Archives for March 2021

Doing good to others blesses us

Summer Lotus Mar 12 · 7 min read

It started with a relative who became demented. He was a collector for years and had poured his earnings into these collectibles. You could even say that he verged on the edge of being called a hoarder as well just that among the stuff, there were valuable ones. The couple had bought and hoarded stuff for over forty years.

Max (not his real name)is now nearing 70 years old. He had lost his job at the age of 50 and was not able to secure a job again. His wife, Lucy (fictitious) continued to work until she retired at 65 five years ago.

Suddenly, reality hit. She had a meager pension and when Lucy fell and suffered both fractured legs, the duty of caring for Max fell on me as the closest relative.

It was a shock to find that the house was utterly cluttered. Though we had gone out together quite often for meals, I was never invited into their home.

While Lucy was recovering in the hospital, it was an onerous task for me to see to Max’s needs and go to work at the same time.

I brought him to work every morning (fortunately, he did not go out in the evenings and would just look over all his collections in the house). It was a challenge watching over Max while I attended to my patients. I entertained him with a pile of glossy magazines which kept him busy with its beautiful images.

Ding-dong! Sometimes the doorbell went and through the camera, we noticed that Max had gone out of the clinic. It was nature’s call and my dental assistant would run after him to direct him to the gents and see him back to the clinic.

In the months ahead, a mammoth task loomed in front of me. Clearing the house to attain a sane living environment and for Lucy to return home to rehabilitate were my main aims.

If the house was not cleared somewhat, she would not be able to negotiate the narrow path from the main door to the bedroom and I was not exaggerating.

The 1000 sq ft apartment was effectively only 200 sq ft in living space with stuff stacked up on both sides, sometimes reaching the ceiling. The windows were locked and out of reach due to the obstacles. The air was stifling.

It was no wonder that they were often ill with coughs and colds.

Looking back, I am amazed that somehow I had summoned strength and courage that could only come from Providence, Love, and a sense of urgency. A determination to fix the situation. A strong feeling to help this couple get back on their feet.

Every morning at 6.30 am, I headed straight for Max’s apartment to first check on him. Usually, he was not up yet so I could set my mind to clear a section of the house. I had to work fast as I needed to get him ready for breakfast and his medication and then head to my workplace with him.

I started with the entrance which was partially blocked. Over the days which included evenings after my work, I set to clear the clutter. Every free time that I had was spent sorting stuff, disposing, and cleaning the place.

There was no time to ask if it was alright to take matters into my own hands when they were not my property but their health was at stake including mine, in trying to clean out the filth.

The kitchen itself took almost a month to declutter. I took a very decisive attitude to ‘look at the things and keep’ or ‘Look and throw’ as this clearing project seemed impossible given that they have hoarded stuff for almost forty years.

I had to decide what to keep or dispose of knowing that Max has been an avid collector and some of his things were valuable. It was my judgment call and I had to be very sensible as I did not want to throw away his hard-earned money. But there was simply no space to move around the house. It was not a healthy home environment.

There was the living room, the dining room, and in between, the master room to make them more livable. It took a whole four months but one guest room remained cluttered due to the lack of time as Lucy was coming home soon and also due to exhaustion on my part.

Fortunately, the new helper that I engaged for them arrived and we could speed up the work together.

One day, the garbage collector traced to their apartment while I was doing some clearing. He told me that he would report to the town council if I continued to create massive trash downstairs. I told him that we had stacked the discarded stuff properly next to the bin. However, the neighbors, who have heard about the ‘big clearance’ had rummaged through the stuff, many of which were usable. They had created chaos at the trash collection site.

I recalled how I went downstairs several times with the trolley bearing tons of their old clothes, damaged appliances, disintegrating books, and other paraphernalia.

Each time, I brought large card boxes of them to the trash site, the earlier card boxes of stuff had already been ransacked by eager neighbors who got wind of this ‘windfall’.

Indeed, due to my desperation to declutter and provide breathing space for the couple, I had many times disposed of usable items even utensils and glassware which were excessive in numbers as well as at least a hundred handbags, forty umbrellas which really should not belong in boxes blocking the hall. At least some younger people could use them.

Most of the collections were books, old documents, and tons of broken stuff which filled the cupboards to the brim and lined the walls.

I tried to salvage what I felt could be sold later by shoving many things into the storeroom.

I felt pain for Max who had invested most of his earnings into these collectibles which he once enjoyed but failed to cash in on them to get good returns.

When the house was reasonably cleared, a round dining table that was submerged among their belongings now sat proudly in their dining room. The kitchen was made functional again and the pipes were unchoked with the service of a competent plumber.

With the windows opened, fresh air filled the rooms, light streamed into the unblocked spaces and everything became bright and cheery. The putrid smell was gone. Max’s chronic cough was gone.

Lucy came back from the hospital and she was both relieved and regretful. But all’s well. They became aware of their spending and hoarding habits and are far more organized today.

The challenges remain of having to care for a demented spouse and Lucy did a great job after her recovery. With the live-in maid’s help, the apartment has now become more conducive to peaceful living. There is music being played from the recorder that was hibernated for years, home-cooked food served instead of always eating out.

What did I learn from after four months of my life immersed in rectifying this matter?

1 One can accomplish a lot if pushed to the brim of despair. You need grit, determination, and purpose. In the process, I conceded that I might have disposed of some of his valuable items like the vintage badges placed inside a biscuit tin(I only recalled that he had shown me before after the whole episode). That would have fetched a tidy sum on auction.

2 As we grow older, our stuff would have grown with us. The regular clearance and organization of personal property are necessary not only for our sanity but for loved ones who live beyond us.

We often would have excess items that the less privileged could use. Otherwise, they would just become obstacles and dust collectors.

3 We gained new knowledge when challenged. Out of their necessity to raise cash, I had learned to sell off their Max’s collections with their approval on the Carousell App.

This platform has allowed many people to cash out on their items that they no longer need and yet benefit others who could purchase them at a cheaper price.

It is akin to recycling and is a form of ready cash for many people. Selling their stuff placed me in contact with some buyers and it comes in handy when one needs to sell off specific items. One could buy our desired items from them too.

4 It is a tremendous sense of fulfillment helping others in real dire needs. It may feel bitter and bothersome in the journey but everything would end well. It pushes your mind to quick thinking about resolutions, makes you more decisive, and at the same time inspires change in others.

Four years on, I am still helping Max and Lucy to recoup their investments by selling some of their stuff on a regular basis and it is rather successful.

That is a source of income for them and nothing has gone to waste. The store-room and the extra room of stuff are still regularly being cleared and cleaned.

Max and Lucy’s lives now have a sense of normalcy to everyone’s delight. Life will present new challenges but isn’t that what is all about? Overcoming them as they appear, learning along the way, and enjoying the fruits of our labor?

The good life is in your own hands

Summer Lotus 12th March ·5 min read

I may be only a dentist well versed with the matters of teeth and gums but I am a mature senior who has observed much. How other people have gone through the stormy billows of life and either become damaged financially or survive.

Life is uncertain. You may be blessed with a good card during which you strike fortune either through your own effort or through lady luck. What you do with it thereafter could give you a smooth ride through which you could explore all the interesting possibilities that life can offer.

On the other hand, a financial ruin will render so much hardship that living becomes a chore. Yet, not all is lost. One can recover from one’s misfortune and still emerge victoriously.

Financial ruin is often self-created so the mindful ones would avoid them from the very beginning. Learn from others who have gone through the vicissitudes of life.

1 Always have a roof over your head — -It’s not uncommon to find out that there are people who would mortgage their homes that are already paid up in full and reinvest into new businesses to achieve more returns.

However, things are not predictable. When the winds of fortune turned against them, I have witnessed people who lost their homes and their nest eggs.

One real-life example involved a relative who sold off his home to invest everything into his new business. Things changed very fast in the last few years, superseded by changing customer interests, different marketing strategies, escalating costs, and unfavorable changing business regulations.

The result was a loss of shelter and he had to move from place to place to house himself. Eventually, the business tanked and everything earned and built over more than half his life was gone. Fortunately, he has the fortitude and works even harder but expectations of a full recovery are remote.

The moral of the story is; Never sell off your home totally to invest in a business. A business is no guarantee but a home is a solid foundation that shields you from uncertainty. In my opinion, risks should only be taken with excess money.

2 Develop an additional income — -We should stay relevant in whatever we are good in. Keep updated, upskilled, and informed as change is the only constant. However, in today’s world, Covid-19 has made us realize that we need to be versatile and responsive.

It is crucial to pick up a new skill that may be entirely different from one’s main training and preferably to be Covid proof like digital skills as used in e-commerce or any skill such as educational services like teaching and tutoring that allows one to work from home. Doing something different from our mainstay can pique our creativity and interests as well.

In this way, we can stay challenged and financially viable when our job that involves human interaction becomes interrupted in a pandemic.

3 Have a comprehensive health policy — — Health issues are the main drain on one’s finances. Common sense tells us that we need to have adequate insurance and accident coverage as injuries and old age with its accompanying ailments will happen in our lives.

Intangible as it may seem, it is not only wise but fair to one’s family members to guard our own health and provide protection instead of depending on others in the event of inevitable circumstances.

A medical policy is not only for an emergency purpose but also to guard against chronic illness like cancer that is financially draining.

4 Have a high savings rate — -A high savings rate of 30% is quite commendable. For every $100, $30 that is saved and goes into a contingency plan like some low-risk instruments can help stave off a financial crisis. This is possible if one has the discipline to put aside this amount of money untouched and spend the rest with priority on necessities.

Do not save what is left after spending but spend what is left after saving — Warren Buffet

In Singapore, we enjoy a high rate of interest by putting money in the special account of our Central Provident Fund that pays up to 4% for our retirement funds. The moment you start working is the time you plan towards retirement and CPF in Singapore is one way. Click here.

5 Spending on Credit Cards — -Credit cards provide the convenience of not carrying too much cash around and there is a clear record of expenses. Moreover, rewards could be reaped in proportion to the amount of money spent that comes in the form of cash rebates, vouchers, and product exchanges.

Given that cards have become a way of life where purchases are concerned, it is wiser to switch to debit cards for those who cannot manage credit cards that require a prompt repayment of the credit used each month.

A debit card owner entitles him to the same privileges but operates on existing cash present in the account instead of spending borrowed money. Hence, spend what you can afford.

Still, some credit card owners make the mistake of paying only the minimum sum while the principal amount is generating high-interest rates that may top 29% imposed by some banks. At this rate, it is a runaway train, and getting into debt is a foreseeable outcome.

5 Watch your budget — -Check your spending habits and adjust accordingly. Don’t buy on a whim. At my age, I have seen many people overbuy stuff in their life that is repetitive and some become hoarders.

Impulse buying happens when one does not think through. Even if it is a sale, ask yourself — Do I need it? How does it improve my life? Is there a better buy?

Create your budget table here and get a handle on the flow of your money.

A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went — -Dave Ramsey

6 Never become a guarantor for someone’s loan — Unless you have an immense amount of money and you trust the person who had asked you to guarantee, you run the risk of not getting back the borrowed sum and will have to pay for the defaulted amount.

Over the years, I have observed how some people became financially ruined by co-signing for someone’s loan. It obligates you as the primary borrower to pay up the loan.

7 Don’t put your eggs in one basket — While some investments may be risky, know your own risk appetite and diversify so that there is a balance between those that may deliver higher returns and those that protect your funds and allow them to grow at a steady rate.

People who dabble too much into speculative activities like the stock market, speculative real estate, and junk bonds may head for trouble unless you understand them.

Opt for the certificate of deposits, money market funds, and government bonds but the key is to know why and what you do.

You must gain control of your money or the lack of it will forever control you. — Dave Ramsey

Without staying on top of your finances, it will be a life of misery. It will be a life of missed opportunities and possibilities. It will be a life of regrets.

It is never too late to get back on track. Being financially sound is one of the greatest stress relievers.

Stay cool…….

Summer Lotus Mar 6 4 min read

I wanted to make a good lunch for my children and husband this morning on a beautiful, blissful Sunday. I concede that I have been out of practice for a long time ever since my domestic helper became much better at her culinary skills and my husband had delegated all cooking to her. Ouch! I feel quite redundant to have my place in the kitchen usurped. One wifey role was removed.

When my helper took her day off this morning, I decided that it was my chance to seize on this opportunity to impress everyone. I had offered to buy everybody lunch but the children were nostalgic for home-cooked food. Early in the morning, I was up and about and headed for the supermarket to buy several nice Australian flown pork steak and some minced chicken meat. I also bought salad, tomatoes and russet potatoes to make mashed potatoes.

When I got back, I washed and marinated the pork pieces with some salt and pepper and a dash of whiskey and oil. I tenderized it with my stainless steel tenderizer. I also made chicken burger meat.

Salad with chopped cherry tomatoes seasoned with balsamic sauce and pepper done! Boiled potatoes, mashed with some butter, salt, and pepper ready! Soup with pork bones, carrot, and potatoes with some salt and a dash of Chinese wine stewed! It was 12.30 pm and I messaged the children to come over to eat.

I had already grilled the pork in the boiler at 220degrees Celsius and for 40 minutes, turning them over in between. When all arrived, I quickly served the pork cutlets with my homemade sauce of Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, and mustard.

It did not go well. My son, Marcus said, “ It tastes terrible! Look, try it!” He was sorely disappointed. My other son, being more diplomatic insisted on eating it.

Indeed, it was stiff and not even considered chewable. “Ok, guys, I understand. Just don’t eat it. Put it aside. I am sure your Uncle’s dog Gucci will have a field day later with these choice cuts.” I am not one to make excuses if I did something badly. Luckily, I had made some meat burgers I called version of shake shack burgers( comprised of minced chicken with chopped onions, mushrooms, carrots, chopped spring onions, seasoned with some sauce and a dash of sesame oil). That turned out acceptable but no great shake.

Fortunately, my husband was in good humor today. Bad food usually threw him off balance, mentally. Only the best quality and tasty food should be consumed given our age and decreasing time on this planet. There is no time to lose on untasty food where eating is considered one of the joys of aging.

Being a connoisseur of fine food and a good cook himself, he added, “ Your mum spent 5 hours in the kitchen. Her food can help you to lose weight, guys(if you end up not eating, that is)Let’s have some fried eggs instead.”

I could have lost my cool having offered my precious Sunday time to cook for everyone when in the first place, I had offered to treat everybody to lunch at a Pasta restaurant that I have discovered recently. It would have prevented this fiasco. But, losing my cool with myself and expressing my frustrations would not help matters.

“Hey guys, let me buy you all a treat next time. At least, I know this will not be my second career. We need to fail now and then to become better at what we do, right?” My husband chimed in which was totally out of character today, “ This is not considered a failure at all, honey”. Showing some compassion, perhaps?

I went back into the kitchen. Somehow, the frying pan and stick were not co-operating with me. Not even the eggs. The sunny-side-up eggs turned out to be fried with egg yolks broken. The yolk has streaked over the white, one was twisted and took the form of a squid with a yellow tail. My helper would fry eggs that were not only crispy in the base but the yolks would be in perfect shapes.

“Oh no, why like these?”, the boys remarked. “Guys, these eggs are called ‘Walking on Sunshine’. My husband added, “Art food today”.

Everyone chilled and continued eating since the man of the house often set the mood. No one dared to grouch further. They started shaking their heads and ate the eggs anyway. Marcus started to laugh but he actually came in a foul mood due to unknown reasons and the lunch had not helped.

I am not a bad cook. Just out of practice for a long time after my Michelin standard domestic helper took over the kitchen completely and there were no more requests for my cooking the last few years.

Nevertheless, all’s not lost. The lunch ended blissfully. Everyone was still relaxed and I cleared the massive pile of dishes which I insisted on doing by myself as I considered my children guests since they are living on their own.

The next time, I will secretly practice my dish until the quality is deemed right, with my helper as my mentor. I am also glad that I deflected some natural negative reactions to the incident by not whining nor giving excuses nor blaming them for not accepting my treat.

All this shall pass as they say. I am just concerned and determined to have another peaceful Sunday. Amen!

You can end on a peaceful note

Summer Lotus March 5th 2021

I heard a commotion in the backyard.

I went out through the back door of the kitchen to the backyard and I saw my neighbor’s Philippine maid stood atop a metal storage across the concrete fence. Using a long cutter in her hands, she reached out to cut our tall bamboo plants that had arched into their backyard.

Clicked! the cutter went and the bamboo plants fell like a mass of sticks. Then she proceeded to scoop them up and hurled them over the fence onto my backyard floor.

She sawed me looking at her, quite taken aback by her actions. She shot daggers at me. I said, “Oh what happened?!”

“Your plants are growing all over here!” She hollered and continued to fling the cut bamboos over. Unashamedly, Unreservedly, Uninhibtedly.

“Oh, I see, I should inform my landlord. They could get someone to cut it” My current house is a rented one as my house is undergoing refurbishment. Suddenly, from inside the neighbor’s house, the lady owner whom we know to be almost 80 years old, shouted, “ Don’t let your plants come over to our side!”

Wow, such callous attitude from the next door whom we have shared the concrete wall for the last one year. We have never spoken but I heard that this was not the first time they had hurled any offending plants that intruded into their private spaces.

My Indonesian helper meanwhile was standing in the backyard watching the Philippine lady continue her dastardly ways at the behest of her employer. She was bemused.

I went into the house and wondered what I should do. Throw the bamboo plants back and have a backyard war? Have a shouting match? Lecture the neighbor and her helper for their behavior? Apologize profusely?

No, it was not appropriate. Two wrongs do not make a right. Moreover, I did not want to dispense unnecessary energy after a tiring workday.

I went back into the kitchen to ponder for a while. Subsequently, I went back to the backyard and called out to the bamboo slayer. She looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up and said, “ Good Job!” Then I went into the house

My helper quietly bundled all the remains of the cut bamboo plants by now strewn everywhere, creating almost a massive pile.

Another day had gone by, a conflict was averted. Everything had passed without incident. I believed the owner of the house next door and her helper must have felt that they have behaved badly. Well, some soul-searching activity for them.

As a wise man once said, “Nothing has to go right today for you to act with honor and character”.