Archives for February 2021

A common worry as we grow older

Summer Lotus Feb 24 2021  4 min read

Existential loneliness. It is the philosophy that each of us comes into this world alone and will die alone.

This is one thing that most people fear most as they grow older — loneliness. Loneliness accounts for the sadness, depression, and anger I see in some of the elderly people I encounter. From the start, if one can see that, at the end, we have to deal with loneliness, one should prepare for it.

Loneliness and social isolation in older adults are serious public health risks affecting a significant number of people in the United States and putting them at risk for dementia and other serious medical conditions.

How does one cope with loneliness?

1 Start saving when you can. Money, for all its bad implications, is very important. It grants you security and peace of mind. It means you must work hard and save as you earn.

With money, one can continue to live a fine life – through continuous education, you can find that life is forever evolving and interesting if you remain curious.

If you have accumulated a substantial amount of nest egg, you have the liberty to travel to many areas of the world and reap the rewards of your hard work. Travel is educational, it is stimulating as a whole new world of experiences opens up to you.

You need to have enough funds to enroll in learning. That allows you to meet like-minded people with whom you can interact and share.

2 Stay as healthy as you can — -It follows that if you want to enjoy your later years, you must aim to stay healthy, though I think people should smell the roses simultaneously as they toil through their lives.

The future is uncertain but we should still prepare for it. Know that, besides having poorer eyesight, diminished hearing, and losing teeth, weakening legs are one of the first signs of aging. That will limit your mobility to move freely.

Only when you prepare for the long haul can you live a fruitful life.

3 Always be kind and helpful. One should not do this with an ulterior motive, but if along life’s journey, you have touched others in some way, it will come back to you (but don’t expect it though).

Courtesy begets courtesy. Network and form ties with friends who are sincere and build on the relationship through mutual respect and care. If you are blessed with plenty, bless the less fortunate and life just comes back to you in a good way.

On my dental mission trips, I have come across some elderly, the oldest being almost 80, who came along with the group to render assistance during our trips to the less fortunate. It was a very touching experience.

Being a volunteer is one of the activities that will make you countless friends as it is a cheerful, nurturing environment. You will celebrate life together with good friends.

3 Stay positive — —Don’t expect things to go your way most of the time. Life has its nasty surprises but if you look at them and make the best out of any unpleasant events, they may be valuable lessons and make you a wiser and stronger person.

Having a sense of humor helps greatly.

I like the attitude of one old lady friend in her eighties. When she knew she was slipping away into oblivion, she had the good mind to gather her family around her bed and bade them farewell with a smile! What a magnanimous personality!

All things shall pass and our attitude will sustain us.

4 Know yourself – Indeed, a person needs to find out what gives him purpose and meaning in his. life and strive for it. Develop a skill, a passion, an interest and excel in it.

There is only one life but the opportunities are infinite. Laziness is not an option. You can be the very best in whatever you do if you want it bad enough.

Know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses.

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself “— -Mark Twain

I give kudos to those elderly who never let the fire die in them. They paint, they write, they bake, etc, and they enjoy and excel in their activities. It is a legacy they leave behind to inspire others to have that free and strong spirit to carry with them throughout living.

There is no time for complaints and griping. Always make each day a rosy one.

Loneliness. Who has time to be lonely? Time is all we have left and we must remember; We are too blessed to be stressed and lonely if you prepare your life.

Take heed, aspiring writers!

Summer Lotus 23rd Feb2021 2 min read

Neil Gaiman is an English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, nonfiction, audio theatre, and films.

I enrolled in his masterclass online where he teaches the art of storytelling. The video lessons vary from 5 to 27 minutes making it very easy for the listener to understand and assimilate.

As a budding, writer wannabe, I discovered many nuggets of gold from Neil’s 19 video lessons which I jotted down earnestly. There are many salient points and Neil Gaiman put it most succinctly in his own inimitable manner.

I shall not steal his thunder. But I will always remember his advice to a gentleman whom he felt could write and finish things (unlike some writers who could not and have many unfinished drafts like myself) but did not have anything to say.

I like the way he put it. Neil Gaiman advised one to do a lot of living. “ Go out there into the world, go get a job, get fired from your job. Go get your heart broken, see as much of the world as you can. Find things. Bump into things. Get hurt.”

“Come back in a few years time and you will have a lot to write about,” Neil said that the young man did. He became a famous comic series and television writer later in his life.

Neil added, “ Experience is good. Reading is fantastic. Read everything you can, write everything you can. But do a lot of living because everything that happens in the living is going to wind up in the fiction. It’s going to be needed. You are going to need every human being you ever meet and need everything that you see because one day you’ll write a story…….”

Do a lot of living…that is a piece of great advice! This is what life is all about, experiencing joy and sorrow, pain and happiness. Feeling utterly alive and learning along the way. Then sharing our stories with others so that they can also rise to their own unique occasions even in difficulty and overcome them. And the wisdom gets passed on in our stories.

Neil Gaiman is a prolific writer. His works include the comic book series The Sandman and novels Stardust, American Gods, Coraline, and The Graveyard Book and many others. One story was made into a film.

Never assume that they are helpless……

Summer Lotus Feb 16   4 min read

It’s the second day of the Lunar New Year. I decided to tag along with my sister-in-law, Terry who does regular visitations to the homes of elderly people who live alone.

I brought along some oranges, a red packet, and some biscuits and crackers. It was my first time meeting Mdm Tan and I wanted to find out more about her story.

Mdm Bio is 93 years of age and lives in a rented flat, heavily subsidized by the government in the eastern part of Singapore.

(The Singapore Govt has devised a very supportive plan for those who have no other housing options but met the criteria to apply for rental flats. The flats are leased at a very cheap price in many parts of the island, some going for as low as $26 a month.)

Mdm Tan strikes me as very upbeat, sprightly, and receptive. She was watching a television program when we arrived, immediately welcomed us warmly into her house, and offered us New Year snacks.

It was not what I had imagined. I had thought that she would be a very depressed, lonely elderly woman, living within the confines of her own flat with no one to talk to and passing her time with much difficulty.

She was very engaging in our chat. She has kept herself relatively healthy eating mostly vegetarian food which she cooked herself. At 93, she still has most of her teeth (sans the lower molars) and she ate with gusto.

Mdm Tan had one son and a nephew and both have their own families and commitments. She had stayed with them before but chose the path of freedom where she could have her own space, do her own thing, and be free from responsibilities and any fuss over her. She is extremely happy in her current situation.

It is indeed remarkable for a lady this age to be so independent. She has kept her house spick and span. The $50 a month rental flat is a good size for a single person with a roomy living room, kitchen, and bedroom. This is more than any person can ask for if you were to compare to similar housing in countries like Hong Kong or Japan.

In the kitchen, her utensils hanging neatly, aligned along a long bar which she installed herself. She still prefers to cook with a gas stove though many elderly now use conduction or electric stove. Judging from the layout, she must enjoy food which is probably the highlight of her activities.

Mdm Tan had many interesting stories to share with us and she brought her albums out to show some old pictures. She was a pretty little lady, slightly plump in her younger days in pretty clothes.

Her mum was also a pretty lady, of Peranakan descent. I deduced that she is so healthy from being an active and proactive person. She had worked for more than forty years and regaled us with the story of being a domestic help for a British expatriate whom she said was strict and no-nonsense.

She has lots of fire in her belly as she complained about tough times in the old days. Having a fire in her system is good, I felt. It gives her energy which she uses to care for her plants outside her flat along the balcony.

She proudly showed off her array of plants and it was clear that she has green fingers. Her favorite thing to do is to go to the market and look for bargains. Even though she lives alone and there are occasional visitors, she does not want to join her neighbors for chitchat sessions, seeing it as a platform for gossip.

Nonetheless, the witty lady still knows what is going on in her immediate neighbors’ homes.

We were very happy to see that Mdm Tan is living the life that she wants. On this floor which is unblocked, it is quiet and overlooks a serene view of distant housing blocks, greenery, and blue sky. We can see why she is happy.

Mdm Tan has everything going for her as she savors each day. As the cool breeze rustled the plants on the balcony and refreshed our bodies, we bade her farewell and left feeling inspired to be as cheerful and independent as her if we ever get to that age. Happiness is what you make of it and she is a prime example.

It is never too late to realize

Summer Lotus 14th Feb 2021 3 min read

Time is running out.

I am 63 and feel that there is so much more to savor in life, so much learning to do, and so much hidden potential in each one of us to develop.

I concede that I have wasted a large part of my life in doing nothing or feeling lost. Much time mulling and mucking around shopping centers after work when there was nothing to buy, no aim in sight. 

Fortunately, I did dabble in some sports though they were only recreational and I have also traveled quite a bit. Until, I started reading and then went into writing, I realized that my life could be greatly enriched this way.

Reading made me realise that there is a lot of wisdom to be acquired from other people and those before us. 

It made me realize that the world has transformed, people are different now and to keep up with the current changes in the world, reading is a must. Ultimately, one still has to depend on oneself to solve any problems as not many people can be at our disposal.

It made me realise that true happiness is being the best I can be and these ideas come from people smarter than me whom I can emulate. When one goal is reached, we have to set new goals to move on.

I follow top writers on Medium based on their fan size. Some like Thomas Oppong, Niklas Goke, Ayojedi Awosika and Ryan Holiday, etc have followers in five or six figures and they share valuable insights about life.

It is not too old to learn though I hear this repeatedly from my peers who seemed to be dimming their inner lights where taking challenges and learning is concerned. “We are so old already, just relax”, many quipped.

As if staying free from new knowledge would render them free from stress. The world will continue to stump you and make you feel ignorant if you don’t go with the flow. Learning is a privilege of being alive.

At this juncture, my strategy is as follows;

1 Good use of time to learn something new or become better in any particular technique that I am weak in where my career is concerned. After all, people get better through practice.

2 Learn something creative and mind-stimulating— whether related to work or not, a new skill, a foreign language, an interesting hobby will just make us more versatile other than our bread and butter work. It may launch a second career.

3 Look for mentors— I look for mentors, young or old, as long as they are willing to teach me, I will be all ears and make a good student. I believe that I can also share my unique knowledge and experiences as an exchange.

4 Acquire a balance outlook—-In the large part of my life, much time was also spent on building a family, revolving around children’s development, idling, and earning money to reach a point where one can say, “Enough, it’s time to chill”. The kids have grown, the business ongoing and perspectives and priorities must change.

Now is the time to balance all that hard work by nourishing oneself having me-alone time, getting back to basics which are, first of all, a simpler life and courting nature and extending a hand to those who have fallen behind us in this race of life.

My belly is still filled with fire. When the pandemic blows over, I will want to travel more to widen my outlook. They are a source of my writing. My aim to run a successful group practice is ongoing so that I could eventually pass the baton to deserving junior partners to entrust them with my loyal patient base. I want to be a barrel of knowledge, not an empty vessel who can dispense and share useful tips about life and life hacks to those who are interested in my sharing.

I think that would be a life quite meaningfully lived, in my small way.

more reading at medium.com under Summer Lotus@rosalindho

Important thing to muse about

Summer Lotus 2 days ago 4 min read

It seems a little scary. In five years time, I will be sixty-eight years old. I don’t feel an iota of sixty-three in me now. I am not jaded nor resigned nor dull. I attribute that to my curious nature and the zest for continuous learning.

When the pandemic hit in 2020, I doubled down on my efforts to learn and get things done. I put into fruition my company website, started an e-commerce website that would need sprucing up further (at least I got started) and started to develop an interest in reading and writing.

Those decisions had helped me a lot. First, I felt a new and fresh surge of fresh air in my life. Then I felt very encouraged that I did my own website which may not be very commercial like those done by professionals but it is interactive, functional and informative. I never thought I could do it in the first place. I constantly updated it with current dental health posts. I have also managed to get good rankings from my appreciative patients.

The e-commerce site has become functional now but lacks the marketing that it deserves. Otherwise, I think I have a product that is an improvement on existing ones. Pet bandanas are a dime a dozen, I have added gems to make them more fashionable. I felt more creativity in me these days.

Reading and writing are the best things that I have embarked on though I started on these as late as Dec 2019. I choose to read good stuff by writers who improve my mind and I do that by following those who have a huge following. I am really impressed by how some authors are so innovative, generous and encouraging with their ideas.

Writing totally changed me. I would pick out a good point or two from each article and put it to work. By writing, I have also become more self-analytical and bent on improving myself as I grow older. I never knew philosophy for example is such helpful tool to use as one meets myriad challenges in life.

So, what have I become so far? I think I have become more mindful and relaxed about life. Some things will just frays me out like yesterday when I thought that I lost the handphone in the restaurant. Because of reading, I reminded myself to calm down. It was putting my reading into practice.

Eventually, I calmed down and thought over. I did not bring my handphone out at all since at the safe-entry point, I had used my identity card to scan and the mobile was not in my bag. I had just forgotten that.

I have become more congenial with people. Less uptight about the daily grind. More grateful that my patients continue to support me as an older dentist. They trusted me and I will always deliver my best.

I have recruited two dentists wannabes (students) who have applied to the dentistry course at the University and now they are temping as part-time dental assistants in my clinic. I love sharing with them my knowledge and management of patients. Meanwhile, I benefitted from their being IT savvy.

I believe that they would make good dentists and if our paths ever cross again, they would be welcome to work at my clinic which I will always ensure to be updated, well-equipped and renewed regularly. It has been established for over twenty years.

They would be the new blood that inject the breath of fresh air into my dental surgery. I would be the stalwart that oversees that the clinic functions well and share with them my wealth of experiences. We will gain from each other.

Five years from now, they would have graduated. I see myself slowing down doing selected cases, my current dental associates still happily working with me and more dentists coming to seek work here. I see myself enjoying some of my pursuits like travelling and writing which I hope would become more recognized by then. I hope my writing will spark off enthusiasm in anyone who is keen to read and benefit from them.

I do not see retirement as an option. Yoga, travelling, enjoying nature are certainly on the cards. I would like to be seen as a beacon of hope whom young people and my peers would like to seek my views. And of course, I still want to look my best though it is hard to stop the ravaging arm of aging. But definitely trying to have a natural, graceful, dignified appearance.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; True Nobility is being superior to your former self”. — -Ernest Hemmingway

The past seems more carefree…

Summer Lotus Feb 11   7 min read

Sometimes, I would just look back at my life over the last 62 years and see how things have evolved.

Back in the sixties, life was simple. My dad worked as a teacher for a meager salary to feed a family of nine. He would come back from school with a pile of books to mark. Subsequently, he would embark on his projects such as calligraphy or some artwork as a side hustle. The shops in the old days used Mandarin characters embossed onto a longboard to indicate shop name which they then posted on the top horizontal column above the entrance to the shop.

My mum was the dutiful housewife, preparing food for all the siblings and myself, putting very simple food on the table which included eggs with some preserved vegetables, a pot of soup, a plate of green vegetables, and usually some steamed or stewed pork, fried chicken if we are lucky and sometimes fish. In those days, we only ate roast chicken and steamed large prawns during the Lunar New Year. That was why we looked forward to the Lunar New Year as a very celebrative time.

There was an unspoken rule. Children study hard, grow up, look for a job, get married and establish their own nuclear families. Most of my siblings finished school by sixteen and they started to look for work. By the time, it came to me, being the last child and an accidental one I believed, the barrel was empty. My parents had aged and there was not enough money to put me through University.

I am glad for the adversity that gave me personal growth and learning. As I watched how my friends went on to study at the university, I decided to look for a job that allowed me to save money. I found my first job as a receptionist at the wage of S$300 at a Japanese construction company. That was thirty-three years ago. Today, that amount would just cover food expenses for one month in today’s cost of living.

I went back to my old estate to find the old flat demolished and the road that I grew up on shortened to a lane as gentrification had long taken over many parts of Singapore and people moved to better build public housing. The place may have transformed but memories linger. Of the big drains that I used to play in, of the old thatched-roof houses that we called attap houses, and of the neighbors I used to have but have not bumped into them for the last fifty years.

What stood out in my childhood? My carefree life. I have never heard of the word ‘tuition’ which I later imposed on my children like a mandatory order. That became the bane of their lives but it was necessary. Singapore was and still is a meritocratic society where the paper chase is significant for one’s future.

My life after school was spent playing. “Be home by six”, my mum used to say. I would hang around the big monsoon drain with my best friend, Bee Lian and we would jump from one side to the other. Other activities included playing hop-scotch, five stones, and making paper dolls.

Sometimes we went to the National Library but I did not pick up the habit of reading. Most times, we would roam the MPH bookstore next to the Library and I was fascinated by Barbie dolls in their various outfits. I told myself that I would own a series of them when I work in future but when I became an adult, my interest in Barbie dolls had long worn off.

Life was really surreal. During the weekends in the sixties, we would often go out with my parents which included my two brothers and me. The rest of the siblings who had turned eighteen and older had their own programs. Either it was an outing to Queen Elizabeth walk, today known as the Esplanade. Sometimes, we would go to Katong Park to swim in its sea swimming enclosure, or Haw Par Villa or to the Botanic Gardens, today a UNESCO heritage site because of the vast and impressive natural developments in this park.

There were not many places to go as Singapore was not developed then and the subway construction plan was not on the cards until the 80s. Recreational places were limited but Singaporeans were creative. My brothers catched spiders to compete against each other much like cock-fighting in some countries. They also caught butterflies, admired them for some time in a pierced bottle then later released them. I would draw paper dolls on hard white cardboard, cut them out and then designed and colored some paper clothes to hang on to the dolls.

I was the model for my brother who experimented with his box-like camera. We went out and I posed for the pictures which he then developed himself in a self-made darkroom. He became a self-learned photographer which came in handy for his later career. My brothers even made our own ramshackle tricycle out of wood and we had much fun. A game of rounders was also a regular activity.

People turned in early those days. The cinemas were a chief source of entertainment and so was the open-air entertainment center called New World. Happiness was riding astride my father’s shoulders after a movie show. My parents occasionally went for mahjong individually in their friends’ houses.

Festive seasons were celebrated joyously. For example, on the stroke of midnight of the Lunar New Year, deafening sounds of firecrackers broke the silence and people were elated. But it became a nuisance when people got hurt and fires occurred. A partial ban in 1970 led to a full ban on firecrackers in 1972 and the Lunar New Year was never the same again.

Gone were the smell of ‘gun powder’ that was sharp in the morning air and the carpet of red that resulted from the red crackers that were the symbol of the New Year that had dawned on us. But the images of people firing crackers and throwing at another were scenes never forgotten.

Before the ban, it could get really frightening if someone threw a large cracker in your direction that made you jump. In the evenings, people played with sparklers to light up the surroundings. I remembered not too distinctly someone shot me from far in the arm when they aimed a pop cracker that was supposed to be played vertically and hurt my arm. My mum took me to look for the perpetrator but to no avail.

As children, we looked forward to receiving red packets from our seniors. Those days, we hoped not to feel the coins in the packets as it meant that if the red packets were flat, they contained notes indicating a larger amount. Invariably, it was a dollar note. I would put them into my furry bear tote bag which had a zipper. S$10 was considered a bounty to me.

The Mid-Autumn festival or moon cake festival is popular and is the second-most important holiday after the Chinese New Year with a history dating back 3,000 years when China’s emperors worshipped the moon for bountiful harvests. Coinciding with the full moon on the 15th day of the eighth month of the Lunar New Year, we looked forward to carry paper lanterns of all shapes and sizes that symbolized prosperity and good luck.

We also ate tasty mooncakes, a rich pastry typically filled with sweet-bean or lotus-seed paste which is a tradition. We had a great time. On the field outside the old flat, we laid a plastic sheet on the grass. We sat on it and had a little party with our tea and mooncakes.

One time, my paper lanterns accidentally caught fire because the candle in it fell and burned the sides. Today’s lanterns are mostly made of bulbs that do not have the glory of a lighted flame. But there were fewer fire incidents, panic, and crying.

As the night drew on, my dad and I would lay down and look at the full moon. We talked about the Chinese myth where Chang Er had the elixir of immortality given to her by her husband Hou Yi, an excellent archer, said to have shot down nine out of ten suns that caused disaster to the people. Hou Yi’s apprentice tried to steal the elixir which prompted Chang Er to swallow the potion and fled to the moon and became its spirit. Huo Yi was very sad and died soon after. To commemorate Huo Yi’s heroic action, people celebrated this time of the month.

During the Dragon Boat Festival, called “Duan Wu” (Summer Solstice), my mum would make Chinese sticky rice dumplings the conventional way. It was very interesting watching her. Inside the glutinous rice were marinated pork belly pieces, shelled mung beans, salted egg yolk, and chopped shitake mushrooms. She deftly wrapped the glutinous rice with the bamboo leaves, formed into the shape of a pyramid, and tied it with a straw rope before cooking it. They tasted fabulous and was the highlight of the season.

Legend had it that Qu Yuan, a poet and a loyal high official of the Chu Kingdom during the era of the warring states was slandered and exiled. When the Chu kingdom fell to the State of Qin, Qu Yuan committed suicide by drowning himself in the Miluo River on the 5th day of the 5th lunar month.

To preserve his body from being eaten by sea creatures, the locals threw rice dumplings as they paddled the boats up and down the river and beat drums to scare the evil spirits away. This evolved into the dragon boat racing and dumpling festival today that is joyously celebrated.

Singapore, being multi-cultural has many other festive events but I had only Chinese friends then so I had no opportunity to enjoy myself with friends from other races until much later in life.

All in all, it was a peaceful childhood. There were occasional sibling rivalries and some squabbling about inadequate food. Later, my older siblings sought work after their basic educations and the economy in the house improved.

The years went by and before I knew it, my parents had moved from our old flat to a housing board flat in another estate called Toa Payoh, meaning “Big Swamp” which originally it was. My teenage years were spent in a new environment where other adventures and challenges of life arose.