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It is never too late to realize

Summer Lotus 14th Feb 2021 3 min read

Time is running out.

I am 63 and feel that there is so much more to savor in life, so much learning to do, and so much hidden potential in each one of us to develop.

I concede that I have wasted a large part of my life in doing nothing or feeling lost. Much time mulling and mucking around shopping centers after work when there was nothing to buy, no aim in sight. 

Fortunately, I did dabble in some sports though they were only recreational and I have also traveled quite a bit. Until, I started reading and then went into writing, I realized that my life could be greatly enriched this way.

Reading made me realise that there is a lot of wisdom to be acquired from other people and those before us. 

It made me realize that the world has transformed, people are different now and to keep up with the current changes in the world, reading is a must. Ultimately, one still has to depend on oneself to solve any problems as not many people can be at our disposal.

It made me realise that true happiness is being the best I can be and these ideas come from people smarter than me whom I can emulate. When one goal is reached, we have to set new goals to move on.

I follow top writers on Medium based on their fan size. Some like Thomas Oppong, Niklas Goke, Ayojedi Awosika and Ryan Holiday, etc have followers in five or six figures and they share valuable insights about life.

It is not too old to learn though I hear this repeatedly from my peers who seemed to be dimming their inner lights where taking challenges and learning is concerned. “We are so old already, just relax”, many quipped.

As if staying free from new knowledge would render them free from stress. The world will continue to stump you and make you feel ignorant if you don’t go with the flow. Learning is a privilege of being alive.

At this juncture, my strategy is as follows;

1 Good use of time to learn something new or become better in any particular technique that I am weak in where my career is concerned. After all, people get better through practice.

2 Learn something creative and mind-stimulating— whether related to work or not, a new skill, a foreign language, an interesting hobby will just make us more versatile other than our bread and butter work. It may launch a second career.

3 Look for mentors— I look for mentors, young or old, as long as they are willing to teach me, I will be all ears and make a good student. I believe that I can also share my unique knowledge and experiences as an exchange.

4 Acquire a balance outlook—-In the large part of my life, much time was also spent on building a family, revolving around children’s development, idling, and earning money to reach a point where one can say, “Enough, it’s time to chill”. The kids have grown, the business ongoing and perspectives and priorities must change.

Now is the time to balance all that hard work by nourishing oneself having me-alone time, getting back to basics which are, first of all, a simpler life and courting nature and extending a hand to those who have fallen behind us in this race of life.

My belly is still filled with fire. When the pandemic blows over, I will want to travel more to widen my outlook. They are a source of my writing. My aim to run a successful group practice is ongoing so that I could eventually pass the baton to deserving junior partners to entrust them with my loyal patient base. I want to be a barrel of knowledge, not an empty vessel who can dispense and share useful tips about life and life hacks to those who are interested in my sharing.

I think that would be a life quite meaningfully lived, in my small way.

more reading at medium.com under Summer Lotus@rosalindho

Important thing to muse about

Summer Lotus 2 days ago 4 min read

It seems a little scary. In five years time, I will be sixty-eight years old. I don’t feel an iota of sixty-three in me now. I am not jaded nor resigned nor dull. I attribute that to my curious nature and the zest for continuous learning.

When the pandemic hit in 2020, I doubled down on my efforts to learn and get things done. I put into fruition my company website, started an e-commerce website that would need sprucing up further (at least I got started) and started to develop an interest in reading and writing.

Those decisions had helped me a lot. First, I felt a new and fresh surge of fresh air in my life. Then I felt very encouraged that I did my own website which may not be very commercial like those done by professionals but it is interactive, functional and informative. I never thought I could do it in the first place. I constantly updated it with current dental health posts. I have also managed to get good rankings from my appreciative patients.

The e-commerce site has become functional now but lacks the marketing that it deserves. Otherwise, I think I have a product that is an improvement on existing ones. Pet bandanas are a dime a dozen, I have added gems to make them more fashionable. I felt more creativity in me these days.

Reading and writing are the best things that I have embarked on though I started on these as late as Dec 2019. I choose to read good stuff by writers who improve my mind and I do that by following those who have a huge following. I am really impressed by how some authors are so innovative, generous and encouraging with their ideas.

Writing totally changed me. I would pick out a good point or two from each article and put it to work. By writing, I have also become more self-analytical and bent on improving myself as I grow older. I never knew philosophy for example is such helpful tool to use as one meets myriad challenges in life.

So, what have I become so far? I think I have become more mindful and relaxed about life. Some things will just frays me out like yesterday when I thought that I lost the handphone in the restaurant. Because of reading, I reminded myself to calm down. It was putting my reading into practice.

Eventually, I calmed down and thought over. I did not bring my handphone out at all since at the safe-entry point, I had used my identity card to scan and the mobile was not in my bag. I had just forgotten that.

I have become more congenial with people. Less uptight about the daily grind. More grateful that my patients continue to support me as an older dentist. They trusted me and I will always deliver my best.

I have recruited two dentists wannabes (students) who have applied to the dentistry course at the University and now they are temping as part-time dental assistants in my clinic. I love sharing with them my knowledge and management of patients. Meanwhile, I benefitted from their being IT savvy.

I believe that they would make good dentists and if our paths ever cross again, they would be welcome to work at my clinic which I will always ensure to be updated, well-equipped and renewed regularly. It has been established for over twenty years.

They would be the new blood that inject the breath of fresh air into my dental surgery. I would be the stalwart that oversees that the clinic functions well and share with them my wealth of experiences. We will gain from each other.

Five years from now, they would have graduated. I see myself slowing down doing selected cases, my current dental associates still happily working with me and more dentists coming to seek work here. I see myself enjoying some of my pursuits like travelling and writing which I hope would become more recognized by then. I hope my writing will spark off enthusiasm in anyone who is keen to read and benefit from them.

I do not see retirement as an option. Yoga, travelling, enjoying nature are certainly on the cards. I would like to be seen as a beacon of hope whom young people and my peers would like to seek my views. And of course, I still want to look my best though it is hard to stop the ravaging arm of aging. But definitely trying to have a natural, graceful, dignified appearance.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; True Nobility is being superior to your former self”. — -Ernest Hemmingway

The past seems more carefree…

Summer Lotus Feb 11   7 min read

Sometimes, I would just look back at my life over the last 62 years and see how things have evolved.

Back in the sixties, life was simple. My dad worked as a teacher for a meager salary to feed a family of nine. He would come back from school with a pile of books to mark. Subsequently, he would embark on his projects such as calligraphy or some artwork as a side hustle. The shops in the old days used Mandarin characters embossed onto a longboard to indicate shop name which they then posted on the top horizontal column above the entrance to the shop.

My mum was the dutiful housewife, preparing food for all the siblings and myself, putting very simple food on the table which included eggs with some preserved vegetables, a pot of soup, a plate of green vegetables, and usually some steamed or stewed pork, fried chicken if we are lucky and sometimes fish. In those days, we only ate roast chicken and steamed large prawns during the Lunar New Year. That was why we looked forward to the Lunar New Year as a very celebrative time.

There was an unspoken rule. Children study hard, grow up, look for a job, get married and establish their own nuclear families. Most of my siblings finished school by sixteen and they started to look for work. By the time, it came to me, being the last child and an accidental one I believed, the barrel was empty. My parents had aged and there was not enough money to put me through University.

I am glad for the adversity that gave me personal growth and learning. As I watched how my friends went on to study at the university, I decided to look for a job that allowed me to save money. I found my first job as a receptionist at the wage of S$300 at a Japanese construction company. That was thirty-three years ago. Today, that amount would just cover food expenses for one month in today’s cost of living.

I went back to my old estate to find the old flat demolished and the road that I grew up on shortened to a lane as gentrification had long taken over many parts of Singapore and people moved to better build public housing. The place may have transformed but memories linger. Of the big drains that I used to play in, of the old thatched-roof houses that we called attap houses, and of the neighbors I used to have but have not bumped into them for the last fifty years.

What stood out in my childhood? My carefree life. I have never heard of the word ‘tuition’ which I later imposed on my children like a mandatory order. That became the bane of their lives but it was necessary. Singapore was and still is a meritocratic society where the paper chase is significant for one’s future.

My life after school was spent playing. “Be home by six”, my mum used to say. I would hang around the big monsoon drain with my best friend, Bee Lian and we would jump from one side to the other. Other activities included playing hop-scotch, five stones, and making paper dolls.

Sometimes we went to the National Library but I did not pick up the habit of reading. Most times, we would roam the MPH bookstore next to the Library and I was fascinated by Barbie dolls in their various outfits. I told myself that I would own a series of them when I work in future but when I became an adult, my interest in Barbie dolls had long worn off.

Life was really surreal. During the weekends in the sixties, we would often go out with my parents which included my two brothers and me. The rest of the siblings who had turned eighteen and older had their own programs. Either it was an outing to Queen Elizabeth walk, today known as the Esplanade. Sometimes, we would go to Katong Park to swim in its sea swimming enclosure, or Haw Par Villa or to the Botanic Gardens, today a UNESCO heritage site because of the vast and impressive natural developments in this park.

There were not many places to go as Singapore was not developed then and the subway construction plan was not on the cards until the 80s. Recreational places were limited but Singaporeans were creative. My brothers catched spiders to compete against each other much like cock-fighting in some countries. They also caught butterflies, admired them for some time in a pierced bottle then later released them. I would draw paper dolls on hard white cardboard, cut them out and then designed and colored some paper clothes to hang on to the dolls.

I was the model for my brother who experimented with his box-like camera. We went out and I posed for the pictures which he then developed himself in a self-made darkroom. He became a self-learned photographer which came in handy for his later career. My brothers even made our own ramshackle tricycle out of wood and we had much fun. A game of rounders was also a regular activity.

People turned in early those days. The cinemas were a chief source of entertainment and so was the open-air entertainment center called New World. Happiness was riding astride my father’s shoulders after a movie show. My parents occasionally went for mahjong individually in their friends’ houses.

Festive seasons were celebrated joyously. For example, on the stroke of midnight of the Lunar New Year, deafening sounds of firecrackers broke the silence and people were elated. But it became a nuisance when people got hurt and fires occurred. A partial ban in 1970 led to a full ban on firecrackers in 1972 and the Lunar New Year was never the same again.

Gone were the smell of ‘gun powder’ that was sharp in the morning air and the carpet of red that resulted from the red crackers that were the symbol of the New Year that had dawned on us. But the images of people firing crackers and throwing at another were scenes never forgotten.

Before the ban, it could get really frightening if someone threw a large cracker in your direction that made you jump. In the evenings, people played with sparklers to light up the surroundings. I remembered not too distinctly someone shot me from far in the arm when they aimed a pop cracker that was supposed to be played vertically and hurt my arm. My mum took me to look for the perpetrator but to no avail.

As children, we looked forward to receiving red packets from our seniors. Those days, we hoped not to feel the coins in the packets as it meant that if the red packets were flat, they contained notes indicating a larger amount. Invariably, it was a dollar note. I would put them into my furry bear tote bag which had a zipper. S$10 was considered a bounty to me.

The Mid-Autumn festival or moon cake festival is popular and is the second-most important holiday after the Chinese New Year with a history dating back 3,000 years when China’s emperors worshipped the moon for bountiful harvests. Coinciding with the full moon on the 15th day of the eighth month of the Lunar New Year, we looked forward to carry paper lanterns of all shapes and sizes that symbolized prosperity and good luck.

We also ate tasty mooncakes, a rich pastry typically filled with sweet-bean or lotus-seed paste which is a tradition. We had a great time. On the field outside the old flat, we laid a plastic sheet on the grass. We sat on it and had a little party with our tea and mooncakes.

One time, my paper lanterns accidentally caught fire because the candle in it fell and burned the sides. Today’s lanterns are mostly made of bulbs that do not have the glory of a lighted flame. But there were fewer fire incidents, panic, and crying.

As the night drew on, my dad and I would lay down and look at the full moon. We talked about the Chinese myth where Chang Er had the elixir of immortality given to her by her husband Hou Yi, an excellent archer, said to have shot down nine out of ten suns that caused disaster to the people. Hou Yi’s apprentice tried to steal the elixir which prompted Chang Er to swallow the potion and fled to the moon and became its spirit. Huo Yi was very sad and died soon after. To commemorate Huo Yi’s heroic action, people celebrated this time of the month.

During the Dragon Boat Festival, called “Duan Wu” (Summer Solstice), my mum would make Chinese sticky rice dumplings the conventional way. It was very interesting watching her. Inside the glutinous rice were marinated pork belly pieces, shelled mung beans, salted egg yolk, and chopped shitake mushrooms. She deftly wrapped the glutinous rice with the bamboo leaves, formed into the shape of a pyramid, and tied it with a straw rope before cooking it. They tasted fabulous and was the highlight of the season.

Legend had it that Qu Yuan, a poet and a loyal high official of the Chu Kingdom during the era of the warring states was slandered and exiled. When the Chu kingdom fell to the State of Qin, Qu Yuan committed suicide by drowning himself in the Miluo River on the 5th day of the 5th lunar month.

To preserve his body from being eaten by sea creatures, the locals threw rice dumplings as they paddled the boats up and down the river and beat drums to scare the evil spirits away. This evolved into the dragon boat racing and dumpling festival today that is joyously celebrated.

Singapore, being multi-cultural has many other festive events but I had only Chinese friends then so I had no opportunity to enjoy myself with friends from other races until much later in life.

All in all, it was a peaceful childhood. There were occasional sibling rivalries and some squabbling about inadequate food. Later, my older siblings sought work after their basic educations and the economy in the house improved.

The years went by and before I knew it, my parents had moved from our old flat to a housing board flat in another estate called Toa Payoh, meaning “Big Swamp” which originally it was. My teenage years were spent in a new environment where other adventures and challenges of life arose.

It is all about changing your mindset

Summer Lotus Feb 4 3 min read

The old adage turning a lemon into lemonade is so true. When a situation seems unpleasant or stressful, use your perspective to deal with it.

Currently, I have engaged a domestic helper to assist my aging brother and he wanted all of this responsibility to be mine. I accepted but felt the burden nevertheless as I had to shoulder many other financial responsibilities including helping another aging brother.

It was with a different perspective that appeased me. I met up with the helper from Indonesia who was transferred by the maid agency from another employer. Lastri (not her real name) desperately wanted another home to work in. Through her, I found out that her working condition was not good as she was subjected to constant nagging and scolding. Moreover, she has three young children to support back in her village.

I decided to change my perspective of this situation I am in. I felt that I have done a good thing by giving her employment where she only needs to assist my brother who lives alone and would be a peaceful environment for her to work in. My brother who was resistant to foreign help would certainly benefit from her assistance. In addition, I thought I could learn some Indonesian language from her which is a new skill.

We made a pact. I encouraged her to polish her English language which is still in smithereens besides having worked three years in Singapore. I would have to start from almost ground zero as I knew about only ten words of her native language. I told her that she should set her aim to improve English for better job opportunities in the future. I would become more conversant in Indonesian which is very handy as Singapore is a country surrounded by many Muslim countries. Though English is universal, knowing their native language endears one to others.

I embarked on this newfound interest straightaway. Though our conversations are still a mix of broken English and Indonesian, my messages to her are written in both languages helped by Google translate. I corrected her English when needed.

In a span of two weeks, I have already acquired about 120 vocabulary words including standard phrases. I hope she would be diligent too. Though I have to part with more than $1000 a month to maintain her job, I felt that I have turned a lemon into lemonade by considering the benefits.

I have not only given someone who needs financial help a job, but I have also given her hope for the future to upskill herself. Not to mention to help an aging relative. I have also used the situation to improve myself, in the process feeling more fulfilled and happy.

By changing one’s perspective and looking for the good in any situation, you will find the silver lining. Mindset change is a good strategy to use in life’s unavoidable ups and downs.

Apply these tips to increase your chance of winning at your Speech Contest.

Summer Lotus Feb 2 5 min read

Today, I have the good fortune to be invited to listen to a World Champion Speaker on the webinar, a 1 1/2 hour workshop, titled “Master Your Speech” organized by Toastmasters District 80.

Lance Miller is living the dream life. He holds eminent positions in the Corporate world, building and managing sales and marketing programs in the industries of law, construction, international finance, alternative health, and the internet and he has guided his audiences through business communication, world-class communication service, successful team building and more….

Lance is a very adventurous sportsman. From his enviable experiences, he has gleaned life lessons to share with his audience and spoke at hundreds of civic forums centered around fundamental human rights.

He holds the highest distinction of Distinguished Toastmaster with Toastmasters International and has delivered thousands of speeches in many different countries. He also coaches innumerable people inside and outside Toastmasters in Communication Skills.

It was a speech full of gems for the speaker who wants to excel in public speaking. I jotted those recommendations furiously and have summarized to the best of my ability. I held on to his every word.

The salient points of a masterful speech that I have gleaned and interpreted are as follows;

1 Be Authentic — Embrace your message, your principles about life, and your beliefs. When you discover yourself and believe in what you want to say, you will come across as sincere. Don’t say what the audience wants to hear.

When you are authentic, there is certain life energy that reflects conviction, passion, sincerity, and humility. The audience will be arrested by the speaker’s content and delivery.

When you are authentic, you will be more comfortable with yourself and appear relaxed and natural and not rehearsed.

2 Search for your defining moments — -Base your story on your experiences that have made indelible impressions on you. What you want to tell your listeners is about how listening to your experiences, can translate into an improvement in their lives. How they could use the same message to overcome their unique seemingly insurmountable problems.

Lance made a very important point in that even in an informative speech, you should also have an inspiring element to make it very valuable.

3 Delivery points to note — –

a) Lance emphasized that speaking is not acting. Remember to speak to the audience and never lose them. He has observed some speakers acting out the conversation with an imaginary person, thereby in his words, “dropping the fourth wall and playing off the latter”. The speaker could still respond to the imaginary person while speaking and looking at the audience.

b) Have an attitude of sharing. Do not act like an authority telling or yelling what the audience must do as there may be a higher authority in the audience. In any case, such a manner will put off the audience as we do not know what specific problems they may have. In an indirect and unimposing manner, the audience could relate better to a subtle message and apply the speaker’s suggestions.

c) Don’t ask questions that the audience cannot answer. Some speakers, Lance has observed asked questions in the middle of a presentation then continued speaking. I feel that this is disruptive to their listening and unnecessary. He recommended asking the audience for a show of hands to a question and that at least would elicit some response than just asking a question then not waiting for any reply.

d) Speak from the heart to get closer to their hearts. Do not act bigger than yourself, acting grand and dynamic or your message may come across as forceful. The audience is the final judge of whether you are a true sensational speaker.

Our distinguished speaker went on to share his sequence for preparing an inspiring story that is required for International Competitions.

1. Setting up your story.

Act 1 — In your opening, be specific. You may create the mystery but never the confusion. This is by answering the where, when, what, who, and the conflict. This creates a very clear vista in the listeners’ minds and prepares them for the story that is to follow. It is a clear road map that engages them.

An important piece of advice from Lance — Do not put your message in the beginning. It should be a surprise.

Act 2 —You narrate your story and your struggles to resolve the conflict succinctly mentioning all the obstacles so as to make the content stick.

Act 3 — Describe how a hero resolves your conflict. The hero should always be something else but not yourself — it could be an object, a thought, or another person.

Lance related a poignant story of a person who had problems with his family and while driving along a bridge, he was inspired by the bridge anchored to the bedrock that could withstand the turbulence of the Ocean. Then he realized that his family was anchored in love that could withstand whatever turbulence they were currently facing. He called home to make peace and the bridge became the hero in that story.

2 Make that point which is the resolution of the story using 3 b) above.

3 Share how the audience may apply — -Call to action indirectly so that the audience can decide for themselves if they want to apply it.

Other gems from Lance Miller

1 Don’t just quote wholesale from a famous person. Describe how that quote affected you and you make a better connection.

2 If you are using a prop, make sure it can be removed when not needed otherwise it is a distraction.

3 Practise your speech as you give it because you will give it as you practiced it. This is a golden rule to me as I often practice in my head and it never turned out the way I wanted as I would need to speak out loud in the real situation.

Don’t stop even when making a mistake but go through it. This will be for the real situation. Practice your speech many times, knowing it, not memorizing it.

Lance Miller emphasized persistence and passion as Heimportant ingredients for success. He credited Toastmasters as a good and safe place to develop communication skills to be put into practice in the real world.

It was a very fruitful Sunday morning listening to Lance Miller. As our club’s International Contest draws near, many members including myself are drawing on these tips that Lance has shared with a big Thank You!

For people who are interested in giving speeches and presentations and crafting a master speech, the above tips are invaluable.

Develop these traits and you will get there.

Summer Lotus Jan 29   1 min read

Have Clarity

Have Drive

Have Faith

Have patience

Have a Never Say Die Attitude

Have help

Have your research done thoroughly.

It takes a very driven person to achieve what he or she wants. We see successful people around us who attained incredible results with their limited resources. We could certainly pick up some of their traits by studying some of them carefully.

Look up Medium’s top writers. Those who have a huge following have reasons to be successful. We should read about their experiences and insights and how they overcome their obstacles. Choose the magazines and books that featured the movers and shakers. Life is all about possibilities.

“The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you seem to be naturally motivated to continue.” — Brian Tracy

Just do it — — Nike