Archives for November 2021

Summer Lotus 28th Nov 2021 5 min read

Every day, there will be issues. Such is life. It is either your own or others and some matters vex the soul. However, on reflection, most situations get resolved, so why the anguish in the first place.

It is our spontaneous reaction to the situation at hand that clouds our thinking and causes us to have a knee-jerk response. Most times, they are not serious issues that only require calm to come up with strategies to overcome. Sometimes, it is a matter of perspective.

Human beings have pride. They rarely like to acknowledge failure, defeat, or fear. When confronted with a difficulty, maybe we should ask the following questions;

1 Is it the end of the world?

2 Will anybody get hurt?

3 Is it urgent?

4 What is the most sensible way to handle it?

5 Who can I discuss with to come up with some ideas?

Staying calm is paramount. Sometimes people may incite us by the way they narrate the situation.

Above all, seek the truth first, don’t panic. As an example, it is not infrequent to hear of some people duped into parting with their money because someone, usually a stranger causes them anxiety by spinning some stories about a family member and demanding money to help resolve the situation.

In the process, the victims often parted with their money senselessly. Should anyone tells you a panic story, verify first. Scams are a dime a dozen these days.

When a dispute arises, investigate more. It is not prudent to go into a defensive or attack mode. Talk cordially to all parties to iron out any differences. It may just be a misunderstanding that went out of proportion.

Or you may have heard of some untruths mounted against you by others, upsetting you greatly.

A perspective is in order. You must be a significant person enough for others to talk about you. If it is not true, the truth will prevail.

Ranting and raving is a waste of time and in bad taste. Ignoring the matter and living life with dignity will overcome all falsehoods. Let the matter pass.

Dealing with others’ personalities often triggers relationship problems unless you choose to accept the opposite party for who they are and focus on the issues at hand. Odd personalities like stubbornness, pride, quick anger, etc.

Recently, a friend who had his mobile line cut experienced it again because he did not settle the balance on time. It was not the first time. We had resolved it before — -He did not learn his lesson to pay the balance on time to avoid crossing the deadline and do that easily online or through the phone app. However, he did it the old way by going to the shop to pay.

He was a stubborn fellow or forgetful. He insisted that he had paid the balance except that it went to another bill but to him, he had settled his balance. I could not make him see that the mobile auto cut-off is generated online and it does not distinguish between which bill he had settled.

He ranted on and on about how he had to go down to the shop in a traffic jam only to find that the shop had closed. I reminded him that during the last incident, we had gone down together to the shop and discovered that it was a place to settle bills and most payments have moved online. Moreover, we had finally resolved by paying through my mobile using the Telco app. He had forgotten and I had learned a new mode of payment.

In the meantime, he could only use his phone for business at home using his wireless code. Once he is outside, he has no more data plan and is unable to make or accept calls except through WhatsApp which he would need wifi from a shop or mall.

I tried not to be irked by his continuous ranting and raving about the changes that are taking place in the world. I calmly told him that most things are moving online including payments to expedite matters and it is convenient for customers. To cut matters short, I decided to take an emphatic perspective.

Many people have dropped into the abyss in this digital revolution. Some are not able to unlearn and relearn new things. Gone were the days when we could just pay with a cheque. I had difficulty getting a checkbook from a bank and had to resort to new online modes of payment.

To save my peace of mind, I decided to make his payment using my mobile and attached sequential screenshots of how it could be done in a jiffy to show him on WhatsApp. If only he would discipline himself to pay on time and to the right account It would not resolve by nagging him about the past similar incident and destroying our relationship.

A common cause for loss of serenity of the mind is when you have a quick-tempered friend. People get angry for reasons we do not know. Be patient and listen. It is good for oneself to show empathy again. You do not have to agree but listening out is therapeutic for an angry person. When the person has simmered down, rationale prevails. Sometimes we can provide him or her creative solutions which make us think outside our mental boxes.

In conclusion, there are thousands of issues that can potentially annoy us daily. It need not be so. Successful living is living with peace of mind.

We can choose not to destroy the serenity in us by a positive and calm approach to life. Keep in tempo with the inevitable changes. A willingness to listen, unlearn and relearn. A dogged determination.

If we could do that, we may solve many daily small issues and help others too. In addition, we may even inspire the opposite party to adopt a more sensible approach and preserve his tranquility as well.

It is a way to spread happiness around…..

Summer Lotus Nov 18 3 min read

It all started because I wanted to help some seniors recoup their money. At this juncture, they want a simple life. They want to reduce more instead of buying more. But they have a load of stuff at home.

They have spent a good part of their life savings and salaries on collecting stuff, some of which are now of cultural or historical value and not easily available on the market. They were enjoyable and entertaining to have and to hold but now they have decided to let go.

Collectible stuff would be appreciated by other younger collectors with the interest and the means to own them.

Age has caught up and they are no longer in the pink of health. Habits, likes, and interests have changed and some stuff now poses as obstacles and white elephants.

To help them dispose of the things and get back some money in return, I have used word of mouth, websites, sales apps and even troop into some shops to make an informative sale.

In the process, I found out that there are people with varied interests — some like antiques… this person likes books… that individual collects paraphernalia, and so on.

Ultimately, I have created a long list of customers with their distinctive hobbies and interests with the items to match.

It’s a reasonable success so far and it makes me feel like I could sell ice to an Eskimo except that he is a really happy one. Moreover, I am happy to see the seniors happy.

In today’s world, where technology rules, many seniors are a group of people with collectibles and some very memorable stuff that they no longer need. But they lack the knowledge and the energy to exchange them for the money that they have invested years ago.

The items became hoarded and often become rusted or damaged. The ideal situation would be to exchange them for cash for their daily living costs.

In addition to feeling happy and resourceful that I could help out, I have come across unique collections that have never seen the light of day – toys from 60 years ago, a very antique typewriter, very old photographs of Old Singapore and feel shocked to see the drastic changes in under 60 years(S’pore being a young country), old devices, stamps, journals, etc.

It is a stimulating experience as I delved into the past to research some of these items. I also found good owners for some of my collections.

I saw my seniors’ eyes lit up whenever they received the cash for the items they thought would be inevitably trashed as they organize and simplify their lives.

I have also made friends with these collectors who became my patients and have offered work to their children who were looking to work part-time during their school holidays.

All is well, everyone benefits. The circle of love goes round and round and life is quite exciting in a different way connecting the young and the old, the past and the present.

Summer Lotus 16th Nov 2021 5 min read

Over the years, we had pets – dogs, cats, birds, and fishes, who came and were gone.

Whether it was due to age, illness, or injury, it was always the same ending – our beloved pet passed on in the animal hospital alone or it was put down.

For the last sixteen years, we had adopted three abandoned stray kittens and they grew up pretty relaxed, peaceful, and happy. These furry friends became family members, couch companions, and ‘mood therapists’. They have been a source of laughter and happiness at home.

Recently, one of our cats, Yoda fell off his perch a few times but got back up. We knew that he was getting old and clumsy.

But one day, he could not right himself and we knew that he was nearing the end of his days. He was a quiet cat and loved to be cuddled.

Instead of panicking and bringing him to the animal hospital, we wanted him to be more comfortable at home surrounded by family. Indeed, he seemed to be.

We recalled how all our pets who were sent there looked stressed. I think it was construed as an abandonment to them. That was not going to happen to Yoda.

We recalled how Tracy, our bull terrier dog who was struggling with terminal cancer, struggled to his feet and threw us a sad look as we left the hospital.

The vet said he had to be warded if he was to survive. He did not and missed his final days.

How our bird Chirpy, gasped erratically and would not let his eyes off us as we left the treatment room while the clinic monitored his injury, even when there was no chance of recovery.

How Tear, our dying dog from old age, whimpered gently as he lay in the back of our car on the way to the emergency room. We could have let him pass on comfortably at home. Instead, he was put down to be taken off his misery.

Hence, we made Yoda as comfortable as possible. We were sure that he did not want to be surrounded by strangers, nor be placed inside some cold cage to recover, nor to have needles and tubes attached to him. After all, he was not in pain and he was dying from old age, not sickness.

Yoda also obviously had a stroke. He was immobile and could not feed himself.

We decided to feed him his favorite tuna and bottle-fed him water. Those were his daily moments of enthusiasm and joy, reflected in his eyes.

We are fortunate to have a small garden. Every day, we sunbathe Yoda for 30 minutes which was his favorite thing to do in the backyard. Then we moved him indoors onto the lined sofa bed that faced the greenery of the garden.

The family has never felt so relaxed knowing that our beloved furry pet was so comfortable. We could watch TV or listen to music together. We caressed him gently during those times. Sometimes, we took turns to rock him in the evenings.

He even got to wear baby diapers which we improvised to accommodate his tail. He looked so cute, cuddling his soft toy. Yoda lied passively on his bed liner and looked at us with his beautiful large eyes directly as if to say “Thank You”.

Yoda ate well. He was treated to a soft diet and treats and seemed to be happy in that state.

But, death was inevitable. Eventually, one morning, I received news that Yoda left us, quiet as his usual self. After the sobbing, we wrapped him inside a soft white cotton sheet. My husband dug a pit in the backyard where he was laid to rest.

Today, the plants have thrived well and we are happy that we had given our pet a peaceful and happy death.

Two weeks later, Yoda’s sibling, Mani also had a stroke and became incapacitated. By now, both cats including our third surviving one have already surpassed 16 human years old which is quite long for the life span of an average cat.

Like Yoda, Mani, a female black cat was an adorable pet with her own quirks. She was a loner, a little high-strung whose claws are always out though she was very sociable in her younger days. Like the other siblings, they rarely meowed and the neighbors did not know we have cats.

Our surviving cat, Yuki is female and white and seems to stay clear of Mani due to an earlier episode where they had fought.

Mani would sometimes be seen leaning into Yoda. Sometimes, it was Yuki. The sight of them cuddling together always remind us family members to stay cordial to each other too and keep the peace.

Mani also received star treatment every day that she lived. She was totally relaxed as she lay on the bed that Yoda lay, facing the greenery outside and listening to some soft music.

Her eyes had become glassy, body contorted but she did not whine. She looked at us curiously. Finally, the time came. Mani passed on and her paws were set as if in prayer.

The red rose contrasted drastically with her dark shiny coat as we laid her to rest in the pit next to Yoda. After some prayers, we covered her pit and also planted our beloved plants on it.

Today, our pets have never left us, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They are a reminder to live life in an unhurried manner, be a source of solace and fun to others around, and most of all, not fear death. Just let go.

What a pet need is Love and tender care when it is dying. It needs to be comforted, consoled, and stroked. It needs to be surrounded by the family whom it has spent many years with, by the toys it had played with, and the house that it was comfortable in.