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One of the most important survival skills in life

Summer Lotus Jul 19 4 min read

Geoge Lucas, the famous film director of Star Wars said, “Always remember – your focus determines your reality .”

Why we must focus on the positive.

1 Life will throw a lot of obstacles at you. Some are disguised as opportunities. Being negative would only make you think about problems. Staying positive makes you take action.

2 Research and studies have shown that the human mind tends to be affected by negative thoughts and hold on to them longer. I think that our minds naturally gravitate towards negativity which may be due to self-preservation.

We have to work hard to get out of a negative mindset.

We need to train our minds to think of the good stuff.

Let me relate my experience about focusing on the positive.

One day, my patient brought her 18-year-old daughter to my clinic and said, “Please give her something to do while waiting for her results. She wants to do dentistry”. She seemed like a good girl, somewhat reserved.

My negative tendency was to note that she had no experience whatsoever and would consume much of our time to train her. She was only going to be a temporary help.

The positive angel in me told me that this young quiet lady would have a bright future if I could inspire her. This was my chance to do some good for someone who needs guidance.

So, patiently, we gave her the ropes – taught her the basics about teeth and dental health, encouraged her to learn, coaxed her along, caught her doing right as a dental assistant, and complimented her. Errors were gently corrected.

She felt encouraged and bloomed over the months. She was joyful and helpful, tried to perform well, and built her self-confidence in the process.

She became determined to join the dentistry course after her interest was piqued. We believed that she could handle the manual dexterity test and interview well. Turned out that she was accepted into dentistry in July. She was elated.

Around the same time, I have taken in another patient’s son who wanted to be a dentist though already had a diploma in biotech. It was close to impossible to get a job as a dental assistant as most clinics only employ female dental assistants. But he found his calling in dentistry.

My negative tendency kicked in again. I started to worry about what my patients would think having a young male dental assistant milling around. However, I felt that there are many male dentists and they should have their fair share of exposure to this career as well.

I introduced him as the future dentist whenever my patients looked odd or queried about being assisted by a young male dental assistant. Through positive engagement, enthusiasm, and hard work, he picked up a lot of clinical knowledge and was a suitable candidate for the dentistry course.

Unfortunately, he was rejected and I decided to take a positive view and analyzed that the barrier was his age. He was already 24 and they might have wanted him to pursue his biotech career instead.

We wrote in an appeal to the authorities to reconsider his application as age should not matter but passion does and they could test him on his clinical knowledge learned on the job. He got accepted.

Focus on the positive and you get possibilities.

Staying positive gets results.

How does one stay positive

1 Change your perspective — -Every incident is a double edge sword. While you may lose something, you would also gain something else.

When presented with a challenge such as a work project or even a presentation that seems insurmountable, see it as an opportunity to hone your skills. You just need to get started and thereon, each piece of work just gets easier. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Look for the good in a difficult situation and it may not seem so bad after all.

2 Manage your expectations. People don’t excel overnight except for the exceedingly few talented ones. Behind that, bet that there was a lot of sweat and tears. Expect mediocrity when you first try something. On receiving feedback, work on it and one would only become better.

Patience is a great virtue and expecting progress with reasonable time and effort will make you feel more positive.

3 Surround yourself with happy, warm, and genuine people

Friends who are supportive, encouraging, and caring give you a boost of energy to overcome the little slings and arrows of daily living. Have friends who have a positive outlook and that would also rub off on your psyche.

It is for this reason that I stayed with SIM II Toastmasters Club for close to thirty years as I find it a nurturing and positive environment for personal growth and interpersonal relationship building and honing communication skills.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to be a beacon of light in others’ lives too.

4 Be grateful for the things in your life.

A proverb goes, “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.”

It is easy to list at least three things to thank for every day — thankful to be live life to the best of my ability, thankful to sample the goodness of life, thankful to overcome challenges and become a better person.

A grateful person has more energy to dissipate and is a magnet for good things to happen. A grateful person attracts other positive people reinforcing your ability to overcome adversity.

Focus on the positive. It is totally within our grasps and power to live life happily.

Not as discouraging as you think….

Summer Lotus Jul 6 4 min read

I have read “You Absolutely Shouldn’t Start a Side Hustle” by Zulie Rane and thanked her for sharing so ingeniously and ingenuously. There were many points of view which I agree wholeheartedly.

While I agree that a side hustle is not easy to embark on, I would still work at it but on the premise that I would hold on to my stable, main job.

To me, a side hustle is an extra source of income, preferably something different from one’s main job such as writing which brings immense joy and benefits.

My point however is; Do it anyway. Even if it is difficult. Even if fails. Even if it pays me less than $2 a month so far. Especially with writing which I am passionate about.

Nike says, “Just do it”

“Never, never, never give up!” — Winston Churchill.

These two quotes are my credo for meaningful living. We will never know what hidden talent we have until we try.

Just don’t do it for the money. You will be disappointed and discouraged if that is your first aim.

Having written on Medium for one and a half years, I am grateful and excited even with one clap. It means that out of this big, vast world, someone finds my article worth reading.

That pushes me on. It makes me discover my interest and forte in a certain arena and I will focus on that.

Meanwhile, I love my job too much to ever go full-time on writing. But if I qualify to become a writer in due time, maybe when I retire, it would be exhilarating!

Meanwhile, I think that if writing is your passion and dream, you need to continue to hone this skill, one article at a time.

As they say, “Time and patience are the two most powerful warriors.” Everything that turns out good, will take time. Patience will ensure quality in your work. It takes time to understand how the system works. It takes time to read other good authors’ works and learn from them.

Writing has been a self-discovery journey for me. I found that I could write! Or at least it seems to me and that is very encouraging.

It makes me reflect on my past activities, mistakes, and decisions. Some may be regrettable, some amazing. It makes me realizes what pursuits are worth continuing, what activities are worth letting go of.

A side hustle like writing is most suitable because it does not cause you much outlay, only your brain work. Our brain works wonders when we think and when we write, more truths are revealed.

Our lives are enriched by everyday events of our own and others around the world. We need to filter them and share the best lessons with the world through our writings.

I am glad that when I was told not to do something, I would analyze and think for myself. It is the most sensible thing to do as we live our lives independently of others who have different aspirations and fears.

From Zulie’s advice about writing as a side-hustle, I would critically sieve out her ‘gems’ that I could apply and avoid the pitfalls experienced by her.

She was not discouraging in any way. She was truthful.

You need to “give and give and give” in her parlance. Absolute commitment. Sacrifices with personal time and relationships were needed to get results. She saw results after a few years and is a successful writer which she earns deservedly through her hard work and dedication.

Every piece of advice is a double-edged sword; do not get defensive nor offensive. We like to listen to the good stuff but someone else’s negative experiences or perspectives may not become ours.

I started an e-commerce website as a side hustle to understand how it works on the backend. I was curious to understand how the transaction works and whether I could find a good product that serves the public. Of course, it would be nice if it makes money.

Though it is not profitable to date, I have learned much in the process — about website building, creation of good images, writing suitable content, digital marketing, and many other features that I must pick up to really make it successful.

My writing on Medium pales in comparison with some writers who already earn shortly after starting writing. Some authors could unleash as many as two articles daily! I am not discouraged as the unseen benefits of this potential side hustle override the monetary aspects.

Success depends on the total commitment and thirst for more learning which eats into your private time if you also have a full-time job.

I have not tried my best in this eCommerce side hustle nor writing platform as I had not been fully committed. It is purely my own doing. Daily self-prodding, motivation, and persistence are key to getting desired results.

I am made much aware of what is required for a side hustle to work after reading Zulie Rane’s article. The balls are all in my court.

The proven way to excel and achieve personal happiness

Summer Lotus 27th June 5 min read

We need the courage to live. Life is not straightforward. I remember all the times when I was cowered by fear. However, it’s all my perception.

Fear to fight back. Fear to face the consequences even when wronged. Fear to put things right and be justified. Fear to inspire others to have courage through one’s challenges.

One of my first fears was public speaking. Being pathologically shy and introverted had caused me to miss many opportunities in life.

I missed the meeting and interacting with inspiring people because of the lack of the art of conversation. Mostly due to the fear of not being able to converse well.

It was evident back in school. Students who were conversant and confident were also courageous. They get noticed, offered opportunities to develop and grow further.

That caused me to embark on a long journey to learn communication skills. Almost laughable thinking about it.

My first foray into public speaking was when I enrolled with the British Council for a public speaking course. On the day itself, they put us individually in front of a video camera and I freaked out. Talk about throwing one into the deep sea immediately.

The costly three-day course hardly moved my dial on personal confidence.

Next, I embarked on a Dale Carnegie course, another expensive workshop, all ten sessions of it. Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills.

He was the famous author of “ How to win friends and influence people” which is still widely read and practiced today.

My self-introduction on stage on the first day lasted 10 seconds. We could see that public speaking fear was real as, among the professionals, even high fliers like managing directors feared speaking in public.

Every session, we would listen to an inspiring speech by the instructor. Our homework was to go home and prepare a five-minute speech to perform at the next session.

All emotions were explored. If the project was about anger, each participant had to relate an angry incident and really feel angry about it to appear authentic. It was structured to appear more authentic and break the ice with the audience.

Subsequently, over the ten sessions, we had projects on sadness, fear, joy, embarrassment, shock, and a whole gamut of emotions.

We had great fun. Subtlely, participants started to drop their facade, their anxiety, and their fear and became comfortable in their own skin by the fifth project. On graduation day, some people have changed to become more confident.

It was very effective. I became more coherent in my presentation but it lacked structure. Moreover, the course had ended and we needed a new platform to hone our speaking skills.

I decided to expand on my communication skills and stumbled upon Toastmasters’ club meetings. It was an ongoing meeting and affordable.

The Toastmasters movement was started by Ralph Smedley in the US who started Toastmasters International in 1924 to help people spruce up their speaking skills.

Today, it has mushroomed into more than 14000 clubs in over 141 countries. Despite it being formed so long ago, it continues to be popular among organizations to assist people who want to develop their self-confidence, communication skills, and leadership skills.

I have stayed with the SIM2 Toastmasters club for over thirty years in Singapore. It is a very nurturing environment where people from all walks of life join to improve their communication skills. Formed in the late 80s, it has groomed many champions of public speaking contests at club level, division level as well as district level.

A Toastmasters club provides a platform to members to present their project speeches that are evaluated by experienced members. It is a safe place to practice as the environment is congenial and nurturing.

Besides this, the benefits of having a mentor, mentoring others, and assuming exco roles build leadership qualities. The networking is good due to the diversity of members’ backgrounds. Decision-making and delegation are also important skills learned.

The program was always comprehensive and structured. Today, Toastmasters training has moved online offering more challenges to improve communication skills. There are clearer instructions and demos for those embarking on their speech assignments.

Success really depends on the degree of preparation and participation by the member. Besides constant practice as a Toastmaster, listening to other members share their experiences makes one wiser.

I have stayed with the club for more than 30 years because it continues to improve my life in terms of career, relationships, and enlightenment. There is always growth and new knowledge. Every meeting is fulfilling and educational especially if one participates in it.

Besides speaking skills, we also develop listening and critical thinking skills. I see the benefits as I employ these skills in my daily practice as a dentist and as a family member and friend. You may say that good communication leads to a successful life.

My ability to succinctly put my points across reduces much misunderstanding, gets work done, and grasp the audience’s attention during speaking. It is due to the appropriate choice of words and phrases used and the succinct structure learned through Toastmastering.

In addition, the requirement to do speeches requires one to read widely as well as write knowledgeably. We have witnessed members who have excelled in their careers and rose in their ranks at work because of good public speaking skills. We had non-native speakers whose English language was not their primary language attained championship in club contests due to their own diligence and practice at Toastmasters meetings.

They became more popular and respected among their work peers. They also started to assume leadership roles at their workplace and at home. Some members have scored high on their career ladders and shared improved relationships with their family members and friends.

My point is;- If you feel that something is missing in your self-confidence, if you feel that people are not listening when you speak, if you feel stuck in your job, join the Toastmasters club of your choice.

Participate actively and watch yourself succeed happily in your career and your life.

Summer Lotus June 6 3 mins read

I will always remember where I was when people talked about the day Elvis Presley died.

It was August 16, 1997. I was a flight crew with SQ then. It was early morning when I heard wailing outside my room of The Old Melbourne Hotel in Melbourne, Australia.

I opened the door to find the chambermaids gathered outside my room sobbing hysterically. It was unbelievable that Elvis, the King of Rock and Roll had died.

At 19, I had seen Elvis briefly on TV and glimpses of the screaming audiences. The voice and the songs of the handsome singer were indelible. I had no idea that the King had impacted people all over the world in such a great way that subsequently inspired Elvis look-alike events even to this day.

Last night I binged on Elvis’ videos about his life on Youtube and finally understood immensely about this amazing legend. Thanks to technology, we get to watch and learn and be inspired by extremely talented people.

His looks, his voice, and his inimitable style arrested my attention for the full two hours on the well-curated programs of his life. Elvis, being himself, loving what he did, immersed in his passion and bringing his God-given talents to entertain us all.

We could see why he moved people. He genuinely loved what he did and he gave it his all, and yet he seemed effortless in his singing and seamless in his moves. There will never be another human being like him. This legend will live on as the most original, authentic, and unique being God has ever made.

Every song that he belted out had a hold on the audience’s emotions but they were actually his own. We could all relate to them because they were about life, struggles, and dreams. Many of his great hits were reflective of his life experiences. His gospel music in particular moved the people’s souls.

His disarming smile and facial expressions nailed the performances and when he moved, heaven moved within us too. We could not get enough of this beautiful man.

Soft-spoken, his demeanor made him exceedingly attractive. What he said in those short conversational excerpts showed him to be a humble, charming and nice man despite his riches.

I am truly inspired by the man. His work ethic was phenomenal. He was known for his hard work and his good relationships with his colleagues.

He was an au naturale. Even with the simplest and mundane lyrics, he could croon it into a lovely, entertaining song. And to watch him smile and move was a treat. I think it was his ability to enter into a focused, flow, and uninhibited state putting his authenticity into action.

He was a loving son who took good care of his parents as he came from an impoverished background.

With more than 700 songs, and exceeding a thousand five hundred concerts, he achieved what was humanly impossible to most in life that is short. It shows grit and persistence and dedication to his craft.

Watch Elvis for true-life inspiration. Live your life with a passion for what you love to do and do it well. Do not fear even when challenged by new situations.

My husband said that Elvis died tragically in the last part of his life. I like to think that he lived spectacularly. He came, he lived, he loved, he inspired.

That one percent of his life where he deteriorated later was far surpassed by what he had achieved for himself and the joy that he gave to the world.

Long live the King!

Pandemic gave many of us unexpected opportunities to become better people.

Summer Lotus 26th May 2021 3 min read

When you are unhappy about events caused by the pandemic, don’t panic and don’t gripe. Do something positive with your life every day. Things will pan out accordingly and may be out of our control but at least we could alleviate them.

We need to be more productive and proactive when dealing with events in our lives. The pandemic has resulted in much distress and despair as we go about our lives overcoming unexpected obstacles at work and at home.

It is all a matter of perspective. When something is halted, we go around it. We attempt solutions we never tried before and find that it works. We start on new hobbies and discover our strengths. We have more moments of contemplation that allow ideas to blossom.

Years of the good life and innovations have released the brakes on living to the fullest. We have been chasing stuff without realizing that we do not need some of them. We gave in to feelings rather than practicality. We reacted rather than responded. The pandemic has quieted us down.

All because we failed to slow down and think. What do we want? What is a better option? How to live more effectively?

It takes a pandemic to make me realize the following;

1 If you want to achieve something, do it! Nike’s slogan ‘Just do it!’ has never been more relevant in these times. I am glad that I have done much traveling over the years. Those who have put off travel may currently feel trepidation with the anxieties and strained human relations that seem prevalent in many countries.

Where traveling is concerned, many turn to their own countries and got to know theirs better. I have never known my country, Singapore as much as now. She has indeed morphed over the years in her culture, people, food, and philosophy. In my own backyard, so to speak, I have become immensely enriched by exploring my Singapore in the past year.

So, do something instead of griping. Life is so full of surprises and absolutely enthralling. Explore, enroll and excel! If we have something we want to learn, to understand better, do it now. Much time is on our hands. Of course with safety measures in place.

2 That you need to become a more resourceful person. One skill is not enough, multiple skills are necessary, and try to be good in at least a few. They may seem unconnected but they do help each other.

During the pandemic, I learned about e-commerce and attended workshops to improve my creativity such as photoshop and photography as well as writing and reading. They may seem unrelated to me as a dentist and do not make me any money.

However, in the process, I discovered that I could write something( at least it was a start). I have created a clinical website for my dental practice as well as an e-commerce site where I learned about its function and that gave me an opportunity to create products for the market. It may be my passive income. My dabbling at some workshops also enables me to produce new and relevant images that have helped greatly for my postings. My brain has never felt better.

3 With time on my hands and everyone cocooned at home at some point during the lockdown, I discover personal peace through walks, yoga, and rest.

The time for contemplation is paramount. Most of us run after our goals each day and miss the fun of the journey. We realized that we needed to live more effectively and considerately without affecting our loved ones, our neighbors, and society in general.

Living in harmony with others, taking time to relate to each other, feeling happy because we achieve good health and not just wealth, and not forgetting that humor is a balm for daily stresses. This pandemic is a wake-up call.

The world will become a better place as we humans are intelligent. We will come up with amazing solutions once we know where we go wrong. The world will get better. It always does after a crisis and we have seen many crises that came and gone.

Keep looking up!

A short poetry

Summer Lotus May 15  1 min read

Oh, how do I resist thee!

I walked past and peeked into the showcase

Your numbers were consumed by half

I was consumed in my own way, by mixed feelings of greed, admiration, and hunger

Then I passed by you again half an hour later

The Patisserie is closed

I am relieved as it is a victory for me

Though not of self-volition

But now is one time, death to the power of temptation

Soon, I believe that I would be delivered from this compulsion to prove that the human spirit can be trained.