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The good life is in your own hands

Summer Lotus 12th March ·5 min read

I may be only a dentist well versed with the matters of teeth and gums but I am a mature senior who has observed much. How other people have gone through the stormy billows of life and either become damaged financially or survive.

Life is uncertain. You may be blessed with a good card during which you strike fortune either through your own effort or through lady luck. What you do with it thereafter could give you a smooth ride through which you could explore all the interesting possibilities that life can offer.

On the other hand, a financial ruin will render so much hardship that living becomes a chore. Yet, not all is lost. One can recover from one’s misfortune and still emerge victoriously.

Financial ruin is often self-created so the mindful ones would avoid them from the very beginning. Learn from others who have gone through the vicissitudes of life.

1 Always have a roof over your head — -It’s not uncommon to find out that there are people who would mortgage their homes that are already paid up in full and reinvest into new businesses to achieve more returns.

However, things are not predictable. When the winds of fortune turned against them, I have witnessed people who lost their homes and their nest eggs.

One real-life example involved a relative who sold off his home to invest everything into his new business. Things changed very fast in the last few years, superseded by changing customer interests, different marketing strategies, escalating costs, and unfavorable changing business regulations.

The result was a loss of shelter and he had to move from place to place to house himself. Eventually, the business tanked and everything earned and built over more than half his life was gone. Fortunately, he has the fortitude and works even harder but expectations of a full recovery are remote.

The moral of the story is; Never sell off your home totally to invest in a business. A business is no guarantee but a home is a solid foundation that shields you from uncertainty. In my opinion, risks should only be taken with excess money.

2 Develop an additional income — -We should stay relevant in whatever we are good in. Keep updated, upskilled, and informed as change is the only constant. However, in today’s world, Covid-19 has made us realize that we need to be versatile and responsive.

It is crucial to pick up a new skill that may be entirely different from one’s main training and preferably to be Covid proof like digital skills as used in e-commerce or any skill such as educational services like teaching and tutoring that allows one to work from home. Doing something different from our mainstay can pique our creativity and interests as well.

In this way, we can stay challenged and financially viable when our job that involves human interaction becomes interrupted in a pandemic.

3 Have a comprehensive health policy — — Health issues are the main drain on one’s finances. Common sense tells us that we need to have adequate insurance and accident coverage as injuries and old age with its accompanying ailments will happen in our lives.

Intangible as it may seem, it is not only wise but fair to one’s family members to guard our own health and provide protection instead of depending on others in the event of inevitable circumstances.

A medical policy is not only for an emergency purpose but also to guard against chronic illness like cancer that is financially draining.

4 Have a high savings rate — -A high savings rate of 30% is quite commendable. For every $100, $30 that is saved and goes into a contingency plan like some low-risk instruments can help stave off a financial crisis. This is possible if one has the discipline to put aside this amount of money untouched and spend the rest with priority on necessities.

Do not save what is left after spending but spend what is left after saving — Warren Buffet

In Singapore, we enjoy a high rate of interest by putting money in the special account of our Central Provident Fund that pays up to 4% for our retirement funds. The moment you start working is the time you plan towards retirement and CPF in Singapore is one way. Click here.

5 Spending on Credit Cards — -Credit cards provide the convenience of not carrying too much cash around and there is a clear record of expenses. Moreover, rewards could be reaped in proportion to the amount of money spent that comes in the form of cash rebates, vouchers, and product exchanges.

Given that cards have become a way of life where purchases are concerned, it is wiser to switch to debit cards for those who cannot manage credit cards that require a prompt repayment of the credit used each month.

A debit card owner entitles him to the same privileges but operates on existing cash present in the account instead of spending borrowed money. Hence, spend what you can afford.

Still, some credit card owners make the mistake of paying only the minimum sum while the principal amount is generating high-interest rates that may top 29% imposed by some banks. At this rate, it is a runaway train, and getting into debt is a foreseeable outcome.

5 Watch your budget — -Check your spending habits and adjust accordingly. Don’t buy on a whim. At my age, I have seen many people overbuy stuff in their life that is repetitive and some become hoarders.

Impulse buying happens when one does not think through. Even if it is a sale, ask yourself — Do I need it? How does it improve my life? Is there a better buy?

Create your budget table here and get a handle on the flow of your money.

A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went — -Dave Ramsey

6 Never become a guarantor for someone’s loan — Unless you have an immense amount of money and you trust the person who had asked you to guarantee, you run the risk of not getting back the borrowed sum and will have to pay for the defaulted amount.

Over the years, I have observed how some people became financially ruined by co-signing for someone’s loan. It obligates you as the primary borrower to pay up the loan.

7 Don’t put your eggs in one basket — While some investments may be risky, know your own risk appetite and diversify so that there is a balance between those that may deliver higher returns and those that protect your funds and allow them to grow at a steady rate.

People who dabble too much into speculative activities like the stock market, speculative real estate, and junk bonds may head for trouble unless you understand them.

Opt for the certificate of deposits, money market funds, and government bonds but the key is to know why and what you do.

You must gain control of your money or the lack of it will forever control you. — Dave Ramsey

Without staying on top of your finances, it will be a life of misery. It will be a life of missed opportunities and possibilities. It will be a life of regrets.

It is never too late to get back on track. Being financially sound is one of the greatest stress relievers.

Stay cool…….

Summer Lotus Mar 6 4 min read

I wanted to make a good lunch for my children and husband this morning on a beautiful, blissful Sunday. I concede that I have been out of practice for a long time ever since my domestic helper became much better at her culinary skills and my husband had delegated all cooking to her. Ouch! I feel quite redundant to have my place in the kitchen usurped. One wifey role was removed.

When my helper took her day off this morning, I decided that it was my chance to seize on this opportunity to impress everyone. I had offered to buy everybody lunch but the children were nostalgic for home-cooked food. Early in the morning, I was up and about and headed for the supermarket to buy several nice Australian flown pork steak and some minced chicken meat. I also bought salad, tomatoes and russet potatoes to make mashed potatoes.

When I got back, I washed and marinated the pork pieces with some salt and pepper and a dash of whiskey and oil. I tenderized it with my stainless steel tenderizer. I also made chicken burger meat.

Salad with chopped cherry tomatoes seasoned with balsamic sauce and pepper done! Boiled potatoes, mashed with some butter, salt, and pepper ready! Soup with pork bones, carrot, and potatoes with some salt and a dash of Chinese wine stewed! It was 12.30 pm and I messaged the children to come over to eat.

I had already grilled the pork in the boiler at 220degrees Celsius and for 40 minutes, turning them over in between. When all arrived, I quickly served the pork cutlets with my homemade sauce of Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, and mustard.

It did not go well. My son, Marcus said, “ It tastes terrible! Look, try it!” He was sorely disappointed. My other son, being more diplomatic insisted on eating it.

Indeed, it was stiff and not even considered chewable. “Ok, guys, I understand. Just don’t eat it. Put it aside. I am sure your Uncle’s dog Gucci will have a field day later with these choice cuts.” I am not one to make excuses if I did something badly. Luckily, I had made some meat burgers I called version of shake shack burgers( comprised of minced chicken with chopped onions, mushrooms, carrots, chopped spring onions, seasoned with some sauce and a dash of sesame oil). That turned out acceptable but no great shake.

Fortunately, my husband was in good humor today. Bad food usually threw him off balance, mentally. Only the best quality and tasty food should be consumed given our age and decreasing time on this planet. There is no time to lose on untasty food where eating is considered one of the joys of aging.

Being a connoisseur of fine food and a good cook himself, he added, “ Your mum spent 5 hours in the kitchen. Her food can help you to lose weight, guys(if you end up not eating, that is)Let’s have some fried eggs instead.”

I could have lost my cool having offered my precious Sunday time to cook for everyone when in the first place, I had offered to treat everybody to lunch at a Pasta restaurant that I have discovered recently. It would have prevented this fiasco. But, losing my cool with myself and expressing my frustrations would not help matters.

“Hey guys, let me buy you all a treat next time. At least, I know this will not be my second career. We need to fail now and then to become better at what we do, right?” My husband chimed in which was totally out of character today, “ This is not considered a failure at all, honey”. Showing some compassion, perhaps?

I went back into the kitchen. Somehow, the frying pan and stick were not co-operating with me. Not even the eggs. The sunny-side-up eggs turned out to be fried with egg yolks broken. The yolk has streaked over the white, one was twisted and took the form of a squid with a yellow tail. My helper would fry eggs that were not only crispy in the base but the yolks would be in perfect shapes.

“Oh no, why like these?”, the boys remarked. “Guys, these eggs are called ‘Walking on Sunshine’. My husband added, “Art food today”.

Everyone chilled and continued eating since the man of the house often set the mood. No one dared to grouch further. They started shaking their heads and ate the eggs anyway. Marcus started to laugh but he actually came in a foul mood due to unknown reasons and the lunch had not helped.

I am not a bad cook. Just out of practice for a long time after my Michelin standard domestic helper took over the kitchen completely and there were no more requests for my cooking the last few years.

Nevertheless, all’s not lost. The lunch ended blissfully. Everyone was still relaxed and I cleared the massive pile of dishes which I insisted on doing by myself as I considered my children guests since they are living on their own.

The next time, I will secretly practice my dish until the quality is deemed right, with my helper as my mentor. I am also glad that I deflected some natural negative reactions to the incident by not whining nor giving excuses nor blaming them for not accepting my treat.

All this shall pass as they say. I am just concerned and determined to have another peaceful Sunday. Amen!

You can end on a peaceful note

Summer Lotus March 5th 2021

I heard a commotion in the backyard.

I went out through the back door of the kitchen to the backyard and I saw my neighbor’s Philippine maid stood atop a metal storage across the concrete fence. Using a long cutter in her hands, she reached out to cut our tall bamboo plants that had arched into their backyard.

Clicked! the cutter went and the bamboo plants fell like a mass of sticks. Then she proceeded to scoop them up and hurled them over the fence onto my backyard floor.

She sawed me looking at her, quite taken aback by her actions. She shot daggers at me. I said, “Oh what happened?!”

“Your plants are growing all over here!” She hollered and continued to fling the cut bamboos over. Unashamedly, Unreservedly, Uninhibtedly.

“Oh, I see, I should inform my landlord. They could get someone to cut it” My current house is a rented one as my house is undergoing refurbishment. Suddenly, from inside the neighbor’s house, the lady owner whom we know to be almost 80 years old, shouted, “ Don’t let your plants come over to our side!”

Wow, such callous attitude from the next door whom we have shared the concrete wall for the last one year. We have never spoken but I heard that this was not the first time they had hurled any offending plants that intruded into their private spaces.

My Indonesian helper meanwhile was standing in the backyard watching the Philippine lady continue her dastardly ways at the behest of her employer. She was bemused.

I went into the house and wondered what I should do. Throw the bamboo plants back and have a backyard war? Have a shouting match? Lecture the neighbor and her helper for their behavior? Apologize profusely?

No, it was not appropriate. Two wrongs do not make a right. Moreover, I did not want to dispense unnecessary energy after a tiring workday.

I went back into the kitchen to ponder for a while. Subsequently, I went back to the backyard and called out to the bamboo slayer. She looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up and said, “ Good Job!” Then I went into the house

My helper quietly bundled all the remains of the cut bamboo plants by now strewn everywhere, creating almost a massive pile.

Another day had gone by, a conflict was averted. Everything had passed without incident. I believed the owner of the house next door and her helper must have felt that they have behaved badly. Well, some soul-searching activity for them.

As a wise man once said, “Nothing has to go right today for you to act with honor and character”.

A common worry as we grow older

Summer Lotus Feb 24 2021  4 min read

Existential loneliness. It is the philosophy that each of us comes into this world alone and will die alone.

This is one thing that most people fear most as they grow older — loneliness. Loneliness accounts for the sadness, depression, and anger I see in some of the elderly people I encounter. From the start, if one can see that, at the end, we have to deal with loneliness, one should prepare for it.

Loneliness and social isolation in older adults are serious public health risks affecting a significant number of people in the United States and putting them at risk for dementia and other serious medical conditions.

How does one cope with loneliness?

1 Start saving when you can. Money, for all its bad implications, is very important. It grants you security and peace of mind. It means you must work hard and save as you earn.

With money, one can continue to live a fine life – through continuous education, you can find that life is forever evolving and interesting if you remain curious.

If you have accumulated a substantial amount of nest egg, you have the liberty to travel to many areas of the world and reap the rewards of your hard work. Travel is educational, it is stimulating as a whole new world of experiences opens up to you.

You need to have enough funds to enroll in learning. That allows you to meet like-minded people with whom you can interact and share.

2 Stay as healthy as you can — -It follows that if you want to enjoy your later years, you must aim to stay healthy, though I think people should smell the roses simultaneously as they toil through their lives.

The future is uncertain but we should still prepare for it. Know that, besides having poorer eyesight, diminished hearing, and losing teeth, weakening legs are one of the first signs of aging. That will limit your mobility to move freely.

Only when you prepare for the long haul can you live a fruitful life.

3 Always be kind and helpful. One should not do this with an ulterior motive, but if along life’s journey, you have touched others in some way, it will come back to you (but don’t expect it though).

Courtesy begets courtesy. Network and form ties with friends who are sincere and build on the relationship through mutual respect and care. If you are blessed with plenty, bless the less fortunate and life just comes back to you in a good way.

On my dental mission trips, I have come across some elderly, the oldest being almost 80, who came along with the group to render assistance during our trips to the less fortunate. It was a very touching experience.

Being a volunteer is one of the activities that will make you countless friends as it is a cheerful, nurturing environment. You will celebrate life together with good friends.

3 Stay positive — —Don’t expect things to go your way most of the time. Life has its nasty surprises but if you look at them and make the best out of any unpleasant events, they may be valuable lessons and make you a wiser and stronger person.

Having a sense of humor helps greatly.

I like the attitude of one old lady friend in her eighties. When she knew she was slipping away into oblivion, she had the good mind to gather her family around her bed and bade them farewell with a smile! What a magnanimous personality!

All things shall pass and our attitude will sustain us.

4 Know yourself – Indeed, a person needs to find out what gives him purpose and meaning in his. life and strive for it. Develop a skill, a passion, an interest and excel in it.

There is only one life but the opportunities are infinite. Laziness is not an option. You can be the very best in whatever you do if you want it bad enough.

Know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses.

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself “— -Mark Twain

I give kudos to those elderly who never let the fire die in them. They paint, they write, they bake, etc, and they enjoy and excel in their activities. It is a legacy they leave behind to inspire others to have that free and strong spirit to carry with them throughout living.

There is no time for complaints and griping. Always make each day a rosy one.

Loneliness. Who has time to be lonely? Time is all we have left and we must remember; We are too blessed to be stressed and lonely if you prepare your life.

Take heed, aspiring writers!

Summer Lotus 23rd Feb2021 2 min read

Neil Gaiman is an English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, nonfiction, audio theatre, and films.

I enrolled in his masterclass online where he teaches the art of storytelling. The video lessons vary from 5 to 27 minutes making it very easy for the listener to understand and assimilate.

As a budding, writer wannabe, I discovered many nuggets of gold from Neil’s 19 video lessons which I jotted down earnestly. There are many salient points and Neil Gaiman put it most succinctly in his own inimitable manner.

I shall not steal his thunder. But I will always remember his advice to a gentleman whom he felt could write and finish things (unlike some writers who could not and have many unfinished drafts like myself) but did not have anything to say.

I like the way he put it. Neil Gaiman advised one to do a lot of living. “ Go out there into the world, go get a job, get fired from your job. Go get your heart broken, see as much of the world as you can. Find things. Bump into things. Get hurt.”

“Come back in a few years time and you will have a lot to write about,” Neil said that the young man did. He became a famous comic series and television writer later in his life.

Neil added, “ Experience is good. Reading is fantastic. Read everything you can, write everything you can. But do a lot of living because everything that happens in the living is going to wind up in the fiction. It’s going to be needed. You are going to need every human being you ever meet and need everything that you see because one day you’ll write a story…….”

Do a lot of living…that is a piece of great advice! This is what life is all about, experiencing joy and sorrow, pain and happiness. Feeling utterly alive and learning along the way. Then sharing our stories with others so that they can also rise to their own unique occasions even in difficulty and overcome them. And the wisdom gets passed on in our stories.

Neil Gaiman is a prolific writer. His works include the comic book series The Sandman and novels Stardust, American Gods, Coraline, and The Graveyard Book and many others. One story was made into a film.

Never assume that they are helpless……

Summer Lotus Feb 16   4 min read

It’s the second day of the Lunar New Year. I decided to tag along with my sister-in-law, Terry who does regular visitations to the homes of elderly people who live alone.

I brought along some oranges, a red packet, and some biscuits and crackers. It was my first time meeting Mdm Tan and I wanted to find out more about her story.

Mdm Bio is 93 years of age and lives in a rented flat, heavily subsidized by the government in the eastern part of Singapore.

(The Singapore Govt has devised a very supportive plan for those who have no other housing options but met the criteria to apply for rental flats. The flats are leased at a very cheap price in many parts of the island, some going for as low as $26 a month.)

Mdm Tan strikes me as very upbeat, sprightly, and receptive. She was watching a television program when we arrived, immediately welcomed us warmly into her house, and offered us New Year snacks.

It was not what I had imagined. I had thought that she would be a very depressed, lonely elderly woman, living within the confines of her own flat with no one to talk to and passing her time with much difficulty.

She was very engaging in our chat. She has kept herself relatively healthy eating mostly vegetarian food which she cooked herself. At 93, she still has most of her teeth (sans the lower molars) and she ate with gusto.

Mdm Tan had one son and a nephew and both have their own families and commitments. She had stayed with them before but chose the path of freedom where she could have her own space, do her own thing, and be free from responsibilities and any fuss over her. She is extremely happy in her current situation.

It is indeed remarkable for a lady this age to be so independent. She has kept her house spick and span. The $50 a month rental flat is a good size for a single person with a roomy living room, kitchen, and bedroom. This is more than any person can ask for if you were to compare to similar housing in countries like Hong Kong or Japan.

In the kitchen, her utensils hanging neatly, aligned along a long bar which she installed herself. She still prefers to cook with a gas stove though many elderly now use conduction or electric stove. Judging from the layout, she must enjoy food which is probably the highlight of her activities.

Mdm Tan had many interesting stories to share with us and she brought her albums out to show some old pictures. She was a pretty little lady, slightly plump in her younger days in pretty clothes.

Her mum was also a pretty lady, of Peranakan descent. I deduced that she is so healthy from being an active and proactive person. She had worked for more than forty years and regaled us with the story of being a domestic help for a British expatriate whom she said was strict and no-nonsense.

She has lots of fire in her belly as she complained about tough times in the old days. Having a fire in her system is good, I felt. It gives her energy which she uses to care for her plants outside her flat along the balcony.

She proudly showed off her array of plants and it was clear that she has green fingers. Her favorite thing to do is to go to the market and look for bargains. Even though she lives alone and there are occasional visitors, she does not want to join her neighbors for chitchat sessions, seeing it as a platform for gossip.

Nonetheless, the witty lady still knows what is going on in her immediate neighbors’ homes.

We were very happy to see that Mdm Tan is living the life that she wants. On this floor which is unblocked, it is quiet and overlooks a serene view of distant housing blocks, greenery, and blue sky. We can see why she is happy.

Mdm Tan has everything going for her as she savors each day. As the cool breeze rustled the plants on the balcony and refreshed our bodies, we bade her farewell and left feeling inspired to be as cheerful and independent as her if we ever get to that age. Happiness is what you make of it and she is a prime example.