Archives for November 2020

Just check out the top writers…

Summer Lotus 1st Nov 2020 3 min read

I am glad to have exceeded 100 articles in my writing on medium.com and am still baffled how I managed to do it. My inspiration comes from reading good articles by top writers on Medium and learning from them.

I never thought that a dentist like me who only think in sequence and steps could display creativity, wax lyrical and lay bare my innermost vulnerability at times.

At any rate, all is good. I am happy to be doing what I do and pushing myself further. I told my husband that I got accepted as a writer on one of the publications. He said, “ Just don’t make it your main career” and I told him, “ I made S$0.50 cents so far”.

But I am elated. Not the money first though it would be a great boost. There are established writers who made it and make it full time, enjoying the freedom and the reward. But they worked for it.

I have never put money as my main goal. Everything needs to come to a head before something happens. One has to go through the grind, feel the dejection of being rejected and also be criticized for bad, inappropriate articles (which I see in some authors) but there is always something positive to learn.

I do not feel disheartened. I am grateful for what writing has gifted me though I never consider myself able to write.

1 Self-discovery.

Writing made me more introspective. Instead of thinking a thousand irrelevant thoughts, I would give myself a topic.

Then I would mull over it, delve into my history, experiences, and to some research so as to come up with a coherent article to share something that I feel may give some insight to interested readers.

I have discovered more about myself, how I have changed over the years, how persistent I can be and how I need to develop more patience.

Writing accelerated that. It requires me to read and to read quality articles by other authors to improve my critical thinking. It requires me to write, rewrite, edit and make it a worthy activity to be shared to the virtual world.

2 Writing is a Crisis saver.

During the Covid-19 crisis and even now that there are repeated lockdowns in some parts of the world, writing is a cathartic activity. You put your emotions to your article and are able to sort them out clearly.

My mind has clarity, lucidity, and crystal clear thoughts. Most days, my to-do list has become a breeze to resolve using practical, rational methods.

I feel that without writing and the reading that necessitates it, I probably be fretting most days at home. Because of it, new paths and interests emerged.

I learned new skills, concepts, and lessons and a whole new world has opened up. ‘No more travelling for the unpredictable time being’ need not dull me no end.

3 Writing is about self-improvement.

It improves my speaking skills. Subconsciously, everything that I put to paper or on a word document, it has become my habit to make them grammatically correct as well as linguistically effective.

At work, I have been able to articulate myself well, allowing my patients to understand their diagnoses and treatment plans easily. Good communication skills stem from good writing habits.

I am able to produce speaking scripts for my Toastmasters’ meetings with positive messages that motivate fellow members.

As content is everything these days, I see a great future in honing this skill further, whether in editing, blog posts, creating corporate contents, et cetera. The options are limitless. It is a wonderful skill in today’s connected world.

I could go on and on. Suffice to say, Writing is an indispensable habit that each person should embark on. The benefits of self-discovery, saving our insanity through this crisis and self-improvement are what I am enjoying at Medium and I hope more people will discover writing.

“ After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world” — Philip Pullman

How awareness of these psychology findings helped me excel.

Summer Lotus Nov 1  5 min read

Have you been in a situation where you were out to do your shopping and you left your to-do list behind? Your brain could not remember the several items but you could recall the first and last few items off your list which you verified later.

This effect is calledthe Serial Position Effect and its truth had been borne out in experiments and was first discovered by Herman Ebbinghaus in the 1960s. He was the psychologist who discovered the Serial Position effect which is of great significance to those who are interested in learning and understanding practical psychology.

The Serial Positioning effect itself comprises of the primacy effect and the recency effect. Basically, people remember the first and last things on a list.

Glanzer and Cunitz reinforced this theory when they did an experiment in 1966 where they gave 240 men to memorize words. When asked to recall, words at the beginning and the end were successfully recollected. But they added a task to one group as a distraction and then tested them on recall.

The control group who was not distracted could remember the first and last items but the distracted group struggled to remember the last items after the distraction. The recency effect was reduced.

The conclusion drawn was that the beginning words were stored in the long-term memory and the later words were in the short-term memory. The interruption affected short-term memory.

The primacy effect has an anchoring effect. We remember the first things that are mentioned and the first experience as well as the first impression. It is etched into our minds. The middle information becomes secondary.

Even though they may pale in significance as time goes on and we understand things or people better, the very first impression or experience has a bearing on what lies ahead in your decision or your interaction with that person from the start. They may stop you from further relating to the person or from avoiding a certain event. So first impressions and experience are important and they would be best pleasant and memorable.

The recency effect has proven the stickiness for memory for the last things mentioned. Besides being proven by Glanzer and Cunitz’s experiment, the Murdock study employed a long list of items on participants also proved the same effect except that no distractions are involved.

How do we apply the knowledge of the serial position effect ( primacy and recency effects) to our daily lives for more efficiency?

Let’s take the field of public speaking as an example.

Because of the primacy effect that has the element of anchoring ideas in our long-term memory, use a very interesting opening style of introduction that captures the audience’s attention and makes them want to listen more.

The primacy effect can be enhanced by presenting the ideas slowly. So, in your introduction, go at a very steady pace to make sure what you are about to talk about sink into your audience’s minds and they would pay you full attention thereafter.

Since the middle part is likely to be muddled, one important strategy is to be very organized in your details that support your speech. Usually, there should not be more than three main points and each should have evidence to prove its point.

There should be signposts as you make the transition into a new idea much like paragraphing. Of course, here the skills of speech delivery will come into play but we shall stick to the structure of the speech.

Because of the recency effect, in the conclusion of your speech, it would be very effective to summarize the main points so that the listeners’ memories are jotted again as they are likely to remember the last things mentioned. A strong call for action helps fulfill the purpose of your speech and makes them feel motivated and get going.

Remember; the last thing sticks!

In a Toastmasters meeting, we have honed our speeches, aware of the serial position effect. Experienced members are very diplomatic when evaluating new members’ performance. Even if there are many aspects to improve on, we would structure the recommendations given that the speaker is new to speaking. Evaluators would commend, recommend then commend for the first and last part to stick and motivate. The feedback becomes more acceptable even if they may sound unpleasant but necessary for the member’s growth.

First, the ‘bad news’ then the ‘good news’ and it always leaves the participant feeling that he is getting value for money as a member and at the same time happy and motivated.

How to reduce recency bias?

One tends to remember the latest performance of staff, a stock or fund, etc so for a more objective picture, keep a log or record of the long-term performance before you can make a fair assessment or judgment.

At work, when evaluating someone’s performance, remember to end on a good note after you have highlighted some of the negatives. This will soften the blow of the feedback and make your colleague more encouraged to change for the better. The employee would feel good yet mindful of his shortcomings.

When a meeting or date did not go well, ending the meeting politely with some good comments and a positive note would definitely not leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. “ It was great knowing you!” “ Let’s keep in touch sometime again!” are great parting words. The first impression counts, the last impression counts too!

If you happen to be in the middle of a long line of interviewees, knowing that the primacy effect and recency effect may affect the judge’s decision, then work harder on your x-factor or special talent when discussing them so that you stand out as indelible.

What you say in your parting shot before you leave the room could be your last chance to snare the interviewer’s attention to your potential. So, remember to thank them, request for an opportunity, make your commitment known and have a graceful exit.

Unbelievable but believe in oneself, we must

Summer Lotus 5 days ago 3 min read

It is a milestone for me. I just published 100 stories, some well received and some not so. Nevertheless, I consider it an accomplishment because before these 100 articles existed, I never think that I could write and improve so much along the way. Even though, it is a far cry from many writers who have achieved writer status on Medium platform, some garnering as many as 200K followers.

I know it was all toil, sweat and tears for these high flyers. Years of writing persistently, typing at keyboards, researching, reading, living their lives to share their experiences with us and always with a goal to impart an important message or valuable information to the readers. I aspire to be like them.

Writing frees my mind and my spirit.

I have become a better person. Whatever positive thoughts that I have put down on paper, I am reminded to practice them. For eg, if I talk about the importance of good temperance, I am subconsciously reminded to bear it out or I would feel fake and unworthy.

Many thoughts mooted during writing have caused me to be more pro-active in my life. Thinking to write made me more creative, patient and sharp. I seem to be able to have many thoughts at once and can thrive in the midst of distractions to get a task done. Good temperance and humor intact.

My writing improved due to more reading, especially reading good authors’ works, developing analytical skills from their experiences and solutions to their problems. Writing requires me to delve deep into my own history and evaluate my life.

In any case, I am definitely a happier person. When once, I was at a loss for words and ideas, these days, my brain is teeming with ideas that I can expand onto paper to share with my readers and supporters. I am not embarrassed to mentioned that being followed and getting the claps are endorphins-stimulating. They do boost the self-esteem and keeps me going. I concede that we all need encouragement to move forward and do even better.

Writing made me reflect on what have happened in my life thus far — -hmm, not too bad. Life’s ups and downs were there and they were not insurmountable. Every incident afforded a good lesson and I have tried to improve and not make the same mistakes again. Generally, I have had a balanced life — enjoying quite a bit in travels, dabbling in many sports, developing new skills and living actively and building up my career at the same time. I have managed to have two kids who are now grown, sensible and independent. There is still room to excel for the last lap of my life.

Writing and Reading — The two most meaningful activities that will take me into old age as I slowed in some activities. They will never pale in comparison with anything else. New worlds continue to open up. It is so exciting that I cannot wait to savor them.

Just a short walk away, a delightful experience.

Summer Lotus Oct 29  2 min read

We have contained our Covid-19 crisis relatively well. Singaporeans are grateful to be able to dine out while keeping safety rules.

On a beautiful sunny day like this, I set out from my clinic during lunchtime to explore what’s new around my building.

Today, I stumbled upon ‘Berthold Delikatessen’, a stone’s throw away from my building which I never knew existed. Here is a chic alley of restaurants far from the madding crowd, next to The Capitol Kempinski Hotel.

The moment I set foot into this cafeteria, I fell in love with it. It is a traditional German delikatessen and the sophisticated European theme stirred up all the wonderful memories of my aromatic coffee moments in Germany and other cities.

To my delight, I discovered that besides dining indoors, one can eat outdoors for an alfresco feel. But I chose the mezzanine level that afforded me a bird’s eye view of the people below me.

I was greeted by an old-world charm at the mezzanine level. I settled at a table, happy that I was facing the gallant flowers of the opposite balcony. It was an iPhone moment. I wanted to capture this mood just when my creative juices were activated.

My lunch today was a simple set of Pan Au Chocolat with a Cappucino. It was a reasonable S$8 for an upscale, private cafe in the heart of the City. The aroma of the fragrant coffee hiked my senses and the pastry was simply delectable.

A lovely quiet time by myself, savoring the goodness of life, the ingenuity of the baker’s talent, and the wonderful feelings that welled up inside me.

Time is in our hands. We are all busy but we need to make time for some self-exploration and see the beauty around us. Even if it is fleeting. Especially if it is momentary. It is up to us to make those moments now and then.

This place is more than a gem. It is a diamond! A secret hideout in the future for me to stew my ideas whenever I need some peace and inspiration.

I decided to share its existence on Instagram given the low foot traffic as it deserves to exist as long as it is good, given the many eateries that had bitten the dust in this Covid era.

Are you one?

Summer Lotus 3 days ago 3 min read

Nothing can turn my head like a dog does – not any handsome man or beautiful woman would make me turn around to have a second look but a dog is something else.

Somehow they always look at me too as if quietly wishing that I am in their lives but it was not in our destiny to be entwined.

In the Chinese horoscope, I was born in the year of the dog but I m sure that has nothing to do with me being a dog lover.

It is the nature of dogs that endears me to them. They are loyal, great companions, and instinctive. Their soulful eyes melt me.

I was walking around my estate one late afternoon when I walked past my neighbor and they were talking at the gate to a couple who had a toddler by their side and a little Maltese at his feet.

So cute! I exclaimed but I was actually referring to the doggie and I think the beaming parents were thinking that I referred to their child.

Every time a dog is being walked past by me, I cannot resist making some kissing sounds much to the pleasure or dismay of the walker. It was meant to be a loving gesture.

Some owners are such good trainers that they were able to make their dog pace or even trot so elegantly. It is a sign of a happy owner, happy dog. I aspire to be a good dog trainer for my next canine.

Over the 40 years, we have quite a few dogs successively—2 Staffordshire bull terriers, a golden retriever, and a Shih Tzu. Each had its own trait. The bull terriers were terrifying to the neighborhood and muzzling them was mandatory when walking them. They were admired for their robustness, a good deterring factor to burglars, and feared for their assumed aggression but actually were gentle like lambs.

The golden retriever was an obedient dog and kind to the kittens. She was fanatical about bread. She had subconsciously trained us to give her bread each time when we come home by enthusiastically wagging a tail, going in circles then headed for the bread container and stay put there, looking at us with earnest eyes. How could one resist her request?

Our Shih Tzu was a needy dog. She wanted company all the time and would sit by watching us while we watched TV. She had chosen as her master my husband even though I was the one who adopted her and provided all her creature comforts. Talking about reinforcing the male supremacy complex! She would station by his side and shadowed him wherever he went.

At any rate, our pets were the source of happiness at home. We are utterly besotted with them and am looking forward to a new addition, obviously, a dog when the house is ready. He or She would have to contend with my Cockatoo and 3 cats, the latter entrenched in the home for 15 years. It would be fascinating to watch how they interact and finally accept each other as family.

WRITTEN BYSummer Lotus

Interested in life, curious about everything. Challenge seeker, die-hard enthusiast. Look up www.boundlessdelight.com

Establish this and you will live a fulfilling life

Summer Lotus Oct 26   5 min read

My definition of a mentor

A mentor is someone who is more knowledgeable than me in a particular field or skill and is willing to impart that knowledge to me. He or She is like my personal teacher or counselor and is very generous to share whatever he has to make sure that I can become as capable as him. There is no fee involved.

I have always searched for mentors in my life without my realizing it. That is due to my natural thirst for knowledge and to do things well. But my journey as a mentee started late because I was not a very sociable person and hence my networking circle was small.

I was curious and did go to great lengths to learn. Of course, I remembered hitting some resistance. Not all people were magnanimous after all. As a young dentist in a public institution eons ago, I used to hover around some experienced dentists when they were working to see what they were doing.

Once, I was shooed away and I sensed that the dentist did not want to share his trade secret with me. It happened again at another private clinic where I had the audacity to ask to watch while the dentist was treating her patient but her body language told me that I was not welcome.

Except for those two long-ago incidents, my journey searching for mentors had largely been fruitful. Today, where my career is concerned, I count among my mentors, a prosthodontist, a periodontist, a few oral surgeons who are generous beyond words.

As a general practitioner, my field of work is diverse but in each field, I aimed to do as well as the specialist in that field. This involves humility, patience, persistence, and hard work. Specialists are mostly perfectionists hence I wished that their mentality would rub off on me.

As a mentee, I would show my earnestness to learn, question, and take notes. Humility is an important trait as perfectionists are rarely patient. They have honed their craft to an art level and will not stand to have a common person like me to be slow to imbibe information especially if it is repeated a few times. But I have skin as thick as a hide. I do not fear to incur their wrath as long as I learn and become wiser.

As a mentee, it is important to be persistent and apply whatever that is learned, then sleep and breathe it. Subsequently, I would apply my mentor’s technique to my case and see it come to fruition in my hands. It has been possible. It is not achieved in a quick way but the more one practices it, one will see the light until it becomes second nature.

As a mentee, it would be impressive to go beyond what is taught and work hard, finding new information to discuss with your mentor so that you could contribute instead. If you could jump one step ahead of your mentor from what you have learned elsewhere, that would cement his trust in you that you are a sincere mentee.

I search for mentors in other fields too. In learning Mandarin, I had the good fortune to spot talent among my patients. One day, a young lady walked into my clinic and she was carrying a thick literature book. After the dental treatment, I struck a conversation with her and discovered that she came to Singapore having graduated from Szechuan University of Arts in China and had found work as a cashier in a supermarket. She wanted to experience Singapore culture and pick up English here. But there were few opportunities.

I made a deal with her to meet up twice a week after work. She could teach me Mandarin and I would teach her English. Over a year, we had the most interesting exchange. I learned a lot about Chinese philosophy and stories behind Chinese idioms, improving my Mandarin language by leaps and bounds. She, being an ardent and intelligent girl, chose to read short novels and learned about stories and words pronunciation through me.

In that short span, her English improved tremendously, due to her own diligence too. She would always be my unforgettable mentor, being 33 years younger than me and so learned and enthusiastic about life. She finally left for China after one year where romance beckoned.

I had a mentor for my Japanese language too. I met her by chance at a Toastmasters’ Club meeting where she signed up and wanted to pick up some English but it was difficult for her at the club level. On a personal arrangement, we would meet every week during an extended lunchtime, where we did our exchange.

My mentor would converse with me in Japanese, even preparing notes for me to read. Then I would listen to her read her favorite English article and correct her pronunciation. Another fruitful mentor-mentee relationship had blossomed until she decided that she missed Japan and went home.

At our Toastmasters Club meetings where we honed our communication skills, having a mentor is part of the program. A mentor is usually an experienced Toastmaster who follows Toastmasters guidelines in most of his projects. He then provides counseling to new members whom he is assigned to be a mentor and accepts any requests from a mentee who may need help in his or her speech projects.

My mentors are my fellow members who had given me constructive feedback on my performance and delivery of my speech and its contents. It has been a very profitable experience for me as it benefitted my career as well as personally. Having been in the club for more than 35 years, I have also availed myself to be a mentor to any mentee assigned to me.

The mentor-mentee relationship and importance cannot be over-emphasized especially where it comes to communication skills, the bedrock of all your successes in life. The program is so helpful because it is based on a very detailed and structured way to advise, encourage, and motivate the speaker that one can only get better with practice.

Senior members have a wealth of experience to impart to the younger members. The latter in turn would become mentors to new members who join the club to hone their communication skills. The fact that we are all from diverse backgrounds, interests, and careers with a common goal of helping each other is of immense benefit not much experienced outside this club.

Learning is one of the most meaningful and interesting things to do in life. Without the thirst to know and be enlightened, I can imagine boring days ahead. When one delves into a subject wholeheartedly, it opens up a whole new world of opportunities. You become a better person, more understanding, more skilled, more confident, happier, and an interesting human being.

That is the gist of living. To learn, then to give back, and grow together. You look for a mentor and be a good, responsible mentee. You also become a good and responsible mentor to any keen mentee. The circle is never broken and life is truly fulfilling.

“Better a thousand days of diligent study is one great day with a mentor” — Japanese proverb