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This is the ingredient of a successful after-dinner talk.

Summer Lotus Dec 31   5 min read

By Rosalind Ho

A challenge arises when your host asks you to give a short speech after dinner. Usually, the host would have requested that you speak after the dinner in which case you could prepare beforehand. Sometimes, the host may spring a surprise by asking you immediately after dinner and that is the stress of tackling an extemporaneous speech. Speaking of the cuff is never easy. It requires quick thinking and wit to keep the audience engaged.

The audience has dined and may have already felt the headiness after some wine and good food. All they want is some nice interaction with their fellow diners and banter away. Many of them may be fidgety and getting a little restless.

Your challenges;

1 Entertain them somewhat. However, know the purpose of the speech — informative, persuasive, inspirational so there is some direction.

2 Make the appropriate comments that would please your host as well as your audience.

3 Make them laugh which would be valuable.

4 Impart some worthwhile thoughts they can leave the party with. Inspiring, motivating, and informative are some considerations.

What can the after-dinner talk be about?

It should be relevant to the theme of the party. Avoid taboo subjects like sex, race, religion, and politics. People have varying beliefs and ideas. The topics mentioned are very divisive so be cautioned. This is not the time to start a crusade about your beliefs. The gathering is about the main character or event concerned and not about anybody else.

Remember the audience is already very relaxed so it is not good to rile them with controversial topics. We want to build on the excellent atmosphere of fellowship and continue from there.

The guests have gathered for a reason — A birthday party? Graduation or Anniversary? An award or promotion celebration? Or just old friends gathering for the evening? Keep the purpose of the gathering in mind as you prepare your talk. If you have been invited to speak at the dinner, you should ask about the purpose of the dinner and reflect on your host’s merits and his special guest if any beforehand.

If you have been appointed to give an after-dinner talk by the host, it would be wise to show your script beforehand to gain the approval of the host. He or she may contribute more ideas.

Points to note about after-dinner speech

1 Be brief. — Unless you are a seasoned speaker who can arrest the audience’s attention, a 10-minute speech is enough to stretch their focus and patience before they start whispering and have a mini chat among themselves. If you have humorous, relevant anecdotes to narrate, an extension of 5 more minutes may just be ideal. This is from my observation at invited dinners.

2 Be mindful — -If the dinner has already been delayed for some reason and there are further programs like a business session or other speakers in line, then you have to cut your address accordingly. If the salient points are mentioned, it does not matter if your speech is a short one.

Be aware of the audience’s mood, body language, and facial expressions. If something said is not agreeable, be spontaneous enough to change the subject. As a speaker, remember to use a light-hearted tone and keep smiling! Pausing at the right moment to allow the jokes to sink in and the audience to laugh is very effective before moving to the next point.

3 Be positive — -People generally want to hear the good stuff. Think of all the wonderful aspects associated with the host, the audience, and the opportunity to be at the dinner. Do not mention anything embarrassing unless you have sought permission from the person whom the dinner’s theme is centered around. The host should also be consulted.

Unless it is a dinner designed to roast the host, remain courteous and respectful. Even a roasting speech can be polite and needs style and subtlety which is not easy.

Stay with a positive message. Remember the first and last thing sticks!

4 Be entertaining — If you recall, there are bound to be some humorous episodes that reflect the humorous side of your host or the person in question or you would not be asked to speak. The best approach is to be original with your jokes based on your experience. You might do well to keep some short jokes in your arsenal for such times. However, these jokes should be in line with the theme of the party.

Incorporate some rhetorical devices like metaphors, puns, exaggeration, understatements, etc that are often used in interesting speeches. Some drama may be necessary to give that punch!

5 Be respectful — -Always observe the protocol of a speech. Greet everybody, tell your story with ease and spontaneity, and thank your host for the invite and everyone for their attention. Keep a smile on your face and don’t act so serious. Most minds are already quite foggy after a big dinner. Courtesy begets courtesy and everyone goes home happy.

😄 😄 😄

Structure of the after-dinner talk

The humorous talk should be structured like any speech with an opening that is attention-grabbing and prepares the audience for some enlightenment. The body should follow the theme of the gathering, reinforced by stories and relevant jokes. The conclusion should end on a high note and not be a summary or personal call for action for some agenda unless instructed by the host. ( Example, small fundraising is the purpose of the gathering).

For more points about humorous speeches, you may read this article.

Always ends with a toast to the successful gathering and a big thank you for the opportunity to speak after the dinner.

Conclusion

An after-dinner talk is probably one of the challenging talks to give. Given the relaxed atmosphere, sometimes there may be more noises and even some interjections when people let their guards down after some drinking some wines. An excellent speaker takes all these in his stride and continues to deliver his speech together with his humor at a steady pace.

Developing humor in your speaking can help you in your career.

Summer Lotus Dec 24 4 min read

A speech can be classified into four types; informative, inspirational, persuasive, and entertaining. The most challenging speech type is an entertaining or humorous one.

In Toastmasters’ club meetings, the humorous speech contest is one of the main events where members sign up to deliver a humorous speech to entertain the audience and the top three speakers are recognized for their efforts. All participants are winners in their own rights for putting their courage and humor to the test.

Having participated in my Toastmasters’ club’s annual Humorous speech contest for several years, I think I can draw on my experiences to share the joys and benefits of being a participant.

The purpose of the contest is to help the audience have fun and award the speaker with the best story and technique. Every year, we are surprised by how participants could come up with their original stories created from their own encounters and observations.

Each speech is given 5 to 7 minutes allotment. We watched how participants grew over the years with persistent participation, some becoming quite professional at it.

What are the qualities of a humorous speech?

Toastmasters are aware of what makes a humorous speech work and we craft our story according to the guidelines we have learned as members. Below are some requirements for success;

1 The story should be easily understood and believable. The talk should be in a logical flow so that listeners can follow easily. Have a theme throughout the speech and the contents must reflect the theme.

2 It is best drawn from personal experiences which are more likely to be original and hence score more points. Only you can tell your own stories best. It may also be gleaned from other people’s experiences that are very funny and in line with the theme of your talk.

3 The jokes are in good taste and are a surprise in some cases. Dirty jokes or used jokes are taboo.

4 The story should have entertainment value. It should first be funny enough to yourself to share it.

5 It should adapt to your personality and suit the audience.

6 It should convey an important message to boot.

Delivery of a humorous speech

A winning speaker usually is a good storyteller. Through his content and delivery, he is able to engage the audience throughout his presentation leaving them wanting to hear more.

For humorous speeches, the speaker often speaks in a more dramatic fashion, with the appropriate use of gestures, body postures, and good eye contact.

A successful humorous speaker often uses rhetorical devices in his speeches to get his message across. The choice of words is important as they can paint a vista for the audience to imagine what was conveyed.

Rhetorical devices such as alliterations, analogy, pun, anaphora, the power of three, hyperbole, personification, simile, etc used in interesting speeches should be employed in a humorous speech.

The structure is always organized as in any speech with a good introduction, body, and conclusion.

Opening or Introduction — Opening sets the mood for the talk hence it should be an attention grabber. Plunge right into the story and set the scene for it. Some may prefer to use a visual aid to rein in the audience’s attention. As long as it is relevant to the content, it may be a good tactic.

Be enthusiastic, be infectious and you will seize your audience’s attention. Practise the opening to perfection to eliminate any possibilities of false starts and clumsiness.

Body — Limit to three examples (in a 5 to 7 min speech) and expand on each one. Build to a climax on each story and a punch line leaving breathing space for the smooth transition to the next story. Keep the momentum steady.

Check your content that nothing offensive was included. Avoid topics involving sex, race, politics, and religion. When in doubt, leave the joke out. The best strategy is to do the joke on yourself.

Conclusion — -The conclusion should be definite and have an impactful message from all your experiences leaving the audience happy to have heard you speak and learn something useful.

Some important points to note;

1 When giving a funny speech, the speaker is not expected to laugh at his own jokes. Most good humorous speakers are stone-faced when giving that punchline to their stories. If you are able to draw bouts of laughter, that is your proof of success.

2 The use of pause at the right moment is important to allow the joke or message to sink in. When the speech is given at a fast rate throughout, the joke may be lost by the audience.

3 Be mindful of the audience’s interest waning and adjust accordingly. This may require some experience and deftness.

The winner of the Humorous Speech Contest at our Toastmasters Club often scores in content and delivery of all the points listed above.

On a personal benefit, I find that making your fellow members laugh is a very enjoyable thing. Everyone became relaxed and went home happy. The club’s objectives of honing members’ communication skills are achieved with each participation.

I am able to break the ice easily with strangers, defray an embarrassing situation, and make a friend easily. Even if you have to give a serious speech at your corporation, the wit and wisdom developed at Toastmasters training often put one in good stead to handle any form of inherent stress and set the mood for a good presentation. I attribute this skill to years of crafting speeches during speech contests.

Humorous speeches are always a challenge to prepare but they are not impossible. We need to explore our arsenal of daily experiences and listen to other people’s stories for a start.

“A day without laughter is a day wasted” — -Charlie Chaplin

Summer Lotus Dec 24 6 min read

Travel builds good memories for recall during this pandemic.

If not for this pandemic, I would be in snow land in Japan right now. Just early January this year before anyone has heard of the word Covid-19, I had the good fortune to be in Nirvana, which is Niseko in the wildland of Hokkaido.

I will never forget the moment the bus pulled up at the bus-stop and the driver said that we have to alight. It was snowing heavy white powder everywhere. When my friend, Irene and I got off, we went straight knee-deep into the powdered snow with our bags half-submerged as well.

We felt a mix of joy and trepidation as the snow beat down on us. In the bitter cold and both of us handling a sizeable bag, we wondered if we could make it to the train station 500m away. The cold shook us to the core yet we wanted this experience.

A passerby offered to help us book a taxi but all taxis would only pick us up from the station. We gritted our teeth and dragged our bags along the wet road, avoiding the side pavements that had built up with snow. In and out of shops we went, first a bakery, then a cafe, to get a respite from the cold and partake of something hot to beat the chill.

Alas, we reached the station. Anywhere in Japan, the customer service counter never disappoints. Most of the staff were volunteers, happy to converse with foreigners in English. We booked a cab that came promptly and the driver took us on a scenic route to our hotel.

Absolute Niseko Lodge is in a great location in Kutchan city at a price that was very affordable. The lodge was behind a resort that is next to the main street. It had stopped snowing but that did not dampen our enthusiasm. As soon as we checked in the bags, we made snowballs and threw them at each other outside the lodge.

The first day at Kutchan town of Niseko was exploration. We noticed that this skiing spot was a top hit with foreigners judging from the international mix. Everything was within reach with a huge supermarket that caters to many tastes and stock full of necessary items for a resort as remote as Niseko.

The Japanese restaurant had a long queue way before it was opened and people were already milling around to join the queue. We walked the streets and passed many quaint resorts. There were many upscale apartments in the process of completion for the year 2021 for interested investors and I can imagine more crowd would come to experience the famous quality snow here.

From where we stood, the ski mountain was all around us and skiers were enjoying their sport. I must say it was too crowded for an amateur skier like me. However, we were in Niseko. Even if I did not ski, I would not miss the scenic beauty for anything in the world.

Ahead of me, Mount Yotei loomed. It is very similar to Mount Fuji in Tokyo, in the prefecture of Honshu. The view was equally breathtaking. At various times of the day from dawn to sunset, the mystic Mt Yotei appealed to us and we started taking pictures. The properties in Kutchan seemed very much sought after.

From Kutchan, we were close to Hirafu village where the biggest resort, Grand Hirafu stands. That leaves a reason for us to be back. We had only two nights at Kutchan where we spent pretty much of the time watching skiers negotiate their courses down the slopes, sampling great food and wine, and enjoying some onsen.

Our next stop was Tomamu, unheard of to me at least but I was glad to experience it. Out of Niseko, we boarded a bus that headed for Tomamu, about 2 hours away.

This time, we were looking forward to staying in a large Japanese home turned hotel.

Mr. and Mrs. Tadayuki Natsui are the owners of the property, Pension Ing Tomamu. A large brown house in the middle of nowhere but Mr. Tadayuki’s service was impeccable. He would pick up his guests and also brought them back to the bus station or railway station on checkout. In addition, he provided free transport to popular places near his lodge.

Pension Ing Tomamu has a perfect setting of a home with a cozy dining area, fireplace, and an indoor onsen to boot. At the specified time arranged every morning, we would first have a delicious Japanese breakfast. Breakfast with a view of the snowy surroundings.

Everything tasted so good in winter but to be honest, Japanese food is just delicious. Mr. Tadayuki dropped us at a famous ski resort called Hoshino resorts Tomamu that is very popular with the Chinese Nationals. We also arranged a pick-up time back to his pension house.

What really impressed me were the ski slopes of Tomamu resort. There were miles and miles of wide ski routes and it was a really massive change from Niseko, though the latter is world-famous. For amateur skiers like myself, this came as a great relief as I need not worry about bumping people off their tracks.

I stayed on the green course which was the basic route for beginners and that was wide and long enough to allow skiers to enjoy the unimpeded slopes of Tomamu. Tomamu is also known to be very snowy which added to the thrill.

The snow felt so velvety smooth it is no wonder the skiers who come to Hokkaido are also called powder hunters.

Not once did I fell on the slopes. I was not going at a particularly high speed and that attested to the easy skiing on Tomamu slopes due to the snow quality. The two skyscrapers stood in contrast to the wild surroundings of Tomamu which is actually quite remote in Hokkaido.

Tomamu resort has a sprawling network of restaurants which were often full but we managed to sample the food there. Most memorable were Hokkaido-Charred Shoyu ramen, old-fashioned ramen, Tomamu limited Tonkatsu ramen, and Yuzui tsuyu tsukemen which we lapped up with relish.

In the evenings, we paid a small admission fee to visit Tomamu’s illuminated ice village which was a collection of domes constructed entirely of snow and ice. Amongst them was a bar, a cafe, a shop, a wedding chapel, an ice-skating rink, and a workshop with ice-related hands-on activities.

Our winter experience may be brief but left indelible memories.

In a pandemic, it is disconcerting for many travel buffs. But do not let anything get you down. Open your albums and recall the good times you have had.

If you are short on travel, explore your own country and you will be surprised by the changes that are always ongoing around us. The world is so global and change is swift and subtle even in one’s own ‘backyard’.

With the internet, one can reach almost anywhere virtually in today’s world and be prepared to explore again once Covid-19 is over.

Life has many meanings and it is up to you to give them

Summer Lotus 19th 2 min read

Itis about solving each day’s problems as it comes

It is about helping others solve their problems if you have the solutions

It is about keeping your temperance no matter how the day went

It is about doing what you desire and living your dream

It is about looking for the good in everything

It is about feeling grateful every day

It is about looking at life from a fresh perspective and emerge positive

It is about experiencing life‘s many facets and learn from them

It is about giving yourself new challenges to overcome

It is about growing each day into a stronger and more compassionate person

It is about being mindful of how beautiful the world is becoming in many ways

It is about seizing opportunities to better oneself

It is about uncovering your hidden talents and develop them

It is about sharing any happiness you have with others

It is about bringing a smile to another person

It is about laughing often

It is about making others say, “I am glad to have known you.”

It is about not wasting time on trifles and trivialities

It is about not griping about the world and others

It is about loving others the way you would love yourself

It is about forgiving all past unpleasant incidents

It is about accepting that life will continue to surprise you

It is about inspiring others to live as well as you did

It is about the knowledge that you can handle anything in life with your attitude

It is about telling life that you will emerge victorious

Finally, It is about a great journey you have paved for yourself.

Results do not fall on your lap without effort

Summer Lotus Dec 18th  4 min read

Patience is an emotion. Are you able to overcome the discomforted feeling of not getting what you want instantly? Are you willing to delay happiness? Do you have the endurance, calmness, and forbearance to wait for the results?

Today’s advances in technology have made us an ‘instant breed’. By that, I mean we want things and stuff done instantly.

From experience, being impatient leads to missed opportunities, strained relationships, and unfulfilled goals.

These days, I allow things to play out when I strive for a goal and see my efforts to fruition. If I achieved my goal, that is good. If not, waiting for things to materialize allows new ideas to crop up that may enhance my effort.

It is not about doing nothing but doing all you can in the meantime. Wait for results and don’t quit.

The proverbial “Rome was not built in a day” rings true. When I first learned Japanese, it seemed impossible. The language was spoken fast and always dribbled off my ears easily.

But I love anything Japanese such as its food, music, scenery, products and I was determined to master the language to enjoy them as they are mostly written in their lingo.

It took me several years at a local night school as the lessons were only once a week and there was no daily exposure to the language in Singapore where it is mostly English /mandarin speaking.

I resorted to many tactics. Getting myself a Japanese mentor found me in the Japanese association as a member. We interacted with like-minded Singaporeans interested in the language. We would indulge in all aspects of conversations led by a Japanese group leader and made friends.

But sometimes your Japanese friend is more eager to learn English from you.

I waited for improvement and there was nothing much. I had to persist or thousands of dollars in tuition fees would have gone down the drain.

I ignited this desire to improve faster by enrolling in a Japanese language immersion course for two weeks in Tokyo at a Japanese language school for foreigners.

I might be the oldest student in the class and faced many subtle discrimination and remarks but patience and persistence were my constant bedfellows.

After lessons and cultural immersion outings, it was a mostly alone time that put my language practice to the test.

During my commute in Tokyo trains, there was plenty to see. Lots of interesting advertisements, all in Japanese characters. I deciphered them with my electronic dictionary and became so fascinated with their culture and thoughts.

My alone time after school was spent in the basement of massive shopping centers in Ginza or Shinjuku, sampling food and asking questions with the help of my dictionary. Some salespeople were quite amused but helpful. I find that the Japanese are not as cold as they are perceived.

When they know that you try to learn their language, they would open up and chat with you, never mind that the conversation was skin deep.

I have received a larger portion from a food vendor when they knew that I was enthusiastic to speak their language and they could tell right away that I was a foreigner judging from my textbook style and stiff Japanese.

When things seemed so hard because the teacher tried to test me all the time to see if I could cope in class, I remembered Gandhi’s message, “To lose patience is to lose the battle.”

With time, the three writings of the Japanese language- kanji, hiragana, and katakana seemed to be easier to decode in my mind, to my delight. The repeated announcements at train platforms made sense. It boils down to patience in learning and persistence to learn.

To be honest, I did not master Japanese but I will not be lost anywhere in Japan. My Japanese is still in smithereens occasionally when expressing my requests but I could get answers that I understand. With time, it will get better.

I have also learned to travel more economically like the locals and go to places that the locals like to keep for themselves. They do not want tourists to run over their hidden gems. That is understandable as in some resorts, they are very traditional and foreigners may not stick to their etiquettes.

I learned to adopt and imbibe whatever is good of their culture into my lifestyle and discard what I do not feel is helpful.

In conclusion, the learning of Japanese may be applied to the acquisition of any knowledge or skill.

Be patient and persistent. George Bernard Shaw said it well, “Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.”

To that, I would add persistence which is inextricably linked to attitude.

How inspiration leads to a winning situation

Summer lotus Dec 17th 4 min read

I was a solo practitioner for more than 30 years. I enjoyed dentistry very much but I reckoned that the day would come when I would have to hand over the reins to younger dentists.

The best thing I did this Covid season is aspiring to inspire people working with me.

Having good, dedicated staff is a rarity and I feel that it is our management of them that will mold them into the kind of colleagues we want around us.

I have engaged a young dentist, just two years post-graduation. I feel very blessed to have someone cheerful, enthusiastic, and humble to learn from me.

I shared whatever techniques that I have found useful as many things are not learned in the University, including management of nervous or difficult patients, communication skills, and thinking outside the box to manage clinical problems.

I can see that she is very happy working in my clinic as everything is well-equipped and we operate on the premise that if we treat each other including patients with respect, communicate well and provide a high quality of care, the days will go smoothly.

I aspire to inspire her to run the business as if it’s her own by sharing patients, encouraging her in challenging cases that are often resolved well. In turn, she has inspired me with any current knowledge whether dentistry or IT or any relevant sharing of knowledge.

I am inspired to keep up to speed with her where necessary. We potentiate each other to do our best each day which often ends so amicably, with happy patients as well.

My existing dental assistant has been with me for almost thirty years too. She is a rare gem, so dedicated to the service of dentistry that she is as good as my right hand as well as my left hand.

A good trainer to boot for my younger dental assistants who are part-time students earning some income. Her good nature has brought about pleasant working relationships and camaraderie.

One part-time dental assistant is a University Student who is studying Biosciences. I attempted to inspire her by being organized with my workflow, having good communication about protocol, and giving praise on jobs well done.

When the workflow is smooth so there is less tension during work. Good communication prevents misunderstandings and hence mistakes. I never rush my staff as a steady transition between patients leads to smooth procedures rendered.

We had many moments of zest and humor as well as she is such a lovely girl with many pleasant manners.

I do not believe in berating anyone about any mistakes as it serves no purpose. Humans are fallible but errors should be minimized. Understanding, explanation, and rectification are adequate to put the episode behind us.

I am so pleased that my dental assistants have a lot of initiative to solve any potential hiccups in running the clinic.

Recently, a mother brought in her 16-year-old daughter and requested that I give her a part-time job so that her time is gainfully used.

I assessed that she seemed a nice girl and immediately accepted when I heard that her daughter is keen on dentistry.

From day one of work, I wanted to find out if she was really keen on dentistry.

I started slowly with some basics such as tooth numbers, terminology, and clinic protocol. I tested her to see if she did her learning and she did. Each day, I expanded her comfort zone to assist me in rendering dental treatment to my patients. I could see that more understanding of her work engages her fully and well.

I treated her as a dental student already enrolled in school. By communicating well, she came to understand material sciences and techniques. She also watched how we handle patients gently.

It’s been a month so far and I asked her if she was still keen on dentistry and she beamed yes! I have managed to inspire her to love dentistry and I believed she would make a good one. I have a position for her when she graduates, I told her.

She would make a very good dental student as she is preparing it way before her time. I warned that she might have to go through some boring lectures as I have imparted much knowledge on a daily basis, I joked. It would certainly be a breeze for her to ace the course given her enthusiasm to work.

Every day is a lovely day. Cheers, smiles, and laughter pervade the clinic. Sounds of please, thank you, see you again rang through the day.

I honestly believed that inspiration is the only way to melt a person’s heart. It takes away any unpleasantness that no amount of chiding would do to make a person perform well.

Treat those we work with, using kindness, helpfulness, gratitude, and understanding. By being the best exemplary person you want others to be, you can inspire anyone.

Aspire to inspire before you expire and you live a very congenial life!