SUMMER LOTUS

Back in the 80s, life was very different.

Summer Lotus Sep 13 · 6 min read

I was brought up with the saying that “An idle mind is a dangerous mind”. I am of the Hakka dialect and this particular group of people who originated from China is known to be laborious and hardy.

From a background of workaholics or perfectionists or so I believe, I used to watch my father who was a teacher working long hours. He taught in school and marked books in the evening and then prepared work for the following day. After that, he would work on his calligraphy assignments until mid-night. These projects were converted into signboards for shops and companies for a fee. These jobs served to bring food on the table for seven children.

My mum was a home-maker, involved in the drudgery of daily house chores, and balanced the acts of providing food for us on a tight budget and ensuring that we could meet our school fees. She would keep tabs on my growing siblings and this was no mean feat.

I was the youngest child. The flat was small with two bedrooms which consisted of a living room, a small kitchen, and an attached toilet. It was adequate for all of us. Four of my older siblings occupied two double-deckers in one room, and two brothers slept on the floors in the living room. I slept between my parents which accounted for me being the last, accidental child. I was the natural contraceptive in the 50s.

For many years on, I would struggle through school waiting for the ultimate day of liberation. I thought that day to be on graduation day as a full-fledged dentist until I went into the working world and found out that life was not a straight path.

In my supposedly eight years of the study bond with the government to serve as a dentist in the public sector, I was retrenched while working for only two years due to the recession of the mid-80s. I strongly believed that it was my pregnancy that ended my career in the civil service. I had asked for a transfer to a clinic nearer my home so that I could seek some rest during lunchtime since I was heavily pregnant and felt uncomfortable.

The next thing I knew, I received a letter stating that I would be required to serve the rest of my bond in the private sector in Singapore. I was then seven months pregnant with twins. It meant a savings of two months of salary and two months of maternity leave. I guessed it was the most expedient thing to do when the institution needed to cut costs. After all, the person in charge had the onerous duty of improving the bottom line. Not that I minded in retrospect, for everything turned out good.

I found myself a stint with a private dental group who very frankly mentioned that they had checked up my records with my lecturers and professors. Though I was no high flying student, I was clean and no thorn in anyone’s flesh. I faithfully worked where work was given and also managed to secure some dental contracts for the group.

Donna Summer’s song “ She works hard for the money” was always playing in my mind. Work was then a euphemism for paid slavery as my time and work schedules were dictated by the clinic. Today, as my boss, work is a joy and a necessity for meaningful living.

After two years with the group practice, I had wanted to achieve a long term goal of freedom. I decided to work hard for myself. I decided that if I would rather struggle more and die by my sword. I started my dental practice in October 1987, also known as the Crash of the Dow Jones. The recession had already reared its ugly head.

Landlords were begging for tenants. Empty shops and offices abounded. Rentals went as low as S$1 per square foot. I snared what I thought was a wonderful deal at $1.90 per square foot in an office building in the heart of the city, for three good years and then embarked on my ‘publicity’ campaign.

One big mistake was that my clinic was located on the sixth floor of the building(had since been demolished in Singapore) and there was no visibility. I could perish in there without anyone’s knowledge!

The introvert in me suddenly needed to become extroverted. I met people, attended functions, joined classes, and became sociable. I made myself known by introducing myself professionally to my neighbors in my building. They were receptive fortunately and supported me. After that, I had my sights set on other buildings where there were innumerable companies. The world was my oyster.

Socially, no one was spared my name cards even people I met at funerals, save one. Surprisingly, people were quite supportive and luck was on my side too. I was never in the red from the first month.

It was at such trying times when you realized how kind people were by giving young entrepreneurs chances. I treated my patients with great care and asked them to refer more patients and they did. Word of mouth was still the best recommendation for business.

Life was hectic as I balanced my work by raising two active kids and improving my knowledge and skills along the way. Time flew by but I had not wasted any time complaining.

One of the best decisions in my life was learning public speaking in Toastmasters Club. The ability to communicate better allowed me to build better relationships with patients and friends. It all stemmed from an incident when a director of one company wanted to introduce myself and the doctor next door at a board meeting so that we could secure some company contracts.

Fearful of having to speak up in front of these big-wigs, we excused ourselves before the boardroom meeting to go to the loos. I still remembered washing my hands for quite a while. When we emerged at the same time, apparently he must be taking his time in the loo too. The director was dismayed and said that the meeting had ended and he had just wanted us to show up for him to formally introduce us. What a blunder and missed opportunity!

That was when I made the Public Speaking course an important interest to pursue and to build my self-confidence. Over the years, I learned to articulate clearly whether with patients or strangers. I stopped stuttering by reading aloud every day. My communication has become crystal-clear and that has helped business as any doubts by the patients are clarified.

More than thirty years later, I would say that what had kept me afloat was my persistence to keep up with the changes in Dentistry as it evolved and I continued to exploit the advances of its Sciences and Technology for patients’ benefits and mine.

In hindsight, I was very fortunate to be a young adult trying to make it in Singapore. Singapore has always been progressing with the times and our access to education and resources were also forthcoming.

As a young adult, I had the sense to balance work and play and did not incline towards work only. My work enabled me to pursue other interests — in Sports like Scuba-diving, Skiing, traveling, joining dental mission trips, volunteer work, writing on Medium, and participating in public speaking clubs like Toastmasters clubs.

My philosophy of work is that earning money is good but spending it well is better. So much importance is attached to work that one may forget the true value of work: that is to free oneself to do what one loves. Even if it is just to look at the birds at the end of a hard day.

In a bustling city like Singapore that is ever more pressure-cooked today than thirty years ago, work has become paramount and essential. For the young entrepreneurs of today, I would suggest that they work hard and smart, keep abreast of changes which are everpresent, know your weaknesses, and work on them. However, remember to seek some time for yourself to refresh and rejuvenate whether in sports or other hobbies.

Seek the source of contentment amidst work and then return to the toil from which contentment springs. Life in the 80s as a young adult was a memorable one and I am grateful for this journey thus far.

If you like this article, you may like to read ‘ Childhood Days In Old Singapore’

And keep your job in these difficult times

Summer Lotus Sep 12 · 4 min read

In these pandemic times when retrenchment is rife, it behooves the employees to perform well at work and prove himself or herself to be invaluable.

Sadly, people who were axed might be those with a wealth of experiences but they were also drawing high pay. Releasing them was likely to be a cost-cutting strategy.

Over the years, I have watched bad times come and go. Those who have survived retrenchment had good reasons. It is never too late to be aware of the pitfalls of being an employee. Employers are just trying to stay afloat too.

If you still have work, feel blessed but don’t stay contented. Life was never meant to be easy-going. So, make yourself a valued staff in your company and you are unlikely to be released anytime soon.

The following ways may be helpful;

1 Do well in your field of work

a) Be detailed – As they say, “God is in the details”. If a project or task is well done, it is because some people have painstakingly done their homework and put in their best effort. Nothing impresses and amazes others more than an exceedingly excellent piece of work noticed by your boss and colleagues.

It is the highest form of regard and respect for the company and self that you would push yourself to become a star performer.

It keeps morale high and inspires others to draw out their talents too.

b) Be humble and seek counsel from your experienced colleagues who are willing to mentor you. Some seniors may be somewhat brash but a thick hide in this instance is in your favor.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more — Jonas Salk

2 Be proactive

This increases your value to the company and allows you to advance.

A Chinese saying goes, “He who labors his mind governs others”.

The brain triumphs over brawn.

Think more critically to be efficient and effective. Undertake a piece of a job with the aim of not just accomplishing it but achieving an extra goal as well.

This involves reading more about the tasks at hand, researching tested ways, and adding new ideas to the standard method of doing things.

What does a proactive person do?

a) Prepare and plan ahead and early. Write down exactly what your goals are and the steps to let you get closer to the goals.

It could be obtaining the numbers of the relevant people ready so that you can network effectively.

It may be prioritizing to make sure important tasks are finished first.

A checklist is often used to list items to do for the day and will prove useful.

b) Set a realistic deadline.

He is mindful of Parkinson’s Law, which indicates that activities will consume as much time as you have available for them.

By setting a time frame, you eradicate procrastination and tardiness.

He feels more satisfied as he pushes himself along. The inertia is often the hardest part but once momentum is set, it becomes much easier.

He would also plan Long-range. That is called vision.

c) Stay positive and expects good results. If things did not turn out, he would review and analyze the reasons and make sure that mistakes are not repeated.

The best way to create your future is to create it — Steven Covey

3 Be irreplaceable

There is a unique trait adopted by the smart worker. In the following ways:

a) Study others’ mistakes. By doing that, your own experiences can be increased multiple folds and make you the wise one among your colleagues. More people will come to you for advice which means you always need to be at the forefront of events and information.

b) Develop interests outside your field of work.

They may seem unlinked but new perspectives surface and may give you a different approach to problem-solving. People like to hang around those who have more ideas and provide solutions to their problems. Do not be an also-ran.

In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different — Coco Chanel

4 Have a sense of responsibility

When mistakes are made, admit, and improve on them. Take responsibility for all personal hiccups and that would win your superior over due to your honesty.

Volunteer to take on tasks that people shun because of difficulty or poor knowledge but make sure you give your best shot. Or at least learn from it and offer your help again the next time. Sincerity will shine through.

Responsible people are highly valued and dependable. They are the ones whom customers would turn to for information and seal that final transaction.

The price of greatness is responsibility — -Winston Churchill

Life goes on. Crises come and go. It is during this difficult period that you need to show your mettle to stay afloat and survive.

Soldier on. Do your best in all the ways listed will ensure a bright future.

Some points I have gleaned from observing others.

Summer Lotus Aug 30 · 6 min read

Growing old is naturally frightening to most people with all its negative connotations. However, one does not need to age the expected way; grow old, slow down, retreat, and then fade away.

Life is never easy. Most of us get bashed around by incidents and events as we move along in life.

The truly victorious still emerged vibrant and inspiring. Not that their lives are any easier but that they can bend with the stormy winds of life like the proverbial bamboo tree. They also have a positive mindset that helps them to cope with whatever life throws at them. The world is full of successful older people who dictate their own lives.

I watched with keen observation and interest why some people continue to enthrall others even as they grow older. The following are what I would be mindful of to be an interesting and happy elder.

1 Be pragmatic.

Don’t take life too seriously. We are all from different backgrounds and our views are bound to clash. Instead of insisting that your way is the only way, listen to others and go ahead and do what you think is correct. The results speak for themselves.

Stop digging graves together fighting an issue. Go on your way and find like-minded people. Older people have less time so to speak, to fritter away precious time on inconsequential issues are the most frivolous things to do.

If you are open-minded, you may find others quite amusing and they may just convince you of their good ideas which you could adopt. Don’t be a hard-nose prick.

As we grow older, we need social interaction. Giving more than you take always brings you more friends and fun.

2 “Cut the Long breath” This is a Chinese saying to mean “Stop being Long-winded”

A chat with a younger friend revealed she was trapped in a one-way monologue as her senior regaled her about his story from cradle to near grave.

Out of respect, she listened, longing to escape, and finally, it ended after three hours. You can be sure the next time he speaks, others would flee with the slightest excuse.

This happens because the Chinese have a saying, “I have eaten more salt than you eat rice “. As a result, an older person often feels that he has a wealth of experiences to share and ‘gold nuggets’ to dispense. But pray, be mindful. Is the opposite party interested?

The older we get, the more stories we will have under our belt. It is a cumulative life. Don’t become a prospect of fear for others when you grow older.

Learn to tell a short relevant story with a good message and you will be greatly appreciated by your friends and acquaintances. Perhaps, Toastmasters club provides a good training ground as all projects have allotted time or you get buzzed off!

3 Have a sense of humor

As we grow older, one has seen enough life and knows what is good, bad, or evil. We may laugh at the young’s folly but if you reflect on how you were at that age, you probably have done something ridiculous too.

Hence, I feel that it is always better to be forgiving if we come across younger people who have done or said something wrong or outrageous. They will be enlightened if they are willing. If not, one day they will realize it or live to regret it.

As they say, “Youth is wasted on the Young” but some older people continue to waste whatever vestiges of life left too. By having no empathy, sympathy, or humor. They make life tough for others and would be shunned at all costs.

Hence, laugh it off and comfort him or her who was foolish and share your folly. You would make a very dear friend.

“You can lose your teeth and your hair but don’t lose your sense of humor”

4 Engage the young

The world will always belong to the young. We have had our time so if you want to be integrated into the new world and enjoy fully, get to know the young. They hold the key to new concepts and life hacks faster and smarter than you.

I particularly appreciate young people with their own set of values and thinking. As long as they do no harm.

They bring with them ornate ideas and unique skills of the times acquired by their current knowledge, interest, and changes that are ever-present.

The young people are a breath of fresh air to me. I try to engage them by showing interest in what they are keen on, not to display what I am proud of which they may feel are my archaic ideas. Unless they are interested to know more about me. Otherwise, it is all about them.

In this way, I have the good fortune to make many young friends who have indulged in my requests to fix problems or share knowledge not known to my era.

I would gladly shut up, listen, and learn.

4 Continuous learning

So many times, I hear older people say that the world has changed and is changing too fast for them. Then they just retreat and do what they are familiar with. Well, the gap or disconnect will just get bigger, and very soon, you will be asking everyone about managing minor tasks as simple as seeing a doctor in the Covid-19 era.

Recently, a relative of mine panicked because she had to bring her dementia spouse for some medical check-up but was worried about any possible incident as he was not predictable in public. The hospital had suggested using Zoom to engage him and prescribe any necessary medicine. She did not know how to and I am glad to be able to step in and offer some help for the appointment day.

I believe strongly in continuous learning. There is so much to learn. For example, Payment modes by Paynow, Paylah is now getting popular and is very fast and convenient. One can get things done without leaving the house and that requires us to learn the technology apps. It is not as difficult as it seems but you need to get started on learning.

Read about people who are successful and emulate their points. Pick up a skill and computer skills are most relevant in today’s world that allows you to stay connected, relevant, and express your creativity. Younger people like to hang around older folks who are that sassy.

5 Change of attitude

One common scenario as a person grows older is that he or she is likely to consume less. I know of some seniors who stopped shopping except for food. They stopped shopping for clothes as they have heaps of them, they said. They stopped reading as they fear their eye-sights would deteriorate faster and stopped traveling as they did not like the hassle.

Yet, some seniors would keep up with the times, seeing the world as an ever-evolving place with new knowledge and technology that better their lives. They shop for products that give them more comfort and make them look and feel better. This, in turn, builds self-esteem and self-confidence that encourages them to stay engaged with others.

Keep busy, get creative. Some people realize their geniuses only after retirement when they had more time. This is a more useful use of time than thinking about what was done in the past and what’s in store in the future. Make full use of today’s available knowledge to advance your new interests.

In conclusion, embark on these ways as we grow older only to make your life better, not bitter. Look at everything through rose-tinted glasses and the world will always remain beautiful. After all, what is a better choice? Think of the legacy you would live behind — inspiring others through what you do and making this world a much happier place.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” — -George Bernard Shaw

An Ode To Real Dark Chocolate Cake

Summer Lotus Aug 28 · 2 min read

I have been thinking about it for the last few hours.

Should I just go to buy and eat it to my heart’s content?

Or should I just show some power of resisting this temptation?

I came up with a myriad of reasons;

• Life is short, just enjoy it.
• I will be a happier person
• What a nice way to end the workday.
• I will be inspired by the cake and maybe learn to make it.
• I should be more kind to myself.
• I am a saver, so this cake that cost like a meal shouldn’t break my bank.
• This cake is worth it!
• It helps me to think better.
• I am going to write and what better way than to eat a cake first.
• I am healthy enough to eat cakes.
• I am a dentist so sweet stuff will not hurt me.
• I should just treasure this opportunity!

Finally, I made this onerous decision. I bought a slice of the real dark chocolate cake to be eaten in the cafeteria. Along with my Green Rooibos tea, it was an awesome combination. I had a truly delectable time.

The cake was so moist and I feasted my eyes on the brown shiny crumbs held so well together, encased by the velvety chocolatey cream.

The neat cake slice stood tall and firm like an elegant model as I sliced through it, my mouth watering simultaneously.

When its richness reached my mouth, my taste buds tingled and my mind rang out ‘fabulous’!

This led to more deft strokes from my knife and the fork as I devoured the dainty brown maiden, at the same time feeling sad that it would be finally vanquished.

The Rooibos tea warmed me up and I felt comfortable as the cake had good company at least, traversing the long gullet of the journey to be assimilated and disseminated with the purpose of energizing the body. I have ascended to food heaven and I am ready…to live life with more vigor.

It’s nightfall, work was done and I am ready for any challenges.

Real Dark Chocolate Cake.

This is a good temptation and I surrender to it.

“Make Life Happen With A Slice of Real Chocolate Cake”!

Well said by Ryan Holiday but doing it takes grit.

Summer LotusAug 19 · 4 min read

The obstacles were in my way. I could not get out of my own way. I had a lot of difficulties negotiating them because of myself. Nobody could stop me if I wanted to achieve something but first I needed to get over myself.

So what were my problems? After some analysis, I could classify my barriers;

1) I am not organized enough

2) I am not committed enough

3) I am not persistent enough

I decided to do it my way.

1)Not Organized enough

If you have the opportunity to be in a surgeon’s clinic who does predominantly surgery, you would know what I mean.

Everything on the surgical table- each instrument serves a purpose. The working top is clean and cleansed. The ambiance is bright and brilliant.

That is why a surgeon can be so focused. He delivers the offending structure with military precision.

Looking at my own table with a thousand ambitions, I knew it’s hard to go deep into anything as the table looks disorganized with many targets. To excel in one goal to the max could be difficult because of the dilution of focus.

My Solution – To focus on fewer goals but I am not one to zero in on only one as I believe aiming for more makes me multidimensional.

Getting organized with the details would help me.

2) Not committed enough.

here were many things that I started but they never took off.

Results from dipping my fingers into too many pies.

I learned flute at one point because I was enamored with James Galway the consummate flutist but I never got beyond level 3. I learned the Japanese Language but never got to Level 1 for full certification.

My excuse was that my flute teacher had emigrated to the US so I had to stop. I had found some teachers among my patients who could take me through but I did not follow through. It was my excuse.

Today the flute is waiting to be sold. My Japanese Language books remain unread.

However, I have no regrets as it was a learning journey for me and while I was at it, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

I understand that there is a steep learning curve when acquiring a new skill or knowledge. Once you have hit a certain peak, it does get easier but I need to be committed and resolved to carry my goals further.

My philosophy- You need not commit to everything you are interested in. Some will fall by the wayside. I believe that one must savor a variety of interests and become committed to a few. I need to work harder if I want to master them.

3 ) Not persistent enough.

I had a treadmill that was bought years ago but I can count the number of times I have used it.

I wanted to keep my weight constant which is a mean feat as the weight keeps climbing with age. It’s Nature’s way of telling us to slow down. Loving high-calorie food like cakes did not help.to

I did not have enough fire in my belly but I have rolls of fat and that is due to my lack of persistence.

Tonight, I fought to overcome it. I simply pushed myself to lower the running platform, switch on the machine, put on the shoes, and press start. Very soon, perspiration trickled down the sides of my face and my back.

I believe I would do this again tomorrow and the day after and eventually every day. Well, I know it’s all up to me.

I often used the slogan by Nike “Just do it” and did it tonight. This action has to be repeated and only I can help myself.

In any case, I Am Optimistic enough. I had started telling myself to think positive and see the good in every event. I noticed this change in myself over the last few years. Optimism is my prime over.

In this pandemic, living and working under some form of restrictions, I have set my aim to overcome these three obstacles.

Knowing my obstacles helps me to tackle them and make me feel happier and fulfilled. Just stay positive- from time immemorial, crises have come and gone. These are ways to adapt and evolve with the current times.

Work at your obstacles and get out of your own way!

I am glad that I have gone to see him before it was too late.

Summer LotusAug 16 · 5 min read

My 80-year-old eldest brother passed on the next day after I visited him the evening before.

Due to COVID-19 restrictions, I have been unable to visit him for the last three months as he languished in the ward due to his delusional state of mind caused by dementia.

I have heard from his daughter that he put up a struggle being confined to the bed as he was uncooperative. No matter how state of the art the facilities are at the hospital, there was no way to pacify him. Medicine dulled his aggression and senses and it was also for his safety. Nobody could understand how the mind works.

Dementia is a terrible disease, causing an alteration in his perception of events and deterioration in his good nature. I felt pain for him as he was an active man all his life and generally positive. Not being able to visit him pained me further beyond words.

3 months later, on August 13th, I was informed that he was transferred to a long stay ward and I could be nominated to visit him. I decided to go straight to the hospital.

I had deliberated upon whether I should visit him after my niece told me that he had been uncommunicative and generally asleep as if in a semi-coma. My real fear was the reality of facing a dying man who was my beloved brother whom I had got to know better for the last ten years after his forced retirement. I have come to understand, love, and cherished him. Yet, I was torn by the fact that if I missed this opportunity, I would forever be a coward unable to face my mortality. So the decision to go immediately.

Ten years ago, the government took away his license to teach as a driving instructor citing that he was too old. My brother was still fit mentally and physically and he was quite distraught with the loss of purpose and financial independence.

All his life, he had worked hard though he never made much money. But his passion and principles of doing his job well left him with many friends who respected his work ethics.

In his earlier years, he had gone through lean times with my parents back in the forties and fifties when Singapore was an island. I heard from my older sister that they have gone to pick up many used milk cans and sold the tins for a few cents each to gain some allowance.

He worked briefly in a media company as a young man after finishing school, entered into a business partnership that failed, and finally settled to teach driving which became his passion. All this while, the vicissitudes of life which I am sure were many never got him down at least that was my experience with him talking to him.

When he lost his job and he was visibly lost, I made it my mission to make life different and happy for him. We started to travel with my other siblings as well.

As I approached the bed, I saw my brother curled up on the bed, breathing through a respirator, his eyes were partially shut. The creases on his suntanned skin were gone, his facial muscles relaxed. I believed he could still hear me although his motor responses were impaired.

At one point, he showed some alertness. That was when I quickly held my brother’s hand and said a prayer for him asking him to communicate with God in his heart and to seek his peace with God.

I also asked him to think of all the wonderful times we had as siblings traveling together often since his retirement, watching movies regularly, and having frequent lovely meals together.

That was what I wanted to him to focus on — good times and memories. Who has room and time for any more negativity? Only wonderful thoughts should prevail.

The innumerable photos attested to all the great times we had. He was a nice person to travel with — no complaints, easy on food and lodging and always watching out for us. He was considerate and caring. One time, I was late for boarding, he had waited for me at the boarding gate although my other sibling had boarded the plane. He said he would not leave without me.

We had covered more than 10 destinations, mostly in Asia and Australia. The last trip to Shenzhen and Hong Kong when he was almost 80 was evident that traveling was getting too cumbersome for him but he still enjoyed to the best of his ability. He was such a good sport.

My brother ended his journey the following day after my first and last visit to the hospital and I always suspected that he had waited for me. It was time to let go. He had a serious bout of illness before which he overcame many years ago with determination and discipline but this time, Death was certain.

But Death did not triumph. My brother had triumphed. Because in living longer, he had shown me how he overcame more adversities that one could count and I had witnessed him savor life every day even when his work was taken away.

‘The song is ended but the melody lingers on’ — -Irving Berlin

Each day was a purposeful one. He continued to keep himself fit though his sports went from active badminton to jogging to slow walk in his final year.

He continued to visit his friends as they departed one by one.

He continued to smile and laugh at the smallest thing and always expressed gratitude for the enjoyment he could have.

Death was certain and necessary for this world to move forward as it always has been and will be ever-present. His departure was a renewal for us, a reminder that Life is precious, a reminder to live it fully and with purpose no matter the circumstances. Everything is temporal but live it meaningfully.

As the quote goes, “ Death smiles at us and we can only smile back”. We learn that this is not the best that we can do. We can smile back if we find peace within ourselves with God and with a positive attitude.

There is so much to do in our lives that we not only smile but laugh when the time comes.

We learn that we must make good memories by being our best selves and treasure the lovely times so that all these will fill our minds and spirits and still leave the rest something to reminisce about.