SUMMER LOTUS

A skill that must be mastered if you want success in life

Summer Lotus Dec 15th  4 min read

According to the National Social Anxiety Center, the fear of public speaking, also known as glossophobia affects about 73% of the population. It precedes the fear of death which seems ludicrous but is real for many people. Worries about negative judgement, failed performance, rejection, and ridicule may cloud one’s mind so much that much stress is created to impede the actual performance.

In a worst-case scenario, a condition equivalent to the mind blanking out or known as ‘ brain freeze’ may occur where anxiety is overwhelming. Dr. Michael DeGeorgia of Case Western University Hospitals, says: “If your brain starts to freeze up, you get more stressed and the stress hormones go even higher. That shuts down the frontal lobe and disconnects it from the rest of the brain. It makes it even harder to retrieve those memories.”

The following tips may help

1 Understand your audience — Your audience wants you to succeed otherwise they would not be spending precious time to listen to the speaker. Take comfort in the fact that many speakers do falter, even experienced ones and they are ways to get back on track. The audience usually has other things on their minds and is not judging the speaker as believed.

Enjoy the pause and smile. The trend of thoughts will return. One witty speaker tells the listeners, “Let’s take a minute to allow all of you to reflect on what we have covered so far”, then quietly look at his notes or try to recall and continue with the presentation.

2 Rehearse often to improve self-confidence — -In Dale Carnegie’s famous book on “How to win friends and influence people”, you can build confidence by smiling, making eye contact, acting confident and you will become confident by the right posturing and practicing whenever the opportunity arises no matter how small.

Memorizing a prepared speech tends to confine us mentally. Try to remember the key points and extemporize from them. Believe in your ability to do that if you have made adequate research, preparation, and practice.

You could rehearse before a friend or a mentor who can give you a constructive evaluation of your performance. Or you could record yourself and fine-tune each time.

Offer to speak when given the opportunity and reflect on what you have spoken so that you can improve each time.

3 Stay Calm and relax — –

a)Regular breathing will relax you. Speak at a steady rate but not forgetting that the appropriate use of the vocal variety, clarity in pronunciation, and volume of speech all play a part in delivering the message effectively.

b)Visualization may help one in achieving a successful presentation. Think of a positive result and you will gravitate towards your goal. Visualizing your audience happy and applauding you only helps one instead of focusing on negatives.

4 An impressive presentation — -Use the latest technology to your advantage providing clear and relevant points to bring your message across. You can exceed expectations with the right tools.

Make sure that your speech is organized with a proper introduction, effective body content, and a conclusion that appeals to your audience that aligns with the objectives of your speech.

Intricacies of good speech content can be mastered. Read up good speeches by eminent people and analyze why they can galvanize the crowd to action.

Speaking within the time allotted shows respect for the audience. Once, a speaker went overtime 45 minutes cutting into the audience’s dinner time and the audience had started to stir but to no avail. He had not picked up the signals and many have already stopped listening and anxiously anticipating dinner.

5 Join a Public Speaking Course or Club — Sign up for Communication Skills Course or workshops and participate actively. One of the most effective course is to join Toastmasters International.

Toastmasters Clubs which originated from Toastmasters International is found in more than 145 countries serving more than 350,000 members and are still actively sought by people from all trades to improve communication skills.

They have a very structured and comprehensive program that enables new members to improve their speaking skills and many have gone on to experience personal and career success.

The course focus on the delivery, content, and effectiveness which are the mainstay of a good presentation. You also learn about the effective use of the English language such as the use of its rhetorical devices. It is the best and safest platform to practice as members meet regularly and is a very nurturing environment for new speakers. Moreover, the mentoring program in Toastmasters is a great assistance to newbies.

More about Toastmasters International

After 35 years of being a Toastmasters member, I can attest to this fact. We watched how fellow members excel in their careers and are much happier in their lives due to better communication skills. Famous toastmasters include authors such as Napoleon Hill and Harvey Mackay, many actors like Tim Allen, and former governors and US senators who have acquired their skills from Toastmasters activities.

Conclusion

Leaders, successful entrepreneurs, CEOs all share one common trait. They can speak well. Good communication skills are what makes them succeed. The ability to inform, inspire, and persuade can motivate their staff to achieve corporate goals and win customers.

Public Speaking is one of the most essential skills to master by each of us. We determine our success if we work hard at it. The road to success is for us to traverse. In today’s world, learning is made so easily available because of access to the Internet. Even in a pandemic, using Zoom, members could still hone their presentation skills.

Along the way, expect pitfalls but each time, we must pick ourselves up and hone our way to become a seasoned speaker, and progress in public speaking skills will translate into success in many aspects of our lives.

A positive outcome will prevail…..

Summer Lotus Dec 14th 5 min read

It is getting rampant these days — short fuses, flared tempers, fight breakouts. You see them all over social media and it is a sign of the times. Covid-19 and its effects are taking a toll on many people — -mental, physical, economical, social, and various aspects. We are talking about emotions turning upheaval.

Just last evening, I was driving when a cyclist suddenly hollered behind me. I was quite sure that I stayed in my lane as I turned but we must have gotten too close for comfort. He tailed me for almost one km until I turned into a car park and he yelled one more time, then suddenly backed away. Phew, I wondered what he would have done if he had persisted and came to my window.

Kick my car? Punch my window? Scream some more? Clearly, he was not injured. He was jarred. Incidents are unavoidable but it did not call for such a reaction.

These days, I see more of such scenarios even among friends and family members. The anger demon reared its ugly head to lead one down that un retractable road. The main purpose of life for the day would be swept aside — to get a task done, to fulfill one’s day, to end the day well.

But when all is over, it seemed very silly but the damage is done to relationships, to one’s image and opportunity. The worst-case scenario is when we allow incidents to harm ourselves or others as seen recently in the news.

Some real-life examples of unbridled emotions.

A man lost his job due to the Covid-19 situation and he chose to kill himself when he felt overwhelmed by pain and sorrow. Had he spoken to someone who would listen to him, he might have figured out his way then.

Disputes and fights broke out over the slightest reason like jumping queues, unhappiness over service, and even the hot weather.

Quarrels occurred when people bottle up their frustrations. We see them played out repeatedly on social media in the subways, office, market, etc

As we cannot control other people’s outbursts, we could ameliorate them if we are caught in the cross-fire.

We need to take control of our emotions. In the process, we are managing other people’s emotions too.— It is one of the traits of human beings called pathos. Humans are emotional creatures besides being thinking ones. We use logic to decide our actions but emotions often overrule them. That is the danger.

“We might be the masters of our thoughts, still we are the slaves of our own emotions.” — unknown

How do you manage an emotional person?

1 Stay Calm and listen — Don’ be defensive. Let the other party vent his views and you will get your air time. Talking over each other do not lead anywhere. Listening is what he wants you to do while it allows the situation to simmer down.

2 Apologize — -Swallow your pride and do the right thing. There are no costs involved but it immediately defuses the situation. Especially if you are clearly in the wrong. Denying something that you obviously did wrong will challenge the other party to take further action like asking for a fight or result in litigation.

If you are sure you are right, it is still best to let the other person vent first. Somehow, he may know that he had erred on his part and will quiet down.

3 Empathize — Showing some sadness or emotion may help too. It makes the other person more comfortable that he will be listened to. Never show anger as it is counterproductive.

4 Don’t say the following things;

A) Don’t call them emotional as that would immediately pique his anger further. Listen attentively and when he has calmed down, you can explain your views.

B) Don’t say “It’s ok”. If it is alright, he would not be talking to you this way. It happened to me. Once, I told a distraught person everything will be ok and she lashed back. Better to listen to her story and explore what can be done to improve the situation.

C) Don’t say “It’s not a big deal”. You are trivializing the situation and may anger the affected person more. It shows a lack of respect for his dilemma that he is in.

How do you manage your emotional self?

1 Stay Calm and Wait. Experts call this ‘Time Delay” Let the feelings pass to allow better analysis of the situation and rational thinking will set in. This is not easy but worth doing. Induced stress due to the aroused emotions and physiological responses all fade with some time and we become less impulsive.

2 Suppression — —Keeping your emotions under a tight wrap may be very difficult and uncomfortable but necessary in some situations especially if it does not favor you if you display your intense emotions. Cognitively, you may get affected and even your short-term memory may be impaired but in hindsight, you may be glad that you did not blow your fuse or had a meltdown and save a job or a relationship.

3 Reframing the situation — -This is a very useful strategy as you are looking at the other side of the coin. The situation is not deleterious as it seems and may even benefit you. In the recent Covid-19 crisis-induced lay-offs, some people found the opportunity to switch careers. Some discovered talents in themselves as they took this chance to explore, learn, and upgrade new skills.

This way of managing your emotions is most positive and have less damage to your psychology in a stressful situation.

Conclusion

“Emotions and Decisions Making” is fully studied by experts from Harvard University and other prominent ones to prove the role of emotions in thinking that can affect important decisions. My point is that emotions are such a strong driving force. Hence, we need awareness to control them so that we would display desirable behaviors. Managing self and others will lead to more positive outcomes.

Manage well at work to have a harmonious day

Summer Lotus Dec 13th 4 min read

There are days that are just mad. The clients came together and they needed their solutions. Today was one such day. Whatever mood they came in with, as health providers, we should never lose our cool.

First patient A came with a denture that could not be used and it had been redone somewhere before. The fact that she had been deprived of food for a period of time did not put her in a good mood.

Meanwhile, another senior patient B trooped into the clinic on time and wanted to be seen immediately. A’s appointment time had cut into B’s and B was turned off by the fact that she had to fill in some digital form for registration records.

Patient C who was known to be impatient was on the way. Immediately we texted her to make her know that there will be some delay.

The dental assistants’ nerves were frayed by now as they felt the tensions arose.

All hell would break loose if things did not calm down. That was nothing serious but emotions were riding high.

As the dentist and leader, I needed to resolve the situation amicably.

We explained to patient A about the denture being not fitting in the first place so we did some adjustments as accurately as possible and sent her away for 25 minutes to test some food with the denture. She may not need a new one so she would save some money.

Patient B was immediately attended to and we took off the digital stress by registering for her and let her put her signature on the tablet. Subsequently, her most urgent problem which was the painful tooth was attended to without hesitation.

A comprehensive diagnosis with X-ray, medication, and treatment was instituted and she was also shown other potential problems which she needed to come again to have fixed and the problem reviewed. She went away happily.

Patient C, who was a stickler for time, was delayed for 10 minutes but was expectedly calm, apparently also helped by the soothing music of the clinic.

We duly apologized and treated her as well as presented a small toothpaste sample as a token of appreciation for her understanding and patience.

Patient A came back to say that the adjusted denture fared better but needed to redo.

Now, with time for an exact diagnosis and a clear mind, I explained to her why her situation was a difficult case – thin, sharp bony ridges that could not withstand masticatory forces, and undercuts that make relief necessary for the new denture.

She was pacified and was not angry with dentists anymore. Then, we proceeded to take impressions for a new denture with specific instructions to make relief for ridges to prevent over-compression.

The day may continue this way with subsequent patients and they are not uncommon on most days. But we always cope well.

Dental pain is one of the most excruciating pains to be experienced by the human body.

My Strategy for a smooth-running practice-

1 Stay calm. – Greet the customer with a smile as they have lost theirs. Settle them nicely and do what is most relevant first – Relieve pain, give anesthetic if necessary, prescribe medications. Only when pain is controlled are they open to discussion. A little wait would help to calm everyone down.

2 Good communication — -There are no shortcuts. It can allay any misunderstanding.

Explaining the causes, effects, treatment, and prognosis in the simplest manner and terms would make the patient more receptive and understanding of her condition. Then prognosis, options, costs, and consent should be made known succinctly.

3 Music is the balm to the soul. In the surgery, the selection of calming music has proven to not only relax the working staff but have put some patients to sleep with their mouths open!

4 Review as an after-service – This step tends to overlooked but it is very significant. Many patients expressed satisfaction that clinic staff would contact them following minor surgery, a procedure to relieve pain like a root canal, or any general complaint. This is the X factor that would stand one out from other clinics and is the last good impression that sticks!

A dental Clinic is the last place anyone wants to visit. Having a good strategy to manage the day to day challenges can make the dental career a fulfilling one.

In any case, the steps listed here – Stay calm, good communication, the use of appropriate soothing music, and after service follow-up are good tips that any business could deploy to make their business amiable for both customers and staff.

Working happily in thirty-plus years of private practice

Summer Lotus Dec 12th  4 min read

The aim of any business is not only about profitability but also a happy working environment. Having operated a dental surgery for more than 30 years, we would like to share what has worked for us in our group practice.

My views on running a smooth practice may be applied to any business.

The morning always starts with everyone greeting each other. The expectations are positive – it’s going to be another great day and the countenance on everyone’s face reflects this.

The following are some steps worth noting;

1. Pay your bills on time — This is based on the simple principle “ Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you” — Confucius.

We believe that cash flow is what keeps an organization going strong. Just as we do not like others to default or delay their payments, we should not delay payments to staff, suppliers, and other contractors.

This builds reliability and trust. When in need of some help urgently, you bet that they would be there for you in a jiffy. We have good relationships with dental suppliers and laboratories that stretch to thirty years and there has been a 99.5% satisfaction in the delivery of products and services.

Paying vendors asap is not only good practice but saves time as there is no need to post cheques or purchase stamps. Moreover, the look on the sales personnel‘s face who always lights up upon receipt of the payment on delivery is priceless.

The same applies to staff who should be paid by end of the month, period. Reward staff where it is justified regardless of the Covid-19 situation. It should be based on the performance of the business and not the economy that affects some sectors.

2 Never scold others — -There is a Chinese saying that goes “To others be forgiving, to self be strict”. No one is perfect and people are bound to make mistakes from which they can learn to do better.

When someone commits a mistake, he or she already feels embarrassed or even distressed. Pointing out the mistakes further would compound her bad feelings and highlight them to others would put a damper on the relationship. Instead focus immediately on what was the best way the situation could have been handled and let it pass.

Provide solutions not add to the problems. If everyone ‘forgives’ others for their mistakes and makes sure they themselves try not to commit any makes a very favorable working environment.

The leader of my assisting team is a compassionate, patient, knowledgeable, and experienced staff who makes the training of younger and new staff a pleasant experience.

Any small misunderstandings are often nipped in the buds and not allowed to fester.

3 Have a sense of humor —Smile always, laugh often. Life has many stresses and dental surgery is undoubtedly the last place any customer likes to come to. Watching the staff going about their job daily, brisk and blithe, connecting well with each other is the most pleasing sight to behold.

Extending a warm welcome, being gentle, understanding, and patient in handling customers give them reasons to choose us among the intense competition in the industry.

We aim to make sure every customer comes into the dental surgery relaxed and leaves feeling happy that he or she had made the right choice.

4 Good communication with colleagues — The role of each person is clear and teamwork is highly valued. We encourage each person to take pride in her job; catch her doing right and praise her. If she is wrong, then rectify gently.

Our culture of always saying thank you to each other and patients, apologizing where needed is a natural behavior. Of course, using “please” when requesting favors. The significance of these words is underrated but is the lubricant in the smooth running of the business.

Good communication when it comes to talking about work details as well as explaining to patients which involves diagnosis, treatment planning, consent, the prognosis of treatment as well as costs has served us well over the years.

In conclusion, the above steps taken have been proven to work in our practice and we feel strongly that the same principles and philosophy can be applied to other businesses.

Striving for harmony and happiness at the workplace is worth the effort and makes working life more meaningful and enjoyable.

This is the common denominator of successful people

Summer Lotus Dec 11 · 5 min read

It was Lao Tzu who said, ‘The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’. Yet, that single step for some people is so difficult to embark on and I was one of them. Being out of the comfort zone is not the natural thing to do.

This is because I am very deterred by unfamiliar territory. Experience has told me that once this initial step is taken, you have overcome the first hurdle and would certainly meet more bumps along the way. The journey is never smooth but you need to persist to reach your goals.

How does one get started?

1. Set a goal — Know what you want to achieve. Be as specific as possible. Ask yourself what skill would you like to develop？What product would you like to sell? What job would you like to do? Is that what you are really passionate about?
2. Take action — You need to find out more about your goals through reading, asking questions, having a mentor. In today’s world, you have unlimited access to knowledge because of the internet. You may even learn on your own or get tutored online. Gather as much information as possible to find out if that is really what you want.

3 Dive into it — Make a commitment, tell a friend, or to everyone if you want to up your stress level a little because a vow is a powerful motivator to yourself. Put a down payment for the lesson, and show up for the learning.

4 Be enthusiastic — -You are upskilling yourself. Anything you do, you will excel in it with time. No one becomes proficient over a short period. Every new thing you learn is an eye-opener and if you do it well, it makes your life far more interesting. If you do not, don’t be disheartened. Look for alternatives and learn more about it from people better than you.

Once, I checked with a sushi chef and he said it took up to 7 years to become highly skilled. To major in anything can take up to 3 to 5 years. You have to start.

5 Expect difficulties — All things are difficult before they become easy. The road to success is paved with frustrations, criticisms, and obstacles. Yet along the way, the small successes are gratifying and encouraging. The peak seems to be in sight but be ready for more stumbling blocks which become easily surmountable due to practice.

I would like to draw from two personal experiences.

1 About Writing

I am interested in writing because it improves my language, thinking, and my business. I want to write good content because Content is king in today’s connected world and this will lead to an increase in business in the following ways;

1 Content informs the customers. An informed customer is more likely to be a paying one.

2 Good content increases your ranking with Google so that when customers search for information, your company is likely to be found.

3 It makes your company look very professional and even a leader in the industry.

4 It improves your communication skills.

5 Chance of a second career which is Covid-19 proof

It was very difficult when I first started. I stared at the blank paper for hours, went walking around the estate, break the silence with telephone conversations, or sip a coffee. I knew that the blank paper was brimming with potential.

I needed to get started. The first step was to mull an idea. Then I collected more ideas related to the first one and think of how it would benefit me. I also gathered evidence by listening to other people’s stories and did some research online.

Finally, I put them on paper. I wrote that first line then another and another. When I had a mass of words, I organized them like a speech.

We should use whatever we have learned at Toastmasters to apply them to writing. We are already equipped at Toastmasters in creating good content and language so writing should not be a problem.

When it is done, look through again and make sure that there is an important message to impart. Repeat and soon writing becomes a habit.

I still struggled with writing but I am glad to say that because I took that first step and started practicing, my fastest piece of the article was written in a day and I hope to keep it that way.

2 Developing website building skills.

This was another unchartered territory for me. Anything related to IT these days seems important. Websites and blogs are gaining popularity and I wanted a website to log my articles. Any blog may also be converted into an e-commerce site.

For a dentist familiar only with dentistry, it was a steep learning curve. I committed enthusiastically by signing up for a course.

The course turned out to be difficult for me but it seemed to be a breeze for my younger classmates. I documented every step on paper while they typed into their laptops. Most of them came up with beautiful and functional websites and e-commerce sites but I achieved none.

A few disparaging remarks did not deter me. The road to success is always paved with nails and I just needed to wear thicker boots. Painstakingly, I did my homework every session which saw my weekends burned several times.

Fortunately, there is a telegram chat group where we can post questions and receive technical support from instructors and fellow students. I finally completed my website though my e-commerce site left much to be desired. I manage to procure two clients where I created two simple corporate websites that met their needs and recouped my IT fees.

The feeling — elated, delighted, excited!

The learning would not stop there as we know challenges will surface again when society and the world changes. Hence, I need to step out again.

In summary, take that first step to achieve your goals.

Set your goal, take action, dive into it, be enthusiastic, and expect difficulties.

If it does not turn out, repeat. If it does, repeat.

Two important quotes come to my mind;

The secret of getting ahead is getting started — Mark Twain

‘Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall’— Confucius.

Don’t let every incident frazzles you.

Summer Lotus Dec 4 4 min read

What sustains me through some ups and downs that some people see as stress, I credit it to my ability to stay calm and logical.

Just a simple case in point. Today, I found that my wallet went missing. It contained all my credit cards, teller machine cards, cash, and other small items.

In the past, I used to go into a frenzy. Maybe, it is due to the wisdom acquired with age, I have clearer thinking. But I like to say that ever since I started writing, it has made my thoughts crystal clear. I ruminate, ponder, and analyze more these days. The Key is never to panic.

My rationale goes this way. I have set notifications on my mobile. If anyone used any of my credit cards, I would be notified immediately and I can call the banks to stop any further transactions.

Secondly, I had twice unknowingly locked the wallet in my office’s cabinet so it might be there again. There is no hurry to rush down to the office on a public holiday ( this is hard to come by)to know that there is a 99% chance of my wallet sitting safely in the cupboard.

Thirdly, as I would be home the whole day, there is no necessity to retrieve my wallet. It would be a good test of faith in my rational thinking, a test of my patience to sit out this small mental drama, and a chance to stop doing any unnecessary shopping.

Actually, the most essential test was that I wanted to see if I am able to remain peaceful throughout today till the next morning when I report for work. It is good training for me as I am not exactly a very relaxed person.

My goal is to make sure that nothing jitters me in life, not even death. Everything will be OK. If it is not Ok, then I shall deal with it as it comes.

Supposing that I could not find my wallet. My next step would be to inform the banks, suspend the cards, which is a troublesome thing to do but then it is necessary if I want to prevent any fraud. It would take up much time but that would teach me a lesson never to be mindless again.

Case 2

A family member had gotten so highly strung and I diagnosed it as Covid-19 related stress.

What does one expect if you are always keeping track of the infection cases and death rates most of your waking moments? One fear led to another. The election in the US has kept many in suspense around the world.

He fretted about both scenarios. Now that Donald Trump is clearly out, there was the fear of big riots by his die-hard supporters which is highly unlikely in the first world country.

If he wins, there would be fear of a really disastrous four years ahead. If Biden wins, there is a fear that his work would be made difficult by the Republicans and the economy would go down anyway.

He also voiced that the vaccine and possible effects despite the positive declaration. The world is going to the dogs.

This filters down to the people in the family because everyone has to bear with the negativity. It is pervasive through many families as I found out.

Meanwhile, I shall keep my cool. By sharing more animal memes to make everyone laugh. I also like to share jokes that make people laugh in chat groups.

By not forgetting the bliss that surrounds us every day and feeling grateful. By indulging in stuff good for the senses such as music and the arts and spreading these ideas around.

By rendering help in any small way we can to people who have been disadvantaged in this crisis.

But let us not lose our cool.

This is because many things are not in our control. We must do what we need to do to prevent the spread of the virus. To be encouraging and be supportive of others in their struggles. Meanwhile, time wheezed past and one would wonder what we could have done with the time that had gone by when the world becomes normal again and I believe that it would.

“ What consumes your mind, controls your life” — unknown quote.