SUMMER LOTUS

The past seems more carefree…

Summer Lotus Feb 11   7 min read

Sometimes, I would just look back at my life over the last 62 years and see how things have evolved.

Back in the sixties, life was simple. My dad worked as a teacher for a meager salary to feed a family of nine. He would come back from school with a pile of books to mark. Subsequently, he would embark on his projects such as calligraphy or some artwork as a side hustle. The shops in the old days used Mandarin characters embossed onto a longboard to indicate shop name which they then posted on the top horizontal column above the entrance to the shop.

My mum was the dutiful housewife, preparing food for all the siblings and myself, putting very simple food on the table which included eggs with some preserved vegetables, a pot of soup, a plate of green vegetables, and usually some steamed or stewed pork, fried chicken if we are lucky and sometimes fish. In those days, we only ate roast chicken and steamed large prawns during the Lunar New Year. That was why we looked forward to the Lunar New Year as a very celebrative time.

There was an unspoken rule. Children study hard, grow up, look for a job, get married and establish their own nuclear families. Most of my siblings finished school by sixteen and they started to look for work. By the time, it came to me, being the last child and an accidental one I believed, the barrel was empty. My parents had aged and there was not enough money to put me through University.

I am glad for the adversity that gave me personal growth and learning. As I watched how my friends went on to study at the university, I decided to look for a job that allowed me to save money. I found my first job as a receptionist at the wage of S$300 at a Japanese construction company. That was thirty-three years ago. Today, that amount would just cover food expenses for one month in today’s cost of living.

I went back to my old estate to find the old flat demolished and the road that I grew up on shortened to a lane as gentrification had long taken over many parts of Singapore and people moved to better build public housing. The place may have transformed but memories linger. Of the big drains that I used to play in, of the old thatched-roof houses that we called attap houses, and of the neighbors I used to have but have not bumped into them for the last fifty years.

What stood out in my childhood? My carefree life. I have never heard of the word ‘tuition’ which I later imposed on my children like a mandatory order. That became the bane of their lives but it was necessary. Singapore was and still is a meritocratic society where the paper chase is significant for one’s future.

My life after school was spent playing. “Be home by six”, my mum used to say. I would hang around the big monsoon drain with my best friend, Bee Lian and we would jump from one side to the other. Other activities included playing hop-scotch, five stones, and making paper dolls.

Sometimes we went to the National Library but I did not pick up the habit of reading. Most times, we would roam the MPH bookstore next to the Library and I was fascinated by Barbie dolls in their various outfits. I told myself that I would own a series of them when I work in future but when I became an adult, my interest in Barbie dolls had long worn off.

Life was really surreal. During the weekends in the sixties, we would often go out with my parents which included my two brothers and me. The rest of the siblings who had turned eighteen and older had their own programs. Either it was an outing to Queen Elizabeth walk, today known as the Esplanade. Sometimes, we would go to Katong Park to swim in its sea swimming enclosure, or Haw Par Villa or to the Botanic Gardens, today a UNESCO heritage site because of the vast and impressive natural developments in this park.

There were not many places to go as Singapore was not developed then and the subway construction plan was not on the cards until the 80s. Recreational places were limited but Singaporeans were creative. My brothers catched spiders to compete against each other much like cock-fighting in some countries. They also caught butterflies, admired them for some time in a pierced bottle then later released them. I would draw paper dolls on hard white cardboard, cut them out and then designed and colored some paper clothes to hang on to the dolls.

I was the model for my brother who experimented with his box-like camera. We went out and I posed for the pictures which he then developed himself in a self-made darkroom. He became a self-learned photographer which came in handy for his later career. My brothers even made our own ramshackle tricycle out of wood and we had much fun. A game of rounders was also a regular activity.

People turned in early those days. The cinemas were a chief source of entertainment and so was the open-air entertainment center called New World. Happiness was riding astride my father’s shoulders after a movie show. My parents occasionally went for mahjong individually in their friends’ houses.

Festive seasons were celebrated joyously. For example, on the stroke of midnight of the Lunar New Year, deafening sounds of firecrackers broke the silence and people were elated. But it became a nuisance when people got hurt and fires occurred. A partial ban in 1970 led to a full ban on firecrackers in 1972 and the Lunar New Year was never the same again.

Gone were the smell of ‘gun powder’ that was sharp in the morning air and the carpet of red that resulted from the red crackers that were the symbol of the New Year that had dawned on us. But the images of people firing crackers and throwing at another were scenes never forgotten.

Before the ban, it could get really frightening if someone threw a large cracker in your direction that made you jump. In the evenings, people played with sparklers to light up the surroundings. I remembered not too distinctly someone shot me from far in the arm when they aimed a pop cracker that was supposed to be played vertically and hurt my arm. My mum took me to look for the perpetrator but to no avail.

As children, we looked forward to receiving red packets from our seniors. Those days, we hoped not to feel the coins in the packets as it meant that if the red packets were flat, they contained notes indicating a larger amount. Invariably, it was a dollar note. I would put them into my furry bear tote bag which had a zipper. S$10 was considered a bounty to me.

The Mid-Autumn festival or moon cake festival is popular and is the second-most important holiday after the Chinese New Year with a history dating back 3,000 years when China’s emperors worshipped the moon for bountiful harvests. Coinciding with the full moon on the 15th day of the eighth month of the Lunar New Year, we looked forward to carry paper lanterns of all shapes and sizes that symbolized prosperity and good luck.

We also ate tasty mooncakes, a rich pastry typically filled with sweet-bean or lotus-seed paste which is a tradition. We had a great time. On the field outside the old flat, we laid a plastic sheet on the grass. We sat on it and had a little party with our tea and mooncakes.

One time, my paper lanterns accidentally caught fire because the candle in it fell and burned the sides. Today’s lanterns are mostly made of bulbs that do not have the glory of a lighted flame. But there were fewer fire incidents, panic, and crying.

As the night drew on, my dad and I would lay down and look at the full moon. We talked about the Chinese myth where Chang Er had the elixir of immortality given to her by her husband Hou Yi, an excellent archer, said to have shot down nine out of ten suns that caused disaster to the people. Hou Yi’s apprentice tried to steal the elixir which prompted Chang Er to swallow the potion and fled to the moon and became its spirit. Huo Yi was very sad and died soon after. To commemorate Huo Yi’s heroic action, people celebrated this time of the month.

During the Dragon Boat Festival, called “Duan Wu” (Summer Solstice), my mum would make Chinese sticky rice dumplings the conventional way. It was very interesting watching her. Inside the glutinous rice were marinated pork belly pieces, shelled mung beans, salted egg yolk, and chopped shitake mushrooms. She deftly wrapped the glutinous rice with the bamboo leaves, formed into the shape of a pyramid, and tied it with a straw rope before cooking it. They tasted fabulous and was the highlight of the season.

Legend had it that Qu Yuan, a poet and a loyal high official of the Chu Kingdom during the era of the warring states was slandered and exiled. When the Chu kingdom fell to the State of Qin, Qu Yuan committed suicide by drowning himself in the Miluo River on the 5th day of the 5th lunar month.

To preserve his body from being eaten by sea creatures, the locals threw rice dumplings as they paddled the boats up and down the river and beat drums to scare the evil spirits away. This evolved into the dragon boat racing and dumpling festival today that is joyously celebrated.

Singapore, being multi-cultural has many other festive events but I had only Chinese friends then so I had no opportunity to enjoy myself with friends from other races until much later in life.

All in all, it was a peaceful childhood. There were occasional sibling rivalries and some squabbling about inadequate food. Later, my older siblings sought work after their basic educations and the economy in the house improved.

The years went by and before I knew it, my parents had moved from our old flat to a housing board flat in another estate called Toa Payoh, meaning “Big Swamp” which originally it was. My teenage years were spent in a new environment where other adventures and challenges of life arose.

It is all about changing your mindset

Summer Lotus Feb 4 3 min read

The old adage turning a lemon into lemonade is so true. When a situation seems unpleasant or stressful, use your perspective to deal with it.

Currently, I have engaged a domestic helper to assist my aging brother and he wanted all of this responsibility to be mine. I accepted but felt the burden nevertheless as I had to shoulder many other financial responsibilities including helping another aging brother.

It was with a different perspective that appeased me. I met up with the helper from Indonesia who was transferred by the maid agency from another employer. Lastri (not her real name) desperately wanted another home to work in. Through her, I found out that her working condition was not good as she was subjected to constant nagging and scolding. Moreover, she has three young children to support back in her village.

I decided to change my perspective of this situation I am in. I felt that I have done a good thing by giving her employment where she only needs to assist my brother who lives alone and would be a peaceful environment for her to work in. My brother who was resistant to foreign help would certainly benefit from her assistance. In addition, I thought I could learn some Indonesian language from her which is a new skill.

We made a pact. I encouraged her to polish her English language which is still in smithereens besides having worked three years in Singapore. I would have to start from almost ground zero as I knew about only ten words of her native language. I told her that she should set her aim to improve English for better job opportunities in the future. I would become more conversant in Indonesian which is very handy as Singapore is a country surrounded by many Muslim countries. Though English is universal, knowing their native language endears one to others.

I embarked on this newfound interest straightaway. Though our conversations are still a mix of broken English and Indonesian, my messages to her are written in both languages helped by Google translate. I corrected her English when needed.

In a span of two weeks, I have already acquired about 120 vocabulary words including standard phrases. I hope she would be diligent too. Though I have to part with more than $1000 a month to maintain her job, I felt that I have turned a lemon into lemonade by considering the benefits.

I have not only given someone who needs financial help a job, but I have also given her hope for the future to upskill herself. Not to mention to help an aging relative. I have also used the situation to improve myself, in the process feeling more fulfilled and happy.

By changing one’s perspective and looking for the good in any situation, you will find the silver lining. Mindset change is a good strategy to use in life’s unavoidable ups and downs.

Apply these tips to increase your chance of winning at your Speech Contest.

Summer Lotus Feb 2 5 min read

Today, I have the good fortune to be invited to listen to a World Champion Speaker on the webinar, a 1 1/2 hour workshop, titled “Master Your Speech” organized by Toastmasters District 80.

Lance Miller is living the dream life. He holds eminent positions in the Corporate world, building and managing sales and marketing programs in the industries of law, construction, international finance, alternative health, and the internet and he has guided his audiences through business communication, world-class communication service, successful team building and more….

Lance is a very adventurous sportsman. From his enviable experiences, he has gleaned life lessons to share with his audience and spoke at hundreds of civic forums centered around fundamental human rights.

He holds the highest distinction of Distinguished Toastmaster with Toastmasters International and has delivered thousands of speeches in many different countries. He also coaches innumerable people inside and outside Toastmasters in Communication Skills.

It was a speech full of gems for the speaker who wants to excel in public speaking. I jotted those recommendations furiously and have summarized to the best of my ability. I held on to his every word.

The salient points of a masterful speech that I have gleaned and interpreted are as follows;

1 Be Authentic — Embrace your message, your principles about life, and your beliefs. When you discover yourself and believe in what you want to say, you will come across as sincere. Don’t say what the audience wants to hear.

When you are authentic, there is certain life energy that reflects conviction, passion, sincerity, and humility. The audience will be arrested by the speaker’s content and delivery.

When you are authentic, you will be more comfortable with yourself and appear relaxed and natural and not rehearsed.

2 Search for your defining moments — -Base your story on your experiences that have made indelible impressions on you. What you want to tell your listeners is about how listening to your experiences, can translate into an improvement in their lives. How they could use the same message to overcome their unique seemingly insurmountable problems.

Lance made a very important point in that even in an informative speech, you should also have an inspiring element to make it very valuable.

3 Delivery points to note — –

a) Lance emphasized that speaking is not acting. Remember to speak to the audience and never lose them. He has observed some speakers acting out the conversation with an imaginary person, thereby in his words, “dropping the fourth wall and playing off the latter”. The speaker could still respond to the imaginary person while speaking and looking at the audience.

b) Have an attitude of sharing. Do not act like an authority telling or yelling what the audience must do as there may be a higher authority in the audience. In any case, such a manner will put off the audience as we do not know what specific problems they may have. In an indirect and unimposing manner, the audience could relate better to a subtle message and apply the speaker’s suggestions.

c) Don’t ask questions that the audience cannot answer. Some speakers, Lance has observed asked questions in the middle of a presentation then continued speaking. I feel that this is disruptive to their listening and unnecessary. He recommended asking the audience for a show of hands to a question and that at least would elicit some response than just asking a question then not waiting for any reply.

d) Speak from the heart to get closer to their hearts. Do not act bigger than yourself, acting grand and dynamic or your message may come across as forceful. The audience is the final judge of whether you are a true sensational speaker.

Our distinguished speaker went on to share his sequence for preparing an inspiring story that is required for International Competitions.

1. Setting up your story.

Act 1 — In your opening, be specific. You may create the mystery but never the confusion. This is by answering the where, when, what, who, and the conflict. This creates a very clear vista in the listeners’ minds and prepares them for the story that is to follow. It is a clear road map that engages them.

An important piece of advice from Lance — Do not put your message in the beginning. It should be a surprise.

Act 2 —You narrate your story and your struggles to resolve the conflict succinctly mentioning all the obstacles so as to make the content stick.

Act 3 — Describe how a hero resolves your conflict. The hero should always be something else but not yourself — it could be an object, a thought, or another person.

Lance related a poignant story of a person who had problems with his family and while driving along a bridge, he was inspired by the bridge anchored to the bedrock that could withstand the turbulence of the Ocean. Then he realized that his family was anchored in love that could withstand whatever turbulence they were currently facing. He called home to make peace and the bridge became the hero in that story.

2 Make that point which is the resolution of the story using 3 b) above.

3 Share how the audience may apply — -Call to action indirectly so that the audience can decide for themselves if they want to apply it.

Other gems from Lance Miller

1 Don’t just quote wholesale from a famous person. Describe how that quote affected you and you make a better connection.

2 If you are using a prop, make sure it can be removed when not needed otherwise it is a distraction.

3 Practise your speech as you give it because you will give it as you practiced it. This is a golden rule to me as I often practice in my head and it never turned out the way I wanted as I would need to speak out loud in the real situation.

Don’t stop even when making a mistake but go through it. This will be for the real situation. Practice your speech many times, knowing it, not memorizing it.

Lance Miller emphasized persistence and passion as Heimportant ingredients for success. He credited Toastmasters as a good and safe place to develop communication skills to be put into practice in the real world.

It was a very fruitful Sunday morning listening to Lance Miller. As our club’s International Contest draws near, many members including myself are drawing on these tips that Lance has shared with a big Thank You!

For people who are interested in giving speeches and presentations and crafting a master speech, the above tips are invaluable.

Develop these traits and you will get there.

Summer Lotus Jan 29   1 min read

Have Clarity

Have Drive

Have Faith

Have patience

Have a Never Say Die Attitude

Have help

Have your research done thoroughly.

It takes a very driven person to achieve what he or she wants. We see successful people around us who attained incredible results with their limited resources. We could certainly pick up some of their traits by studying some of them carefully.

Look up Medium’s top writers. Those who have a huge following have reasons to be successful. We should read about their experiences and insights and how they overcome their obstacles. Choose the magazines and books that featured the movers and shakers. Life is all about possibilities.

“The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you seem to be naturally motivated to continue.” — Brian Tracy

Just do it — — Nike

The best thing that ever happen to me is reading about philosophy

Summer Lotus Jan 26 2021  5 min read

I was never an avid reader but ever since I wrote on Medium, I felt an urgent need to read a lot to infuse my brain with ideas. The good authors on Medium also encourage prolific reading for serious writers.

I stumbled on Philosophy. To me, Philosophy was studying the mind, the attitude, the reasoning behind situations. It was almost a rationalization to help one get by life’s annoyances. I was not aware of the wisdom embedded in the principles expounded by the philosophers.

In my country’s culture where I grew up, there had been an emphasis on the Sciences. The ‘Big Four’ coveted careers were Accountancy, Medicine, Law, and Dentistry. Parents do not emphasize Art subjects like Literature, History, Geography, and the Arts even Philosophy as they were not ‘money-making’ prospects.

I was a Science student throughout. As I dived into further readings which included fiction and especially Philosophy, it all became very meaningful to me. I started to apply them to my daily life. That paved the road to a happy perspective of living in a challenging world.

The philosophers of the world were innumerable. Each had given his unique perspective to life. Their legacy to us was wisdom and the way to achieve peace and happiness.

I would focus on Marcus Aurelius whose thoughts resonate with many people who are acquainted with his writings. Marcus Aurelius was a powerful and rich Roman emperor in the second century and a Stoic philosopher. He was born about 2000 years ago and his reign was a period of tranquility and good government.

Stoicism is a branch of philosophy that is concerned with self-control and achieving happiness through the virtues of wisdom, ethics, bravery, and moderation. His greatest contribution to philosophy was his book called meditations” which he wrote to himself and now finds many practical applications in today’s world.

There are 12 books with about 185 quotations but I will just meditate on three of his quotes that have changed my life greatly.

1 Marcus Aurelius stressed the power of the mind.

He wrote, “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

Then he said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”

So, with calmness in our minds and peace in our souls, the solution to any problem will come. When confronted with an issue, I would usually take a breather — go for a drink, a short walk, chat with a friend. Later, ideas would surface. So far, my problems became resolved, or at least they seemed less severe than I first thought because the power to overcome is from my mind.

If some event stokes your anger and not within your control, you could put things in perspective. Look for the good rather than the negative aspects and you will find positives and become more appeased. Even if there is really none, the annoying event has built your character of resilience and patience.

Whatever you are feeling inside you, remains with you until you choose to expel them. Therein lies your strength.

2 Marcus Aurelius meditated on how people could act.

He wrote, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

Indeed, we have often overheard people complaining about other people’s behavior or performance out of the earshot of the person concerned. So and so should do this, she shouldn’t have done that. I can do much better than that.

Nothing would improve as the relevant person was not notified. If informed, his ego may deter him from taking action anyway. He suggested focusing on your own actions without criticizing the other party. Just watching you show the way may be more effective. No argument is needed. In that way, he would be inspired and be more receptive.

Hence, the best option is to become a role model. Do your part exceedingly well such that others would talk about it. Inspire instead of complaining. It would not change anyone’s behavior but turn yourself into a complainer and waste your time. So be the best employee, the best partner, best parent, best friend, best boss, the best person you can be and others will take after you.

3 Marcus Aurelius wrote about having a happy life.

He said, “ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” So guard it accordingly.

This is the equivalent of “ You are what you eat”. Feed your mind with good books, biographies of great men and women, uplifting articles, and essays until you internalize their thoughts and opinions. Read about people who overcame adversities and you would be filled with wisdom. You would also develop gratitude for your current status.

Quotations from wise men and philosophers are a good place to start. Life will always hand you surprises, many exasperating but you could evade these arrows of annoyances by what and how you think. Reading from the right sources and listening to people who have experience are where you can pick up counter thoughts of negativity.

In a similar vein, if you want to write a good speech, one that has relevant rhetorical devices that are important to make an impact, then read and decipher good speeches made by famous people and imbibe their and thoughts and skills to produce a good speech.

By surrounding yourself with friends who have humor, positive minds, and who love learning, you would inevitably receive the goodness from them and enhance the condition of your life. Improve the quality of your thoughts and you will improve the quality of your life.

Two thousand years have passed but a wise man’s words will live on. Every day, meditate on these aphorisms and apply them unceasingly. Life is a pleasant one made unbearable due to our own reactions to events. The next time something annoys you, remember these three quotes and the situation will be mitigated much.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

“ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

— — Marcus Aurelius

I want to thank medium for existing for people like me

Summer Lotus Jan 24 2021  4 min read

Through Medium, I have inculcated the love for reading and writing.

I am a latecomer to reading. For most of my life, I hardly read as I was not motivated and I was largely entangled with textbooks of subjects that I aimed to pass. For 16 years, from primary school to University, I was in the Science stream so Art and Literature subjects were not on my radar of interests. I had not acquired a love for Art, History, Geography, nor Literature until in my later years when I started traveling and became exposed to other cultures.

I chanced upon Medium a year ago when I was surfing the internet and realized what a treasure trove it is. Many writers are already accomplished and prolific writers and thinkers, generously sharing tips on living a better life.

Members of medium.com have opportunities to express their thoughts, relate their stories, and share their experiences in ways that are so beneficial to readers that I quickly fell in love with reading and writing. Some of them earned good money to boot.

I am a proponent of reading as well as writing now. I have benefitted over the last year when I became a member and decided to give writing a shot. As a dentist, my sphere of living is very small but the desire to write had caused me to dig deep into my life experiences of 60 years tucked under my belt. I discovered that reading expedited my writing attempts as I became inspired going through other authors’ works.

“Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write”— -Annie Proulx

How reading and writing benefitted me.

1 You can say I now feel more intelligent. Such variable subjects from philosophy to business to life hacks to almost anything conceivable are bandied about on this platform and many good authors crystallized those ideas for me. They sourced and shared quotations that were timeless and brought much introspection to my life.

2 I became more confident, positive, and happier. It is very encouraging to see many great authors on medium who could churn out nice, motivating articles, as many as two a day. They were very supportive, egging new writers to keep writing and trying. They were also realistic to reveal that it could take as much as five years to see results and only practice, grit, and hard work can hone a writer’s skill.

I noticed a positive change in me during the Toastmasters meeting. During the off-the-cuff speech session, we termed as table topics, I was able to adopt a fresh and optimistic perspective no matter how negative the topic was. This was a far cry from just a few years ago when I used to shun table-topics and was not able to deliver a concrete view when volunteered. I would credit the reading and writing habits on Medium that built my critical thinking skills.

3 I learned many new things from reading articles by established writers. These are authors who have a huge following and have proven to be persistent and progressively successful. I aspire to be like them. From them, I was exposed to other great authors whom they have followed and the good ideas and thoughts were shared through their writings in their own inimitable ways. Some have become so successful that they had made writing a full-time career.

Many of these writers want others to succeed as well so they would share their tips and their mistakes. I think this generosity is to be lauded greatly. I have adopted their recommendations and made my own essays to meet the criteria required by publications as closely as possible.

4 Being involved with Medium, I have developed the good habit of reading at least three articles a day. Each article always carries an important message for me to apply. The writing was a struggle and it still is. However, I do find that I am able to achieve a flow state under the right conditions and have generally written an article in less time than was required when I first tried to do so.

My article that was viewed the most was only about 100 views but it was a boost for my self-esteem as I never thought I could even write. The topic was Knowing Your Communication Style Will Help You Succeed In Your Life

Well, let me share my chequered past. My composition book was thrown out of the window during my formative years as a teenager when I lacked a lot of motivation and focus. I became the bane of my English teacher’s life for the whole year. I was demoralized for many years. Coming from a neighborhood school, I got into this elite school by the skin of my teeth. It was a brand name school ( all teenagers aspire to get in)by all accounts. When I entered school, I discovered that most of my classmates were already polished in the English language. There, my torment lasted for four years.

Joining Toastmasters Club to find my voice required me to produce scripts to perform as speech projects. It was after I became a member of Medium that I honed my writing and now I am not short of articles to use during club meetings. The need to write quality speech spurred me to read quality articles, process them and write out my best version.

This is going to be an exciting year in 2021. There is plenty to discover on Medium where I could develop further in this craft and my goal is to be consistent in producing worthy and readable articles that are of value to other readers.

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot” — -Stephen King