SUMMER LOTUS

This is the common denominator of successful people

Summer Lotus Dec 11 · 5 min read

It was Lao Tzu who said, ‘The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’. Yet, that single step for some people is so difficult to embark on and I was one of them. Being out of the comfort zone is not the natural thing to do.

This is because I am very deterred by unfamiliar territory. Experience has told me that once this initial step is taken, you have overcome the first hurdle and would certainly meet more bumps along the way. The journey is never smooth but you need to persist to reach your goals.

How does one get started?

1. Set a goal — Know what you want to achieve. Be as specific as possible. Ask yourself what skill would you like to develop？What product would you like to sell? What job would you like to do? Is that what you are really passionate about?
2. Take action — You need to find out more about your goals through reading, asking questions, having a mentor. In today’s world, you have unlimited access to knowledge because of the internet. You may even learn on your own or get tutored online. Gather as much information as possible to find out if that is really what you want.

3 Dive into it — Make a commitment, tell a friend, or to everyone if you want to up your stress level a little because a vow is a powerful motivator to yourself. Put a down payment for the lesson, and show up for the learning.

4 Be enthusiastic — -You are upskilling yourself. Anything you do, you will excel in it with time. No one becomes proficient over a short period. Every new thing you learn is an eye-opener and if you do it well, it makes your life far more interesting. If you do not, don’t be disheartened. Look for alternatives and learn more about it from people better than you.

Once, I checked with a sushi chef and he said it took up to 7 years to become highly skilled. To major in anything can take up to 3 to 5 years. You have to start.

5 Expect difficulties — All things are difficult before they become easy. The road to success is paved with frustrations, criticisms, and obstacles. Yet along the way, the small successes are gratifying and encouraging. The peak seems to be in sight but be ready for more stumbling blocks which become easily surmountable due to practice.

I would like to draw from two personal experiences.

1 About Writing

I am interested in writing because it improves my language, thinking, and my business. I want to write good content because Content is king in today’s connected world and this will lead to an increase in business in the following ways;

1 Content informs the customers. An informed customer is more likely to be a paying one.

2 Good content increases your ranking with Google so that when customers search for information, your company is likely to be found.

3 It makes your company look very professional and even a leader in the industry.

4 It improves your communication skills.

5 Chance of a second career which is Covid-19 proof

It was very difficult when I first started. I stared at the blank paper for hours, went walking around the estate, break the silence with telephone conversations, or sip a coffee. I knew that the blank paper was brimming with potential.

I needed to get started. The first step was to mull an idea. Then I collected more ideas related to the first one and think of how it would benefit me. I also gathered evidence by listening to other people’s stories and did some research online.

Finally, I put them on paper. I wrote that first line then another and another. When I had a mass of words, I organized them like a speech.

We should use whatever we have learned at Toastmasters to apply them to writing. We are already equipped at Toastmasters in creating good content and language so writing should not be a problem.

When it is done, look through again and make sure that there is an important message to impart. Repeat and soon writing becomes a habit.

I still struggled with writing but I am glad to say that because I took that first step and started practicing, my fastest piece of the article was written in a day and I hope to keep it that way.

2 Developing website building skills.

This was another unchartered territory for me. Anything related to IT these days seems important. Websites and blogs are gaining popularity and I wanted a website to log my articles. Any blog may also be converted into an e-commerce site.

For a dentist familiar only with dentistry, it was a steep learning curve. I committed enthusiastically by signing up for a course.

The course turned out to be difficult for me but it seemed to be a breeze for my younger classmates. I documented every step on paper while they typed into their laptops. Most of them came up with beautiful and functional websites and e-commerce sites but I achieved none.

A few disparaging remarks did not deter me. The road to success is always paved with nails and I just needed to wear thicker boots. Painstakingly, I did my homework every session which saw my weekends burned several times.

Fortunately, there is a telegram chat group where we can post questions and receive technical support from instructors and fellow students. I finally completed my website though my e-commerce site left much to be desired. I manage to procure two clients where I created two simple corporate websites that met their needs and recouped my IT fees.

The feeling — elated, delighted, excited!

The learning would not stop there as we know challenges will surface again when society and the world changes. Hence, I need to step out again.

In summary, take that first step to achieve your goals.

Set your goal, take action, dive into it, be enthusiastic, and expect difficulties.

If it does not turn out, repeat. If it does, repeat.

Two important quotes come to my mind;

The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain

‘Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall’— Confucius.

Don’t let every incident frazzles you.

Summer Lotus Dec 4 4 min read

What sustains me through some ups and downs that some people see as stress, I credit it to my ability to stay calm and logical.

Just a simple case in point. Today, I found that my wallet went missing. It contained all my credit cards, teller machine cards, cash, and other small items.

In the past, I used to go into a frenzy. Maybe, it is due to the wisdom acquired with age, I have clearer thinking. But I like to say that ever since I started writing, it has made my thoughts crystal clear. I ruminate, ponder, and analyze more these days. The Key is never to panic.

My rationale goes this way. I have set notifications on my mobile. If anyone used any of my credit cards, I would be notified immediately and I can call the banks to stop any further transactions.

Secondly, I had twice unknowingly locked the wallet in my office’s cabinet so it might be there again. There is no hurry to rush down to the office on a public holiday ( this is hard to come by)to know that there is a 99% chance of my wallet sitting safely in the cupboard.

Thirdly, as I would be home the whole day, there is no necessity to retrieve my wallet. It would be a good test of faith in my rational thinking, a test of my patience to sit out this small mental drama, and a chance to stop doing any unnecessary shopping.

Actually, the most essential test was that I wanted to see if I am able to remain peaceful throughout today till the next morning when I report for work. It is good training for me as I am not exactly a very relaxed person.

My goal is to make sure that nothing jitters me in life, not even death. Everything will be OK. If it is not Ok, then I shall deal with it as it comes.

Supposing that I could not find my wallet. My next step would be to inform the banks, suspend the cards, which is a troublesome thing to do but then it is necessary if I want to prevent any fraud. It would take up much time but that would teach me a lesson never to be mindless again.

Case 2

A family member had gotten so highly strung and I diagnosed it as Covid-19 related stress.

What does one expect if you are always keeping track of the infection cases and death rates most of your waking moments? One fear led to another. The election in the US has kept many in suspense around the world.

He fretted about both scenarios. Now that Donald Trump is clearly out, there was the fear of big riots by his die-hard supporters which is highly unlikely in the first world country.

If he wins, there would be fear of a really disastrous four years ahead. If Biden wins, there is a fear that his work would be made difficult by the Republicans and the economy would go down anyway.

He also voiced that the vaccine and possible effects despite the positive declaration. The world is going to the dogs.

This filters down to the people in the family because everyone has to bear with the negativity. It is pervasive through many families as I found out.

Meanwhile, I shall keep my cool. By sharing more animal memes to make everyone laugh. I also like to share jokes that make people laugh in chat groups.

By not forgetting the bliss that surrounds us every day and feeling grateful. By indulging in stuff good for the senses such as music and the arts and spreading these ideas around.

By rendering help in any small way we can to people who have been disadvantaged in this crisis.

But let us not lose our cool.

This is because many things are not in our control. We must do what we need to do to prevent the spread of the virus. To be encouraging and be supportive of others in their struggles. Meanwhile, time wheezed past and one would wonder what we could have done with the time that had gone by when the world becomes normal again and I believe that it would.

“ What consumes your mind, controls your life” — unknown quote.

Being mindful of this will improve your working relationships

Summer Lotus Dec 3 4 min read

Have you ever been caught in a situation where you rendered help and thought that you would be appreciated in some way? In the office, for instance, you preempt an event in which you felt that you have ‘saved’ your colleague or your boss from hassle or even embarrassment but it turns out that you have messed up their lives, so to speak.

There are no words coined for this manner of action, but basically, you have acted beyond your authority or you have poked your nose too far into the matter, ordinarily speaking.

A case in point

Let me raise an example but the names have been changed. Alice was an executive assistant in a media office. Her scope of work was defined for her and she knew that she was confined to administration, reports, and the handling of public relations.

Despite a flawless performance, she was expecting a promotion and instead received a rude shock when she was transferred to another department to a secondary role in another section of the company. It amounted to a demotion.

Alice was greatly demoralized and could not fathom how this had happened to her. She concluded it as a case of jealousy and sought to clarify the matter.

Apparently, she had treaded on unwelcome territory. She had gone beyond her work to take things into her hands giving the impression that she called the shots and that had displeased the leader who ranked above her.

In her enthusiasm to prove that she was an outstanding worker, she had overstepped the boundaries confusing the staff below her, who thought that the instructions came from the top. Being close to the ‘boss’ also made her privy to many classified matters and leaking them unintentionally was the most taboo thing to do.

This eagerness to ‘serve’ had made her a thorn in the side of those who had the authority to carry out. Not conferring what she wanted to do with her boss made it worse. Hence she was removed.

Lesson derived

There is a Chinese saying, “ Do not plant on other’s land and cut their crops”. By doing so, it is an intrusion on people’s private matters, a lack of respect to the person concerned, and is seen as an attempt to toot one’s horn. It is a sure way to displease and antagonize others. The outcome was a strained relationship and unhappiness though the intentions were noble from the start.

A subordinate must always be mindful not to overstep his boundary. He can excel in his scope of work but never overtake other’s duty especially the boss’ obligations! And without consultation to boot. It may even be labeled as ‘busybody’ in the Asian context.

The reverse scenario could happen. A leader has handed some tasks to his subordinate to carry out. I have heard of situations where the task was redelegated to someone else without giving the first person a chance. This showed a lack of trust and respect for the earlier subordinate and was discouraging and demoralizing.

It did not boost the subordinate’s morale and may even have broken his self-confidence. In some cases, resignation may follow and that reflected on his boss’s poor leadership skills.

Ways to deal with overstepping one’s authority.

1. Be aware of your role. Every corporation or organization has a hierarchy that may be clearly stated or blurred. The onus is on each to find out your specific roles and excel in them.
2. Open communication — Whether it is superior or subordinate, any form of trespass should be forgiven and an honest discussion should ensue. Sometimes, it is just an oversight or a misunderstanding. Do not let ill feelings fester.
3. Commend — As a superior, if a subordinate had gone beyond his authority, it could be seen as a pure, noble intention to do good. The superior could make it known that this is the one-off case and never allow such precedent to be set to confuse fellow colleagues about roles unless otherwise stated. If it is a good job done, he should be complemented but still not encourage to override again. It is best to seek consultation with the person in charge first.
4. Power-up — Should the subordinate often experience being bypassed for his task, it could be due to the insecurity of the superior regarding the delivery of his work. The subordinate should summon the courage to speak amicably to his superior and assure him of his commitment and responsibility. The expectation should be met.

Conclusion

Unpleasantness at the office will always be there. The bigger the organization, the more ‘trespassing’ is expected as people are all different. Some people are result-oriented and neglected the human aspect of getting a job done more efficiently. Office harmony boils down to faith, trust, humility, sensitivity, and mutual respect. Yes, it is a whole list of ‘to be’ for a harmonious working relationship but it works.

You can clinch that job or that deal!

Summer Lotus Dec 2  4 min read

We always hear the expression, “ First Impression Counts!” It is exactly this adage that we need to look into its credibility. In psychology, the first impression is the image a person gives to another interacting for the first time. It is very variable as it depends on the observer and the observed.

According to a Harvard study, it takes only seven seconds before you are being sized up by another person. People make quick decisions but we can overcome if we know how first impressions could impact us.

The first impression is important for the following reasons;

1. It may prejudice you against someone else narrowing the chance of wanting to know your or the other person further and depriving the former or latter of further interaction.
2. The impression is long-lasting and takes a long time to change. This is due to the primacy effect which means that when someone experiences something before others in a sequence, they are more likely to remember the first things. A positive one leads to social cohesion, a negative one leads to bias and prejudice.
3. It determines your success in your future dealings with the person concerned. It affects whether you get that job, clinch the deal, or successfully woo the person to be your business partner.

What factors help first impressions?

There is a wide range of characteristics based on physical appearance, race, culture, age, gender, language, accent, posture, voice, manner, etc. As we cannot control the preferences of the person who meets us and is in the position to determine our fate such as providing us employment or giving us their business or even agreeing to engage us further, the onus is on our attitude and how we conduct ourselves.

Be Cognizant of the points listed;

1 Be on time — The worst thing to happen at the first meeting is to arrive late and have to start the meeting by apologizing and giving your reasons. It only comes across as an excuse and shows that one is not reliable.

2 Physical appearance — One need not be decked out in a fine suit or expensive clothes but an appropriate outfit for the occasion that borders on semi-casual or more on the side of an office attire may be less distracting. The effect should be neat.

3 Demeanour — How you conduct yourself is paramount. A smile, a cheerful greeting, a good posture, and a firm handshake (not for the Covid-19 period) will immediately engage the other party. You exude confidence. A simple self-introduction followed by being invited to settle down for the chat is next.

Remain calm and collected as this will lead to a more natural conversation. Maintain eye-contact, not to the point of staring to show interest and listen carefully to the other party. Listening is more important than talking as that will help you decipher how you can meet the other party’s expectations. The person being listened to eventually would want to hear your story and this is when you should speak with clarity and relevance.

4 Do your homework — -If you are there for business matters, you should have gathered some knowledge about the company, its products, and services, and mulled over what you can offer them. Here is your scoring moment. Your knowledge, experience, and past contributions should be readily organized before the meeting.

5 Be aware of the other party’s non-verbal communication — — The person you are speaking to may have allotted a certain time frame for the meeting so be mindful of any signals that he or she may need to go. This shows consideration and acumen, a valuable trait in a negotiator.

6 Last Impression Counts! — -This is your last chance to make your good impression stick due to the recency effect where people tend to remember the last things (recency effect). So, before you leave, you may want to reinforce briefly what benefits you could bring to the company and reassure them of your commitment. A handshake, smile, and a sincere thank you would be a good parting.

7 Post-meeting follow-up

After the meeting, it would be very wise to send a message of thanks through the email which also serves as a reminder of your discussion. This seals the first impression as well as leaves a lasting impression one more time.

Conclusion

Never be discouraged. No news means that one has to work harder. Expect great competition in today’s world. Reflect on what could be improved so that you can move on to the next opportunity with more confidence. We can only get better with experience and practice!

*You may want to power-up your impressions by knowing about primacy

Just some points to be mindful about to enjoy your subscriptions

Summer Lotus Dec 1 4 min read

A subscription is usually an affordable payment to access a product or service instantly from a provider or company and is paid at regular intervals such as monthly or yearly. Subscriptions are getting more popular with increasing online purchases. There is still some pitfall which you can avoid if you are aware of it.

As they say when it is too good to be true, it is too good to be true. When I first signed up with hosting for a website, it seemed like a great bargain for two years. In the interim, a “monthly registration fee’” was imposed, and a ‘protective policy’ was added without my permission and knowledge and I was billed.

When I received an email regarding renewal, it was too late as it had fallen outside the grace period during which you have to inform them about not wanting to renew. The subscription rate was increased by more than 100%. The honeymoon was over.

Well, as a consumer, one is obliged to read the Terms and Conditions these days very carefully so that there is no oversight. I am at fault too. Now, navigating through the convoluted T&C was frustrating. It sounded like a legal document. Since I was in this subscription trap, I tried to get in touch with them and it was tough!

Apparently, I could not cancel the subscription from their email which notified me in my email simply, “ Thank you for your payment” on the day the renewal grace period lapsed. It would be a good service if they had notified way before it expired and let me make an informed choice.

I found that the cancellation may only be submitted through another link after spending a lot of time on the website. This link was another labyrinth. First, there was a filter for exact requests that led to questions about your problem and finally a Start Chat. Only that it never started and the page is still downloading.

Incidentally, the reply to the email that announced my payment deduction did not reply when I wrote in to ask for immediate cancellation and refund of the balance amount. I had to copy and paste my requests to their multiple email addresses hoping for a reply.

I informed the bank of this “unsolicited transaction” but they required me to speak to them, the merchant.

I suppose the worst-case scenario would be to let it run for another two years and then inform them ( I don’t know which email can reach them) or cancel my card before the next renewal.

It was with a stroke of good luck after trying for two hours that I finally got connected to the Chat-group. The staff on duty was very helpful and offered to reduce the subscription amount. I decided to terminate and asked for a refund and surprisingly, he was willing to help even though the grace period had expired.

This is just to highlight to would-be subscribers to minimize their possibility of being trapped by subscriptions in the event that they are not so tech-savvy. From my experience, making an overseas call may be a laborious and costly way too. Hence, knowing what to do before hitting the subscription button may help.

The following steps might help;

1 Read Terms and Conditions carefully before subscribing. A bargain at the beginning does not mean it lasts forever. The price may double or triple after the first year subscription.

2 Be mindful of their terms especially when it comes to cancellation and renewal. How to cancel or set the renewal manually

3 Check out their tech support on the website to see how responsive they are like testing their chat group as it may not be easy to get the support you need once you are subscribed.

3 Read reviews about the company. I am sure there are other reputed ones or ask around with your friends.

It is the same with credit cards too. While they are very convenient instead of carrying too much cash around and allows redemption of vouchers and points for your expenses, annual fee renewals are climbing and can be very exorbitant.

Finance charge and late fees are also costly so it bodes well to pay on time. However, they are much easier to cancel as long as the arrears are managed.

These days, many companies are asking for subscriptions. The initial bait is attractive but terms can change along the way. Enjoy access to the products and services but the key is to know how to get out of it when you want to and be organized enough to notify yourself about renewal.

How to fix an obsessive compulsion about teeth

Summer Lotus Oct 4 5 min read

Being a dentist has very negative connotations – pain, discomfort, intimidating, expensive, etc. People always tell me that they don’t want to see me and I know it’s nothing personal.

I understand it completely. We major in minors looking at our working area the size of an 🍎. A lot can be revealed about the human body condition just by looking into the mouth.

The job fits me just fine though sometimes it is a back-breaking job, no pun intended. But I may have carried the love of dentistry too far into my home.

You would expect a dentist’s family members to have perfect dental health right? Wrong. They are far from ideal. I have myself to blame for being overzealous.

For decades, my parting shot in the evening to my spouse was “ Dear, have you brushed your teeth”? It was a good reminder in the beginning, but after many years, I realized that I have morphed into a form of a nagger and the purpose of my question had worn off.

Sometimes, I was compelled to mention this very important statement of my life and his eyes would just roll up.

I thought I could alert my kids into being concerned about their teeth. I would tell them about the consequences of bad teeth which could impact their appearance, function, speech, and esteem. It would have worked if I had stopped at maybe a few times.

Now they are actually afraid to see the dentist and not forthcoming as patients.

The overzealous dentist in me would attach images on our family WhatsApp for maximum effect. until my husband hollered, “ Stop sending ugly images of teeth! You are killing our appetites”!

Notwithstanding that it was done with a noble intention. Because I really want to promote healthy teeth.

One day, my son said to me,” Mum, you are such a boring conversationalist. All you talked about is teeth. My friend could talk to his mother for hours. “

I know. My friends made friends with their children, tried to get to know their friends. When their kids turned 18, they were so concerned. They told me, “ Hey, this is the age when their hormones are raging. Have you told your kids about the birds and the bees and prepared them for the inevitable?”

And that’s what they gave their kids – those square little plastic packets containing rubber sheath that can prevent you from being elevated to the status of a grandmother.

However, that subject was taboo to me. I believed their curiosity and intelligence were way beyond their years. I presented my children with the latest version of the toothbrushes and toothpaste for plaque removal.

My present to my spouse will always the most coveted electric toothbrush too.

Come to think of it, most of my gifts are current toothbrushes that are of optimum efficiency and relevant toothpaste.

It did not help that whenever I see everyone at home eating cakes, I would drop subtle hints that they have to expel those enemies (resident bacteria in the mouth)soon or they may have a big wild party feasting on their teeth and gums. I am a party pooper. I love cakes and ice-cream and have become a more sweet tooth person with age but somehow I see myself eligible to indulge – that’s because not long after eating, I would expel everything sweet from my mouth.

Guess I am disciplined enough to brush after meals. Don’t forget that I have a prophylaxis machine in the clinic that I can use anytime in the day at my disposal so……..

Last night, I played a smarter game. My husband fell asleep at the TV. Aghast that he would miss brushing his teeth as he was likely to just plop into bed, I used my sweetest voice and said, “ Honey, let me help you upstairs.” I couldn’t utter the words, “ Please remember to brush your teeth” So, I said, “ remember to get a good rinse, yeah” That was the closest I could get to remind him to brush his teeth.

Imagine my anguish when I spotted any decay or gum inflammation in my children! My maternal response kicked in. My fears were realized and my senses were heightened. At that moment, nothing else was more significant but fixing the matters at hand! My heart ached to see their teeth damaged in any way.

I told them, “ You have inherited such good teeth and you did not take care of them!” Thanks to the availability of a dental camera, I was able to highlight the defect instantly on my monitor and hoped that the image would turn them into conscientious dental patients.

I conceded that in other patients, the same condition would not trigger such a defensive response. I would do my job dutifully and happily knowing that I have all the tools to fight the enemies on every front.

So far, due to my compulsion to expose the enemy and its detrimental effects, some of my most recalcitrant patients have maintained good oral health and kept their wallets intact for a long time.

In my opinion, a compulsive person can be a perfectionist but an excessive one may drive others away. A compulsive person who is obsessive may bring out the best in his trade but may rub others wrongly if he imposes his compulsion on others. It is still better than apathy.

How to overcome this compulsion

1 Understand the simple adage that you cannot bring a horse to the river’s edge and make it drink. You may think that you are helping others but they see you as a nuisance. Give your best advice if you must, then stay away.

In the Analects of Confucius, the Master said, ‘Advise them to the best of your ability and guide them properly, but stop when there is no hope of success. Do not ask to be snubbed.’.

2 Overcome your own expectations and anxiety— What is not perfect for you may be alright for others. It is actually your own wish and peace that you are trying to seek. It is your own fear that you need to overcome. If you want others to become what you want, then be the best version of yourself. This is a more inspiring way. That means showing my well-kept teeth always!

3 Know that experience is the best teacher. — When one is obstinate about a certain behavior that is harmful, the consequences will catch up with him. It is the universal principle of cause and effect.

In metaphorical parlance, you need to bring yourself to the edge of a cliff before you would back off. A smoker finally stops smoking when cancer strikes. A lazy person finally looks for work when nobody feeds him. A patient finally takes care of his teeth after he finds out that dental expenses can be exorbitant.

I still lapse into the occasional comment, “ Don’t forget to brush your teeth and gums ”, “ Remember to change your toothbrush regularly!”, and the most current one, “There is now a COVID-mouth connection!”

The last statement comes from research that shows that given two patients with Covi-19 infection, the one with the gum disease is more likely to succumb.

There you are! I have a very current, legitimate reason to promote good oral health.