SUMMER LOTUS

Being mindful of this will improve your working relationships

Summer Lotus Dec 3 4 min read

Have you ever been caught in a situation where you rendered help and thought that you would be appreciated in some way? In the office, for instance, you preempt an event in which you felt that you have ‘saved’ your colleague or your boss from hassle or even embarrassment but it turns out that you have messed up their lives, so to speak.

There are no words coined for this manner of action, but basically, you have acted beyond your authority or you have poked your nose too far into the matter, ordinarily speaking.

A case in point

Let me raise an example but the names have been changed. Alice was an executive assistant in a media office. Her scope of work was defined for her and she knew that she was confined to administration, reports, and the handling of public relations.

Despite a flawless performance, she was expecting a promotion and instead received a rude shock when she was transferred to another department to a secondary role in another section of the company. It amounted to a demotion.

Alice was greatly demoralized and could not fathom how this had happened to her. She concluded it as a case of jealousy and sought to clarify the matter.

Apparently, she had treaded on unwelcome territory. She had gone beyond her work to take things into her hands giving the impression that she called the shots and that had displeased the leader who ranked above her.

In her enthusiasm to prove that she was an outstanding worker, she had overstepped the boundaries confusing the staff below her, who thought that the instructions came from the top. Being close to the ‘boss’ also made her privy to many classified matters and leaking them unintentionally was the most taboo thing to do.

This eagerness to ‘serve’ had made her a thorn in the side of those who had the authority to carry out. Not conferring what she wanted to do with her boss made it worse. Hence she was removed.

Lesson derived

There is a Chinese saying, “ Do not plant on other’s land and cut their crops”. By doing so, it is an intrusion on people’s private matters, a lack of respect to the person concerned, and is seen as an attempt to toot one’s horn. It is a sure way to displease and antagonize others. The outcome was a strained relationship and unhappiness though the intentions were noble from the start.

A subordinate must always be mindful not to overstep his boundary. He can excel in his scope of work but never overtake other’s duty especially the boss’ obligations! And without consultation to boot. It may even be labeled as ‘busybody’ in the Asian context.

The reverse scenario could happen. A leader has handed some tasks to his subordinate to carry out. I have heard of situations where the task was redelegated to someone else without giving the first person a chance. This showed a lack of trust and respect for the earlier subordinate and was discouraging and demoralizing.

It did not boost the subordinate’s morale and may even have broken his self-confidence. In some cases, resignation may follow and that reflected on his boss’s poor leadership skills.

Ways to deal with overstepping one’s authority.

1. Be aware of your role. Every corporation or organization has a hierarchy that may be clearly stated or blurred. The onus is on each to find out your specific roles and excel in them.
2. Open communication — Whether it is superior or subordinate, any form of trespass should be forgiven and an honest discussion should ensue. Sometimes, it is just an oversight or a misunderstanding. Do not let ill feelings fester.
3. Commend — As a superior, if a subordinate had gone beyond his authority, it could be seen as a pure, noble intention to do good. The superior could make it known that this is the one-off case and never allow such precedent to be set to confuse fellow colleagues about roles unless otherwise stated. If it is a good job done, he should be complemented but still not encourage to override again. It is best to seek consultation with the person in charge first.
4. Power-up — Should the subordinate often experience being bypassed for his task, it could be due to the insecurity of the superior regarding the delivery of his work. The subordinate should summon the courage to speak amicably to his superior and assure him of his commitment and responsibility. The expectation should be met.

Conclusion

Unpleasantness at the office will always be there. The bigger the organization, the more ‘trespassing’ is expected as people are all different. Some people are result-oriented and neglected the human aspect of getting a job done more efficiently. Office harmony boils down to faith, trust, humility, sensitivity, and mutual respect. Yes, it is a whole list of ‘to be’ for a harmonious working relationship but it works.

You can clinch that job or that deal!

Summer Lotus Dec 2  4 min read

We always hear the expression, “ First Impression Counts!” It is exactly this adage that we need to look into its credibility. In psychology, the first impression is the image a person gives to another interacting for the first time. It is very variable as it depends on the observer and the observed.

According to a Harvard study, it takes only seven seconds before you are being sized up by another person. People make quick decisions but we can overcome if we know how first impressions could impact us.

The first impression is important for the following reasons;

1. It may prejudice you against someone else narrowing the chance of wanting to know your or the other person further and depriving the former or latter of further interaction.
2. The impression is long-lasting and takes a long time to change. This is due to the primacy effect which means that when someone experiences something before others in a sequence, they are more likely to remember the first things. A positive one leads to social cohesion, a negative one leads to bias and prejudice.
3. It determines your success in your future dealings with the person concerned. It affects whether you get that job, clinch the deal, or successfully woo the person to be your business partner.

What factors help first impressions?

There is a wide range of characteristics based on physical appearance, race, culture, age, gender, language, accent, posture, voice, manner, etc. As we cannot control the preferences of the person who meets us and is in the position to determine our fate such as providing us employment or giving us their business or even agreeing to engage us further, the onus is on our attitude and how we conduct ourselves.

Be Cognizant of the points listed;

1 Be on time — The worst thing to happen at the first meeting is to arrive late and have to start the meeting by apologizing and giving your reasons. It only comes across as an excuse and shows that one is not reliable.

2 Physical appearance — One need not be decked out in a fine suit or expensive clothes but an appropriate outfit for the occasion that borders on semi-casual or more on the side of an office attire may be less distracting. The effect should be neat.

3 Demeanour — How you conduct yourself is paramount. A smile, a cheerful greeting, a good posture, and a firm handshake (not for the Covid-19 period) will immediately engage the other party. You exude confidence. A simple self-introduction followed by being invited to settle down for the chat is next.

Remain calm and collected as this will lead to a more natural conversation. Maintain eye-contact, not to the point of staring to show interest and listen carefully to the other party. Listening is more important than talking as that will help you decipher how you can meet the other party’s expectations. The person being listened to eventually would want to hear your story and this is when you should speak with clarity and relevance.

4 Do your homework — -If you are there for business matters, you should have gathered some knowledge about the company, its products, and services, and mulled over what you can offer them. Here is your scoring moment. Your knowledge, experience, and past contributions should be readily organized before the meeting.

5 Be aware of the other party’s non-verbal communication — — The person you are speaking to may have allotted a certain time frame for the meeting so be mindful of any signals that he or she may need to go. This shows consideration and acumen, a valuable trait in a negotiator.

6 Last Impression Counts! — -This is your last chance to make your good impression stick due to the recency effect where people tend to remember the last things (recency effect). So, before you leave, you may want to reinforce briefly what benefits you could bring to the company and reassure them of your commitment. A handshake, smile, and a sincere thank you would be a good parting.

7 Post-meeting follow-up

After the meeting, it would be very wise to send a message of thanks through the email which also serves as a reminder of your discussion. This seals the first impression as well as leaves a lasting impression one more time.

Conclusion

Never be discouraged. No news means that one has to work harder. Expect great competition in today’s world. Reflect on what could be improved so that you can move on to the next opportunity with more confidence. We can only get better with experience and practice!

*You may want to power-up your impressions by knowing about primacy

Just some points to be mindful about to enjoy your subscriptions

Summer Lotus Dec 1 4 min read

A subscription is usually an affordable payment to access a product or service instantly from a provider or company and is paid at regular intervals such as monthly or yearly. Subscriptions are getting more popular with increasing online purchases. There is still some pitfall which you can avoid if you are aware of it.

As they say when it is too good to be true, it is too good to be true. When I first signed up with hosting for a website, it seemed like a great bargain for two years. In the interim, a “monthly registration fee’” was imposed, and a ‘protective policy’ was added without my permission and knowledge and I was billed.

When I received an email regarding renewal, it was too late as it had fallen outside the grace period during which you have to inform them about not wanting to renew. The subscription rate was increased by more than 100%. The honeymoon was over.

Well, as a consumer, one is obliged to read the Terms and Conditions these days very carefully so that there is no oversight. I am at fault too. Now, navigating through the convoluted T&C was frustrating. It sounded like a legal document. Since I was in this subscription trap, I tried to get in touch with them and it was tough!

Apparently, I could not cancel the subscription from their email which notified me in my email simply, “ Thank you for your payment” on the day the renewal grace period lapsed. It would be a good service if they had notified way before it expired and let me make an informed choice.

I found that the cancellation may only be submitted through another link after spending a lot of time on the website. This link was another labyrinth. First, there was a filter for exact requests that led to questions about your problem and finally a Start Chat. Only that it never started and the page is still downloading.

Incidentally, the reply to the email that announced my payment deduction did not reply when I wrote in to ask for immediate cancellation and refund of the balance amount. I had to copy and paste my requests to their multiple email addresses hoping for a reply.

I informed the bank of this “unsolicited transaction” but they required me to speak to them, the merchant.

I suppose the worst-case scenario would be to let it run for another two years and then inform them ( I don’t know which email can reach them) or cancel my card before the next renewal.

It was with a stroke of good luck after trying for two hours that I finally got connected to the Chat-group. The staff on duty was very helpful and offered to reduce the subscription amount. I decided to terminate and asked for a refund and surprisingly, he was willing to help even though the grace period had expired.

This is just to highlight to would-be subscribers to minimize their possibility of being trapped by subscriptions in the event that they are not so tech-savvy. From my experience, making an overseas call may be a laborious and costly way too. Hence, knowing what to do before hitting the subscription button may help.

The following steps might help;

1 Read Terms and Conditions carefully before subscribing. A bargain at the beginning does not mean it lasts forever. The price may double or triple after the first year subscription.

2 Be mindful of their terms especially when it comes to cancellation and renewal. How to cancel or set the renewal manually

3 Check out their tech support on the website to see how responsive they are like testing their chat group as it may not be easy to get the support you need once you are subscribed.

3 Read reviews about the company. I am sure there are other reputed ones or ask around with your friends.

It is the same with credit cards too. While they are very convenient instead of carrying too much cash around and allows redemption of vouchers and points for your expenses, annual fee renewals are climbing and can be very exorbitant.

Finance charge and late fees are also costly so it bodes well to pay on time. However, they are much easier to cancel as long as the arrears are managed.

These days, many companies are asking for subscriptions. The initial bait is attractive but terms can change along the way. Enjoy access to the products and services but the key is to know how to get out of it when you want to and be organized enough to notify yourself about renewal.

How to fix an obsessive compulsion about teeth

Summer Lotus Oct 4 5 min read

Being a dentist has very negative connotations – pain, discomfort, intimidating, expensive, etc. People always tell me that they don’t want to see me and I know it’s nothing personal.

I understand it completely. We major in minors looking at our working area the size of an 🍎. A lot can be revealed about the human body condition just by looking into the mouth.

The job fits me just fine though sometimes it is a back-breaking job, no pun intended. But I may have carried the love of dentistry too far into my home.

You would expect a dentist’s family members to have perfect dental health right? Wrong. They are far from ideal. I have myself to blame for being overzealous.

For decades, my parting shot in the evening to my spouse was “ Dear, have you brushed your teeth”? It was a good reminder in the beginning, but after many years, I realized that I have morphed into a form of a nagger and the purpose of my question had worn off.

Sometimes, I was compelled to mention this very important statement of my life and his eyes would just roll up.

I thought I could alert my kids into being concerned about their teeth. I would tell them about the consequences of bad teeth which could impact their appearance, function, speech, and esteem. It would have worked if I had stopped at maybe a few times.

Now they are actually afraid to see the dentist and not forthcoming as patients.

The overzealous dentist in me would attach images on our family WhatsApp for maximum effect. until my husband hollered, “ Stop sending ugly images of teeth! You are killing our appetites”!

Notwithstanding that it was done with a noble intention. Because I really want to promote healthy teeth.

One day, my son said to me,” Mum, you are such a boring conversationalist. All you talked about is teeth. My friend could talk to his mother for hours. “

I know. My friends made friends with their children, tried to get to know their friends. When their kids turned 18, they were so concerned. They told me, “ Hey, this is the age when their hormones are raging. Have you told your kids about the birds and the bees and prepared them for the inevitable?”

And that’s what they gave their kids – those square little plastic packets containing rubber sheath that can prevent you from being elevated to the status of a grandmother.

However, that subject was taboo to me. I believed their curiosity and intelligence were way beyond their years. I presented my children with the latest version of the toothbrushes and toothpaste for plaque removal.

My present to my spouse will always the most coveted electric toothbrush too.

Come to think of it, most of my gifts are current toothbrushes that are of optimum efficiency and relevant toothpaste.

It did not help that whenever I see everyone at home eating cakes, I would drop subtle hints that they have to expel those enemies (resident bacteria in the mouth)soon or they may have a big wild party feasting on their teeth and gums. I am a party pooper. I love cakes and ice-cream and have become a more sweet tooth person with age but somehow I see myself eligible to indulge – that’s because not long after eating, I would expel everything sweet from my mouth.

Guess I am disciplined enough to brush after meals. Don’t forget that I have a prophylaxis machine in the clinic that I can use anytime in the day at my disposal so……..

Last night, I played a smarter game. My husband fell asleep at the TV. Aghast that he would miss brushing his teeth as he was likely to just plop into bed, I used my sweetest voice and said, “ Honey, let me help you upstairs.” I couldn’t utter the words, “ Please remember to brush your teeth” So, I said, “ remember to get a good rinse, yeah” That was the closest I could get to remind him to brush his teeth.

Imagine my anguish when I spotted any decay or gum inflammation in my children! My maternal response kicked in. My fears were realized and my senses were heightened. At that moment, nothing else was more significant but fixing the matters at hand! My heart ached to see their teeth damaged in any way.

I told them, “ You have inherited such good teeth and you did not take care of them!” Thanks to the availability of a dental camera, I was able to highlight the defect instantly on my monitor and hoped that the image would turn them into conscientious dental patients.

I conceded that in other patients, the same condition would not trigger such a defensive response. I would do my job dutifully and happily knowing that I have all the tools to fight the enemies on every front.

So far, due to my compulsion to expose the enemy and its detrimental effects, some of my most recalcitrant patients have maintained good oral health and kept their wallets intact for a long time.

In my opinion, a compulsive person can be a perfectionist but an excessive one may drive others away. A compulsive person who is obsessive may bring out the best in his trade but may rub others wrongly if he imposes his compulsion on others. It is still better than apathy.

How to overcome this compulsion

1 Understand the simple adage that you cannot bring a horse to the river’s edge and make it drink. You may think that you are helping others but they see you as a nuisance. Give your best advice if you must, then stay away.

In the Analects of Confucius, the Master said, ‘Advise them to the best of your ability and guide them properly, but stop when there is no hope of success. Do not ask to be snubbed.’.

2 Overcome your own expectations and anxiety— What is not perfect for you may be alright for others. It is actually your own wish and peace that you are trying to seek. It is your own fear that you need to overcome. If you want others to become what you want, then be the best version of yourself. This is a more inspiring way. That means showing my well-kept teeth always!

3 Know that experience is the best teacher. — When one is obstinate about a certain behavior that is harmful, the consequences will catch up with him. It is the universal principle of cause and effect.

In metaphorical parlance, you need to bring yourself to the edge of a cliff before you would back off. A smoker finally stops smoking when cancer strikes. A lazy person finally looks for work when nobody feeds him. A patient finally takes care of his teeth after he finds out that dental expenses can be exorbitant.

I still lapse into the occasional comment, “ Don’t forget to brush your teeth and gums ”, “ Remember to change your toothbrush regularly!”, and the most current one, “There is now a COVID-mouth connection!”

The last statement comes from research that shows that given two patients with Covi-19 infection, the one with the gum disease is more likely to succumb.

There you are! I have a very current, legitimate reason to promote good oral health.

A recollection of my learning experiences.

Summer Lotus Nov 3 6 min read

Toastmasters’ Club is the place to be and participate if you are serious to become good in public speaking and communication skills. Here is where one develops effective speaking, listening, and critical thinking skills.

It’s been over 35 years since I became a member of Toastmasters International that currently has more than 16,000 clubs in over 145 countries. I believed it is a necessary activity for people of all backgrounds to join if you want to develop self-confidence and personal growth.

Due to the comprehensive way in which the program is structured and run with complete guidance from Toastmasters’ member website and members, one can only improve in ways unimaginable provided you participate.

Mentoring is one part of Toastmaster’s activity and its significance cannot be underestimated.

A mentor in the Toastmasters club’s context is an experienced member who can provide teaching or counseling to a newer member to achieve the goals of effective communication skills.

Many long time members know how Toastmasters activities have benefitted them personally and professionally.

This comes about if members are proactive to participate in the structured program that has specific goals for each speech project. It may seem like an arduous and long journey especially in the current program called Toastmasters Pathways but the benefits are immense. In the process, you will discover vast improvements in your presentation as well as in your fellow members’.

Traditionally, in the Toastmasters meeting, the Vice President of Education who is in charge of the program will ensure that every new member has a mentor who is a senior or experienced member to volunteer to help develop him or her communication skills.

An experienced Toastmaster already knows the manual well and has made innumerable presentations where he had made mistakes and received advice or feedback from his mentor. His mentor would provide him valuable feedback from delivery to content to the language used. This privilege is not easily available in the working world where you have to stumble your way through.

Hence, a mentee would do well to heed the suggestions and bring the desired changes to each project for greater growth. Each member can be a mentor as well as a mentee and even request a specific member.

Why is it important to have a mentor

1 Having the right mentor is a short cut to success. Your mentor is already equipped with the knowledge, know-how, and experience to share with you. He is close to the forest and he knows the trees well. He has made mistakes whether it is the organization of the speech or the effectiveness of the message of the delivery style. You need not reinvent the wheel. You take the details and work on your presentation.

You may your speech to the mentor before the presentation and he could help you spruce up your content for better results.

2 Your mentor is already successful if he has completed and evaluated many projects. Speech-making is honed over the years and listening to mentors’ speeches gives valuable clues to use in your scriptwriting and delivery.

Having been in the club for many years, he can provide a professional network to like-minded people and introduce you to other members for the exchange of ideas.

3 Your mentor can see your strengths and weaknesses in you which you may not notice. He would encourage you to develop your strengths further and diminish your weaknesses if you specifically request this.

4 A good mentor will always motivate and inspire you.

Personal experience:

I used to be a Queen of time fillers, as many as 38 when I first started. My mentor told me to pause and not speak if I tended to utter “um” or “ah” and I think I have overcome this habit after much practice.

I was also terrified of table topics sessions even though they were only 2 minutes as one has to speak off the cuff immediately after being asked the question. I could not bear my silence or the fact that I had no opinions.

From watching my mentors, I learned that there are techniques to deal with this issue.

You could use the following methods;

1 chronicle method; based on past, present, and future.

2 take a position, give your reasons and evidence if there are any, and reinforce your message

3 Tell a simple story by answering what, why, when, where, how, and who and then make a conclusion.

4 Free yourself from the conventional method. When stuck, you could just get a keyword and launch into any story that you can think of and be surprised to find your way to a good conclusion.

The best advice from my mentor; Be calm and collected. Gather your thoughts and speak slowly and act confident. Thoughts will flow naturally. Believe in yourself. You may not do so well this time, but repeated tries will make you a better speaker.

My experience as a protege/mentee

Today, I do not fear table topics as much. Instead, I think of a positive ending to each topic and my mind naturally gravitates towards a story with an affirmative ending. Even if it is about the Covid-19 crisis.

My mentor also noticed that my weakness was the script which I held on to for dear life. It was my mental crutch. He persuaded me to leave it behind and even volunteered me for table topics to make me accustomed to speaking.

I managed to let go of my script when I became the President of my club as I had to give an opening address during every meeting. I was prepared to ad-lib along the way should I lose my train of thought. I finally succeeded in no script delivery for the whole term as the President.

How do you become an effective mentee?

As they say, it takes two to tango. A mentee needs to fulfill his role well.

As a mentee, it is important to show your earnestness to learn, question, and take notes. Humility is an important trait as you will be more receptive and open to suggestions. In that case, your mentor will be interested and happy to dispense the advice to you.

As a mentee, it is important to be persistent and apply what is learned, then sleep and breathe it. I would apply my mentor’s technique to my case and see it come to fruition in my speech presentation. It is not achieved in a quick way but the more one practices it, one will see the light until it becomes second nature.

For example, having good eye contact was my issue. My mentor told me to look at the audience and search for a friendly face, occasionally looking generally at another part of the audience so as to involve all the listeners. Also, knowing that the audience always wants a speaker to succeed help or they would not be there.

As a mentee, it would be impressive to go beyond what is taught and work hard, finding new information to discuss with your mentor so that you could contribute instead. If you could jump one step ahead of your mentor from what you have learned elsewhere, that would cement his trust in you that you are a sincere mentee.

For example, if you are strong in using the latest powerpoint features, sharing them with your mentor would definitely make it a win-win situation.

If there is anything worth doing outside of work, it is to become a Toastmaster member and learning how to communicate seriously. Abundant success emanates from this skill. Be a Toastmaster today, and a leader tomorrow!

Time is ticking and life is draining away….

Summer Lotus Nov 8   5 min read

Time is the most precious commodity. They say that time is money but when you become a senior ( turning 60), time is what’s left of your life.

Every moment ticks by and you can only watch helplessly. I never felt like this before in my younger days; everything could wait and I had time on my hands.

But reality hit when you become a senior. You asked, “What have I accomplished thus far? What have I been rushing around for? What really matters?”

Time matters because you want to live life meaningfully and do more of the things you love. The ideal life would be a fulfilling career with control of your time, allowing you to have other pursuits like hobbies, spending time with family and friends, discover your innate talent, and letting it flower and generally be a useful being to those around you. But time is finite so we need to ‘make.’ time.

On introspection, much of my time in my younger days were wasted on mundane stuff like milling around in shopping malls when there was nothing to buy, traveling aimlessly, and sleeping the hours away, and not setting goals.

There is no time for regrets now. The road ahead is very well lit.

Benjamin Franklin puts it best, “A long life is not good enough but a good life is long enough.”

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us — -J.R.R.Tolkien (author of The Lord of the rings)

At this juncture, we can make time if we cut out three common time wasters.

1 Gossiping — -It is a casual or unbridled conversation or report about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed to be true.

Talking bad about someone, anyone has dire consequences. Walls have ears and words get around. If it is about the boss or another colleague, it will lead to unhappiness, disputes, legal entanglements, and many unpleasant events.

Gossiping is an intrusion on another’s private matters and may lead to spinning more untruths at the expense of that person. This can be construed as bullying and may contravene the company’s rules for the proper behavior of its staff.

If gossip is positive, it is good but only if it is true.

At any rate, gossip is a total waste of time. Rather than compounding someone’s misery, it is better to think of what you can do to alleviate his condition.

How to stop gossip at work?

1 Address work-place gossip swiftly by enacting zero-tolerance for gossip

2 Lead by example – by sharing praise and mentioning good points about your staff or colleague.

3 Change the subject and move to a positive, relevant topic

4 Counsel the gossiper and encourage the person who is being targeted.

5 Encourage an open door policy where people can air their grievances officially.

Remember this quote when there is a tendency to gossip-

“ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people”– Socrates

Time saved could be used to reflect on one’s performance and get cracking!

Like Marcus Aurelius said, “ Do not ask what a good man should be. Be one”.

— — —

2 Idling –It is passing time doing nothing most of the time. An idle mind is a dangerous mind. Idling is boring and that can become a pessimistic outlook.

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is a miserable man. — -Benjamin Franklin

Life is exciting and evolving towards a new world. Like the sign that says, “ No Idling” at some spots, do something constructive. Adapt as the world changes in ideas, technology, and services. Do not idle or you will lose touch with the world and it is not easy to get on track after being laid-back for too long.

How not to idle

1 Watching news non-stop which is mostly negative and Netflix back to back excessively is a great time stealer that does not contribute to our minds. Be discerning. Reading and writing is a very profitable activity to the mind and the pocket if you groom yourself into a good writer.

2 Volunteer your services to help others and in the process, you will learn things that you need to cope with while helping others to cope with changes.

3 Time spent idling can be put into upskilling oneself for our continuous growth and self-confidence. Pick up a new language, culinary skill, learn about blogging, etc that can launch second careers.

3 Worrying — This is the act of tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts that may or may not happen.

Worrying has been proven to be damaging to the body due to the stress hormones, linking it pre-mature aging, heart disease, cancer, clinical depression, and even dementia, etc.

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work” — John Lubbock

A study has shown that 85% of the subjects’ worries never happened and with the 15% that did happen, 79% of the subjects discovered that they could handle them better than expected or they learned a good lesson.

Trust that things will turn out ok.

Ways to deal with the worrying habit.

1 Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen and accept the worst.

If you can control, there is no need to worry. If it is not within your control, worry does not help anyway. Using this basic principle has helped me to move on and do what is best for the situation at hand, instead of fretting.

2 Know what Worry does to you. Worry does not solve the problem. It takes away your peace and is a stumbling block to possible solutions as the mind lacks clarity.

Have you not seen someone who is so beset with worry that he is showing signs of anxiety all over his face and even his posture? Check with him again when his problems are resolved and he is likely to regret wasting his time fretting.

3 A change of perspective is necessary. To a negative person, a thousand things can go wrong. To a positive person, a thousand things may go right. Change your mindset and gravitate towards a happy ending.

If things did not turn out the way you wanted, at least you did not suffer twice.

Having lived 62 years, I can say in hindsight that all the worries along my life’s journey have become water under the bridge. Most things became resolved, some things were inevitable and life goes on. I continue to make the best of my life and learn to overcome challenges.

Time is fleeting. Keep these time-wasters at bay and live a productive life!