Archives for August 2021

It starts with myself……

Summer Lotus 21st August 2021 5 min read

I know happiness will always elude one because life is a roller coaster ride. We, humans, being emotional creatures will be thrown into turmoil if we allow it.

When I was younger, I was a worrywart. When something happy happens, I knew that the next event is going to be sad. I almost try not to be too happy. But life is going to be like that, up and down. I had wondered how I could walk a constant happy road.

As I grew older, I realized that you will get to the top of that boulder and feel elated, and then what? You still need to scale the next boulder. It’s our nature to want to become happier.

Then, I decided that the pursuit of happiness is an internal journey and has nothing to do with outside circumstances.

What are my Strategies to be happy as far as possible?

My first strategy is about knowing myself – reflecting on my strengths and my weaknesses.

If I do something well, I am fulfilled and happy. I would analyze my strengths to apply them to my other goals so that they are likely to be successful.

I have identified my strengths as curiosity, persistence, and a willingness to work hard.

I applied persistence and hard work to the Toastmasters training program and it has helped me built my self-confidence and presentation skills.

If I do not do something well, it is because I lacked the required skills, traits, and knowledge and it behooves me to equip myself then. I can’t blame anything else.

I try to build discipline which is not easy but possible.

I also look for mentors who are willing to teach me.

Here, we must understand that the obstructions to becoming better and hence happier are stubbornness, laziness, and pride.

I know that there is a lot to learn and I am all ears if my mentors are willing.

I will make time to be there.

I am open to constructive criticisms even some scolding. I have developed a thick hide. It has worked for me so far learning from others and I always go away with my bag of gems.

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My second strategy is to work on my attitude

In my work, I see it as a calling.

It is to relieve patients’ pain and discomfort, restoring esthetics, well-being and function. Each one of us could see our roles as contributing to the family, the clients, the company, and the economy as a whole. This attitude will make our work nobler.

If we see it as a job and related to money-making, it can be mundane. Because making money is never enough when it is a yardstick.

If you see it as a career, it can be disappointing if you do not scale the ladder or receive the promotion or raise even when you doing a good job.

If we see it as a calling to do good for ourselves, colleagues, customers, and company, we will feel good every day and money-making certainly becomes incidental and more fulfilling. The desire to excel becomes natural and we are rewarded accordingly.

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My third strategy is to pursue happiness by living a balanced life. To tie one’s identity to our vocation is a lost cause as when you retire, you will feel that you have lost status and money. I do observe people who lost their vigor when their status and fame were lost but there is much more in life.

A recent incident surprised me. A friend of mine has passed on suddenly but in the chat group, the conversation turned to why she was known as ‘madam’ and not a ‘doctor’.

I wondered why that mattered. Rather, whether she did something remarkable for herself or others was more relevant.

People may be bound to their title and status and this can be a source of unhappiness if they lose them.

I try to seek a balanced life through dabbling in other pursuits. They include travel, sports, or hobbies, Toastmasters’ activities, and anything other than work.

This will give us more grounding than our jobs.

It also makes us realize life has so much more interesting stuff to offer.

— — —

The fourth strategy is to control my mental state

I refer specifically to the emotions of anger, jealousy, fear, and greed.

In short, I try to avoid an agitated mind. I try to think in terms of solutions instead of problems and this has helped a lot. Negative emotions do not make the situation better, they only complicate the matter and cause us to be impulsive in our decision-making.

If a situation is beyond one’s control, you could accept it, do something positive and try to see the good in it. As an example, to pacify someone who is angry, stay calm. Two fires make a bonfire and everyone burns. At this juncture, listening out may be more useful and a solution always surfaces.

I must say it is not easy as the temptation to lash back and defend oneself is instinctive.

Being grateful for everything that’s going well can give one joy. In this respect, Singaporeans have a lot to be thankful for comparatively to many countries in the world. We are a chosen, blessed country. Our problems are minuscule.

Retreating into solitude and enjoying your own company is a great balm for the hurried soul. I reckon that if one can overcome loneliness with independence, activity, and purpose in life, one should be having a lovely life journey. It is not easy to be a loner and I found that out during my solo trips.

Fear always seems real in a new environment but the faster you try to integrate into a new place by making cautious contact with others, fear diminishes and you will find that there are good and like-minded people out there.

Overcoming fear calms the mind. Not to mention the possible beginning of some beautiful friendships.

Finally, to attain a stable mental state, I find preparing project speeches for Toastmasters helps. Because this requires reflection. It gives clarity and concentration to my busy mind. Every project done is an endorphin booster, the happy hormone that our brain releases.

In conclusion, my strategy for happiness includes knowing myself, working on my attitude, seeking a balanced life, and maintaining a calm mental state.

The road to happiness is truly a personal journey. It will always be bumpy but it is a meaningful way to my goals.

Summer Lotus 7th August 2021

When you can overcome your perceived fears

When you are able to live the life you want

When you remain happy regardless of the circumstances around you

When you are able to move on after a tragedy or failure

When you accept that death is certain and unexpected and you are always ready

When you seize every moment as a blessing of staying alive.

When you realize that you always had the freedom but you need to claim it.

When you treat everyone cordially and have not made any enemies thus far.

When you can enjoy your own company and seek solitude often.

When you realize that life’s problems are all caused by human beings themselves and seek to remove the root causes.

When you know that you will meet your maker one day and he will forgive you.

you are your own obstacle

Summer Lotus Aug 1st 2021 2 min read

If you study successful people, there are always amazing stories behind them.

No one gets success thrown at them. If so, their victory never lasts. We much prefer to hear stories of struggles and overcoming challenges by people whom we can emulate.

Three famous stories prove the point.

Amitabh Bachan, one of the most famous actors in Indian Cinema had a very challenging start.

Before joining the film industry, Bachan as a young man wanted to be a radio presenter. However, he was rejected by All India Radio. He visited the studio several times but was not cleared. Then famous radio jockey, Ameen Sayani had no time to interview him.

Ironically, his powerful baritone voice was used for other actors in movies as well as in narration. His rich voice mesmerized the legion of fans. It is his distinctive voice that made him so famous.

He recounted how he was turned away from the silver screen roles because he was too tall. Despite the rejections, his acting finally won him innumerable accolades and honorary awards and he rose rapidly in fame. Today, he is still one of the most loved and greatest actors in India.

Some of his dialogues in the movies became well remembered as well.

Beatles

The English rock band, the Beatles auditioned for Decca Records at Decca studios in Uk in 1962. They were rejected by the label which selected another band.

Despite numerous challenges, they were known to be very hard-working and innovative with their songs.

The Beatles subsequently became the best-selling music act of all time and had estimated sales of 600 million units worldwide.

Even though they have broken up, they greatly influenced future artists who became huge talents themselves.

Wilma Rudolph

If you look into the history of Wilma Rudolph, the first African American woman to win three Olympic Gold Medals, you would be awe-struck.

Born premature, weighing only 4 1/2 pounds, she was a sickly child and was on braces due to polio.

Despite that, she decided to break free of her braces and struggled to walk and run. After that, there was no stopping her. She went on to excel in sports like Basketball but it was in running that she made her mark.

These examples show that despite early obstacles, the people in each story continued to struggle and refused to be deterred by failures. They are an inspiration to us who start to achieve our goals and meet with obstacles.

Things may not pan out the way you want the first time but persistence and practice can help you to achieve your dreams.

One of the most important survival skills in life

Summer Lotus Jul 19 4 min read

Geoge Lucas, the famous film director of Star Wars said, “Always remember – your focus determines your reality .”

Why we must focus on the positive.

1 Life will throw a lot of obstacles at you. Some are disguised as opportunities. Being negative would only make you think about problems. Staying positive makes you take action.

2 Research and studies have shown that the human mind tends to be affected by negative thoughts and hold on to them longer. I think that our minds naturally gravitate towards negativity which may be due to self-preservation.

We have to work hard to get out of a negative mindset.

We need to train our minds to think of the good stuff.

Let me relate my experience about focusing on the positive.

One day, my patient brought her 18-year-old daughter to my clinic and said, “Please give her something to do while waiting for her results. She wants to do dentistry”. She seemed like a good girl, somewhat reserved.

My negative tendency was to note that she had no experience whatsoever and would consume much of our time to train her. She was only going to be a temporary help.

The positive angel in me told me that this young quiet lady would have a bright future if I could inspire her. This was my chance to do some good for someone who needs guidance.

So, patiently, we gave her the ropes – taught her the basics about teeth and dental health, encouraged her to learn, coaxed her along, caught her doing right as a dental assistant, and complimented her. Errors were gently corrected.

She felt encouraged and bloomed over the months. She was joyful and helpful, tried to perform well, and built her self-confidence in the process.

She became determined to join the dentistry course after her interest was piqued. We believed that she could handle the manual dexterity test and interview well. Turned out that she was accepted into dentistry in July. She was elated.

Around the same time, I have taken in another patient’s son who wanted to be a dentist though already had a diploma in biotech. It was close to impossible to get a job as a dental assistant as most clinics only employ female dental assistants. But he found his calling in dentistry.

My negative tendency kicked in again. I started to worry about what my patients would think having a young male dental assistant milling around. However, I felt that there are many male dentists and they should have their fair share of exposure to this career as well.

I introduced him as the future dentist whenever my patients looked odd or queried about being assisted by a young male dental assistant. Through positive engagement, enthusiasm, and hard work, he picked up a lot of clinical knowledge and was a suitable candidate for the dentistry course.

Unfortunately, he was rejected and I decided to take a positive view and analyzed that the barrier was his age. He was already 24 and they might have wanted him to pursue his biotech career instead.

We wrote in an appeal to the authorities to reconsider his application as age should not matter but passion does and they could test him on his clinical knowledge learned on the job. He got accepted.

Focus on the positive and you get possibilities.

Staying positive gets results.

How does one stay positive

1 Change your perspective — -Every incident is a double edge sword. While you may lose something, you would also gain something else.

When presented with a challenge such as a work project or even a presentation that seems insurmountable, see it as an opportunity to hone your skills. You just need to get started and thereon, each piece of work just gets easier. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Look for the good in a difficult situation and it may not seem so bad after all.

2 Manage your expectations. People don’t excel overnight except for the exceedingly few talented ones. Behind that, bet that there was a lot of sweat and tears. Expect mediocrity when you first try something. On receiving feedback, work on it and one would only become better.

Patience is a great virtue and expecting progress with reasonable time and effort will make you feel more positive.

3 Surround yourself with happy, warm, and genuine people

Friends who are supportive, encouraging, and caring give you a boost of energy to overcome the little slings and arrows of daily living. Have friends who have a positive outlook and that would also rub off on your psyche.

It is for this reason that I stayed with SIM II Toastmasters Club for close to thirty years as I find it a nurturing and positive environment for personal growth and interpersonal relationship building and honing communication skills.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to be a beacon of light in others’ lives too.

4 Be grateful for the things in your life.

A proverb goes, “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.”

It is easy to list at least three things to thank for every day — thankful to be live life to the best of my ability, thankful to sample the goodness of life, thankful to overcome challenges and become a better person.

A grateful person has more energy to dissipate and is a magnet for good things to happen. A grateful person attracts other positive people reinforcing your ability to overcome adversity.

Focus on the positive. It is totally within our grasps and power to live life happily.

Not as discouraging as you think….

Summer Lotus Jul 6 4 min read

I have read “You Absolutely Shouldn’t Start a Side Hustle” by Zulie Rane and thanked her for sharing so ingeniously and ingenuously. There were many points of view which I agree wholeheartedly.

While I agree that a side hustle is not easy to embark on, I would still work at it but on the premise that I would hold on to my stable, main job.

To me, a side hustle is an extra source of income, preferably something different from one’s main job such as writing which brings immense joy and benefits.

My point however is; Do it anyway. Even if it is difficult. Even if fails. Even if it pays me less than $2 a month so far. Especially with writing which I am passionate about.

Nike says, “Just do it”

“Never, never, never give up!” — Winston Churchill.

These two quotes are my credo for meaningful living. We will never know what hidden talent we have until we try.

Just don’t do it for the money. You will be disappointed and discouraged if that is your first aim.

Having written on Medium for one and a half years, I am grateful and excited even with one clap. It means that out of this big, vast world, someone finds my article worth reading.

That pushes me on. It makes me discover my interest and forte in a certain arena and I will focus on that.

Meanwhile, I love my job too much to ever go full-time on writing. But if I qualify to become a writer in due time, maybe when I retire, it would be exhilarating!

Meanwhile, I think that if writing is your passion and dream, you need to continue to hone this skill, one article at a time.

As they say, “Time and patience are the two most powerful warriors.” Everything that turns out good, will take time. Patience will ensure quality in your work. It takes time to understand how the system works. It takes time to read other good authors’ works and learn from them.

Writing has been a self-discovery journey for me. I found that I could write! Or at least it seems to me and that is very encouraging.

It makes me reflect on my past activities, mistakes, and decisions. Some may be regrettable, some amazing. It makes me realizes what pursuits are worth continuing, what activities are worth letting go of.

A side hustle like writing is most suitable because it does not cause you much outlay, only your brain work. Our brain works wonders when we think and when we write, more truths are revealed.

Our lives are enriched by everyday events of our own and others around the world. We need to filter them and share the best lessons with the world through our writings.

I am glad that when I was told not to do something, I would analyze and think for myself. It is the most sensible thing to do as we live our lives independently of others who have different aspirations and fears.

From Zulie’s advice about writing as a side-hustle, I would critically sieve out her ‘gems’ that I could apply and avoid the pitfalls experienced by her.

She was not discouraging in any way. She was truthful.

You need to “give and give and give” in her parlance. Absolute commitment. Sacrifices with personal time and relationships were needed to get results. She saw results after a few years and is a successful writer which she earns deservedly through her hard work and dedication.

Every piece of advice is a double-edged sword; do not get defensive nor offensive. We like to listen to the good stuff but someone else’s negative experiences or perspectives may not become ours.

I started an e-commerce website as a side hustle to understand how it works on the backend. I was curious to understand how the transaction works and whether I could find a good product that serves the public. Of course, it would be nice if it makes money.

Though it is not profitable to date, I have learned much in the process — about website building, creation of good images, writing suitable content, digital marketing, and many other features that I must pick up to really make it successful.

My writing on Medium pales in comparison with some writers who already earn shortly after starting writing. Some authors could unleash as many as two articles daily! I am not discouraged as the unseen benefits of this potential side hustle override the monetary aspects.

Success depends on the total commitment and thirst for more learning which eats into your private time if you also have a full-time job.

I have not tried my best in this eCommerce side hustle nor writing platform as I had not been fully committed. It is purely my own doing. Daily self-prodding, motivation, and persistence are key to getting desired results.

I am made much aware of what is required for a side hustle to work after reading Zulie Rane’s article. The balls are all in my court.