Uncategorized

16/6/24. 3 min read

Author at the Maldives (90s)

It is a calm mind that can accept any situation, analyses, and executes an appropriate action that brings solution, peace, and positivity to the involved person or parties.

To have a calm mind, one needs patience which is a very important trait and a great virtue. Trying to be patient in the first place already makes one testy so it is a personal achievement.

In this respect, you may notice that many people do not pass the 3 seconds test. Just hold your vehicle for 3 seconds when the traffic light turns green and you will be tooted off to move. That is the level of most drivers’ patience.

The ability to keep your breathing steady, knowing that all unpleasant things do not last and focusing on solutions instead of problems will put one in good stead.

After all, getting annoyed, agitated, and even angry. affects one’s physiology and biology impacting one’s health, self-esteem, productivity, and relationships with others.

Things may become worse before they get better. Meanwhile, it’s the rough ride that you go through, your emotions being ruffled and your brain being wreaked havoc.

It is an easy thing to say but difficult to do as it’s the body’s reflexes that reacts to unfavourable situations.

My strategy involved using

1 Acceptance – Do what I can and accept what I cannot.

I can help by looking for the good in the situation. Many times, unpleasant situations bring valuable lessons though painful.

2 Focus – Being solution oriented instead of thinking of the worst that may happen. If the worst happens, we still need to live on with courage and hope.

3 Smile – The power of a smile is under rated. While it is not appropriate to smile when there is a severe injury, a smile can put others at ease and elicit some ideas or answers that may be valuable.

Negative emotions impact everyone’s thought processes.

4 Clear your mind – When all else seems to fail, take a long walk, a restful sleep or an exercise to boost your feel good hormones.

This has a scientific basis.

We are also as happy as we make up our minds to be happy.

Better make being happy a habit.

5 Communicate gently – When one is riled up, it is easy to speak unkindly but that would only stoke the fire, in others as well. Speak gently, rationally and calmly and a solution or at least a compromise may be reached.

A case in point: We were two friends with differing opinions as to how to reach a destination when we travelled together.

As I believe then, that reaching our desired place would be easier taking public access, my friend wanted to drive there.

We ended up on a narrow, winding dirt road which I suggested that we reversed quickly to avoid being stuck in a rut.

After much difficulty, she managed to reverse out and was quite upset to the point that she wanted to return to the hotel and abort the travel plan.

After letting her released her frustrations, I calmly and gently suggested that we return the car to the hotel car park and that we could my method which was tested. By then, she had cooled down and we then had a successful trip to our remote venue.

On another day, we were heading to a destination which I was not comfortable for her to drive there as I do not encourage driving long distance overseas.

I decided to exercise patience and calmness and chose to focus on being a good navigator instead of fearing about the worst.

Eventually, we had a fantastic journey along a road less travelled.

In all situations, stay calm and carry on doing what is best.

Acquire and develop this skill and your relationships will flourish.

21st March 2024. 4 min read

Image From Canva.com

Recently, I wrote about Wabi Sabi which is about embracing the beauty of imperfection, Impermanence and incompleteness in life.

You may read about Wabi Sabi under “Flaws in Beauty” written on 26th January 2023.

This time, I want to add the Japanese principle of kintsugi.

What is Kintsugi? It means golden joinery.

Kintsugi 金継ぎis the art of repairing broken pottery by putting together the pieces using glue made from tree sap and the cracks are filled with molten gold, silver or platinum.

What you get is a beautiful piece of pottery.

Image by Matt Perkins from splash.com

Origin of Kintsugi

Story has it that a 15th century military ruler, Ashikaga Yoshimasa sent one of his tea bowls to China for repair but was disappointed with the result.

He asked a local craftsman to find a more aesthetically pleasing method to repair. The craftsman’s solution was to emphasise the cracks instead of concealing them and Kintsugi was born.

Like Wabi Sabi that embraces our imperfection, Kintsugi also accepts imperfection and aims to make it better.

Lessons from Kintsugi

1 Kintsugi teaches us not to waste.

A broken object is not necessarily useless.

By repairing it using the right technique, we develop a more beautiful object keeping our memories of that object that we treasure.

As each object breaks randomly, the art that ensues is never the same.

2 It also teaches us that in life, we will meet setbacks, disappointments and feel broken sometimes.

Our traumatic events may scar us but we could heal ourselves by filling these cracks with hope, positive attitude, determination, new skills and creativity and other positive traits. That makes each of us unique and precious.

In essence, it is about resilience to the hard knocks of life.

I think of Aimee Mullins whom the world admire immensely. (You may watch her Ted talk presentation on YouTube)

Aimee Mullins is an exceptional person. She is truly inspiring to the world.

As a baby, her legs were amputated below the knees due to a condition called Fibula Hemimelia but she grew up in a very positive environment.

Aimee defied the doctor’s limited expectations. With the aid of prosthetic legs, she not only learn to walk but run fast!

Aimee became the 1996 Paralympic champion in Atlanta, setting three world records in 100m, 200m and long jump!

She also became an actress, successful model, all on prosthetic legs. Nothing could stop her.

Today she is a motivational speaker and her TED talk has drawn millions of people.

She has an amazing 12 sets of beautiful prosthetic legs and could decide how tall she wants to be.

She has given people inspiration, fresh insight and empowerment to anyone who is limited by other’s expectations.

In a sense, it’s likened to practising Kintsugi, becoming the strong, remarkable and beautiful person she is today.

She has inspired many by never bemoaning her fate or yielding to her condition. All the positive traits of courage, creativity, cheer, grit, confidence, positivity, etc are evident.

Kintsugi, a principle I will always try to apply when facing any setbacks or disappointment.

5th March 2024 5 min read

It’s hard to take that first step. I never thought I would procrastinate so much. Months and years have slipped by and I have not attained many things that I had set out to achieve.

To continue like this, I can only be good at one thing – day dreaming. Even my cats are living a purposeful life, one scouting for intruders like cockroachess and rats and making it a success.

The other lying on the couch, inspiring me to chill in this hurried, harried life.

I remember the most important slogan that I did not act on;

Nike said, “Just Do It!” This short, sharp, and succinct command reverberates in. my mind every night.

So here, I am, coming up with a short speech for my speech contest.

A speech with a purpose; it is about not delaying what you have set out to do. It is about procrastination. It is about the obstacle in my path; in this case, the obstacle to improving public speaking.

My friend had threw me this challenge to join the contest and I avoided it like a plaque because of laziness, uncertainty and fear. I gave the excuse of going away but deep down, I wanted to try but my devil’s advocate said, “Give up! There are too many obstacles “

My secret reasons;

Laziness because it involves mental work, coming up with a title, collecting evidence to support the speech and writing a persuasive one.

There. is so much to contend with. already daily but I know that I can do it if I only get started.

Uncertainty because I have not done project speeches for eons and the skills have been placed on the back burner. To warm them up again requires effort.

Fear because of performance anxiety, discomfort being scrutinised by the audience and the fear of losing my words .

Nike called again in my mind;

Just do it! If not now, when?

Do you want to return all the skills to TM like your language learning? Do you want to slip back into a loss of self confidence?

Do you want to be a scaredy- cat always?

What’s there to lose?

To err is human.

So I wrote this speech in 5 minutes because of Nike. This speech contest has started me on another resolution that’s been in Cold Storage – reactivating, rehearsing and reliving my love of a foreign language.

In fact, it had started me on a long list of things I wanted to do ;

1 To embark on a new skill in my career

2 To spruce up my practice so I can hand over to younger people and retire partially

3 To read more so that I can imbibe wisdom from books and live wisely

4 To find more meaning in my life

I find that being able to achieve is a habit, it is not an endowment from Heaven. If you do something enough times, it just gets easier. Procrastination is a bad habit. Persistence is a good habit.

A Case in point

When I wanted to improve my Mandarin, it presented as an obstacle because my mind thinks so.

The mass of words looked formidable not to mention the phrases which I needed to check up constantly for its meaning and pronunciation.

Somehow due to a deep seated passion, I struggled with its constant reading and now the mass of words does not hinder me so much anymore. Rather it is. the choice of topics to read that takes my time.

This makes me realise; We set up the obstacles ourselves. We need to just do it. A habit to keep working at it until the obstacles disappear whether it is laziness, uncertainty or fear .

10th November 2023. 1 min read (Published in ‘The Power of Poetry’ on medium.com)0

Man, fear as you grow older,

That you become more and more grumpy 

Woman, fear as you grow older,

That You become more and more frumpy

That is the manifestation in reality

This is rather common in actuality

It requires a certain mentality

To get out of this normality

Hark back to your youth in detail 

When Memories of smiles and laughter prevailed

You ain’t got a care in the world then

Till the troubles of life made you comprehend

When you allow life’s events get you down

You react to everything with a frown 

Rather, stay free and easy at all times

Above all, be serene and sublime

Life’s trivialities are there to tone and hone

Never lose sight of this even when all alone

The grumpy man will  start to smile

The grumpy woman will start to style

Nov 5th 2023, 2 min read

A person without a direction is like a ship without a rudder; One simply revolves on the spot while finding his way.

There are 6 key steps to effect a remarkable change.

1 Never stop learning.. The job that you think is an iron rice bowl can still be broken. Your ability cannot.

Continue to expand on your ability, knowledge and outlook. This will upskill yourself to meet up with the demands of the everchanging world.

Continue to imbibe knowledge whether financial, societal, philosophical, etc as. it brings one to a higher intellectual level of thought to understand the underlying logic of life .

2 Be simple – This is a panacea for the perplexed heart. Sometimes letting go is an absolute skill to have when there is a deluge of goods or information even social events .

Less on materialism, less on fame and fortune, less on desires. All are not easy to do.

But Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication and the way to clarity of thought.

3 Develop a skill

Best way to be respected and accepted is to be good in at least one thing.

As you pursue your passionate field or interest, you become unique and almost often irreplaceable, job wise.

And closer to the pink of perfection which grants immense satisfaction.

4 Build tolerance – Those who live well do so not because they are not beset with problems, it’s that they are encompassing, peaceful, contented and grateful.

Choosing a good state of mind is a choice.

Things become less troubling and one becomes less complaining.

At your lowest point, you are able to accept and adapt. At your peak, you preserve your principles.

5 Do what you dislike – often it’s something challenging but useful. The advice given is; Bite the bullet and do it!

Many good things are done out of helplessness and the result is unimaginable success.

Do what you dislike or scares you first. You may discover new potential.

6 Enable yourself to more choices to cope with life’s vicissitudes.

Explore alternative approach to a potential problem.

Like cut your nails with your left hand as well so that you can use your left one when the right hand is hurt.

In other words, use both hands and be prepared. If one method fails, you still have another.

Conclusion;

Change will always be there and become more seemingly insurmountable. But people can cope if they would adopt some of these strategies mentioned and move in tandem with change.

12th Sept 2023. 3 min read

Diving in Bali by author

I thought with 350 scuba dives under my belt, I would generally have smooth dives in Bali or anywhere else. 

I would not want to pose as a headache to my dive guide as a senior diver to boot.

Over the years, I have learned to keep my balance air use to above 1000 psi to indicate my effective breathing technique and the optimal use of the air tank which can be a reserve for my dive buddy should he or she needs it.

I have become more aware of my diving depth so as not float towards the surface unconsciously resulting in triggering the 3 m safety stop. Moreover, there may be passing boats which is a danger to the unaware diver.

My hearing alertness has been enhanced for survival.

My buoyancy is quite good as I do not scrape against any corals hard or soft causing damage that may require decades to recover.

But during one of the dives, a final one at Blue Lagoon, Bali, the unthinkable happened.

In my enthusiasm to hover over the beautiful creatures of the sea, we took turns as each diver with camera went near for their best shot.

As I moved away, I thought my guide was waiting for me and proceeded to trail behind him. Most dive guides looked the same in the water with the their hoods, black wet suits and fins. 

I trailed behind him for sometime, thinking it was my guide and my buddy in front with yellow fins.

Little did I know; when he turned around, I realized that they were the wrong guide and wrong buddy. By then, the rest of the group had disappeared from view.

Surprisingly I did not panic, no rapid heartbeats, no cold feet and chills down my spine, maybe that could be the result of reading all the positive articles on medium. 

My assessment was that I could surface and bob  on the sea with my inflated balloon but that would be a risk as I would be alone and the surging waves above may crash me against the rocks and cliff at a random spot.

I chose to swim towards the dive guide in front of me and signalled to him that I had lost my group. Fortunately, he waved for me to follow both of them.

My next thought was how my senior buddy must have felt frantic having lost me and the diving for the rest could be aborted. I felt guilty.

I was surprised at my composure and my decision but at that point, negative thoughts did seep in. What if these two local divers bring me to an isolated spot to surface. I would be captive.

My inner response was that I was allowing negative thoughts to overwhelm me but I tried to believe in the good nature of the locals in a touristy area. 

Well, I reasoned that I could become their dentist with my invaluable skills I thought  and teach the locals English using google translate?

Finally, we did surface after performing the safety stop and emerged with waves pounding at us mercilessly. I apologised for the inconvenience caused. I blurted out  the name of the dive guide which I suddenly recalled and he immediately named the boat. It is a small community among the dive guides.

In a matter of minutes, my dive guide arrived in his small borrowed motor boat and was visibly upset. Apparently, my dive buddy had triggered an emergency search for me, the missing diver.

As for me, I am glad that the passage of time and reading positive stuff have mellowed me to a point of sensibility in the face of adversity. 

After all, what can a panicked mind do though I concede that there was an internal stress that caused me to forget who my guide was and the name of our boat during the dive with these unknown divers. A little post traumatic syndrome.

It all came back after silencing and sorting out my thoughts eventually.

All was well. When I was returned to the boat, my diving operator was cool as cucumber and jokingly said that dinner would be on me.

I told that him I had given him a wet run for handling future missing divers. It was bound to happen again. Then I calmed my buddy.

There were lessons to be learned.

They could add the management of being lost to the divers during future briefings so that no other divers needed be interrupted in their dives.  Key is to remain calm and think what is the best course of action. And trust that the operators will look for them.

Lessons learned

1 Adopting a composed mind would help more than panic. 

2 Life will always throw us off balance when we least expect it.

3 We are more resourceful than we think.

4 People are kinder than we think.

5 Cut out negative thoughts as they cloud the mind. If it is going to happen, we still have to deal with it

6 Look for something positive from the episode and gain more wisdom.

7 Find some humour in it and make everyone laugh to relieve tensions.

I am thankful for the experience. It was not deliberate but it does reveal where my weakness lies and I am sure to overcome this Archilles heel.