Believe me, you cause your own misery.
As we grow older, we should come to the realization that many failures in relationships, career, and accomplishments often boils down to ourselves — the cause of all things that did not turn out the way you want.
Being human, when things go wrong, that finger of ours tend to point at somebody else or some circumstances. But, be aware that there are at least three fingers pointing right back at yourself.
I noticed it too often. It is just a human weakness that we do not first look at ourselves and see if we have played a part in the dilemma. Like the tag line in the movie, A Few Good Men, “ You Can’t Handle The Truth!” Because the truth hurts! You deny that you have some unsavory traits that you should get rid of.
Most people can’t because it is an indication of their weakness, an embarrassment to themselves, or just being a flat-out liar. The sooner you own up to yourself and others if you have any inkling that you did something wrong or had a part in it, resolution begins and a happy ending is on the way. An awakening too, as such mistakes rarely surface again.
Why do you not achieve what you desire? The following are likely causes of the misery we brought upon ourselves.
1 Being impulsive. — — Many people tend to react rather than respond to situations. Hence, whatever they say or do rarely solves the problem and more of relief of their pent-up feelings.
This may trigger more anger to the opposite party and the problem balloons.
Stay calm, step back, and reflect a little before responding. Most sticky situations can be alleviated.
“Look before you leap for as you sow, ye are like to reap” — — Samuel Butler
2 Being irresponsible — -An irresponsible person is one who is careless of the consequences of his action and often has to pay the price in terms of ruined relationships personally or in business.
If a person is careless in his remarks or his dealings with other people, he loses the faith and trust of others. You are the master of your destiny. Even if you think that fate has a hand in a situation, you can turn it around by making wise and sensible choices.
When things go wrong, find solutions to redeem the situation as it shows a sense of responsibility and respect for oneself and others. Then you get a second chance instead of condemnation.
Take responsibility and do something proactive as this is a better bet to prevent hiccups.
3 Being egoistic — — An egoistic person is one who is so self-centered and self-loving. Pride is one of the biggest hurdles to success. Pride prevents you from feeling remorseful for any wrong action committed or hurtful words that you have said. It perpetuates the mistakes since nothing wrong is felt.
An egoistic person is usually resistant to change because he thinks that he is already at the pinnacle of his life. Until someone better comes along and knocks him off his pedestal. He rarely says sorry as it demeans him.
Learn to apologize when you are wrong and you will be surprised how people become more forthcoming and co-operative with you. Relationships are rectified or salvaged. However, this hurdle of eating humble pie can only be overcome by the person himself.
4 Being a poor listener — — I have come across people who think they are good enough where career or personal growth is concerned. A person becomes resistant to change when he thinks that he has all the answers.
There is a story about a scholar who wanted to seek advice from a zen master but was so full of his own ideas and opinions that he interjected repeatedly. When the Zen master suggested that they have tea, the master poured the tea into his cup until it overflowed.
The scholar exclaimed, “ Stop ! The cup is full already!”. To that, the Zen master replied, “Exactly. You are like this cup, so full of ideas that nothing more will fit in. Come back to me with an empty cup.”
Be open to suggestions from others. Listen and imbibe what is good. We learn more by accepting that change is ongoing. I like to have mentors who are young and old as long as they can teach me to be a better person.
5 Being unrealistic — —An unrealistic person is a dreamer, and is usually unpractical. Especially when you have lofty goals but no concrete plan to reach them. Nothing is achieved without effort.
In order, not to cause misery and disappointment to yourself and others, assess your goals carefully that they are reachable and you have the steps and necessary skills to reach them. Or at least have the right people who can help you accomplish your desired results.
Self-reflection is key if we want to achieve our goals. In today’s hurried world, we rarely ponder about what hinders us. We step over ourselves and get in our own way. Work at ridding off these undesirable traits and the road to success is smoother than you imagine.