SUMMER LOTUS

Summer LotusJan 2nd 2021 2 min read

Confucius said, “Have no friend who is not your equal”. He meant that we should make friends who are better than us so that we can learn from them. He believed in the purpose of cultivating ourselves through friends.

While I agree that if one were to move ahead, we need to befriend people who are at least as good as ourselves or better as advocated by my favorite philosopher Confucius, people are not born equal.

In real life, everyone has a different type of talent. If A is not as good in the skill that you are interested in, he certainly would have talents in other aspects and it is up to us to excavate them — -if you are keen to learn that particular skill from them.

I believe in trying to be an all-rounder. If I am not as good at writing compared to a fellow writer but am good in the creative aspects of images, it behooves the other party to learn from me my secret and I from him his strategy. It should be a win-win situation. In fact, I make friends from many trades so that we can learn from each other but in my own vocation, I seek mentors.

Following my esteemed philosopher, Confucius strictly would be a parochial way of living. You may even reduce your circle of friends. That will restrict your growth and the joy of living in an expansive world.

So, while ancient sages had immense wisdom to teach us, we must also exhibit flexibility in our thinking and not take their advice per se.

Life will always have disruptions

Summer Lotus Jan 2nd 2021 2 min read

The pandemic has been disruptive in many ways; people are cooped up at home all day especially during the lockdown, getting on each other’s nerves. One has to get used to WFH which may suit some people but an uncomfortable adjustment for others. Your favorite place to dine was no longer available because it was not sustainable due to the poor economy.

I even detected changes in people’s psyche. People became more distant not just in the safe distancing sense. They have lost the touch of friendship. There was no enthusiasm to meet up for a coffee to catch up on the last few months. There is a sense of weariness. in the queues, in the normal routine and you even spot it in people’s eyes.

Sometimes, it became ridiculous. One said she would not go to the ATM machine to draw cash anymore since the booth would be touched by many others. Others would not go to the cinemas because of shared air.

I think we have to put things in perspective. As long as you do the recommended strategies of wearing your mask, safe distancing, safe entry, and frequent hand washing, keeping healthy, leave the rest to fate.

The virus already has a variant and has reared its ugly head again. Rather than continue to live in a limited way, we need to remind ourselves that there are still goals to meet and lives to enjoy.

Look at how others adapt without surrendering to crises and appearing helpless. Pick up a skill, a Covid-free one such as skills learned on the internet, read more about people who reinvent themselves, keep in touch with friends through the media and just go out and savor nature.

Some people have found their talent in baking, photography, writing, website creations, teaching online, etc

The world is at your feet, Covid or not. Don’t let time pass you by as this is just another event of many historical events but would pass eventually. Just stay safe but still seize each moment to fulfill without griping.

It has been a challenging year in Singapore

Summer Lotus 4 days ago 3 min read

Thankfully, the general public has been co-operative in Singapore by sticking to the rules of ‘wash hands frequently, wear masks, safe-distancing and stay home if necessary’ rules and have been able to prevent a resurgence of the Covid-19 crisis. Enforcement of the laws has been very successful.

The Government has also done its best to ‘save jobs, support workers, and protect the businesses’ with its massive budget and continues to monitor the situation to prevent further disruption by the spread of infection. Despite the retrenchment of workers, poor business suffered by some sectors, and general malaise, everything comes alive for Christmas to remind us that we must remain upbeat.

Though it was a grim year, Singaporeans did not let that put a damper on the festive Christmas mood. Walk around and we will see — love, hope, and faith!

Orchard road is always lighted up, Covid or not. It attests to our spirits which we will always keep high to overcome any adversities. It is still the most exciting street in Singapore during Christmas with its iconic festive lights, bustling malls(safe measures taken of course), irresistible deals, and innumerable alluring shops.

Meanwhile, step out of this famous street and be amazed by a myriad of themes and displays elsewhere. Singaporeans are a positive lot. We will enjoy Christmas and look forward to a better year in 2021.

It is a true celebration of the human spirit.

At Chjmes, formerly a girls’ school and now a place of fine restaurants and exquisite shops, Covid has inspired some indoor decorations that allow customers to enjoy their meals limited to 5 people per group. Soon, in phase 3, it may be increased to 8 people.

Orchard Road is bursting with the colors of the season. Despite Covid, tourists were seen milling around, taking pictures of all the displays.

A rainy Xmas night bathed in the beauty of the lights.

Believe me, you cause your own misery.

Summer Lotus Dec 23  4 min read

As we grow older, we should come to the realization that many failures in relationships, career, and accomplishments often boils down to ourselves — the cause of all things that did not turn out the way you want.

Being human, when things go wrong, that finger of ours tend to point at somebody else or some circumstances. But, be aware that there are at least three fingers pointing right back at yourself.

I noticed it too often. It is just a human weakness that we do not first look at ourselves and see if we have played a part in the dilemma. Like the tag line in the movie, A Few Good Men, “ You Can’t Handle The Truth!” Because the truth hurts! You deny that you have some unsavory traits that you should get rid of.

Most people can’t because it is an indication of their weakness, an embarrassment to themselves, or just being a flat-out liar. The sooner you own up to yourself and others if you have any inkling that you did something wrong or had a part in it, resolution begins and a happy ending is on the way. An awakening too, as such mistakes rarely surface again.

Why do you not achieve what you desire? The following are likely causes of the misery we brought upon ourselves.

1 Being impulsive. — — Many people tend to react rather than respond to situations. Hence, whatever they say or do rarely solves the problem and more of relief of their pent-up feelings.

This may trigger more anger to the opposite party and the problem balloons.

Stay calm, step back, and reflect a little before responding. Most sticky situations can be alleviated.

“Look before you leap for as you sow, ye are like to reap” — — Samuel Butler

2 Being irresponsible — -An irresponsible person is one who is careless of the consequences of his action and often has to pay the price in terms of ruined relationships personally or in business.

If a person is careless in his remarks or his dealings with other people, he loses the faith and trust of others. You are the master of your destiny. Even if you think that fate has a hand in a situation, you can turn it around by making wise and sensible choices.

When things go wrong, find solutions to redeem the situation as it shows a sense of responsibility and respect for oneself and others. Then you get a second chance instead of condemnation.

Take responsibility and do something proactive as this is a better bet to prevent hiccups.

3 Being egoistic — — An egoistic person is one who is so self-centered and self-loving. Pride is one of the biggest hurdles to success. Pride prevents you from feeling remorseful for any wrong action committed or hurtful words that you have said. It perpetuates the mistakes since nothing wrong is felt.

An egoistic person is usually resistant to change because he thinks that he is already at the pinnacle of his life. Until someone better comes along and knocks him off his pedestal. He rarely says sorry as it demeans him.

Learn to apologize when you are wrong and you will be surprised how people become more forthcoming and co-operative with you. Relationships are rectified or salvaged. However, this hurdle of eating humble pie can only be overcome by the person himself.

4 Being a poor listener — — I have come across people who think they are good enough where career or personal growth is concerned. A person becomes resistant to change when he thinks that he has all the answers.

There is a story about a scholar who wanted to seek advice from a zen master but was so full of his own ideas and opinions that he interjected repeatedly. When the Zen master suggested that they have tea, the master poured the tea into his cup until it overflowed.

The scholar exclaimed, “ Stop ! The cup is full already!”. To that, the Zen master replied, “Exactly. You are like this cup, so full of ideas that nothing more will fit in. Come back to me with an empty cup.”

Be open to suggestions from others. Listen and imbibe what is good. We learn more by accepting that change is ongoing. I like to have mentors who are young and old as long as they can teach me to be a better person.

5 Being unrealistic — —An unrealistic person is a dreamer, and is usually unpractical. Especially when you have lofty goals but no concrete plan to reach them. Nothing is achieved without effort.

In order, not to cause misery and disappointment to yourself and others, assess your goals carefully that they are reachable and you have the steps and necessary skills to reach them. Or at least have the right people who can help you accomplish your desired results.

Self-reflection is key if we want to achieve our goals. In today’s hurried world, we rarely ponder about what hinders us. We step over ourselves and get in our own way. Work at ridding off these undesirable traits and the road to success is smoother than you imagine.

This is the ingredient of a successful after-dinner talk.

Summer Lotus Dec 31   5 min read

By Rosalind Ho

A challenge arises when your host asks you to give a short speech after dinner. Usually, the host would have requested that you speak after the dinner in which case you could prepare beforehand. Sometimes, the host may spring a surprise by asking you immediately after dinner and that is the stress of tackling an extemporaneous speech. Speaking of the cuff is never easy. It requires quick thinking and wit to keep the audience engaged.

The audience has dined and may have already felt the headiness after some wine and good food. All they want is some nice interaction with their fellow diners and banter away. Many of them may be fidgety and getting a little restless.

Your challenges;

1 Entertain them somewhat. However, know the purpose of the speech — informative, persuasive, inspirational so there is some direction.

2 Make the appropriate comments that would please your host as well as your audience.

3 Make them laugh which would be valuable.

4 Impart some worthwhile thoughts they can leave the party with. Inspiring, motivating, and informative are some considerations.

What can the after-dinner talk be about?

It should be relevant to the theme of the party. Avoid taboo subjects like sex, race, religion, and politics. People have varying beliefs and ideas. The topics mentioned are very divisive so be cautioned. This is not the time to start a crusade about your beliefs. The gathering is about the main character or event concerned and not about anybody else.

Remember the audience is already very relaxed so it is not good to rile them with controversial topics. We want to build on the excellent atmosphere of fellowship and continue from there.

The guests have gathered for a reason — A birthday party? Graduation or Anniversary? An award or promotion celebration? Or just old friends gathering for the evening? Keep the purpose of the gathering in mind as you prepare your talk. If you have been invited to speak at the dinner, you should ask about the purpose of the dinner and reflect on your host’s merits and his special guest if any beforehand.

If you have been appointed to give an after-dinner talk by the host, it would be wise to show your script beforehand to gain the approval of the host. He or she may contribute more ideas.

Points to note about after-dinner speech

1 Be brief. — Unless you are a seasoned speaker who can arrest the audience’s attention, a 10-minute speech is enough to stretch their focus and patience before they start whispering and have a mini chat among themselves. If you have humorous, relevant anecdotes to narrate, an extension of 5 more minutes may just be ideal. This is from my observation at invited dinners.

2 Be mindful — -If the dinner has already been delayed for some reason and there are further programs like a business session or other speakers in line, then you have to cut your address accordingly. If the salient points are mentioned, it does not matter if your speech is a short one.

Be aware of the audience’s mood, body language, and facial expressions. If something said is not agreeable, be spontaneous enough to change the subject. As a speaker, remember to use a light-hearted tone and keep smiling! Pausing at the right moment to allow the jokes to sink in and the audience to laugh is very effective before moving to the next point.

3 Be positive — -People generally want to hear the good stuff. Think of all the wonderful aspects associated with the host, the audience, and the opportunity to be at the dinner. Do not mention anything embarrassing unless you have sought permission from the person whom the dinner’s theme is centered around. The host should also be consulted.

Unless it is a dinner designed to roast the host, remain courteous and respectful. Even a roasting speech can be polite and needs style and subtlety which is not easy.

Stay with a positive message. Remember the first and last thing sticks!

4 Be entertaining — If you recall, there are bound to be some humorous episodes that reflect the humorous side of your host or the person in question or you would not be asked to speak. The best approach is to be original with your jokes based on your experience. You might do well to keep some short jokes in your arsenal for such times. However, these jokes should be in line with the theme of the party.

Incorporate some rhetorical devices like metaphors, puns, exaggeration, understatements, etc that are often used in interesting speeches. Some drama may be necessary to give that punch!

5 Be respectful — -Always observe the protocol of a speech. Greet everybody, tell your story with ease and spontaneity, and thank your host for the invite and everyone for their attention. Keep a smile on your face and don’t act so serious. Most minds are already quite foggy after a big dinner. Courtesy begets courtesy and everyone goes home happy.

😄 😄 😄

Structure of the after-dinner talk

The humorous talk should be structured like any speech with an opening that is attention-grabbing and prepares the audience for some enlightenment. The body should follow the theme of the gathering, reinforced by stories and relevant jokes. The conclusion should end on a high note and not be a summary or personal call for action for some agenda unless instructed by the host. ( Example, small fundraising is the purpose of the gathering).

For more points about humorous speeches, you may read this article.

Always ends with a toast to the successful gathering and a big thank you for the opportunity to speak after the dinner.

Conclusion

An after-dinner talk is probably one of the challenging talks to give. Given the relaxed atmosphere, sometimes there may be more noises and even some interjections when people let their guards down after some drinking some wines. An excellent speaker takes all these in his stride and continues to deliver his speech together with his humor at a steady pace.

Developing humor in your speaking can help you in your career.

Summer Lotus Dec 24 4 min read

A speech can be classified into four types; informative, inspirational, persuasive, and entertaining. The most challenging speech type is an entertaining or humorous one.

In Toastmasters’ club meetings, the humorous speech contest is one of the main events where members sign up to deliver a humorous speech to entertain the audience and the top three speakers are recognized for their efforts. All participants are winners in their own rights for putting their courage and humor to the test.

Having participated in my Toastmasters’ club’s annual Humorous speech contest for several years, I think I can draw on my experiences to share the joys and benefits of being a participant.

The purpose of the contest is to help the audience have fun and award the speaker with the best story and technique. Every year, we are surprised by how participants could come up with their original stories created from their own encounters and observations.

Each speech is given 5 to 7 minutes allotment. We watched how participants grew over the years with persistent participation, some becoming quite professional at it.

What are the qualities of a humorous speech?

Toastmasters are aware of what makes a humorous speech work and we craft our story according to the guidelines we have learned as members. Below are some requirements for success;

1 The story should be easily understood and believable. The talk should be in a logical flow so that listeners can follow easily. Have a theme throughout the speech and the contents must reflect the theme.

2 It is best drawn from personal experiences which are more likely to be original and hence score more points. Only you can tell your own stories best. It may also be gleaned from other people’s experiences that are very funny and in line with the theme of your talk.

3 The jokes are in good taste and are a surprise in some cases. Dirty jokes or used jokes are taboo.

4 The story should have entertainment value. It should first be funny enough to yourself to share it.

5 It should adapt to your personality and suit the audience.

6 It should convey an important message to boot.

Delivery of a humorous speech

A winning speaker usually is a good storyteller. Through his content and delivery, he is able to engage the audience throughout his presentation leaving them wanting to hear more.

For humorous speeches, the speaker often speaks in a more dramatic fashion, with the appropriate use of gestures, body postures, and good eye contact.

A successful humorous speaker often uses rhetorical devices in his speeches to get his message across. The choice of words is important as they can paint a vista for the audience to imagine what was conveyed.

Rhetorical devices such as alliterations, analogy, pun, anaphora, the power of three, hyperbole, personification, simile, etc used in interesting speeches should be employed in a humorous speech.

The structure is always organized as in any speech with a good introduction, body, and conclusion.

Opening or Introduction — Opening sets the mood for the talk hence it should be an attention grabber. Plunge right into the story and set the scene for it. Some may prefer to use a visual aid to rein in the audience’s attention. As long as it is relevant to the content, it may be a good tactic.

Be enthusiastic, be infectious and you will seize your audience’s attention. Practise the opening to perfection to eliminate any possibilities of false starts and clumsiness.

Body — Limit to three examples (in a 5 to 7 min speech) and expand on each one. Build to a climax on each story and a punch line leaving breathing space for the smooth transition to the next story. Keep the momentum steady.

Check your content that nothing offensive was included. Avoid topics involving sex, race, politics, and religion. When in doubt, leave the joke out. The best strategy is to do the joke on yourself.

Conclusion — -The conclusion should be definite and have an impactful message from all your experiences leaving the audience happy to have heard you speak and learn something useful.

Some important points to note;

1 When giving a funny speech, the speaker is not expected to laugh at his own jokes. Most good humorous speakers are stone-faced when giving that punchline to their stories. If you are able to draw bouts of laughter, that is your proof of success.

2 The use of pause at the right moment is important to allow the joke or message to sink in. When the speech is given at a fast rate throughout, the joke may be lost by the audience.

3 Be mindful of the audience’s interest waning and adjust accordingly. This may require some experience and deftness.

The winner of the Humorous Speech Contest at our Toastmasters Club often scores in content and delivery of all the points listed above.

On a personal benefit, I find that making your fellow members laugh is a very enjoyable thing. Everyone became relaxed and went home happy. The club’s objectives of honing members’ communication skills are achieved with each participation.

I am able to break the ice easily with strangers, defray an embarrassing situation, and make a friend easily. Even if you have to give a serious speech at your corporation, the wit and wisdom developed at Toastmasters training often put one in good stead to handle any form of inherent stress and set the mood for a good presentation. I attribute this skill to years of crafting speeches during speech contests.

Humorous speeches are always a challenge to prepare but they are not impossible. We need to explore our arsenal of daily experiences and listen to other people’s stories for a start.

“A day without laughter is a day wasted” — -Charlie Chaplin