meditations” which he wrote to himself and now finds many practical applications in today’s world.

There are 12 books with about 185 quotations but I will just meditate on three of his quotes that have changed my life greatly.

1 Marcus Aurelius stressed the power of the mind.

He wrote, “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

Then he said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”

So, with calmness in our minds and peace in our souls, the solution to any problem will come. When confronted with an issue, I would usually take a breather — go for a drink, a short walk, chat with a friend. Later, ideas would surface. So far, my problems became resolved, or at least they seemed less severe than I first thought because the power to overcome is from my mind.

If some event stokes your anger and not within your control, you could put things in perspective. Look for the good rather than the negative aspects and you will find positives and become more appeased. Even if there is really none, the annoying event has built your character of resilience and patience.

Whatever you are feeling inside you, remains with you until you choose to expel them. Therein lies your strength.

2 Marcus Aurelius meditated on how people could act.

He wrote, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

Indeed, we have often overheard people complaining about other people’s behavior or performance out of the earshot of the person concerned. So and so should do this, she shouldn’t have done that. I can do much better than that.

Nothing would improve as the relevant person was not notified. If informed, his ego may deter him from taking action anyway. He suggested focusing on your own actions without criticizing the other party. Just watching you show the way may be more effective. No argument is needed. In that way, he would be inspired and be more receptive.

Hence, the best option is to become a role model. Do your part exceedingly well such that others would talk about it. Inspire instead of complaining. It would not change anyone’s behavior but turn yourself into a complainer and waste your time. So be the best employee, the best partner, best parent, best friend, best boss, the best person you can be and others will take after you.

3 Marcus Aurelius wrote about having a happy life.

He said, “ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” So guard it accordingly.

This is the equivalent of “ You are what you eat”. Feed your mind with good books, biographies of great men and women, uplifting articles, and essays until you internalize their thoughts and opinions. Read about people who overcame adversities and you would be filled with wisdom. You would also develop gratitude for your current status.

Quotations from wise men and philosophers are a good place to start. Life will always hand you surprises, many exasperating but you could evade these arrows of annoyances by what and how you think. Reading from the right sources and listening to people who have experience are where you can pick up counter thoughts of negativity.

In a similar vein, if you want to write a good speech, one that has relevant rhetorical devices that are important to make an impact, then read and decipher good speeches made by famous people and imbibe their and thoughts and skills to produce a good speech.

By surrounding yourself with friends who have humor, positive minds, and who love learning, you would inevitably receive the goodness from them and enhance the condition of your life. Improve the quality of your thoughts and you will improve the quality of your life.

Two thousand years have passed but a wise man’s words will live on. Every day, meditate on these aphorisms and apply them unceasingly. Life is a pleasant one made unbearable due to our own reactions to events. The next time something annoys you, remember these three quotes and the situation will be mitigated much.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

“ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

— — Marcus Aurelius

I want to thank medium for existing for people like me

Summer Lotus Jan 24 2021  4 min read

Through Medium, I have inculcated the love for reading and writing.

I am a latecomer to reading. For most of my life, I hardly read as I was not motivated and I was largely entangled with textbooks of subjects that I aimed to pass. For 16 years, from primary school to University, I was in the Science stream so Art and Literature subjects were not on my radar of interests. I had not acquired a love for Art, History, Geography, nor Literature until in my later years when I started traveling and became exposed to other cultures.

I chanced upon Medium a year ago when I was surfing the internet and realized what a treasure trove it is. Many writers are already accomplished and prolific writers and thinkers, generously sharing tips on living a better life.

Members of medium.com have opportunities to express their thoughts, relate their stories, and share their experiences in ways that are so beneficial to readers that I quickly fell in love with reading and writing. Some of them earned good money to boot.

I am a proponent of reading as well as writing now. I have benefitted over the last year when I became a member and decided to give writing a shot. As a dentist, my sphere of living is very small but the desire to write had caused me to dig deep into my life experiences of 60 years tucked under my belt. I discovered that reading expedited my writing attempts as I became inspired going through other authors’ works.

“Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write”— -Annie Proulx

How reading and writing benefitted me.

1 You can say I now feel more intelligent. Such variable subjects from philosophy to business to life hacks to almost anything conceivable are bandied about on this platform and many good authors crystallized those ideas for me. They sourced and shared quotations that were timeless and brought much introspection to my life.

2 I became more confident, positive, and happier. It is very encouraging to see many great authors on medium who could churn out nice, motivating articles, as many as two a day. They were very supportive, egging new writers to keep writing and trying. They were also realistic to reveal that it could take as much as five years to see results and only practice, grit, and hard work can hone a writer’s skill.

I noticed a positive change in me during the Toastmasters meeting. During the off-the-cuff speech session, we termed as table topics, I was able to adopt a fresh and optimistic perspective no matter how negative the topic was. This was a far cry from just a few years ago when I used to shun table-topics and was not able to deliver a concrete view when volunteered. I would credit the reading and writing habits on Medium that built my critical thinking skills.

3 I learned many new things from reading articles by established writers. These are authors who have a huge following and have proven to be persistent and progressively successful. I aspire to be like them. From them, I was exposed to other great authors whom they have followed and the good ideas and thoughts were shared through their writings in their own inimitable ways. Some have become so successful that they had made writing a full-time career.

Many of these writers want others to succeed as well so they would share their tips and their mistakes. I think this generosity is to be lauded greatly. I have adopted their recommendations and made my own essays to meet the criteria required by publications as closely as possible.

4 Being involved with Medium, I have developed the good habit of reading at least three articles a day. Each article always carries an important message for me to apply. The writing was a struggle and it still is. However, I do find that I am able to achieve a flow state under the right conditions and have generally written an article in less time than was required when I first tried to do so.

My article that was viewed the most was only about 100 views but it was a boost for my self-esteem as I never thought I could even write. The topic was Knowing Your Communication Style Will Help You Succeed In Your Life

Well, let me share my chequered past. My composition book was thrown out of the window during my formative years as a teenager when I lacked a lot of motivation and focus. I became the bane of my English teacher’s life for the whole year. I was demoralized for many years. Coming from a neighborhood school, I got into this elite school by the skin of my teeth. It was a brand name school ( all teenagers aspire to get in)by all accounts. When I entered school, I discovered that most of my classmates were already polished in the English language. There, my torment lasted for four years.

Joining Toastmasters Club to find my voice required me to produce scripts to perform as speech projects. It was after I became a member of Medium that I honed my writing and now I am not short of articles to use during club meetings. The need to write quality speech spurred me to read quality articles, process them and write out my best version.

This is going to be an exciting year in 2021. There is plenty to discover on Medium where I could develop further in this craft and my goal is to be consistent in producing worthy and readable articles that are of value to other readers.

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot” — -Stephen King

Some are celebrated, some are absurd but always laughable.

Summer Lotus Jan 20 2021  6 min read

Chinese superstitions in modern Singapore still abounds. Many people have tied these customary beliefs to old wives’ tales, some originating in China but today, many still follow the rituals arising from believing them. This certainly brings some humor and laughter to those who do not believe but we would still respect tradition. Belief is entirely the person’s choice

We shall start with the Lunar New Year this year which will start on 12th February and ends on the 13th of February. Almost all Singaporeans will not sweep their homes on the first day but some would extend it to three days. The reason is that fortune and wealth would be swept away, hence the dirt in the house takes a breather once a year during this festive season.

If you sight lanterns in the form of pineapples, that is because it symbolizes prosperity. Many of these lucky charms result from their names. Pineapple 王莉 in mandarin rhymes with the word ‘prosper’ 旺. A string of red-clothed chilli may be pronounced as 吉利 in Mandarin which means very lucky. Red and gold is the auspicious color known to draw wealth into the homes and offices.

Designs cut out of red paper often have the word 福(fu) which means luck as well as wealth and it is often displayed such that the word is upside down so that fortune ‘pours’ in. The symbol of fish is also a good omen of unending food availability for the household.

The Chinese New Year Celebration is very special in this way. These may be superstitions but they are fun rituals for every Chinese family.

The Chinese have many events and festivities and along with them some irrational notions too. A case in point is when one gets pregnant. Everything to do with sharp objects seems taboo.

I first got my experience of how cumbersome it was to be pregnant because of superstitions. Pregnant women must never cut anything or do any sewing on the bed. I have heard many tales that restricted my actions. Sewing and cutting on the bed apparently would cause one to produce a hare-lip baby. God forbid a pregnant woman to hammer a nail into the wall or her baby would drop!

Needless to say, the scissors became my nemesis and I would rather go around unbuttoned than to sew it back!

Then, she is highly advised not to eat seafood like crabs and lobsters as these may cause the child to be hyperactive! It sounded ludicrous but when these motherhood statements are drummed into your head by mothers on both sides, you would not take a chance. Fortunately, I was not crazy about this creepy crawlies but my kids turned out to be hyperactive!

The tales continued after delivery. The new mother is cautioned not to wash hair nor bathe for 30 days! She must not leave home as well. The rationale is that wind and even moisture may seep into the body causing rheumatism and resulting bone and joint pain which they swore would make me scream.

Two weeks into confinement, citing hygiene reasons, I rebelled. I took a good shower and made a trip to the salon to have a relaxing wash of my hair. Subsequently, I washed my hair and bathe every day and to date, my joints have not creaked a bit.

The only part of the ritual I would thoroughly agree with is that new mothers having suffered much trauma during the delivery should be served nice, hot meals and pampered in many ways.

Parents including myself are often to blame as well as our parents and to be fair, the ancestors too, for perpetuating some beliefs that are archaic. However, all parents meant good so some beliefs are still extolled.

When the children are young and are not co-operative in eating, Chinese parents often tell their kids that their spouses would be pock-marked in the face if they frequently leave crumbs behind on the plate. This superstition was passed down from generations but may be losing its effect as children are getting smarter these days.

Recently, I met a young bachelor who had helped me in some office matters. I could not help asking why he had two rings on the ring fingers of both hands. He mentioned that his mother told him they were to block the gaps between the fingers so that his wealth would not slip away. I thought this confusion would also reduce his chance of getting a bride as he may be deemed engaged or married.

An event to give presents during weddings, birthdays and house-warming may be linked to many superstitions as well.

Never present a pair of scissors, a set of knives, or a clock no wonder how beautifully made they are. It is highly taboo. In Chinese culture, giving scissors is tantamount to cutting off the relationship.

My mum gave a lovely set of knives to her friend for her housewarming and never heard from her again. In Chinese, ”一刀两断” is a popular phrase used when people break off any relationship and the knives might have unknowingly symbolized that.

Similarly, giving a clock is called 送钟 which rhymes with 送终 a send-off during a funeral. Hence, it is highly offensive to gift this to an Asian who understands the Mandarin language.

On the subject of spirits, more superstitions flourish and some swear by them and follow the rules rigorously.

Don’t cut nails at night. They say it’s got something to do with drawing out the bad spirits. We can only speculate that in the olden days when lamps were used at night, over-protective parents did not want children to hurt themselves and hence spun this story.

In Chinese culture, the 15th day of the lunar calendar is the ghost day which is generally celebrated as a month. During this period, the Buddhists abs Taoists believed that the souls of the deceased are free to roam the earth. It is also a time to respect their ancestors.

Food and prayers are offered to appease them. Even entertainment in the form of roadshows called “getai” where singing, skits, and over the top costumes are featured to make the spirits happy.

For the superstitious, they would tell you not to go out as far as possible during Ghost month. Indeed, at every Ghost festival, my well-meaning relative would call me the day before the festival start and cautioned me.

A month of inactivity would stupefy me. Imagine, no swimming as the spirits may drown you. No taking pictures as that would be as good as asking the spirits to join you. Some believe that you do not hang damp clothes outside at night as they may be construed as an invitation to try them and then be brought into the house when you bring the clothes in. And of course, weddings are not popular during this month.

In any case, it affects dentistry during this season. Some patients avoid seeing dentists especially for wisdom tooth surgery as well as extractions as they believed that the spirits may enter the sockets.

In Singapore, 4 and 13 are considered unlucky numbers. You may see some hotels skip the 13th floor in the elevator numbering. The number 4 is also considered a jinx so if you have a house number that ends in 4, it may pose some difficulty to sell to someone who is concerned about this number. 4 in Mandarin sounds like death, 24 in dialect sounds like easy to die.

Superstitions remain grounded in people’s beliefs as long as they get passed on. It is up to the individual’s intellect and choice to tell what is sensible and reasonable to what is ludicrous and live your life without any impediments.

Albert Einstein said it best, ‘Scientific research can reduce superstition by encouraging people to think and view things in terms of cause and effect.’

A crisis is an opportunity to seize for a better future

Summer Lotus Jan 14th 2021 3 min read

This pandemic has challenged people to become survivors of unforeseen circumstances. We have never seen change like this before, a drastic change at that. Everything changes — business working conditions, demand and supply situations, human nature, products, and services.

Technology continues to evolve and become more integrated into daily life making it necessary to keep up with its pace. People leave for better prospects or be asked to leave if they were not able to cope.

The tag line “ Shape Up or Ship Out!” was getting louder. Adaptability is the byword that has never gone out of fashion. It has always been the case.

Don’t become like the dinosaurs! For reasons unknown, they failed to adapt to the changes of planet earth and the gigantic creatures perished. The dinosaurs among many industries also went under for failing to change and modify themselves. The following are a few examples;

One notable example was the take-over of small cars with high mileage over the giant automobiles in the mid-70s when there was an oil embargo. The shift to small foreign cars specifically Japanese-made cars dealt a heavy blow to the Detroit car manufacturers of that time.

Then there was Kodak which was one of the most powerful corporations in the world. We used to say Kodak moments whenever we take wonderful photos and print out the pictures for posterity. However, Kodak’s slow response to digitalization led caused it to lag behind some of its competitors when the camera went digital.

Despite being disrupted by digital technology, Kodak did not respond fast enough. Though its engineer created the first prototype of a digital camera in 1975 and they had invested in technology, it was slow to embrace the new business model that the camera was going the digital way. The opportunity came even later when Kodak acquired a photosharing site Ofoto which it expanded on its printing business. It finally sold the site to Shutterfly and at about the same time, Facebook bought Instagram.

Kodak still exists today, invested in other technologies including blockchain.

Then, its distant competitor Fuji aggressively explored new opportunities and created products in line with its film business, such as magnetic tape optics and videotape, and branching into copiers and office automation, notably through a joint venture with Xerox and had other avenues for increasing its revenue.

Borders Bookstore in Singapore was a favorite haunt for many avid readers. A popular US bookstore chain that opened in 1997, it occupied a sprawling space in the heart of the City. It was a great disappointment to many Singaporeans when it folded as it was slow to transition at a time when e-books and other digital media led to the decline of the publishing industry. In 2011, it completely vanished from the book scene in Singapore.

In the same way, workers who were disrupted by technological advances, the changing demands of the market, the pandemic, etc lose jobs when they failed to adapt accordingly.

Changes always cause discomfort and only the bold, industrious, and persistent people will prevail.

The lessons learned?

Corporations need to spot the changing trend and adjust accordingly by reinvesting and retraining if necessary to move with the times. Opportunity, as well as the timing, is key. If no action is taken, it would result in the slow death of the industry.

As for individuals, go where it is needed to stay relevant. Upskill oneself, look for mentors and gain more knowledge to stay in the know. Expect changes and do something to stay competitive.

Shape Up or Ship Out!

Why this may help you understand the other party better and prevent misunderstandings

Summer Lotus Jan 12th 2021 6 min read

In today’s Singapore, we have become more multi-ethnic than ever. Thanks to globalization, we are likely to interact with many other races at home or abroad. Each race has its own inherent culture so sometimes we may misunderstand each other as our perspectives, manner of doing things, and even expressing ourselves are quite different.

Let’s talk about footwear. My experience is that overseas western friends tend to walk right into the house with their footwear as they do in their own homes where the ground may be cold. In tropical countries, we are used to going barefooted. But these days, I urged my western friends to change into slippers if they are not comfortable with bare feet.

If you visit a traditional Japanese home, the tradition is to remove your shoes and align them facing the main door and then change into their guest slippers. If you use their washroom, there is another pair of slippers which you should change into and must never wear out of the washroom.

I was always forgetful about this protocol. Once, in a Japanese friend’s house, I left my guest slippers under the table after the host invited me to go upstairs to look at their western and Japanese style bedrooms. The hostess panicked and ran after me with my guest slippers. Later, I went to use their washroom and came out with their red toilet slippers. The hostess again brought attention to me that I should wear guest slippers in the living room.

Incidentally, the Japanese are masters of detail. Gifts are exquisitely packaged and presented at the porch before crossing the threshold to enter the house. While a western counterpart would tell you that he believes he has the right present for you which you would like very much, when giving a Japanese gift, I was taught to be humble.

For example, when giving edible stuff, you may say, “ Okuchi ni awanai kamoshiremasen ga, dozo omeshiagari kudasai”. This translates into “ This may not suit your taste but please partake of it”, the Japanese term used being honorific to show respect to the receiver or your host. Or “Tsumaranai mono desu ga,…” means “it is just a boring gift but…”(please accept it).

Westerners are explicit in saying “no” which means no. It takes skill to understand the Japanese. “No” can come in the form of words like “muzukashii na….” meaning “it would be difficult”. They seldom reject a request outright, and you have to be aware of the nuances, their facial expressions, and body language. This often happens when someone asks for a favor or deal from a Japanese. A common expression would be, “…chotto…” meaning a little…(difficult is the word that follows). If a Japanese tilts his head and goes sucking air through his teeth, that is an explicit no from him!

If you are invited to a westerner’s home who presents the table with a fine dining theme, do know where and which to pick your fork and spoon first. As I was not exposed to table etiquette when I was younger, I used to mix up the forks, knives, and spoons and took them from the wrong side!

If one is not familiar with chopsticks, it is better, to be honest, and ask for a pair of fork and spoon than to blunder with the former. Never stick the chopsticks into a bowl of rice or food as it is taboo in Chinese culture. It reminds them of incense used in funerals to honor the dead.

From my Japanese friend, it is important to slurp the soup or the noodles to show the pleasure of eating them. However, in other cultures, this noise is considered rude behavior.

Despite what has been said, I would give accolades to the Japanese for their management of time. Trains arrive on time to the second so it is a pleasure when planning a journey. In public transport, commuters are to refrain from using mobile devices so as not to disturb fellow commuters but they are allowed to eat and drink.

In Singapore, you may use your mobile in the trains and on the bus but if you eat or drink, there is a fine of up to $500.

In some countries, time becomes elastic like rubber bands. In Malaysia, for example, food may take its time to come and I am aware that it is a relative feel of the time-lapse due to different work cultures.

In Indonesia, it becomes super-elastic. Once, I ordered a local dish at the restaurant of a hotel in Indonesia. After waiting 45 minutes for the fried rice that did not arrive, I was inclined to walk into the kitchen and take over from the cook but restrained myself. Eventually, the food did come but we were famished.

The fault was more our own, coming from fast-paced Singapore where time is money and the cost of living is high. Productivity is key, hence the speed. In Malaysia and especially Indonesia, the pace of life is relaxed, so a mindset adjustment on my part would have eased my impatience and anxiety.

In any case, Singaporeans are also infamous for being elastic with their time and this is a well-known fact when it comes to wedding dinners. It is inexplicable but it seems to be a Singaporean trait that wedding dinners start as late as 8.30 pm even when it is stated 7.30 pm on the invitation card. It is not uncommon to see guests streaming in after 8.30 pm as well. Maybe they were expecting others to be late.

A Korean guide once commented that he loves Singaporean tourists because we are very quiet eaters and well-behaved during mealtimes. Meanwhile, the Chinese Nationals at the next table were very upbeat, bawling away happily while eating and drinking, livening up the scene. Westerners would consider that gross misbehavior but actually to them it is a joyous occasion.

However, when it came to shopping, there was no stopping the Singaporean tourists! They came, they bargained and carted away loads of stuff! Singaporeans love shopping especially when the products are much cheaper or not available at our shops back home.

On one trip to China, our local Chinese guide lamented about the general lack of interest of Singaporean tourists in listening to 5000 years of China history which he related with a lot of passion. Singaporeans, she commented were short on attention span. But at the mention of Shopping and food, their eyes would light up! I thought this feedback is important for our own sake to become more intellectual in knowledge and become respectable.

Another thing that confused me was the manner of greeting that different races conduct themselves. It happened when meeting my husband’s friends from the west. Do we kiss one cheek or both? And which side should we start? Do you pretend to go up close and then smack the air with your lips? You have to be really careful as you do not want to be lip-locked! Do not wash off immediately in your guest’s presence. In some cultures, it gets more complicated as there is a third kiss.

Usually, I would just offer a handshake unless the other side initiated this exchange of grime and dirt. Sometimes, you have no choice and am seized into your spouse’s foreign friend’s bosom anyway. In this respect, the Japanese win again in simplicity and hygiene by just a simple bow.

Anyway, the pandemic has straightened out this dilemma. Clasping the hands, or holding the palms as in prayer with or without a bow or knuckle-knocking gestures have become the new normal ways of greetings.

It is important to adapt or at least understand another country’s culture as one does not wish to offend the opposite party. As the world becomes globalized, more interaction is expected between different nationalities, religions, and races.

We should try to understand another culture and act accordingly by accepting other people’s cultural behaviors. This would prevent unnecessary social faux par and embarrassment. In fact, it is an eye-opener that may teach us new, useful habits. Or we learn to become more tolerant of others and make this world a better place through cultural acceptance and integration.

Confucius listed five essential traits of a noble character

Summer Lotus Jan 8th 2021   5 min read

From my favorite philosopher, Confucius (551 ~ 479BCE), we can learn to live a good life and achieve happiness if we better ourselves every day through self-cultivation. In his teachings, he always juxtaposes 君子, the gentleman or the person of noble character against 小人, the person of petty character.

Confucious believed that the purpose of moral education is to live the virtuous life as seen in the Analects which is a collection of speeches and discussions between him and his various disciples that illustrate his precepts; that anyone, regardless of his station in life, could become a superior man by living a virtuous life.

How does one become a gentleman? Listed are five behaviors of the gentleman most central to the Analects; — –benevolence (ren 仁), righteousness (yi 義), ritual propriety (li 禮), wisdom (Zhi 智), and trustworthiness (xin 信)

1 Benevolence (ren 仁) Being benevolent is expressing goodwill or kindly feelings. It means love, kindness, humaneness and it comes from your heart. It refers to action as well as words.

仁 has to do with interaction with other people and to cultivate it is a constant process.

The word ‘ren’ has to do with interaction with others. It is the true defining virtue of the nobleman and is a fundamental moral principle that encompasses all virtues. To carry out ‘ren’, Confucius’s golden rule(sometimes called silver rule because of the use of negative terms) is; Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.

He also emphasized that “You want others to advance to the degree you advance yourself”. In that way, you will always have care and concern for others. To put it simply, help your fellow man along.

That thought was thousands of years ago. Though I think it is indeed a noble aim to be aspired by each one of us, some believe that you can help your fellow man along by teaching him how to fish and not providing a free handout all the time.

Being kind without understanding the circumstances may lead to over-dependence on others which is not desirable.

Confucian scholars believed that for ‘Ren’ to be expressed, it can be properly employed in (li 禮).

“If a man sets his heart on benevolence, he will be free from evil” — -Confucius

2 Righteousness (yi 義) — —refers to justice and involves the disposition to do good with intuition, competence, and sensibility to do so.

It is about doing the right thing and being unbiased. In anything that we do, give thought to the consequences and implications of our actions and words and we would be able to evade trouble and have more harmony in our lives.

The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage — -Confucius

3 Ritual (li 禮)— — refers to propriety or decorum — action step that demonstrates kindness and empathy, respectful behavior, good manners, and the expressing of thanks. They allow connection and channel for the flow of 仁 (benevolence) and 恕（forgiveness).

Confucius was big on rituals in worship, customs, and ceremony. That is a good thing because it did not trivialize the situation at hand and can be enjoyable.

Ritual (li 禮) is important because it cultivates good manners, the connection between people, and orderliness. Applying it makes an event more significant as well as memorable.

Confucianism is inherently hierarchical in nature to incorporate li. Confucius had established these five constant relationships which help to ensure order.

Ruler-subject, parent-child, husband-wife, elder sibling-younger sibling, older friend-younger friend.

The key is that each has the responsibility and must carry out his role well. Then the respect earned will ensure order.

For example, in Asian societies, we usually address our parents or seniors before we eat or when we enter the house. We never call our parents or seniors by their first names. Forgetting your parents’ birthdays are unthinkable.

Buying gifts when invited to a house-warming is an unspoken rule. The subjects show respect to the ruler (government) but these days, there has been much rebellion if the latter was deemed not to be caring (仁 ren) and hence lost their respect. Or an abusive husband will certainly lose his wife, by failing in his custom or duty to protect her.

For society to exist in order and harmony, it must begin in the home. For order and harmony to exist in the home, it depends on each individual in the family to establish that order.

Everyone must play their role responsibly in order for respect to be gained before there are reciprocation and success in the relationships.

The practice of rituals (li 禮) is incomplete without the incorporation of benevolence( 仁ren) in the process.

4 Wisdom (Zhi 智) — -is having the knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.

“By three ways, we may learn wisdom: FIrst by reflection which is noblest; Second by imitation which is easiest; and third by experience which is bitterest.” — -Confucius

He advocated that we must learn from our mistakes, ask questions, and learn from people who are better than ourselves. In addition, real wisdom is knowing the extent of one’s ignorance, have patience and we must not stop in our pursuits.

We can look around us and see that the survivors of today’s changing world are those who have followed all that is listed above. Indeed, a superior man should become wiser with time and not older.

5 Trustworthiness (xin信）means you are true to your word, sincere, dependable, and even honest. Like loyalty, it is the glue that binds social relationships whether between friends, government, and the populace or between family members.

Put it simply, one must honor one’s words to do something as promised or you should give a good reason why a promise is broken. If a government has vowed to fix certain policies, then after being given the mandate to rule, they must carry out the exercise as mentioned. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to regain.

When I was younger, I tend to be late for my appointments with friends. Then, we had a rule especially for a group outing that if anyone is late for more than 10 minutes, the group would just leave. Once, I turned up quite late to a fuming friend and she never contacted me again. Since then, I have cultivated (xin信) and never have a problem with appointments again.

Conclusion;

These five tenets should be aspired by everyone who wants to live a fulfilling and happy life. We extoll these virtues because if each of us practices them, the world would have fewer problems. Making it mandatory in education can imbue the young with good qualities that make them achieve harmony at home and outside. We may never be perfect but being superior to another man in this way is inspiring for a world that is getting more challenging.