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Time is ticking and life is draining away….

Summer Lotus Nov 8   5 min read

Time is the most precious commodity. They say that time is money but when you become a senior ( turning 60), time is what’s left of your life.

Every moment ticks by and you can only watch helplessly. I never felt like this before in my younger days; everything could wait and I had time on my hands.

But reality hit when you become a senior. You asked, “What have I accomplished thus far? What have I been rushing around for? What really matters?”

Time matters because you want to live life meaningfully and do more of the things you love. The ideal life would be a fulfilling career with control of your time, allowing you to have other pursuits like hobbies, spending time with family and friends, discover your innate talent, and letting it flower and generally be a useful being to those around you. But time is finite so we need to ‘make.’ time.

On introspection, much of my time in my younger days were wasted on mundane stuff like milling around in shopping malls when there was nothing to buy, traveling aimlessly, and sleeping the hours away, and not setting goals.

There is no time for regrets now. The road ahead is very well lit.

Benjamin Franklin puts it best, “A long life is not good enough but a good life is long enough.”

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us — -J.R.R.Tolkien (author of The Lord of the rings)

At this juncture, we can make time if we cut out three common time wasters.

1 Gossiping — -It is a casual or unbridled conversation or report about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed to be true.

Talking bad about someone, anyone has dire consequences. Walls have ears and words get around. If it is about the boss or another colleague, it will lead to unhappiness, disputes, legal entanglements, and many unpleasant events.

Gossiping is an intrusion on another’s private matters and may lead to spinning more untruths at the expense of that person. This can be construed as bullying and may contravene the company’s rules for the proper behavior of its staff.

If gossip is positive, it is good but only if it is true.

At any rate, gossip is a total waste of time. Rather than compounding someone’s misery, it is better to think of what you can do to alleviate his condition.

How to stop gossip at work?

1 Address work-place gossip swiftly by enacting zero-tolerance for gossip

2 Lead by example – by sharing praise and mentioning good points about your staff or colleague.

3 Change the subject and move to a positive, relevant topic

4 Counsel the gossiper and encourage the person who is being targeted.

5 Encourage an open door policy where people can air their grievances officially.

Remember this quote when there is a tendency to gossip-

“ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people”– Socrates

Time saved could be used to reflect on one’s performance and get cracking!

Like Marcus Aurelius said, “ Do not ask what a good man should be. Be one”.

— — —

2 Idling –It is passing time doing nothing most of the time. An idle mind is a dangerous mind. Idling is boring and that can become a pessimistic outlook.

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is a miserable man. — -Benjamin Franklin

Life is exciting and evolving towards a new world. Like the sign that says, “ No Idling” at some spots, do something constructive. Adapt as the world changes in ideas, technology, and services. Do not idle or you will lose touch with the world and it is not easy to get on track after being laid-back for too long.

How not to idle

1 Watching news non-stop which is mostly negative and Netflix back to back excessively is a great time stealer that does not contribute to our minds. Be discerning. Reading and writing is a very profitable activity to the mind and the pocket if you groom yourself into a good writer.

2 Volunteer your services to help others and in the process, you will learn things that you need to cope with while helping others to cope with changes.

3 Time spent idling can be put into upskilling oneself for our continuous growth and self-confidence. Pick up a new language, culinary skill, learn about blogging, etc that can launch second careers.

3 Worrying — This is the act of tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts that may or may not happen.

Worrying has been proven to be damaging to the body due to the stress hormones, linking it pre-mature aging, heart disease, cancer, clinical depression, and even dementia, etc.

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work” — John Lubbock

A study has shown that 85% of the subjects’ worries never happened and with the 15% that did happen, 79% of the subjects discovered that they could handle them better than expected or they learned a good lesson.

Trust that things will turn out ok.

Ways to deal with the worrying habit.

1 Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen and accept the worst.

If you can control, there is no need to worry. If it is not within your control, worry does not help anyway. Using this basic principle has helped me to move on and do what is best for the situation at hand, instead of fretting.

2 Know what Worry does to you. Worry does not solve the problem. It takes away your peace and is a stumbling block to possible solutions as the mind lacks clarity.

Have you not seen someone who is so beset with worry that he is showing signs of anxiety all over his face and even his posture? Check with him again when his problems are resolved and he is likely to regret wasting his time fretting.

3 A change of perspective is necessary. To a negative person, a thousand things can go wrong. To a positive person, a thousand things may go right. Change your mindset and gravitate towards a happy ending.

If things did not turn out the way you wanted, at least you did not suffer twice.

Having lived 62 years, I can say in hindsight that all the worries along my life’s journey have become water under the bridge. Most things became resolved, some things were inevitable and life goes on. I continue to make the best of my life and learn to overcome challenges.

Time is fleeting. Keep these time-wasters at bay and live a productive life!

Experience for yourself

Summer Lotus 3 days ago

One big benefit that I gained from writing is that I am becoming more authentic.

I wrote about temperance, self-control, and negative emotions to keep at bay at all times.

Just, I lost my cool over an incident that was nothing serious, and immediately, the strings of my guilty conscience tugged at me.

How could I expound on the values of tolerance when I had none?

I reined in my mood, apologized to the other party for my out-of-character moment.

Writing is a commitment, not just committing words of truth to the computer but what I wrote about was indelibly etched in a part of my brain.

I do not want to feel fake. I always say what I mean and also write what I feel.

What you read and write about regularly, you will internalize. This is may be good character training for me. I will continue to stay true and live my life right and happy.

Communication is the key to your success

Summer Lotus Nov 6  4 min read

Why are you so busy? Why are some people burning both ends of the candle and filling every waking hour with some activity or another? You can say that they looking for opportunities to better themselves and prove their worth. But I think there is a good place to look at and my best place is the Toastmasters club.

Toastmasters’ activity represents an opportunity. To discover your capabilities, hidden talents, and motivations. From my experience, as a dentist, I really do not speak very much outside the clinical context though I may be very well-versed with my diagnoses and treatment plans.

Asking important standard questions to derive a diagnosis and the right solution is very much the order of the day. Most people come to the dentist rather nervous to strike up a decent conversation. They want to get a painful problem solved.

Ever since I joined Toastmasters and participated actively in its speaking projects, I have improved tremendously in my presentation skills. I developed the ability to explain to my patients about their condition in a very succinct manner. Most disputes arise because of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Over 35 years of practice, I have largely avoided that and that was also how long I have been with Toastmasters.

You can say that Toastmasters was good for my business.

Socially, I have also progressed. Introverted and quiet for the most part of my early adult life, I knew that I had to get out of my shell if I wanted to ‘grow up’. The world out there does not know what you are thinking, and you learn nothing by keeping to yourself.

In Toastmasters meeting, members hail from all walks of life; engineers, teachers, financial analysts, secretaries, general managers, sales personnel, and many more. The onus was on each individual to invest time and effort and take his speech project seriously.

Each meeting was interesting as there were new and different things to learn from listening to members’ speaking projects. Because our backgrounds are diverse.

By following the objectives of the speech projects, and guided and evaluated by experienced members, we see how some novice speakers transformed into very good communicators and presenters over a period of time. Many enjoy advancement in their careers, a boost in self-confidence and happiness in human relationships.

Employers value, seek out, hire, and promote people who communicate effectively. Tell me if you can name a CEO who cannot speak well. Good communication skills are the key to a person’s success. Customers, employees, and the public are drawn to good communicators and Toastmasters present this opportunity because of its comprehensive training program.

Communication is key. In Toastmasters training, we not only learn to speak effectively, but we also become better listeners due to the need to give positive evaluations to speakers doing their projects for that meeting. A good toastmaster is a good listener. He learns to be sensitive to his audience’s needs and has the knack to motivate a speaker to do better the next time, encouraging him, highlighting his flaws for improvement, and yet not offending him.

At the same time, our critical thinking skills were also developed from the sharing of stories by people from diverse backgrounds. Given the positive tone of a Toastmasters environment, it is not surprising that most of us are positive thinkers, and some developed humor too.

There is also the opportunity to develop leadership skills. As the meeting needs an exco team to plan and run each meeting successfully, it is the exco team which consists of the President, Vice-President of Education, Vice-President of Membership, Vice-President of Public Relations, the treasurer, the secretary, and sergeant at arms (see to the logistics ) and they are the members who volunteered their services for the term of the year.

I have been a President of my club twice. Given this opportunity had groomed me into a more confident speaker. As a leader, I had to set a positive tone for every meeting as a leader and make sure the members were motivated to do their projects and do them well. So, every time we meet, we learned.

I learned not to depend on my script, holding onto it like a crutch. Every meeting required me to give an encouraging opening address and I had resolved to lose the script which I finally did for my term. Bravo!

I was also Vice President of Public Relations and learned something about publicizing the club to the other people through social media and emails. It was a new experience for me as I had to learn to be creative with my presentation and content. Other exco members were also learning new things in their portfolio.

The opportunities are many. Speech Contests are organized yearly to bring out the best of the participants. We had good laughs during a Humorous Speech Contest and the International Speech Contest is always motivating.

One member puts it well. On a Friday evening, when he is given the choice to turn up for a Toastmasters meeting or join his buddies for drinks to unwind, he always chose the former and never regretted it.

Let Toastmasters activity be an important choice in your life!

It all depends on yourself.

Summer Lotus 8th Nov 2020

I run a solo dental practice for more than 35 years. Wow, that is a long time!

For many years, I have practiced dentistry with my heart, keep up with the changes and development especially in the field of digital dentistry. It’s been a wonderful journey as I am constantly amazed at how technology and techniques have evolved to make lives better for dentists and patients.

But being solo for so long starts to reach a limit of efficiency. As the patient base grows bigger, I am treating patients from four generations. Patients from my era, their parents, their children, and now grandchildren. Less you think I should hit the retirement bucket, I am planning to do so but certainly not entirely.

It is a blessing to be a dentist with all the excellent tools at my disposal. I enjoy my career. But I realized that I would not want to spread myself too thin, having too many patients on my schedule and no downtime in between for an occasional chat or a coffee break. The time has come to groom a new team so that these patients who had entrusted their dental care to me can have continuity as I eventually ride off into the sunset.

One year ago, I started recruiting much younger dentists and young people to be my dental assistants. It turned out to be a blessing to my long-time dental assistant and me. Every day is smooth sailing. If it is not so, we put it right. I make sure that there is no drama.

The success of a smooth practice hinges on the following conditions

1 People are teachable — They put their pride aside and know that there is always something they don’t know. How we teach them or show them the ropes must be tactfully done and not degrading for the lack of knowledge.

2 Manage Expectations — -General expectations should be made known like punctuality, honesty, and integrity. These qualities should not be assumed. Things to avoid — gossips, backstabbing, and procrastination. If all staff can put the customers’ interests first, it is a sure winner for the practice.

3 Open communication — -Anyone with doubts should be able to voice hers and arrive at some resolution. We believe in an open-door policy and not let disappointment fester to the point of anger. Sometimes, we need to have some small chat to get to know each other better but never gossips.

4 Good Attitude — A good attitude and willingness to learn on the job, understand the job scope, and do to one’s best ability is the most important ingredient, not just for the clinic success but for that staff’s personal growth. Not to mention, it will lead to a sterling resume. And remuneration to match the performance.

5 Patience — We never forget the humans on the other side of the equation. Dental patients are not exactly willing customers. They have painful problems to solve. On our end, we have practiced empathy, good communication skills, and deliver efficient clinical skills so that patients would step out of the clinic, acknowledging that dentistry is indeed a useful service, and the negative images associated with are things of the past.

6 Respect —This good old advice bandied around a basic human dignity never fails. Respect for oneself and others. Out go anger, envy, and greed. Every one is a gem. Indeed! My oldest dental assistant of thirty years (she is 65) with her attitude is an inspiration to the young ones in terms of work knowledge, ethics, and skills-upgrading.

With her inimitable ways, I think she is close to extinction. No one I know comes close to her tremendous hard work and attitude that I need to tell her to slow down and relax. Other employers would work her to her bones, I told her. I have delegated her to advise the younger staff and a good relationship has developed among them.

I always excavate talents from the younger people around me. In turn, I dispense my wisdom and experience if they care to imbibe them. There is no dispute that younger people are more tech-savvy. They can type on the keyboard faster than you can imagine and many of my IT hiccups are resolved in a jiffy.

One overarching assistance that is the balm to staff and patients in a dental clinic is the use of music that is so easily available with Spotify. From calming music to therapeutic ones to classical music, the options are there. I noticed the state of flow in myself, staff, and patients working in such ambiance. I use music every day now.

In conclusion, the conditions are nothing new. Teachability, managing expectations, open communication, good attitude, patience, and respect. And soothing music. I am glad to share these ideas with other enterprises for a predictably happy working environment.

Just check out the top writers…

Summer Lotus 1st Nov 2020 3 min read

I am glad to have exceeded 100 articles in my writing on medium.com and am still baffled how I managed to do it. My inspiration comes from reading good articles by top writers on Medium and learning from them.

I never thought that a dentist like me who only think in sequence and steps could display creativity, wax lyrical and lay bare my innermost vulnerability at times.

At any rate, all is good. I am happy to be doing what I do and pushing myself further. I told my husband that I got accepted as a writer on one of the publications. He said, “ Just don’t make it your main career” and I told him, “ I made S$0.50 cents so far”.

But I am elated. Not the money first though it would be a great boost. There are established writers who made it and make it full time, enjoying the freedom and the reward. But they worked for it.

I have never put money as my main goal. Everything needs to come to a head before something happens. One has to go through the grind, feel the dejection of being rejected and also be criticized for bad, inappropriate articles (which I see in some authors) but there is always something positive to learn.

I do not feel disheartened. I am grateful for what writing has gifted me though I never consider myself able to write.

1 Self-discovery.

Writing made me more introspective. Instead of thinking a thousand irrelevant thoughts, I would give myself a topic.

Then I would mull over it, delve into my history, experiences, and to some research so as to come up with a coherent article to share something that I feel may give some insight to interested readers.

I have discovered more about myself, how I have changed over the years, how persistent I can be and how I need to develop more patience.

Writing accelerated that. It requires me to read and to read quality articles by other authors to improve my critical thinking. It requires me to write, rewrite, edit and make it a worthy activity to be shared to the virtual world.

2 Writing is a Crisis saver.

During the Covid-19 crisis and even now that there are repeated lockdowns in some parts of the world, writing is a cathartic activity. You put your emotions to your article and are able to sort them out clearly.

My mind has clarity, lucidity, and crystal clear thoughts. Most days, my to-do list has become a breeze to resolve using practical, rational methods.

I feel that without writing and the reading that necessitates it, I probably be fretting most days at home. Because of it, new paths and interests emerged.

I learned new skills, concepts, and lessons and a whole new world has opened up. ‘No more travelling for the unpredictable time being’ need not dull me no end.

3 Writing is about self-improvement.

It improves my speaking skills. Subconsciously, everything that I put to paper or on a word document, it has become my habit to make them grammatically correct as well as linguistically effective.

At work, I have been able to articulate myself well, allowing my patients to understand their diagnoses and treatment plans easily. Good communication skills stem from good writing habits.

I am able to produce speaking scripts for my Toastmasters’ meetings with positive messages that motivate fellow members.

As content is everything these days, I see a great future in honing this skill further, whether in editing, blog posts, creating corporate contents, et cetera. The options are limitless. It is a wonderful skill in today’s connected world.

I could go on and on. Suffice to say, Writing is an indispensable habit that each person should embark on. The benefits of self-discovery, saving our insanity through this crisis and self-improvement are what I am enjoying at Medium and I hope more people will discover writing.

“ After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world” — Philip Pullman

How awareness of these psychology findings helped me excel.

Summer Lotus Nov 1  5 min read

Have you been in a situation where you were out to do your shopping and you left your to-do list behind? Your brain could not remember the several items but you could recall the first and last few items off your list which you verified later.

This effect is calledthe Serial Position Effect and its truth had been borne out in experiments and was first discovered by Herman Ebbinghaus in the 1960s. He was the psychologist who discovered the Serial Position effect which is of great significance to those who are interested in learning and understanding practical psychology.

The Serial Positioning effect itself comprises of the primacy effect and the recency effect. Basically, people remember the first and last things on a list.

Glanzer and Cunitz reinforced this theory when they did an experiment in 1966 where they gave 240 men to memorize words. When asked to recall, words at the beginning and the end were successfully recollected. But they added a task to one group as a distraction and then tested them on recall.

The control group who was not distracted could remember the first and last items but the distracted group struggled to remember the last items after the distraction. The recency effect was reduced.

The conclusion drawn was that the beginning words were stored in the long-term memory and the later words were in the short-term memory. The interruption affected short-term memory.

The primacy effect has an anchoring effect. We remember the first things that are mentioned and the first experience as well as the first impression. It is etched into our minds. The middle information becomes secondary.

Even though they may pale in significance as time goes on and we understand things or people better, the very first impression or experience has a bearing on what lies ahead in your decision or your interaction with that person from the start. They may stop you from further relating to the person or from avoiding a certain event. So first impressions and experience are important and they would be best pleasant and memorable.

The recency effect has proven the stickiness for memory for the last things mentioned. Besides being proven by Glanzer and Cunitz’s experiment, the Murdock study employed a long list of items on participants also proved the same effect except that no distractions are involved.

How do we apply the knowledge of the serial position effect ( primacy and recency effects) to our daily lives for more efficiency?

Let’s take the field of public speaking as an example.

Because of the primacy effect that has the element of anchoring ideas in our long-term memory, use a very interesting opening style of introduction that captures the audience’s attention and makes them want to listen more.

The primacy effect can be enhanced by presenting the ideas slowly. So, in your introduction, go at a very steady pace to make sure what you are about to talk about sink into your audience’s minds and they would pay you full attention thereafter.

Since the middle part is likely to be muddled, one important strategy is to be very organized in your details that support your speech. Usually, there should not be more than three main points and each should have evidence to prove its point.

There should be signposts as you make the transition into a new idea much like paragraphing. Of course, here the skills of speech delivery will come into play but we shall stick to the structure of the speech.

Because of the recency effect, in the conclusion of your speech, it would be very effective to summarize the main points so that the listeners’ memories are jotted again as they are likely to remember the last things mentioned. A strong call for action helps fulfill the purpose of your speech and makes them feel motivated and get going.

Remember; the last thing sticks!

In a Toastmasters meeting, we have honed our speeches, aware of the serial position effect. Experienced members are very diplomatic when evaluating new members’ performance. Even if there are many aspects to improve on, we would structure the recommendations given that the speaker is new to speaking. Evaluators would commend, recommend then commend for the first and last part to stick and motivate. The feedback becomes more acceptable even if they may sound unpleasant but necessary for the member’s growth.

First, the ‘bad news’ then the ‘good news’ and it always leaves the participant feeling that he is getting value for money as a member and at the same time happy and motivated.

How to reduce recency bias?

One tends to remember the latest performance of staff, a stock or fund, etc so for a more objective picture, keep a log or record of the long-term performance before you can make a fair assessment or judgment.

At work, when evaluating someone’s performance, remember to end on a good note after you have highlighted some of the negatives. This will soften the blow of the feedback and make your colleague more encouraged to change for the better. The employee would feel good yet mindful of his shortcomings.

When a meeting or date did not go well, ending the meeting politely with some good comments and a positive note would definitely not leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. “ It was great knowing you!” “ Let’s keep in touch sometime again!” are great parting words. The first impression counts, the last impression counts too!

If you happen to be in the middle of a long line of interviewees, knowing that the primacy effect and recency effect may affect the judge’s decision, then work harder on your x-factor or special talent when discussing them so that you stand out as indelible.

What you say in your parting shot before you leave the room could be your last chance to snare the interviewer’s attention to your potential. So, remember to thank them, request for an opportunity, make your commitment known and have a graceful exit.