SUMMER LOTUS

Some are celebrated, some are absurd but always laughable.

Summer Lotus Jan 20 2021  6 min read

Chinese superstitions in modern Singapore still abounds. Many people have tied these customary beliefs to old wives’ tales, some originating in China but today, many still follow the rituals arising from believing them. This certainly brings some humor and laughter to those who do not believe but we would still respect tradition. Belief is entirely the person’s choice

We shall start with the Lunar New Year this year which will start on 12th February and ends on the 13th of February. Almost all Singaporeans will not sweep their homes on the first day but some would extend it to three days. The reason is that fortune and wealth would be swept away, hence the dirt in the house takes a breather once a year during this festive season.

If you sight lanterns in the form of pineapples, that is because it symbolizes prosperity. Many of these lucky charms result from their names. Pineapple 王莉 in mandarin rhymes with the word ‘prosper’ 旺. A string of red-clothed chilli may be pronounced as 吉利 in Mandarin which means very lucky. Red and gold is the auspicious color known to draw wealth into the homes and offices.

Designs cut out of red paper often have the word 福(fu) which means luck as well as wealth and it is often displayed such that the word is upside down so that fortune ‘pours’ in. The symbol of fish is also a good omen of unending food availability for the household.

The Chinese New Year Celebration is very special in this way. These may be superstitions but they are fun rituals for every Chinese family.

The Chinese have many events and festivities and along with them some irrational notions too. A case in point is when one gets pregnant. Everything to do with sharp objects seems taboo.

I first got my experience of how cumbersome it was to be pregnant because of superstitions. Pregnant women must never cut anything or do any sewing on the bed. I have heard many tales that restricted my actions. Sewing and cutting on the bed apparently would cause one to produce a hare-lip baby. God forbid a pregnant woman to hammer a nail into the wall or her baby would drop!

Needless to say, the scissors became my nemesis and I would rather go around unbuttoned than to sew it back!

Then, she is highly advised not to eat seafood like crabs and lobsters as these may cause the child to be hyperactive! It sounded ludicrous but when these motherhood statements are drummed into your head by mothers on both sides, you would not take a chance. Fortunately, I was not crazy about this creepy crawlies but my kids turned out to be hyperactive!

The tales continued after delivery. The new mother is cautioned not to wash hair nor bathe for 30 days! She must not leave home as well. The rationale is that wind and even moisture may seep into the body causing rheumatism and resulting bone and joint pain which they swore would make me scream.

Two weeks into confinement, citing hygiene reasons, I rebelled. I took a good shower and made a trip to the salon to have a relaxing wash of my hair. Subsequently, I washed my hair and bathe every day and to date, my joints have not creaked a bit.

The only part of the ritual I would thoroughly agree with is that new mothers having suffered much trauma during the delivery should be served nice, hot meals and pampered in many ways.

Parents including myself are often to blame as well as our parents and to be fair, the ancestors too, for perpetuating some beliefs that are archaic. However, all parents meant good so some beliefs are still extolled.

When the children are young and are not co-operative in eating, Chinese parents often tell their kids that their spouses would be pock-marked in the face if they frequently leave crumbs behind on the plate. This superstition was passed down from generations but may be losing its effect as children are getting smarter these days.

Recently, I met a young bachelor who had helped me in some office matters. I could not help asking why he had two rings on the ring fingers of both hands. He mentioned that his mother told him they were to block the gaps between the fingers so that his wealth would not slip away. I thought this confusion would also reduce his chance of getting a bride as he may be deemed engaged or married.

An event to give presents during weddings, birthdays and house-warming may be linked to many superstitions as well.

Never present a pair of scissors, a set of knives, or a clock no wonder how beautifully made they are. It is highly taboo. In Chinese culture, giving scissors is tantamount to cutting off the relationship.

My mum gave a lovely set of knives to her friend for her housewarming and never heard from her again. In Chinese, ”一刀两断” is a popular phrase used when people break off any relationship and the knives might have unknowingly symbolized that.

Similarly, giving a clock is called 送钟 which rhymes with 送终 a send-off during a funeral. Hence, it is highly offensive to gift this to an Asian who understands the Mandarin language.

On the subject of spirits, more superstitions flourish and some swear by them and follow the rules rigorously.

Don’t cut nails at night. They say it’s got something to do with drawing out the bad spirits. We can only speculate that in the olden days when lamps were used at night, over-protective parents did not want children to hurt themselves and hence spun this story.

In Chinese culture, the 15th day of the lunar calendar is the ghost day which is generally celebrated as a month. During this period, the Buddhists abs Taoists believed that the souls of the deceased are free to roam the earth. It is also a time to respect their ancestors.

Food and prayers are offered to appease them. Even entertainment in the form of roadshows called “getai” where singing, skits, and over the top costumes are featured to make the spirits happy.

For the superstitious, they would tell you not to go out as far as possible during Ghost month. Indeed, at every Ghost festival, my well-meaning relative would call me the day before the festival start and cautioned me.

A month of inactivity would stupefy me. Imagine, no swimming as the spirits may drown you. No taking pictures as that would be as good as asking the spirits to join you. Some believe that you do not hang damp clothes outside at night as they may be construed as an invitation to try them and then be brought into the house when you bring the clothes in. And of course, weddings are not popular during this month.

In any case, it affects dentistry during this season. Some patients avoid seeing dentists especially for wisdom tooth surgery as well as extractions as they believed that the spirits may enter the sockets.

In Singapore, 4 and 13 are considered unlucky numbers. You may see some hotels skip the 13th floor in the elevator numbering. The number 4 is also considered a jinx so if you have a house number that ends in 4, it may pose some difficulty to sell to someone who is concerned about this number. 4 in Mandarin sounds like death, 24 in dialect sounds like easy to die.

Superstitions remain grounded in people’s beliefs as long as they get passed on. It is up to the individual’s intellect and choice to tell what is sensible and reasonable to what is ludicrous and live your life without any impediments.

Albert Einstein said it best, ‘Scientific research can reduce superstition by encouraging people to think and view things in terms of cause and effect.’

A crisis is an opportunity to seize for a better future

Summer Lotus Jan 14th 2021 3 min read

This pandemic has challenged people to become survivors of unforeseen circumstances. We have never seen change like this before, a drastic change at that. Everything changes — business working conditions, demand and supply situations, human nature, products, and services.

Technology continues to evolve and become more integrated into daily life making it necessary to keep up with its pace. People leave for better prospects or be asked to leave if they were not able to cope.

The tag line “ Shape Up or Ship Out!” was getting louder. Adaptability is the byword that has never gone out of fashion. It has always been the case.

Don’t become like the dinosaurs! For reasons unknown, they failed to adapt to the changes of planet earth and the gigantic creatures perished. The dinosaurs among many industries also went under for failing to change and modify themselves. The following are a few examples;

One notable example was the take-over of small cars with high mileage over the giant automobiles in the mid-70s when there was an oil embargo. The shift to small foreign cars specifically Japanese-made cars dealt a heavy blow to the Detroit car manufacturers of that time.

Then there was Kodak which was one of the most powerful corporations in the world. We used to say Kodak moments whenever we take wonderful photos and print out the pictures for posterity. However, Kodak’s slow response to digitalization led caused it to lag behind some of its competitors when the camera went digital.

Despite being disrupted by digital technology, Kodak did not respond fast enough. Though its engineer created the first prototype of a digital camera in 1975 and they had invested in technology, it was slow to embrace the new business model that the camera was going the digital way. The opportunity came even later when Kodak acquired a photosharing site Ofoto which it expanded on its printing business. It finally sold the site to Shutterfly and at about the same time, Facebook bought Instagram.

Kodak still exists today, invested in other technologies including blockchain.

Then, its distant competitor Fuji aggressively explored new opportunities and created products in line with its film business, such as magnetic tape optics and videotape, and branching into copiers and office automation, notably through a joint venture with Xerox and had other avenues for increasing its revenue.

Borders Bookstore in Singapore was a favorite haunt for many avid readers. A popular US bookstore chain that opened in 1997, it occupied a sprawling space in the heart of the City. It was a great disappointment to many Singaporeans when it folded as it was slow to transition at a time when e-books and other digital media led to the decline of the publishing industry. In 2011, it completely vanished from the book scene in Singapore.

In the same way, workers who were disrupted by technological advances, the changing demands of the market, the pandemic, etc lose jobs when they failed to adapt accordingly.

Changes always cause discomfort and only the bold, industrious, and persistent people will prevail.

The lessons learned?

Corporations need to spot the changing trend and adjust accordingly by reinvesting and retraining if necessary to move with the times. Opportunity, as well as the timing, is key. If no action is taken, it would result in the slow death of the industry.

As for individuals, go where it is needed to stay relevant. Upskill oneself, look for mentors and gain more knowledge to stay in the know. Expect changes and do something to stay competitive.

Shape Up or Ship Out!

Why this may help you understand the other party better and prevent misunderstandings

Summer Lotus Jan 12th 2021 6 min read

In today’s Singapore, we have become more multi-ethnic than ever. Thanks to globalization, we are likely to interact with many other races at home or abroad. Each race has its own inherent culture so sometimes we may misunderstand each other as our perspectives, manner of doing things, and even expressing ourselves are quite different.

Let’s talk about footwear. My experience is that overseas western friends tend to walk right into the house with their footwear as they do in their own homes where the ground may be cold. In tropical countries, we are used to going barefooted. But these days, I urged my western friends to change into slippers if they are not comfortable with bare feet.

If you visit a traditional Japanese home, the tradition is to remove your shoes and align them facing the main door and then change into their guest slippers. If you use their washroom, there is another pair of slippers which you should change into and must never wear out of the washroom.

I was always forgetful about this protocol. Once, in a Japanese friend’s house, I left my guest slippers under the table after the host invited me to go upstairs to look at their western and Japanese style bedrooms. The hostess panicked and ran after me with my guest slippers. Later, I went to use their washroom and came out with their red toilet slippers. The hostess again brought attention to me that I should wear guest slippers in the living room.

Incidentally, the Japanese are masters of detail. Gifts are exquisitely packaged and presented at the porch before crossing the threshold to enter the house. While a western counterpart would tell you that he believes he has the right present for you which you would like very much, when giving a Japanese gift, I was taught to be humble.

For example, when giving edible stuff, you may say, “ Okuchi ni awanai kamoshiremasen ga, dozo omeshiagari kudasai”. This translates into “ This may not suit your taste but please partake of it”, the Japanese term used being honorific to show respect to the receiver or your host. Or “Tsumaranai mono desu ga,…” means “it is just a boring gift but…”(please accept it).

Westerners are explicit in saying “no” which means no. It takes skill to understand the Japanese. “No” can come in the form of words like “muzukashii na….” meaning “it would be difficult”. They seldom reject a request outright, and you have to be aware of the nuances, their facial expressions, and body language. This often happens when someone asks for a favor or deal from a Japanese. A common expression would be, “…chotto…” meaning a little…(difficult is the word that follows). If a Japanese tilts his head and goes sucking air through his teeth, that is an explicit no from him!

If you are invited to a westerner’s home who presents the table with a fine dining theme, do know where and which to pick your fork and spoon first. As I was not exposed to table etiquette when I was younger, I used to mix up the forks, knives, and spoons and took them from the wrong side!

If one is not familiar with chopsticks, it is better, to be honest, and ask for a pair of fork and spoon than to blunder with the former. Never stick the chopsticks into a bowl of rice or food as it is taboo in Chinese culture. It reminds them of incense used in funerals to honor the dead.

From my Japanese friend, it is important to slurp the soup or the noodles to show the pleasure of eating them. However, in other cultures, this noise is considered rude behavior.

Despite what has been said, I would give accolades to the Japanese for their management of time. Trains arrive on time to the second so it is a pleasure when planning a journey. In public transport, commuters are to refrain from using mobile devices so as not to disturb fellow commuters but they are allowed to eat and drink.

In Singapore, you may use your mobile in the trains and on the bus but if you eat or drink, there is a fine of up to $500.

In some countries, time becomes elastic like rubber bands. In Malaysia, for example, food may take its time to come and I am aware that it is a relative feel of the time-lapse due to different work cultures.

In Indonesia, it becomes super-elastic. Once, I ordered a local dish at the restaurant of a hotel in Indonesia. After waiting 45 minutes for the fried rice that did not arrive, I was inclined to walk into the kitchen and take over from the cook but restrained myself. Eventually, the food did come but we were famished.

The fault was more our own, coming from fast-paced Singapore where time is money and the cost of living is high. Productivity is key, hence the speed. In Malaysia and especially Indonesia, the pace of life is relaxed, so a mindset adjustment on my part would have eased my impatience and anxiety.

In any case, Singaporeans are also infamous for being elastic with their time and this is a well-known fact when it comes to wedding dinners. It is inexplicable but it seems to be a Singaporean trait that wedding dinners start as late as 8.30 pm even when it is stated 7.30 pm on the invitation card. It is not uncommon to see guests streaming in after 8.30 pm as well. Maybe they were expecting others to be late.

A Korean guide once commented that he loves Singaporean tourists because we are very quiet eaters and well-behaved during mealtimes. Meanwhile, the Chinese Nationals at the next table were very upbeat, bawling away happily while eating and drinking, livening up the scene. Westerners would consider that gross misbehavior but actually to them it is a joyous occasion.

However, when it came to shopping, there was no stopping the Singaporean tourists! They came, they bargained and carted away loads of stuff! Singaporeans love shopping especially when the products are much cheaper or not available at our shops back home.

On one trip to China, our local Chinese guide lamented about the general lack of interest of Singaporean tourists in listening to 5000 years of China history which he related with a lot of passion. Singaporeans, she commented were short on attention span. But at the mention of Shopping and food, their eyes would light up! I thought this feedback is important for our own sake to become more intellectual in knowledge and become respectable.

Another thing that confused me was the manner of greeting that different races conduct themselves. It happened when meeting my husband’s friends from the west. Do we kiss one cheek or both? And which side should we start? Do you pretend to go up close and then smack the air with your lips? You have to be really careful as you do not want to be lip-locked! Do not wash off immediately in your guest’s presence. In some cultures, it gets more complicated as there is a third kiss.

Usually, I would just offer a handshake unless the other side initiated this exchange of grime and dirt. Sometimes, you have no choice and am seized into your spouse’s foreign friend’s bosom anyway. In this respect, the Japanese win again in simplicity and hygiene by just a simple bow.

Anyway, the pandemic has straightened out this dilemma. Clasping the hands, or holding the palms as in prayer with or without a bow or knuckle-knocking gestures have become the new normal ways of greetings.

It is important to adapt or at least understand another country’s culture as one does not wish to offend the opposite party. As the world becomes globalized, more interaction is expected between different nationalities, religions, and races.

We should try to understand another culture and act accordingly by accepting other people’s cultural behaviors. This would prevent unnecessary social faux par and embarrassment. In fact, it is an eye-opener that may teach us new, useful habits. Or we learn to become more tolerant of others and make this world a better place through cultural acceptance and integration.

Confucius listed five essential traits of a noble character

Summer Lotus Jan 8th 2021   5 min read

From my favorite philosopher, Confucius (551 ~ 479BCE), we can learn to live a good life and achieve happiness if we better ourselves every day through self-cultivation. In his teachings, he always juxtaposes 君子, the gentleman or the person of noble character against 小人, the person of petty character.

Confucious believed that the purpose of moral education is to live the virtuous life as seen in the Analects which is a collection of speeches and discussions between him and his various disciples that illustrate his precepts; that anyone, regardless of his station in life, could become a superior man by living a virtuous life.

How does one become a gentleman? Listed are five behaviors of the gentleman most central to the Analects; — –benevolence (ren 仁), righteousness (yi 義), ritual propriety (li 禮), wisdom (Zhi 智), and trustworthiness (xin 信)

1 Benevolence (ren 仁) Being benevolent is expressing goodwill or kindly feelings. It means love, kindness, humaneness and it comes from your heart. It refers to action as well as words.

仁 has to do with interaction with other people and to cultivate it is a constant process.

The word ‘ren’ has to do with interaction with others. It is the true defining virtue of the nobleman and is a fundamental moral principle that encompasses all virtues. To carry out ‘ren’, Confucius’s golden rule(sometimes called silver rule because of the use of negative terms) is; Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.

He also emphasized that “You want others to advance to the degree you advance yourself”. In that way, you will always have care and concern for others. To put it simply, help your fellow man along.

That thought was thousands of years ago. Though I think it is indeed a noble aim to be aspired by each one of us, some believe that you can help your fellow man along by teaching him how to fish and not providing a free handout all the time.

Being kind without understanding the circumstances may lead to over-dependence on others which is not desirable.

Confucian scholars believed that for ‘Ren’ to be expressed, it can be properly employed in (li 禮).

“If a man sets his heart on benevolence, he will be free from evil” — -Confucius

2 Righteousness (yi 義) — —refers to justice and involves the disposition to do good with intuition, competence, and sensibility to do so.

It is about doing the right thing and being unbiased. In anything that we do, give thought to the consequences and implications of our actions and words and we would be able to evade trouble and have more harmony in our lives.

The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage — -Confucius

3 Ritual (li 禮)— — refers to propriety or decorum — action step that demonstrates kindness and empathy, respectful behavior, good manners, and the expressing of thanks. They allow connection and channel for the flow of 仁 (benevolence) and 恕（forgiveness).

Confucius was big on rituals in worship, customs, and ceremony. That is a good thing because it did not trivialize the situation at hand and can be enjoyable.

Ritual (li 禮) is important because it cultivates good manners, the connection between people, and orderliness. Applying it makes an event more significant as well as memorable.

Confucianism is inherently hierarchical in nature to incorporate li. Confucius had established these five constant relationships which help to ensure order.

Ruler-subject, parent-child, husband-wife, elder sibling-younger sibling, older friend-younger friend.

The key is that each has the responsibility and must carry out his role well. Then the respect earned will ensure order.

For example, in Asian societies, we usually address our parents or seniors before we eat or when we enter the house. We never call our parents or seniors by their first names. Forgetting your parents’ birthdays are unthinkable.

Buying gifts when invited to a house-warming is an unspoken rule. The subjects show respect to the ruler (government) but these days, there has been much rebellion if the latter was deemed not to be caring (仁 ren) and hence lost their respect. Or an abusive husband will certainly lose his wife, by failing in his custom or duty to protect her.

For society to exist in order and harmony, it must begin in the home. For order and harmony to exist in the home, it depends on each individual in the family to establish that order.

Everyone must play their role responsibly in order for respect to be gained before there are reciprocation and success in the relationships.

The practice of rituals (li 禮) is incomplete without the incorporation of benevolence( 仁ren) in the process.

4 Wisdom (Zhi 智) — -is having the knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.

“By three ways, we may learn wisdom: FIrst by reflection which is noblest; Second by imitation which is easiest; and third by experience which is bitterest.” — -Confucius

He advocated that we must learn from our mistakes, ask questions, and learn from people who are better than ourselves. In addition, real wisdom is knowing the extent of one’s ignorance, have patience and we must not stop in our pursuits.

We can look around us and see that the survivors of today’s changing world are those who have followed all that is listed above. Indeed, a superior man should become wiser with time and not older.

5 Trustworthiness (xin信）means you are true to your word, sincere, dependable, and even honest. Like loyalty, it is the glue that binds social relationships whether between friends, government, and the populace or between family members.

Put it simply, one must honor one’s words to do something as promised or you should give a good reason why a promise is broken. If a government has vowed to fix certain policies, then after being given the mandate to rule, they must carry out the exercise as mentioned. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to regain.

When I was younger, I tend to be late for my appointments with friends. Then, we had a rule especially for a group outing that if anyone is late for more than 10 minutes, the group would just leave. Once, I turned up quite late to a fuming friend and she never contacted me again. Since then, I have cultivated (xin信) and never have a problem with appointments again.

Conclusion;

These five tenets should be aspired by everyone who wants to live a fulfilling and happy life. We extoll these virtues because if each of us practices them, the world would have fewer problems. Making it mandatory in education can imbue the young with good qualities that make them achieve harmony at home and outside. We may never be perfect but being superior to another man in this way is inspiring for a world that is getting more challenging.

A brand new me begins…..

Summer Lotus Jan 4th 2021    2 min read

I woke up this morning and 63 has become me.

Unbelievable. I can be a grandmother but it’s not done to me yet. Regardless, I woke up feeling upbeat, grateful, and recharged. Counting my blessings.

I am self-employed, still curious about life, and learning continuously. Aware of the potential that I can still tap on inside me if I want to. Born in a country of great peace and opportunities if I seek them. Grateful for everything thus far in my life, regardless of its challenges, and having found medium.com added a new dimension to my life.

Today, I take a day off on my birthday, the first time in my 38 years in my career. Not much routine has changed but I try to fill them with some activities to gain knowledge, get organized, and look forward to dinner with my family.

These are what I want to achieve this year; to improve my career skills further, to make my practice a smooth one with a slow transition to the younger team, to stop my bad habits, to travel more, read more, engage more positively with others, be an inspiration to people I know.

Not to be the same old, same old. Instead to become rejuvenated from within. A new hairstyle, a fresh outlook, a slower and steadier pace of life, and wiser. To look at this changing world with a new perspective and continue to adapt and contribute in my own way. Not to be diminished by its transformation but be awed by it, at the same time making myself relevant in every possible way.

Confucius set the standard for the selection of good friends

Summer Lotus Jan 3rd 2021   5 min read

I subscribe to Confucius’ philosophy. In the Analects of Confucius(551 BC to 479BC)which contains the teachings and thoughts of this great Chinese philosopher and his disciples, we can glean the wisdom about making friends and their selection. Its fundamental philosophy is that he taught his followers to live righteous and virtuous lives.

Confucius believed that friendships should be unequal where the purpose is the cultivation of virtue. Yet like Aristotle, he believed that in a true friendship, he had advised that one should have a friend, at least as good as one is.

It then follows that we should befriend those who are better than ourselves so that we can learn from them. I suppose that would then lead to progress since if you want to be a good friend with someone better than yourself, you would be encouraged to exceed him.

Is there something to learn from someone who is your equal? Confucius described in this passage from the Analects: “in strolling in the company of just two other persons, I am bound to find a teacher. Identifying their strengths, I follow them, and identifying their weaknesses, I reform myself accordingly.” Indeed, sharing with other equals in the excellent moral life, or at least in the pursuit of virtue, is itself a spur to the good life for both.

Your friend is a reflection of your world and inner values. People do judge you by the friends who surround you. So, what are the type of friends we should look for?

From the analects of Confucius （论语), we have identified the following;

Good friends have these characteristics which are advantageous;

1. They are upright, magnanimous, and principled. — -Such a good friend knows what is wrong and right and will not lead you astray. He is of sound moral character, sincere, and would encourage you when you flinch or become decisive when you are hesitant in ways that are detrimental to you. You can trust that he would be there to advise you to the best of his ability. If he has made a mistake, he would also apologize, admit, and make amendments.

2. They are tolerant and forgiving. — A good friend understands that nobody is perfect and is prompt to be tolerant and forgive. These are some of the greatest virtues! He does not chide nor criticize and that causes his friend to feel even more ashamed and embarrassed. As a result, this may cause his friend to self-reflect on his shortcomings and errors and apologize for his mistakes. Indeed, tolerance and forgiveness are more effective.

He teaches us compassion in the process.

3. They are learned and well-informed. — A friend who is well-read and loves to progress along with the perennial changes in the world is not only more interesting but he can provide many solutions to your problems. He is akin to an open dictionary where you can get instant answers. Of course, there is Google in today’s world but there is nothing like the life experiences of a knowledgeable friend. He also inspires you to cultivate a higher level of intellect which you can then share with him or others and in turn, motivate the rest. This is a positive cycle of growth.

Bad friends have these characteristics that are injurious;

1. Bad temperance — A friend who practices temperance in his daily dealings is an admirable one. He is one who shows self-restraint, is patient, and amicable in all situations. He defrays a sticky situation that is likely to explode or implode and is a welcome peace-maker. He would make a good friend as he is likely to be objective and can think outside the box. One who has lousy temperance usually has a short fuse and is not likely to resolve any crisis but more likely to inflame it further. Stay away from aggressive, impulsive, and hot-headed people.

2. Greedy and selfish — -A person who is greedy by nature is unlikely to see things in your favor. He acts for himself and would abandon you once the table is turned on him. Such a friend puts himself above everybody else and is not dependable nor loyal. Confucius advocated that friends should be dependable. Is your friend evergreen or just a fair-weather one?

“Even if the season be cold, we know that pines and cypresses are evergreen.” — -Confucius.

3. Indecisive — In normal parlance, we called it ‘wishy-washy’. Until he changes, this person must learn to become more resolute through effective and critical thinking and make a decision to set things right.

Having an indecisive friend may be a stumbling block to yourself and result in you missing opportunities. It may also confuse you as you make a critical judgment that can affect your career or relationship. This is not an ingrained trait and he will one day wake up to learn to think better through training, observation, and gaining knowledge.

A Chinese saying goes, ‘ You depend on your parents at home but when you are out, you depend on your friends.’ Making friends is not only significant, but they are also the joys of life. With friends, you could share your happiness and griefs, have a shoulder to cry on sometimes, and exchange life experiences and strategies.

However, human beings being cliquish, we tend to stick to people of our kinds as in the saying, ‘ Birds of the same feather, flock together’. Therein lies the danger. A friend may help you to your pinnacle of success but may also drag you into the pits of hell. It all depends on your choice of associating with the right people.

We know how the selection of friends can impact us along life’s journey. If we follow the standard that was set by Confucius, we can reduce our troubles and cultivate ourselves to our highest potential, at the same time inspiring others to pursue progress and happiness in our relationships with friends.

I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps when I weep; for my shadow in the pool can do better than that. — Confucius