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you can become the successful speaker you wish to be

Understand human nature – We are naturally resistant to change. Change brings inconvenience, discomfort and uncertainty into one’s. life but from time immemorial. Change is always existing and evolving and its pace is not expected to slow down.

This is because human beings are intelligent creatures. We crave for the good life and so will always be innovative . Some push through barriers and obstacles, believing they can change the world , others are just swept along with it and have to learn to adapt to new ways.

As recorded in Marcus Aurelius’ meditations, he believed in the principle that ‘ The impediment is the way.’ You get what you want if you can overcome your obstacles- emotional state such as fear and physical barrier, intellectual barrier, etc

That first step- takes courage, a positive mindset and determination. Take the case of public speaking said to be number one fear of most people.

In my Toastmasters club, many of us avoid raising our hands to speak off the cuff during impromptu table topic session. I feared not having anything meaningful to say or embarrassing myself for a long time.

It took many years to volunteer on my own. Most meetings, I was not participative or was volunteered by another member.

Then one day, I decided that I am resourceful enough to share something even if may not be a great message. I would have dealt fear one more death blow to the fear of public speaking anyway.

This went on for many more times and it just became easier to raise my hand. Nowadays, even when the topic is clearly not in my authority or experience to talk about, I manage. As my control of my own emotions improve, my speech articulation and delivery also progress. Thoughts and ideas flow. The best thing was the sense of having tried and becoming more proficient with each session.

This goes the same for prepared speech session. For years, I could not let go of my script. It was my crutch and I always fear the awkward silence should I forget my train of thought.

One meeting, I put away the script and reassured myself that I have practiced enough to be confident. I also visualized myself receiving applause for my speech. Far fetched as it may sound, it did boost my confidence.

There was one time I faltered. I composed myself and ad libbed. It worked and I was soon back on track. The key is to keep composed when such things happen. If you realize that most of the time, the audience wants the speaker to perform well, it is easier.

Finally, after more than 25 years with Toastmasters Club, I can do my speaking project without notes👻!

Taking that first step has dramatically improve my life building self confidence and personal happiness. It also opened lots of opportunities for me as people like confident people.

These days, when I am interested to challenge myself to a task, I would always prepare myself for the first step- First, find out more about the task by researching it, consult experienced members, practise and surround myself with positive people. The first step towards a better and more meaningful life is within one’s reach!

Look back on your blunders and laugh…life’s not perfect!

As long as I have lived, I have made many blunders which I feel is just part of my life’s journey.

Some blunders are funny, some are hurtful but I think that on hindsight, they are kind of amusing now.

Way before I joined Toastmasters International to hone my public speaking skills, I was really bad at speaking. I was really an Ah Lian , a term in Spore that refers to the Chinese girls who do not speak proper English and dress quite oddly. By the way, my name has a ‘Lian’ in it and I was an awkward teenager. I did not know how to lapse into proper English at the right time.

One time, someone told me , ‘Hey! Do you know that so and so is getting married?!’ And silly me as a naive youth exclaimed, “hah! confirmed ah?!Confirmed? ” That was a ‘shortcut’ way of saying, “Really, is that so?” People laughed at my strange way of talking.

Native speakers may not understand this response as it is a typical Singlish way of speaking ( Singlish is Sporean English and this came about as there are many languages and dialects in Singapore resulting in the adulteration of Standard English. Yes, I could have responded more appropriately but I blundered unknowingly then.

Foreigners often looked puzzled when some Singaporeans speak but locals understand each other perfectly. When I sent my children to a boarding school in Melbourne, the Auzzie kids used to tell them, “ Speak English please!” But they were speaking English. It took them at least a term to understand my children’s brand and accent of English.

It was much later that I began to realize I needed effective communication skills not just for clarity but to gain respect and self confidence. 

As a young dentist, I still blundered mindlessly. At a dental conference, I bumped into my fellow dentist who was my lady lecturer during my student days. She used to be very sweet and slim but I forgot that she was already in her forties and she had gotten fat. I went up to congratulate her on her new pregnancy! She was aghast at my suggestion. On realizing that, I excused myself quickly and badgered myself over my impulsiveness and insensitivity.

As a matured dentist, I committed faux pas often as well. There was this lovely Japanese couple who came for their regular dental checkup. But there was one year his wife had passed away. He came alone and told us the bad news. I expressed my condolences and did the dental treatment solemnly. 

Then six months later, he came for check up again and I asked about his wife. When he told me that his wife had passed away, I apologized for my forgetfulness. 

Another six months later during his check up, I asked about his wife yet again. Meanwhile, my dental assistant gesticulated madly behind the dental chair with the treatment card that was marked in red ‘ do not ask about wife!’ She even made hand signal behind the patient to indicate that she had passed on. I apologized profusely to my patient. Subsequently, I swore never to stray from the subject of dentistry again.

Actually my husband blunders often too. One time, he went to his old friend’s father’s wake. They talked about old times and reminisced a lot. Then suddenly, my husband said, “Hey! I have not met your father for a long time! How is he?!” To that, his friend then pointed to the casket . Realizing his mistake, they all had a good laugh.

But some incidents were not so amusing and actually caused stress. Once, I was hosted by a couple in Canada in their opulent home. The next morning, in my enthusiasm to maintain the guest room in a pristine condition, I made the room and started with the toilet. 

So I first flushed the toilet bowl but it was slow to run water. I flushed twice more consecutively. To my horror, the toilet bowl started to well up with more water and it did not stop! Soon, it overflowed. I panicked when I thought how meticulous my lady friend was. I watched helplessly as water overflowed onto the wooden bathroom floor. It started to inch towards the carpeted room! 

I grabbed all the towels I could find, soaked up as much water as I could while shouting for my friend and divine intervention. Thank Goodness, the water stopped short of the carpeted room! 

Later, I apologized abundantly to my friend very much to her displeasure, I was sure. I told myself to slow my pace of doing things. Apparently, pace of life is so slow in Canada, the water system also responded slowly.

Life is full of silly mistakes but as long as there are lessons drawn from them and cause us to change for the better and become more mindful, they are contributing to our personal growth. I have also learned to forgive myself for my unintentional mistakes in the same way as I would forgive those who committed innocent faux pas against me.

stop giving yourself pain…

Now that I have gotten wiser with age, I can look back on hindsight and say where I went wrong and what I could have done better. If I was young and had done what I now suggest, I can imagine getting more success and happiness. Even if you are older, it is not too late to amend. They are about doing two things-observe and ask… then of course do it!

It is the fact of life ; that young people are so eager to go out into the world and make their mark knowing life accords them only one chance. They have the ‘now I am grown up’ attitude that impedes them. The wise ones take the legitimate short cut of observing, asking and doing.

What should I do whether I am young or old and want to avoid making too many mistakes in life?

1) I would study hard. It is when we are young that we have the power to retain knowledge with speed and volume. Be good in what you have to learn even if you think you will not apply it later in your life. It is the discipline that you inculcates, the tenacity to do your best in what you are suppose to do. Things then get easier if you need to learn more as you grow older as the habit is ingrained. For this reason, children must be encouraged and motivated to study hard.

If you are much older, all the more you need to work hard consistently to keep up with the ever changing world to keep abreast of what is happening. No one can guide you fully except yourself and if you are literate, you already have the basic skill.

“ The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn” Alvin Toffler

2) I would read widely– novels, non fiction, philosophy, well written articles. All these activities contribute to better writing skills as well as speaking skills (though these need to be honed further )and critical thinking. Only books can open the mind like nothing else. Maybe movies do too but they need some afterthought and analyses as the messages may be subtle. The ability to speak eloquently and also write fluently will come in good stead later in life. The best things that adults can do for children is to engage children in reading widely.

3) I would always make time for sport. Any sport- swimming ,golf, ball games etc. It is another discipline worth instilling in oneself. Sporty people are more resilient to physical and emotional discomfort as they always strive to do their best and sports do demand a certain amount of personal drive and motivation.

4) I would not waste time idling or gossiping. There are so many experiences to be had. Once you become an adult in the working world, free time becomes a luxury. It is a chance to do jobs that you are curious about to find out more about them- for example , if you like a certain restaurant, why not apply to temp there for a period and find out how things worked so well for them? What is the secret behind that delicious dish? Why not do a sales job and experience how challenging it is?

I think to go to school from the lower level right up to University then graduate into the working world is quite a parochial way to live. When you do a temporary job during the holidays or even in the evenings, you may be attracted to certain vocation or profession and that can lead you to study what you feel you are passionate about. Not to mention that you may be talent spotted for their job in future.

By fate, I did not have enough money for University and had to seek out a job that paid well. That was in the late 1970s. I could only think of an air stewardess job that paid relatively well then. Though I have only worked for one and a half years, there was much seen and learnt in the real world. One grows up very quickly in an airline job where there is much exposure to human interaction than working in the office, in this case, with passengers and colleagues.

In any case, I would not trade this experience for an earlier year to graduate if I could go back to dental school immediately from my college. The experience in the airlines- the travels, the destinations, the people I met were priceless.

5) I would be selective about my friends. Without discriminating anyone as every one of us has our own talents, I would shun people who have a propensity for dangerous habits — gambling, excessive smoking, drugs, you name it. It is the peer pressure that will get you so do not even give yourself any proximity to such influences. The friends you select should be sincere, forgiving and love acquiring knowledge. The ones I avoid would be loud and emotional, violent and fickle hence lacking direction in life.

In this respect, I am glad that I was reined in by my own conservative and traditional attitude. As an air stewardess at 19 years old, I was subjected to a lot of temptations — smoking, excessive drinking, gambling, material seduction etc all of which I had no interests. Not that they are all bad people as long as one is able to get out of these habits at some point.

6) I would learn to be money-wise. Be a saver. Savings compound themselves. Spend when there is excess and if only when it is necessary. The lure of credit spending is a curse. Though credit has the convenience of ‘instant cash’ and rewards for purchase, the fine print of a credit card cannot be overlooked. Credit cards are useful if the amount used is duly paid otherwise, the principal amount not settled often snowball into a runaway debt. Today, the interest on the principal amount may be as high as 29%! Young people would do well to observe why some people are in a cycle of debt.

7) I would look for mentors — usually the older ones whom I admire in their field. Read about them, even better if you have met their acquaintance and if it is me, I would ask them for advice and mentorship if they agree. Actually, I also believe that a mentor may be younger than you. When I wanted to learn about computer skills, I would usually approach the younger ones. I have had mentors in flute playing, Japanese language, Mandarin language, minor oral surgery and I thank these friends for their generous mentoring. I am open to anyone who is willing to share their failure or success stories as there is always something to learn.

8) Even as we grow older, we are still making silly mistakes. The key is to keep an open mind knowing that there will always be someone better than ourselves so stay humble. Other people’s life lessons are invaluable. When a mistake is made, be aware and try not to repeat it.

To err once is human, to err again is a fool.

The pain in one’s life journey is often the result of one’s choices. It takes some reflection to understand why we get to the stage that we become despaired. Everything can be ameliorated. Put aside your pride, have an open mind and eyes, think, ask and listen and then act.

It is a great era ! Opportunities abound for those who are fearless.

“ Your route guidance is now completed” My adopted sister, the GPS in my car had announced and I found that I had arrived after some mindless driving. You do not need to pay loads of money for your car GPS. Google GPS or yahoo GPS is a free app and will ensure you find that restaurant in your destination anywhere in the world. If you are buying a product that has no English words on it, just run google translate camera over it and viola, the ingredients are revealed !

‘ Tick, tick, tick,’ the computerized endodontic locator sounded and I knew I had reached the apex of the root canal that I had attempted to access. Before this, only x rays with the diagnostic file would measure the exact length . Now with the click of a mouse and a sensor, the picture appears on the monitor. No more developing and fixing of films.

In addition to taking great pictures with your handy phone camera, you can now animate your still photos making the clouds drift by, the rivers flow, the waterfalls spill over and so on. It is really a treat for the eyes.

Welcome to the world made by great leaps in technology and communication.

The examples given are not exhaustive. The advances have pervaded almost every field and industry and continuously evolving, it will take two lifetimes to enjoy them all.

Technological advances are giving more comfort and convenience to our lifestyles but for the uninitiated who do not embrace change, it can be a stressful time unless one embrace it like a love one.

Change has been the constant throughout our lives and is unlikely to go away .

Personally, I do concede that I find too much on my plate of change but I would still continue to dip my fingers into this ever enlarging pie.

I remember several years ago when I received from my husband the gift of an iphone followed by an ipad which to most of you are regular items.

Back then, I was actually quite happy with my now defunct nokia phone and a physical book. However with these two products, a whole new world had subsequently opened up that led to functions like banking on the mobile, surfing on the go and free messaging to my heart’s content just to name a few daily activities. These days, I also book good cinema seats, read any novel and shop online, anytime and anywhere.

I believe that there are many more functions but I do not have enough time to explore.

Change is inevitable. It is the present and the future.

I have tried to convince my senior relative to learn the useful functions of the ATM machine and online banking but he still carries wads of cash with him.

I have tried to get my sibling to change his decade old fridge for an environmentally and energy saving one and he finally did. I managed to teach him youtube and HBO and netflix. He says he has found reasons to live longer given all the old movies and songs at his disposal now. His world has become so fascinating.

I have tried to encourage my friend to use the playstation that has many fun genres of dancing as she was too lazy to use the gym. I remembered using Jane Fonda dance laser disc. Now you have Nintendo switch that can guide you with great music and moves that you could follow in your own room to have fun and burn calories.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is equivalent to magic — — — Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Change is important. It is the very essence of the human spirit, to innovate, to create and make life better, faster and happier.

Not welcoming it is tantamount to going back to old ways of doing things. Why would you want to do that?

Do you still want to wait in long queues if you can resolve your transaction over the internet?

Do you still want to get something done in hours when you could use a software that allows you to complete your task in a jiffy and at your leisure?These days, workers may work from home if they can produce results.

Do you not want to wallow in silence while your friends are discussing the latest gadget and having loads of fun every day?

Hence, brace for more changes to come. 

Robots are a familiar sight in doing butler services in hotels, cleaning spaces on office floors and playing an active role in space, manufacturing, medical field as well as in the military. Robots would be able to serve in industries where the jobs are mundane and repetitive freeing humans for more creative jobs.

Electric vehicles are getting better, driverless vehicles are still being worked on so that they can be totally reliable and totally autonomous. You would be able to just sit back, catch up on your work or take a nap.

Touch commerce is getting more common as more people discover the convenience of online shopping, varieties of products and competitive pricing. This is a huge challenge to the brick and mortar models. Anyone today with a good product, knowledge of bringing it online and marketing it well can reap profits. It can even become a second career to your 9 to 5 job not to mention opening a whole new frontier to your learning and interests.

Just three examples and we are skimming on the surface of many marvelous changes to come. Many are just mind-boggling and these show how innovative human beings have become.

Everyday, I feel the change around me. Getting older throws me a greater challenge but I am determined to ride this wave of transformation and enjoy its perks.

How to embrace change.

Be open minded. Human beings are naturally resistant to unknown territory ( I remember how I rejected the free iphone )Yes, first feel it in my bones, know it is something spectacular to explore and dive into it. These days, when there is a new gadget or idea which I think would be of use, I would adopt it. Dabble in it. Understand it. Then apply it.

Do it. My most recent venture was to learn how to create a wordpress website. Intimidated at first by my younger fellow classmates, I persevered, resitting the class till I understand how the backend of a website works. Creativity is not my forte but I think the course triggered this sleeping part of my gray matter.

To my surprise, I managed to complete my dentist website though it could not be compared to ones done by paid professionals in terms of quality but I have met most of the objectives of a good website. Now, I am trying to learn about SEO, another new terrain for me but I believed that I would be able to optimize it in due time without having to pay for ads.

Be Curious and continue to learn. Like my cats but I believe that I would not be killed if I acquire the knowledge. It is not possible to know about many changes or the latest development in every aspect of our lives but along life’s journey, it helps to get interested in something and learn in depth. Then you will discover the benefits. The more one dip our hands into this change, the more natural it would feel.

Reasons to do so. When they say that these days, there are people who have fallen through the cracks, I believe that it is not just economically but technologically as well. Without embracing change, when we step out of the house, we would become inconvenienced and disadvantaged and feel archaic. With mass migration across borders and people are getting more savvy with the latest developments that enhances their work performance, the competition for jobs would only get keener….as a dentist, I am not spared too even though I have been in practice for more than 30 years.

Increased confidence. In a gathering with friends and colleagues, I no longer feel lost when topics veered towards digital gadgets and useful softwares. I made it a point to let salespeople demonstrate their latest technology whether it is related to dentistry or not. Investing in good gadgets turn out to be a great help in my career. For instance, the digital dental camera is a fantastic marketing tool that provides instant images on the monitor and is very educational to the patients to provide the optimum treatment plan to them.

Gain respect. I feel that I have been able to bridge the gap with my children who are incidentally in the IT business. At 62, I have created my own dental website, learned about photoshop, learned about e-commerce and SEO though I have not exactly figured out how to use the latter to my advantage yet. But keeping in touch with technology usually puts one on par with your kids and your colleagues and friends. There would be common and current topics to talk about. You may even impress your boss!

Wonderful retirement awaits me. Bustling with ideas, I envisage myself being busy with all the latest technology that I have chosen to adopt and hopefully, I can enjoy every waking moment.Second careers would flourish. Now that I have discovered medium and many apps that could help potential writers write better with more ideas and accuracy, it is indeed a going to be great fun.

My assertion: Let’s all embrace change and enjoy our lives!

Look closer at your disappointments, troubles and crises—they may be blessings in disguise

China is a populous country with 5000 years of history. There are many folktales with great lessons that all of us could adopt into our lives.

One simple folktale , I titled it as ‘ blessing in disguise” goes this way.

Near the border of the frontier lived a rich merchant and his son. One of his horses strayed into the land of the Xiongnu tribe which is their nemesis. The rich merchant’s supporters consoled him but he calmly said, “why should I worry and hastily conclude that this is unfortunate?” He did not let this incident affect his business in any way.

Indeed , after several months, the horse being his lead horse came back with another fine horse from the land of the Xiongnu tribe. He had gained an excellent horse. The old man’s supporters were jubilant and they congratulated him. But the old man again calmly proclaimed , “Why should I be overjoyed and hastily conclude that this may be fortunate.?” He accepted this blessing with alot of grace.

The merchant’s family had a wealth of fine horses and his son loved riding them. But one day, his son fell off the horse and broke his leg. There was panic and the merchant’s men ran to him with the bad news.

Instead, the boy’s father calmly replied, “ why should I panic excessively and hastily conclude that this is unfortunate?” The merchant ensured that the son received the best possible treatment and leave it at that. He wasted no time to indulge in sorrow or regret.

It so happened that not long after, the Xiongnu tribe invaded the frontier. The government of the province sent an order that all able- bodied men had to go to war. When they came to the old merchant’s house, they saw that his son was injured and so he was not picked to join the war. In the war, many men perished . The old man’s son was spared because of his injury which turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

This story implies that it is difficult to tell the twists and turns of life. Misfortune can follow fortune and vice versa, it is difficult to predict. In any case, do not be overwhelmed.

What seems to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise– —– Oscar Wilde

I like to cite some instances where I have tried to exercise some state of calmness and benefited in other ways unexpectedly.

I remember losing my way in the outskirts of Japan during a trip and felt quite bad for my friend. However, I convinced myself that that might not be a bad thing. I told my friend, “ Hey, since this is a new location and is not on the tourist radar, let us explore this place. We may find some surprises”. Indeed, we did. We ended up seeing some beautiful out of the beaten path places, interacting with the locals who were quite curious with us as there were few tourists around and sampled some of the best meals.

In another instance, at the place where I worked, a very experienced Oral surgeon set up his practice with his team of dentists. Though I cannot match him as a general practitioner in surgery skill and experience, I did not think this is a bad thing that his practice is near mine.

I was not overly worried about competition. At an opportune time, I approached the surgeon to get acquainted and found that he is a very knowledgeable and magnanimous guy who does not hesitate to share his wealth of experience. Subsequently, we co-managed on many cases and in the process I learnt a lot from him for which I am grateful.” Had I been extremely upset, I might not have thought of what to do. That would have led to bad vibes and I would not made a valuable friend of him.

There is also the incident about the story of the extremely happy groom that he drank himself into a stupor and made a nuisance of himself turning the happy occasion into an unhappy one. He was very upset with himself. Had he reined in his emotions, he would not have lost his self control and created such a ruckus. It proved to be positive for him anyway as his wife stood by him despite the embarrassing episode proving her ardent love for him.

Indeed, the media has plenty of stories of people who allow themselves to be overcome by their emotions- the road rage incident, the jealous killer, the arrogant colleague who thinks so highly of himself that he is not able to absorb ideas from others….

My point is:-

Whatever happens, it is paramount to have a calm frame of mind. Not to be excessively emotional but exhibit temperance. Neither being overly jubilant , extremely angry nor unduly distressed improves the situation.

I think of two positive ways to handle the vicissitudes of life:

1 Be consciously calm to handle matters as it confronts you. Whether good or bad , do not be thrown off your balance and lose your sanity. Basically maintain temperance in your daily life.

As the saying goes, “ What happens before you is not as important as what is happening in you”

2 Understand that in any issue there are two sides to the coin. As you suffer a loss, there is always a gain of sorts. It is a matter of perspective. So, remain positive.

Someone says that calmness of the mind is one of the jewels of wisdom. We must keep calm and sanguine in our daily lives. When happy or sad , never be extreme, as it clouds your vision and decision. Stay positive and soldier on whatever the consequences.

How to deal with this

It is human nature. Being imperfect mortal beings, our greatest flaw is seeing flaws in others other than ourselves. As such, as long as your are interacting with another human being, you would soon become aware of his or her preference, thought and mindset. More often than not, it will conflict with yours and you will have to find some way to deal with them.

Whether you are white or colored, thin or fat, young or old, pretty or ugly, tall or short, smart or stupid, rich or poor, man or woman, someone is going to hate you for what you are. The sooner you realize this, you would quickly learn to accept yourself and not be affected in any way by how others view you.

So, as a case in point ; You are very pretty and that is an asset right? People generally like good looking people as they seemed pleasant to converse with and to look at. Good looking people have more opportunities when it comes to job hunting and some even think they can make more money. But from the opposing camp, you may be viewed as an opportunist using your good looks to reach your goals. Jealousy is sparked as you easily draw attention to yourself, in other words you are seen as an unwelcome distraction. You may even be seen as an airhead since some people think that it is a compensatory mechanism -its either brain or brawn.

Being ugly (by whose standard anyway), other good traits would have to shine. You have to strive harder to be noticed for your talents and some may not see you as a threat if you are not outstanding.

Being smart, can one be discriminated against? Why not. You are seen as one with brilliant ideas and is a problem solver but you may also be viewed as one who is likely to usurp other’s coveted position. People may feel disadvantaged having you around as promotion may be bypassed for them. But being stupid, you are likely to get the short end of the stick, misunderstood, condemned to the status quo and may never receive due respect. At best, a foot soldier in the organisation.

Fat or thin , in excess, can draw good and negative responses as well. Fat people may construed as lazy, unhealthy and likely a liability. They may be seen as happy people too. Being too thin however, may also arouse suspicion of poor health.

The bulk of discrimination is often noticed when it comes to the age of a potential employee. Despite a wealth of knowledge and skills acquired, the older employee is often viewed as having slowed down considerably in pace and intellect affecting productivity. He is also seen as likely to have more health issues and inflexible to the changing world. The young is of course seen as inexperienced, impulsive and less insightful hence prone to making more mistakes.

Probably the characteristic of being tall or short is not so critical where discrimination is concerned but in certain occupations, it could be a requirement to fulfill a certain height. Being colored and otherwise has been an ongoing issue in the topic of discrimination for eons. Such that some countries do not allow race to be listed in employee’s advertisements.

A rich person may be discriminated when he is quoted higher for his purchase because of the perception that he can pay. A poor person may not even get service.

More prejudices are obvious between men and women. Statistics have shown men earning top dollar compared to women for the same job. The glass ceiling is for women though it has improved over the last decade. Women may be singled out as poor drivers and ineffective leaders due to our softer nature. There is often not a grain of truth in this situation. One must not be categorized.

So, with all the prejudices that will go on around us, how does the individual overcome? I believe that the individual holds the solutions to this problem. Five ideas are mooted;

Being your authentic self is the ultimate secret to happiness in life!—Sheri Fink

1 Self acceptance- Accept yourself as someone with unique traits and hidden abilities that have yet to be uncovered. As long as you know that everyone of us is not perfect and will tend to look for the dirt on a piece of paper so to speak. If you know that this is human nature, then you can go forth to to display your unlimited talent on your clean slate. Stand tall and true to yourself.

2 Ignore– Once a young man told me that he was feeling very slighted in his job as he was autistic. I told him that it happens to almost everyone at some time over something that may be imagined as well. He would do well to don his ‘armour’ everyday and toughen his hide to boot. The slings and arrows never stop. And forget about labeling himself as ‘autistic’ all the time . He was clearly an articulate man somewhat disillusioned in the real world that did not meet his expectations.

3 Know your strengths and weaknesses. We all know what we like and what we are good at. Magnify your strengths and this is by gaining more knowledge on what you are passionate about, research and learn more, get a mentor, go for courses etc. Empower yourself ! When your strengths show through in your career and personality, respect will automatically be accorded to you.

4 Spruce up yourself — — in the area of public speaking, appearance, networking, hobbies, habits etc . These are the basic elements of success. One rarely face bigotry when one speaks well coupled with a neat appearance . Networking increases your exposure and opportunities, hobbies make you a more interesting person to talk with and discarding bad habits brings you closer to but never perfection.

5 Diversify– Gone are the days when one work as a teacher or manager or any post from cradle to grave so to speak. Jobs have become ‘touch and go’. In today’s uncertain world that is constantly evolving with new ideas, concepts and applications, it is indeed to one’s great favour to acquaint ourselves with new knowledge and develop a second career or ‘business’. It may turn out to be a roaring success! Continuous learning applies to everyone who wants to overcome difficulties. In any case, life becomes more intriguing with more things to know about.

An author said, “No change can come if those who are impacted the most by discrimination are not willing to stand up for themselves. Let it be an impetus to the discriminated to prove their worth. Only you can stamp out prejudice.