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It is all about changing your mindset

Summer Lotus Feb 4 3 min read

The old adage turning a lemon into lemonade is so true. When a situation seems unpleasant or stressful, use your perspective to deal with it.

Currently, I have engaged a domestic helper to assist my aging brother and he wanted all of this responsibility to be mine. I accepted but felt the burden nevertheless as I had to shoulder many other financial responsibilities including helping another aging brother.

It was with a different perspective that appeased me. I met up with the helper from Indonesia who was transferred by the maid agency from another employer. Lastri (not her real name) desperately wanted another home to work in. Through her, I found out that her working condition was not good as she was subjected to constant nagging and scolding. Moreover, she has three young children to support back in her village.

I decided to change my perspective of this situation I am in. I felt that I have done a good thing by giving her employment where she only needs to assist my brother who lives alone and would be a peaceful environment for her to work in. My brother who was resistant to foreign help would certainly benefit from her assistance. In addition, I thought I could learn some Indonesian language from her which is a new skill.

We made a pact. I encouraged her to polish her English language which is still in smithereens besides having worked three years in Singapore. I would have to start from almost ground zero as I knew about only ten words of her native language. I told her that she should set her aim to improve English for better job opportunities in the future. I would become more conversant in Indonesian which is very handy as Singapore is a country surrounded by many Muslim countries. Though English is universal, knowing their native language endears one to others.

I embarked on this newfound interest straightaway. Though our conversations are still a mix of broken English and Indonesian, my messages to her are written in both languages helped by Google translate. I corrected her English when needed.

In a span of two weeks, I have already acquired about 120 vocabulary words including standard phrases. I hope she would be diligent too. Though I have to part with more than $1000 a month to maintain her job, I felt that I have turned a lemon into lemonade by considering the benefits.

I have not only given someone who needs financial help a job, but I have also given her hope for the future to upskill herself. Not to mention to help an aging relative. I have also used the situation to improve myself, in the process feeling more fulfilled and happy.

By changing one’s perspective and looking for the good in any situation, you will find the silver lining. Mindset change is a good strategy to use in life’s unavoidable ups and downs.

Apply these tips to increase your chance of winning at your Speech Contest.

Summer Lotus Feb 2 5 min read

Today, I have the good fortune to be invited to listen to a World Champion Speaker on the webinar, a 1 1/2 hour workshop, titled “Master Your Speech” organized by Toastmasters District 80.

Lance Miller is living the dream life. He holds eminent positions in the Corporate world, building and managing sales and marketing programs in the industries of law, construction, international finance, alternative health, and the internet and he has guided his audiences through business communication, world-class communication service, successful team building and more….

Lance is a very adventurous sportsman. From his enviable experiences, he has gleaned life lessons to share with his audience and spoke at hundreds of civic forums centered around fundamental human rights.

He holds the highest distinction of Distinguished Toastmaster with Toastmasters International and has delivered thousands of speeches in many different countries. He also coaches innumerable people inside and outside Toastmasters in Communication Skills.

It was a speech full of gems for the speaker who wants to excel in public speaking. I jotted those recommendations furiously and have summarized to the best of my ability. I held on to his every word.

The salient points of a masterful speech that I have gleaned and interpreted are as follows;

1 Be Authentic — Embrace your message, your principles about life, and your beliefs. When you discover yourself and believe in what you want to say, you will come across as sincere. Don’t say what the audience wants to hear.

When you are authentic, there is certain life energy that reflects conviction, passion, sincerity, and humility. The audience will be arrested by the speaker’s content and delivery.

When you are authentic, you will be more comfortable with yourself and appear relaxed and natural and not rehearsed.

2 Search for your defining moments — -Base your story on your experiences that have made indelible impressions on you. What you want to tell your listeners is about how listening to your experiences, can translate into an improvement in their lives. How they could use the same message to overcome their unique seemingly insurmountable problems.

Lance made a very important point in that even in an informative speech, you should also have an inspiring element to make it very valuable.

3 Delivery points to note — –

a) Lance emphasized that speaking is not acting. Remember to speak to the audience and never lose them. He has observed some speakers acting out the conversation with an imaginary person, thereby in his words, “dropping the fourth wall and playing off the latter”. The speaker could still respond to the imaginary person while speaking and looking at the audience.

b) Have an attitude of sharing. Do not act like an authority telling or yelling what the audience must do as there may be a higher authority in the audience. In any case, such a manner will put off the audience as we do not know what specific problems they may have. In an indirect and unimposing manner, the audience could relate better to a subtle message and apply the speaker’s suggestions.

c) Don’t ask questions that the audience cannot answer. Some speakers, Lance has observed asked questions in the middle of a presentation then continued speaking. I feel that this is disruptive to their listening and unnecessary. He recommended asking the audience for a show of hands to a question and that at least would elicit some response than just asking a question then not waiting for any reply.

d) Speak from the heart to get closer to their hearts. Do not act bigger than yourself, acting grand and dynamic or your message may come across as forceful. The audience is the final judge of whether you are a true sensational speaker.

Our distinguished speaker went on to share his sequence for preparing an inspiring story that is required for International Competitions.

1. Setting up your story.

Act 1 — In your opening, be specific. You may create the mystery but never the confusion. This is by answering the where, when, what, who, and the conflict. This creates a very clear vista in the listeners’ minds and prepares them for the story that is to follow. It is a clear road map that engages them.

An important piece of advice from Lance — Do not put your message in the beginning. It should be a surprise.

Act 2 —You narrate your story and your struggles to resolve the conflict succinctly mentioning all the obstacles so as to make the content stick.

Act 3 — Describe how a hero resolves your conflict. The hero should always be something else but not yourself — it could be an object, a thought, or another person.

Lance related a poignant story of a person who had problems with his family and while driving along a bridge, he was inspired by the bridge anchored to the bedrock that could withstand the turbulence of the Ocean. Then he realized that his family was anchored in love that could withstand whatever turbulence they were currently facing. He called home to make peace and the bridge became the hero in that story.

2 Make that point which is the resolution of the story using 3 b) above.

3 Share how the audience may apply — -Call to action indirectly so that the audience can decide for themselves if they want to apply it.

Other gems from Lance Miller

1 Don’t just quote wholesale from a famous person. Describe how that quote affected you and you make a better connection.

2 If you are using a prop, make sure it can be removed when not needed otherwise it is a distraction.

3 Practise your speech as you give it because you will give it as you practiced it. This is a golden rule to me as I often practice in my head and it never turned out the way I wanted as I would need to speak out loud in the real situation.

Don’t stop even when making a mistake but go through it. This will be for the real situation. Practice your speech many times, knowing it, not memorizing it.

Lance Miller emphasized persistence and passion as Heimportant ingredients for success. He credited Toastmasters as a good and safe place to develop communication skills to be put into practice in the real world.

It was a very fruitful Sunday morning listening to Lance Miller. As our club’s International Contest draws near, many members including myself are drawing on these tips that Lance has shared with a big Thank You!

For people who are interested in giving speeches and presentations and crafting a master speech, the above tips are invaluable.

Develop these traits and you will get there.

Summer Lotus Jan 29   1 min read

Have Clarity

Have Drive

Have Faith

Have patience

Have a Never Say Die Attitude

Have help

Have your research done thoroughly.

It takes a very driven person to achieve what he or she wants. We see successful people around us who attained incredible results with their limited resources. We could certainly pick up some of their traits by studying some of them carefully.

Look up Medium’s top writers. Those who have a huge following have reasons to be successful. We should read about their experiences and insights and how they overcome their obstacles. Choose the magazines and books that featured the movers and shakers. Life is all about possibilities.

“The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you seem to be naturally motivated to continue.” — Brian Tracy

Just do it — — Nike

The best thing that ever happen to me is reading about philosophy

Summer Lotus Jan 26 2021  5 min read

I was never an avid reader but ever since I wrote on Medium, I felt an urgent need to read a lot to infuse my brain with ideas. The good authors on Medium also encourage prolific reading for serious writers.

I stumbled on Philosophy. To me, Philosophy was studying the mind, the attitude, the reasoning behind situations. It was almost a rationalization to help one get by life’s annoyances. I was not aware of the wisdom embedded in the principles expounded by the philosophers.

In my country’s culture where I grew up, there had been an emphasis on the Sciences. The ‘Big Four’ coveted careers were Accountancy, Medicine, Law, and Dentistry. Parents do not emphasize Art subjects like Literature, History, Geography, and the Arts even Philosophy as they were not ‘money-making’ prospects.

I was a Science student throughout. As I dived into further readings which included fiction and especially Philosophy, it all became very meaningful to me. I started to apply them to my daily life. That paved the road to a happy perspective of living in a challenging world.

The philosophers of the world were innumerable. Each had given his unique perspective to life. Their legacy to us was wisdom and the way to achieve peace and happiness.

I would focus on Marcus Aurelius whose thoughts resonate with many people who are acquainted with his writings. Marcus Aurelius was a powerful and rich Roman emperor in the second century and a Stoic philosopher. He was born about 2000 years ago and his reign was a period of tranquility and good government.

Stoicism is a branch of philosophy that is concerned with self-control and achieving happiness through the virtues of wisdom, ethics, bravery, and moderation. His greatest contribution to philosophy was his book called meditations” which he wrote to himself and now finds many practical applications in today’s world.

There are 12 books with about 185 quotations but I will just meditate on three of his quotes that have changed my life greatly.

1 Marcus Aurelius stressed the power of the mind.

He wrote, “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

Then he said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”

So, with calmness in our minds and peace in our souls, the solution to any problem will come. When confronted with an issue, I would usually take a breather — go for a drink, a short walk, chat with a friend. Later, ideas would surface. So far, my problems became resolved, or at least they seemed less severe than I first thought because the power to overcome is from my mind.

If some event stokes your anger and not within your control, you could put things in perspective. Look for the good rather than the negative aspects and you will find positives and become more appeased. Even if there is really none, the annoying event has built your character of resilience and patience.

Whatever you are feeling inside you, remains with you until you choose to expel them. Therein lies your strength.

2 Marcus Aurelius meditated on how people could act.

He wrote, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

Indeed, we have often overheard people complaining about other people’s behavior or performance out of the earshot of the person concerned. So and so should do this, she shouldn’t have done that. I can do much better than that.

Nothing would improve as the relevant person was not notified. If informed, his ego may deter him from taking action anyway. He suggested focusing on your own actions without criticizing the other party. Just watching you show the way may be more effective. No argument is needed. In that way, he would be inspired and be more receptive.

Hence, the best option is to become a role model. Do your part exceedingly well such that others would talk about it. Inspire instead of complaining. It would not change anyone’s behavior but turn yourself into a complainer and waste your time. So be the best employee, the best partner, best parent, best friend, best boss, the best person you can be and others will take after you.

3 Marcus Aurelius wrote about having a happy life.

He said, “ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” So guard it accordingly.

This is the equivalent of “ You are what you eat”. Feed your mind with good books, biographies of great men and women, uplifting articles, and essays until you internalize their thoughts and opinions. Read about people who overcame adversities and you would be filled with wisdom. You would also develop gratitude for your current status.

Quotations from wise men and philosophers are a good place to start. Life will always hand you surprises, many exasperating but you could evade these arrows of annoyances by what and how you think. Reading from the right sources and listening to people who have experience are where you can pick up counter thoughts of negativity.

In a similar vein, if you want to write a good speech, one that has relevant rhetorical devices that are important to make an impact, then read and decipher good speeches made by famous people and imbibe their and thoughts and skills to produce a good speech.

By surrounding yourself with friends who have humor, positive minds, and who love learning, you would inevitably receive the goodness from them and enhance the condition of your life. Improve the quality of your thoughts and you will improve the quality of your life.

Two thousand years have passed but a wise man’s words will live on. Every day, meditate on these aphorisms and apply them unceasingly. Life is a pleasant one made unbearable due to our own reactions to events. The next time something annoys you, remember these three quotes and the situation will be mitigated much.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”.

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

“ The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

— — Marcus Aurelius

I want to thank medium for existing for people like me

Summer Lotus Jan 24 2021  4 min read

Through Medium, I have inculcated the love for reading and writing.

I am a latecomer to reading. For most of my life, I hardly read as I was not motivated and I was largely entangled with textbooks of subjects that I aimed to pass. For 16 years, from primary school to University, I was in the Science stream so Art and Literature subjects were not on my radar of interests. I had not acquired a love for Art, History, Geography, nor Literature until in my later years when I started traveling and became exposed to other cultures.

I chanced upon Medium a year ago when I was surfing the internet and realized what a treasure trove it is. Many writers are already accomplished and prolific writers and thinkers, generously sharing tips on living a better life.

Members of medium.com have opportunities to express their thoughts, relate their stories, and share their experiences in ways that are so beneficial to readers that I quickly fell in love with reading and writing. Some of them earned good money to boot.

I am a proponent of reading as well as writing now. I have benefitted over the last year when I became a member and decided to give writing a shot. As a dentist, my sphere of living is very small but the desire to write had caused me to dig deep into my life experiences of 60 years tucked under my belt. I discovered that reading expedited my writing attempts as I became inspired going through other authors’ works.

“Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write”— -Annie Proulx

How reading and writing benefitted me.

1 You can say I now feel more intelligent. Such variable subjects from philosophy to business to life hacks to almost anything conceivable are bandied about on this platform and many good authors crystallized those ideas for me. They sourced and shared quotations that were timeless and brought much introspection to my life.

2 I became more confident, positive, and happier. It is very encouraging to see many great authors on medium who could churn out nice, motivating articles, as many as two a day. They were very supportive, egging new writers to keep writing and trying. They were also realistic to reveal that it could take as much as five years to see results and only practice, grit, and hard work can hone a writer’s skill.

I noticed a positive change in me during the Toastmasters meeting. During the off-the-cuff speech session, we termed as table topics, I was able to adopt a fresh and optimistic perspective no matter how negative the topic was. This was a far cry from just a few years ago when I used to shun table-topics and was not able to deliver a concrete view when volunteered. I would credit the reading and writing habits on Medium that built my critical thinking skills.

3 I learned many new things from reading articles by established writers. These are authors who have a huge following and have proven to be persistent and progressively successful. I aspire to be like them. From them, I was exposed to other great authors whom they have followed and the good ideas and thoughts were shared through their writings in their own inimitable ways. Some have become so successful that they had made writing a full-time career.

Many of these writers want others to succeed as well so they would share their tips and their mistakes. I think this generosity is to be lauded greatly. I have adopted their recommendations and made my own essays to meet the criteria required by publications as closely as possible.

4 Being involved with Medium, I have developed the good habit of reading at least three articles a day. Each article always carries an important message for me to apply. The writing was a struggle and it still is. However, I do find that I am able to achieve a flow state under the right conditions and have generally written an article in less time than was required when I first tried to do so.

My article that was viewed the most was only about 100 views but it was a boost for my self-esteem as I never thought I could even write. The topic was Knowing Your Communication Style Will Help You Succeed In Your Life

Well, let me share my chequered past. My composition book was thrown out of the window during my formative years as a teenager when I lacked a lot of motivation and focus. I became the bane of my English teacher’s life for the whole year. I was demoralized for many years. Coming from a neighborhood school, I got into this elite school by the skin of my teeth. It was a brand name school ( all teenagers aspire to get in)by all accounts. When I entered school, I discovered that most of my classmates were already polished in the English language. There, my torment lasted for four years.

Joining Toastmasters Club to find my voice required me to produce scripts to perform as speech projects. It was after I became a member of Medium that I honed my writing and now I am not short of articles to use during club meetings. The need to write quality speech spurred me to read quality articles, process them and write out my best version.

This is going to be an exciting year in 2021. There is plenty to discover on Medium where I could develop further in this craft and my goal is to be consistent in producing worthy and readable articles that are of value to other readers.

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot” — -Stephen King

Some are celebrated, some are absurd but always laughable.

Summer Lotus Jan 20 2021  6 min read

Chinese superstitions in modern Singapore still abounds. Many people have tied these customary beliefs to old wives’ tales, some originating in China but today, many still follow the rituals arising from believing them. This certainly brings some humor and laughter to those who do not believe but we would still respect tradition. Belief is entirely the person’s choice

We shall start with the Lunar New Year this year which will start on 12th February and ends on the 13th of February. Almost all Singaporeans will not sweep their homes on the first day but some would extend it to three days. The reason is that fortune and wealth would be swept away, hence the dirt in the house takes a breather once a year during this festive season.

If you sight lanterns in the form of pineapples, that is because it symbolizes prosperity. Many of these lucky charms result from their names. Pineapple 王莉 in mandarin rhymes with the word ‘prosper’ 旺. A string of red-clothed chilli may be pronounced as 吉利 in Mandarin which means very lucky. Red and gold is the auspicious color known to draw wealth into the homes and offices.

Designs cut out of red paper often have the word 福(fu) which means luck as well as wealth and it is often displayed such that the word is upside down so that fortune ‘pours’ in. The symbol of fish is also a good omen of unending food availability for the household.

The Chinese New Year Celebration is very special in this way. These may be superstitions but they are fun rituals for every Chinese family.

The Chinese have many events and festivities and along with them some irrational notions too. A case in point is when one gets pregnant. Everything to do with sharp objects seems taboo.

I first got my experience of how cumbersome it was to be pregnant because of superstitions. Pregnant women must never cut anything or do any sewing on the bed. I have heard many tales that restricted my actions. Sewing and cutting on the bed apparently would cause one to produce a hare-lip baby. God forbid a pregnant woman to hammer a nail into the wall or her baby would drop!

Needless to say, the scissors became my nemesis and I would rather go around unbuttoned than to sew it back!

Then, she is highly advised not to eat seafood like crabs and lobsters as these may cause the child to be hyperactive! It sounded ludicrous but when these motherhood statements are drummed into your head by mothers on both sides, you would not take a chance. Fortunately, I was not crazy about this creepy crawlies but my kids turned out to be hyperactive!

The tales continued after delivery. The new mother is cautioned not to wash hair nor bathe for 30 days! She must not leave home as well. The rationale is that wind and even moisture may seep into the body causing rheumatism and resulting bone and joint pain which they swore would make me scream.

Two weeks into confinement, citing hygiene reasons, I rebelled. I took a good shower and made a trip to the salon to have a relaxing wash of my hair. Subsequently, I washed my hair and bathe every day and to date, my joints have not creaked a bit.

The only part of the ritual I would thoroughly agree with is that new mothers having suffered much trauma during the delivery should be served nice, hot meals and pampered in many ways.

Parents including myself are often to blame as well as our parents and to be fair, the ancestors too, for perpetuating some beliefs that are archaic. However, all parents meant good so some beliefs are still extolled.

When the children are young and are not co-operative in eating, Chinese parents often tell their kids that their spouses would be pock-marked in the face if they frequently leave crumbs behind on the plate. This superstition was passed down from generations but may be losing its effect as children are getting smarter these days.

Recently, I met a young bachelor who had helped me in some office matters. I could not help asking why he had two rings on the ring fingers of both hands. He mentioned that his mother told him they were to block the gaps between the fingers so that his wealth would not slip away. I thought this confusion would also reduce his chance of getting a bride as he may be deemed engaged or married.

An event to give presents during weddings, birthdays and house-warming may be linked to many superstitions as well.

Never present a pair of scissors, a set of knives, or a clock no wonder how beautifully made they are. It is highly taboo. In Chinese culture, giving scissors is tantamount to cutting off the relationship.

My mum gave a lovely set of knives to her friend for her housewarming and never heard from her again. In Chinese, ”一刀两断” is a popular phrase used when people break off any relationship and the knives might have unknowingly symbolized that.

Similarly, giving a clock is called 送钟 which rhymes with 送终 a send-off during a funeral. Hence, it is highly offensive to gift this to an Asian who understands the Mandarin language.

On the subject of spirits, more superstitions flourish and some swear by them and follow the rules rigorously.

Don’t cut nails at night. They say it’s got something to do with drawing out the bad spirits. We can only speculate that in the olden days when lamps were used at night, over-protective parents did not want children to hurt themselves and hence spun this story.

In Chinese culture, the 15th day of the lunar calendar is the ghost day which is generally celebrated as a month. During this period, the Buddhists abs Taoists believed that the souls of the deceased are free to roam the earth. It is also a time to respect their ancestors.

Food and prayers are offered to appease them. Even entertainment in the form of roadshows called “getai” where singing, skits, and over the top costumes are featured to make the spirits happy.

For the superstitious, they would tell you not to go out as far as possible during Ghost month. Indeed, at every Ghost festival, my well-meaning relative would call me the day before the festival start and cautioned me.

A month of inactivity would stupefy me. Imagine, no swimming as the spirits may drown you. No taking pictures as that would be as good as asking the spirits to join you. Some believe that you do not hang damp clothes outside at night as they may be construed as an invitation to try them and then be brought into the house when you bring the clothes in. And of course, weddings are not popular during this month.

In any case, it affects dentistry during this season. Some patients avoid seeing dentists especially for wisdom tooth surgery as well as extractions as they believed that the spirits may enter the sockets.

In Singapore, 4 and 13 are considered unlucky numbers. You may see some hotels skip the 13th floor in the elevator numbering. The number 4 is also considered a jinx so if you have a house number that ends in 4, it may pose some difficulty to sell to someone who is concerned about this number. 4 in Mandarin sounds like death, 24 in dialect sounds like easy to die.

Superstitions remain grounded in people’s beliefs as long as they get passed on. It is up to the individual’s intellect and choice to tell what is sensible and reasonable to what is ludicrous and live your life without any impediments.

Albert Einstein said it best, ‘Scientific research can reduce superstition by encouraging people to think and view things in terms of cause and effect.’