Here’s why and how to deal with it….
Unhappy people complain all the time and things do not change one iota. Think about it, if you are unhappy about a person or a situation but nothing is done, it remains status quo. So that defeats the purpose of griping right?
Yet, very often, I hear people air their grievances about others in the lift, at the water cooler , while walking on the road, out of earshot of the very person they wish who would change.
Doing this is a perfect waste of your life. Every minute you indulge in badgering others is a minute lost on fixing your own stuff. (ノ_＜)
If that person’s rumblings get in the way of your progress, it is better to discuss them amicably with him or her and get on with life. It is for the betterment of both. Otherwise, it is just idle gossip consuming the best part of your day.
We do not know how others think. They may act in ways that we feel is senseless, unreasonable or even hurtful but it is only fair that you should approach him or her bravely and gently to seek the truth. To speculate is to further aggravate the situation or misunderstanding .
If you feel that you have been unfairly treated in any way, do not gripe to others as they cannot help you. Most friends would just avoid you as they may have a similar problem and are at wit’s ends too.
Worst still, you may become fodder for gossip among your confidant and his peer group. It happened to me. Once, I divulged a personal secret to my neighbour in my office premises. The next thing I was asked weird questions by other neighbours which alluded to my problem. I hope I did not become the talk of the premises then given these cues.
Do not become fodder for gossip !
Become the person whom people want to associate with . Be one who has the knowledge to share, to help , to be a source of compassion. Only then will people begin to respect you and want to be around you. Only then would others may even look to you for advice. ((o(^∇^)o))
When someone gives you the cold shoulder or poor service, they are the source of the problem. You could either ignore or help. You see that alot with sales staff, service people from all walks of life. Even in your family members. Do not gripe about them. The next day, they could be the loveliest people on earth! The time spent complaining about them could be put to better use. You could have read a few more precious articles on Medium and enrich your own life ! Unless in the process of expressing your dismay, you gained more insight into life.
Griping can become an ingrained habit that will put others off.
So what do you do if there is a tendency to complain about something ?
1 Assess if you have a good reason to grumble. If the reasons are not known, it is pure nagging. It is unfair to make others listen to your grouses.
2 Is it the right channel? If you are complaining about the authorities, then bring it to them , not to your family and friends and colleagues who have may already be burdened with life’s incessant hassles. It’s a quick way to tune people out and you wonder why no one listens to you.
3 Find out if your listener has encountered a similar situation where they resolved successfully. Then, making sure that he or she is receptive to hear you out, you will likely receive some good advice to rectify your problem. Otherwise, it’s like talking to the air.
4 lf you feel that getting the problem out of your system would do good to your health, by all means vent it. But do approach someone who is strong and compassionate. We do not want to burden another weak individual who may be beset with many of his or her own problems. Even a pet could be a comforting partner to speak to.
If you are on the receiving end of the complaint, you could do the following;
1 Be compassionate– understand that life has alot of ups and downs for most people and not everyone can handle them with equanimity. Life may be kinder to you than others so be mindful and patient to a troubled soul.
2 listen out- this allows the complainant to air his grievances and is a form of therapy for him. Meanwhile, you receive life lessons from listening. The next time you need a listening ear, your friend may be there for you !
3 Use humor– it’s tricky and needs ingenuity. But when I try to look at the funny side of things, I can often lighten up the whole situation. The protagonist and I may laugh out together.
4 Brainstormand look at the positive aspects of what has happened and what good could come out of it. This can help your friend to change his or her perspective and the problem may not be so severe as initially perceived.
Complaining is an act that is pervasive in all societies though we tend to think that the people of certain countries are prone to moan more. People often grumble about the cost and standard of living, work conditions, relationships, weather, food, government policies and so on. Legitimate or not, resolution only comes when delivered through proper channels including self.
On a daily basis, we will continue to encounter grouses from ourselves and others. We can individually contribute to part of the solution if we can carry out the steps mentioned.