Archives for October 2022

Tamper it for they will never go away…

Oct 13th 2022 4 min read

There is nothing to fear but fear itself – Franklin D Roosevelt.

This powerful phrase has guided my life largely and will continue to tease me for the rest of my life.

My list of fears is long. Some still reside in me despite my knowing that I can overcome them.

I fear it because it’s unknown.

I fear it because it may be dangerous.

I fear because I may die.

Many fears are unfounded. It’s not like facing a predatory animal where the human is more likely to be killed.

Staying in my comfort zone does not allow me to discover the wonders of living. It does not stimulate my senses nor does it make me more knowledgeable and confident.

My first fear was public speaking. I had no clue how to conduct myself and speak appropriately and sensibly. That did cause me to lose many opportunities in life. I think it was just the fear of looking stupid, having nothing to say, and being judged.

It took me many years to enroll in courses to break my fear. At the British Council, Dale Carnegie Course, Sylvia McCully’s course, and finally SIM2 Toastmasters club. I find Toastmasters club not only more structural and economical, but it is also more effective.

30 years with Toastmasters have seen insidious personal growth and that is directly proportional to my extent of active participation in its program. Nevertheless, the opportunity to give speeches guided by proper manuals, effective evaluations by experienced Toastmasters, and also the chance to develop leadership qualities by being an exco member largely contribute to my personal and career growth.

Speaking is cathartic, it is healing. It builds self-confidence and self-esteem. The fear may not totally go away but it is certainly tamed with practice and experience.

My second fear was of the sea. I would never go into the deep because I could not swim at first. During my U days, I started to tread in the pool water at a depth not enough to drown me, and watched by a friend eventually enabled me to swim.

For years, my husband who was an avid scuba diver would coax me to take lessons and regaled me with stories of the beautiful marine life and the fishes.

One day, I did sign up for the course and had theory plus pool and sea training.

The first time in the sea was quite hilarious. As the environment was new to me, I was terrified of what could be lurking around me. I stayed so close to my instructor that our air tanks collided in the sea a few times, sending the sound reverberating through the blue and certainly could have summoned some unsavory creatures our way.

But with time and numerous ‘scary’ dives, I became more relaxed and appreciative of the colorful marine life around me and how the fishes were swimming without a care about the tumultuous world above them.

My fear of the sea had largely diminished when I learned more about safe scuba diving, keeping to its protocol, and remaining calm under all circumstances to deal with the situation at hand.

My third fear is that of being alone — in a dark place, a foreign land, or an unknown environment. This is tough because you really do not know what to expect.

I remembered the first time I went to Male, which is the Capital of The Maldives, supposedly to meet up with my husband who would arrive from Colombo.

It was the early hours and in the surrounding darkness of the small airport which could be described as a simple building, I arrived to a sea of beaming faces, and white teeth eagerly wanting to know where I wanted to go. I was to take the speedboat to Olhuveli, an island about one hour away.

Fear seized me. Why were these people so friendly? I held my belongings tightly and asked them where they were from. When the right resort name came up, I boarded the speedboat, relieved that there were a few other tourists.

When we reached the resort, still in pitch darkness, the bell boy in his sarong attire carried my luggage and we walked at least 50m along a dark rocky path to a two-storey nondescript building and I was ushered to a ground-floor room. I was too fearful to say anything and hoped that my husband would show up soon. He did not.

I slept with the lights and my shoes on. I did fell asleep, probably exhausted from fear. The next day, when I woke up and drew the curtains, I was mesmerized by the view of the turquoise color sea. The morning breeze refreshed me, the trees swayed and the birds chirped. I was in paradise. The fear was imagined and my husband soon turned up, delayed in Colombo and unable to establish connections with the resort. We had no internet and mobiles then.

These are still my main fears but they are somewhat subdued by self-reasoning, proper planning, and prayer. What would I do? I think it is best to keep doing it and wonderful things can happen because you enter a different realm and a whole new experience.

Fears will always be there but I have decided to seize fear by its ugly head. I will still take calculated risks because that is the only way to live.

Oct 8th 2022 3 min read

In my younger school days, I was bankrupt of ideas during essay writing.

Life was simple, routine, and stress-free. I also did not cultivate a love for reading, spending most of my time after school playing.

When I was accepted into a so-called elite school by the skin of my teeth, I was elated.

Little did I know that my self-esteem would then take an unstoppable fall after that.

Many of the students were from well-heeled families who came in chauffeured cars and were prepped for life not to mention school.

Some have private tutors to coach them in English and Mandarin and they could even write poetry. Some were maths geniuses and some had incredible memory power.

Some were just plain intelligent.

I was a mediocre student, from a simple and poor background, and had coveted a brand-name school known for its brainy students and future leaders.

Naturally, I paled greatly in comparison to them in my studies.

The low self-esteem resulting from the inability to write prose was further compounded when my teacher flung my book out the window one day.

I remembered walking down four floors of the school building dejectedly to retrieve my writing book. It was followed by many occasions of my name being announced whenever I failed an assignment.

It resulted in my belief that I was neither academic nor smart and it marred my attempts to achieve in many other aspects of my life – due to the feeling of not being good enough.

It also made me realize that the world only had eyes for the rich, the smart and the brave and I was none of that.

Nevertheless, I was able to complete my University studies. What really made me progress in my life was learning communication skills which is a confidence booster.

Almost every form of success hinges on the fact that one could express succinctly and sensibly. More progress followed when I joined the medium and started writing and reading others’ works.

I felt my life, thoughts, and decision-making improved by leaps and bounds. Most of the articles on the medium are positive, based on thoughts, research, and experiences shared by other authors.

As I have benefited greatly from others, I would also like to pay it forward in my writings and speech-making at Toastmasters Club meetings.

My motto as regards interaction with people in my daily life is this;

“Do not put anyone down. If you can, show him or her the ropes gently. Otherwise, just shut up and walk away. It is less damaging to the self-worth.”

There is also the counterargument that by being harsh, you may spur the ignorant or lazy to greater heights.

In some cases, it may help, in hindsight but sometimes you may unintentionally kill off a person’s passion or potential for a long time, especially in a young one.

This is my experience and it takes a lot of undoing.

Currently, I can relate to people who may not have enough confidence in doing certain tasks. Especially when they just entered the working world.

It is not because they are not able, they need a patient mentor who is calm, compassionate, and communicates clearly. People thrive on positivity, possibility, and encouragement.

No belittling, insults, or insinuations. We all have tasted that before.

Unless a person shows no interest to learn, it is always good to understand that he or she is fearful of failure and needs kind words.

People forget that they were naive and foolish and made many mistakes when they were younger too.

When one is inclined to criticize and chide others for their mistakes, remember that we have been down that road before.

For some, they have met gracious people who prodded them on. Others may be angered and spurred on to do better. For others, they could be disillusioned by the treatment and become bitter and critical themselves.

In any case, be kind in words and deeds. I would say that kindness has paid back in many ways, much more than I could imagine.

Oct 4th 2022 2 min read

I had woken up a few times through the night.

There had been a radiating and excruciating pain in my left toe and it prevented me from returning to my slumber.

I looked at my toe which had the nail torn unconsciously while reading. A bad habit of mine is picking and tearing my nails.

I must admit that I rarely have painful episodes and feel lucky.

I only recall rare incidents like a fall while skiing causing a stretched tendon in my knee. A bout of food poisoning resulted in diarrhea and vomiting. And a sprained neck due to poor sleep position.

My first thought was to cancel my rocking climbing lesson that was to take place this evening.

This would disappoint not only myself who has been looking forward to it as well as my young coach who has put aside his other plans to train me. But one must be considerate and not cancel last minute.

I almost grabbed my mobile to text my coach to cancel but I decided to grab something to eat at this wee hour of the morning before popping in a painkiller.

I have rarely taken painkillers and it should work for me.

Twenty minutes later, the pain was gone! Indeed, medicine is marvelous! It got me thinking about those soldiers and civilians caught in war. When there is injury and intense pain and no medicine is available. My heart goes out to them.

My incident tells me ;

Don’t give in so fast. Do what you can to carry on as planned.

To feel grateful to be in the situation that I am in, with the availability of medicine in Singapore.

Always stay positive because negative thoughts tend to be predominant.